Patty Bouvier

"Some days at the DMV, we don't let the line move at all. We call those weekdays."

- Patty

"Hell no! I like girls!"

- Patty after discovering her fianceé Veronica was a man

Patricia "Patty" Bouvier is one of Marge's cynical chain-smoking twin sisters (the other being Selma), who works at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and has a strong dislike for her brother-in-law, Homer Simpson. Patty is a lesbian, since she has confessed this to Marge (asking "did you actually think I was straight?"), appeared on a float at a pride parade, and had tomboy tendencies as a child. She is also the maternel aunt to Bart, Lisa, Maggie, and Ling. She is named after Matt Groening's sister Patty Groening. She is 42 years old.

Biography
Despite the similarities between her and Selma, Patty has been shown to be more jaded than her sister, particularly towards relationships. Marge once said that Patty chose a life of celibacy, but Selma had it thrust upon her. Patty's decision to not have relationships has been implied to be due to her then-closeted sexuality. When her Aunt Gladys dies, Gladys records in her video will advice to Patty and Selma to get married and have a family. Selma takes this to heart, while Patty seems to pay no attention, remarking that they did well with Gladys leaving them her grandfather clock. She is more vicious to Homer than Selma is, and unlike Selma, who experiences brief moments of kindness to Homer, Patty has no pity for Homer's well-being. Two exceptions occurred, however. The first was when Patty came out of the closet as a lesbian, sucked up her pride and asked Homer (who was legally allowed to perform marriages) to perform the ceremony. The second was when both Homer and Patty were disgusted that Selma got into a relationship with Homer's father Abe, and they decided to work together to break them up. Other than her occupation at the DMV, she alongside Selma also worked at the Adult Education Annex, where they co-taught a class teaching how girls are to land men. However, because of their grotesque appearances when demonstrating the type of clothes needed to get a man's attention (such as tight, revealing ones), the female classmates are noticeably and understandably disgusted, causing Patty to remind them that there are no refunds should any of the students quit the class by that point. Patty took various classes, including Microwave Cookery and Tai Kwon Do, as she used them as an excuse not to see Principal Skinner, and when he tried to kiss her she used a martial arts move to throw him across the hall.

Relationships
Patty has come out of the closet as a lesbian (She exclaims "you could see it from space!"), and hints of her sexual orientation have been dropped many times; as she is seen coming out of a burlesque house. She is also seen saying "There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality", when Homer runs past her, naked and screaming, and hiding in a closet with Smithers on a parade float in a gay pride parade where the two of them chanted, "We're gay! We're glad! But don't tell Mom and Dad!" When Homer heard about Patty coming out, he sarcastically exclaimed "Patty's gay? Here's another bomb. I like beer!" It is also implied that she has feelings for Edna Krabappel as she pictures Edna while kissing Homer in order to break Selma and Abe up in the episode Rome-Old and Julie-Eh. She also experimented with her. Before she came out of the closet, she and Selma also ended up doing some sexually lewd deeds such as tricking a TV repairman into acting as a "gentleman caller" by unplugging their TV and then claiming it was broken, and both she and Selma also once had to get into a line for sex offender registration presumably for instances like this (although it is also likely that they picked it because they were not good at picking lines).

Skinner
Patty once dated Principal Skinner after he was brought home by Homer. He was intended to be set with Selma, but he fell for Patty instead (due to Homer mixing up Patty with Selma). Skinner planned to propose to Patty, but she refused, preferring to stay with Selma, who was on a date with Barney. It is stated by Selma that Patty's date with Skinner was her first date in about twenty-five years.

Sexuality
After Patty comes out of the closet, Marge is hurt that Patty had hidden her sexuality for years (though there were obvious signs), but learns to respect her sister. Patty wooed a tenured professor of Yale University away from her husband. It is shown she is attracted to Edna Krabappel. Selma says "I can't face prison" and Patty suggestively replies "I can." Long before coming out, Patty had dated Principal Skinner. She refused to marry him, claiming she was too devoted to Selma as a sister to leave her alone. However, she did consider Principal Skinner a gentleman and had seemed to take it hard that she could not marry him, ending their relationship with the words "Good night, sweet principal." Patty, like Selma, has also had a sexual fixation on MacGyver for many years, (although after she came out it would appear that she was only going along with Selma's feelings for him) even though this aspect of her personality was phased out in later years.

Patty's only notable relationship with a woman, however, has been with Veronica, who was a professional golfer. However, it was later discovered by Marge and revealed during Patty's wedding that Veronica was in truth a man.

Differences with Selma

 * Patty's hair is round, while Selma's is M-shaped.
 * Patty wears a pink dress, with pink shoes and blue triangle earrings and a necklace with orange or blue spherical pearls while Selma wears purple or orange spheroid-shaped pearls.
 * Patty is a red-head, Selma, on the other hand, is blonde.
 * Patty lived in celibacy until she came out as a lesbian. Selma, however is heterosexual (and been married multiple times).
 * Al Jean said Kavner makes Patty's voice more masculine and a lower register, while Selma's voice is a little more sweeter.

Similarities with Selma

 * They are both cynical and jaded, holding a generally negative view on the world.
 * They both smoke.
 * They both hate Homer. (Although Selma has occasionally been forced to admit Homer has come through for her.)
 * They both work in the DMV.
 * They both love MacGyver.
 * They both have leg hair (although the leg hairs are only shown on close-ups)
 * They have joint-ownership of a Volkswagen Thing

Personality
The sisters tend to be cynical and are noted for their addiction to tobacco smoking. They have a strong, mutual (and reciprocated) dislike for Homer as they often make fun of him and are quite quick to point out his faults. She (along with her sister) were born before Homer (and Marge, of course), but their birth date has not been given. It is presumed they are in their mid to late 40s.

Unlike Homer, who usually makes a perfunctory (if not particularly sincere or committed) effort to be polite to his sisters-in-law out of respect for his wife, Patty and Selma have no hesitation in treating Homer with open rudeness and contempt. There were several instances where they did not seem to care when Homer faced a life-threatening situation. For instance, when Marge rushes to the hospital after receiving a telephone call that Homer had suffered a heart attack at work, Patty and Selma (instead of going to the hospital and comforting Marge in her time of need) remain seated at the kitchen table, continuing their activity of cutting coupons, gasping in amazement at a five cent discount and behaving as though nothing was wrong. They later attempt to set up Marge with a (rather sleazy) friend as a replacement for Homer, regardless of the fact that Homer was still very much alive. Her bad traits have not gone unnoticed by the populace of Springfield and even their family, her mother even stated that "[they're] a sort of evil", having raised them her entire lifetime.

When Homer fakes his death, and Patty and Selma show up holding a tombstone inscribed with "Homer J. Simpson. We are richer for having lost him." This gift as well as the fact that they been saving for this since Marge's wedding causes her to angrily throw them out. The twins then use the tombstone as a coffee table.

Once, when Homer had to apply for a chauffeur’s license to become a chauffeur so he could pay off a debt he owed them, they purposely failed him to show how much of a loser he was. On this occasion, however, Homer had the last laugh; saving their jobs by pretending their cigarettes were his when they were caught smoking on the job by their superior. Homer then forced them to wipe the debt clean to repay the favor, thus negating his need to earn a chauffeur's license and removing the power they had of Homer.

Unlike Selma, who on rare occasions is nice to Homer, Patty hates him totally; even when she saw how devastated Marge was when Homer left her to find a better job, she still refused to help them get back together. The kids also seem to defend their father from Patty and Selma's taunting and insults. For example, when Patty states to Lisa the she was just "Trashing her father" Lisa sticks up for Homer but Patty did not seem to care what Lisa had to say.

Patty's favorite brand of cigarettes is identified as "Lady Laramie 100s", and her habit had started "before they were even born". The sisters share an apartment at the Spinster Arms Apartments and work at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). Patty and Selma both smoke in bed, and have caused the Spinster Arms Apartments to catch on fire three times. Seen in Bart Gets Famous. They have, on occasion, acted unprofessionally in the course of their jobs, usually when Homer is involved. They allowed Otto to regain his driver's license during Otto's brief tenancy with the Simpson family due to their mutual dislike for Homer.

Patty is shown on several occasions to be a severe snorer. When Bart and Lisa stay at their apartment, they are shown to be kept awake by Patty's very loud snores.

Like her twin sister Selma, Patty is an avid (and sometimes maniacal) fan of the 1980s TV series MacGyver. Regardless of her orientation, she also seems to be erotically aroused by the show and the character, euphemistically needing a cigarette after each viewing of the show. Jay Sherman once tells Patty and Selma that MacGyver is gay; they respond by suspending him from the Simpson home gutter by his underwear. When Richard Dean Anderson tells them he hated playing MacGyver they kidnap him but eventually grow tired of him and get him to leave.

Patty, along with Selma both travel extensively. The twins have on occasion visited Egypt, Mexico, Russia, Easter Island, and more mundane places like the Horse Drawn Carriage Museum in Alberta, Canada. They bring back numerous slides, usually to show the Simpson family, but present their vacation slides in the most unenjoyable way possible.

Patty and Selma drive a 1973 or 1974 VW Thing.

The Bouviers and the Simpsons
As children, Patty and Selma were apparently domineering towards Marge and ridiculed her ambition of becoming an astronaut, as well as assaulting her when she told them "no" which resulted in her having difficulty with telling anyone no. As children, Patty and Selma both where shown to have very melodic voices, and sang very well. When Marge wanted their allowances, they gave them to her, but made Marge do their chores for them. With so much free time, the twins started smoking, causing their trademark rough voices. Their relationship seems to have improved over the years. As adults, the Bouvier twins have a friendly relationship with their sister and frequently visit the Simpsons. They seem relatively fond of their nieces and nephew, but seem to like them more when they were younger: "The older they get, the cuter they ain't." They have, on occasion, watched the kids when their parents were out of town. However, Bart and Lisa would rather not be around when their aunts visit. Their idea of bonding with Lisa includes tutoring her in the belief that men are pigs, using Homer as the prime example.

Patty seems to have a good relationship with her mother Jacqueline Bouvier, even though Jacqueline describes both Patty and Selma as "being slightly evil." Patty is also mentioned as playing the card game Hearts on Tuesday nights with her mother for the last twenty years.

Her relationship with Homer remains one of mutual hatred. Unlike Selma, who occasionally (though rarely) finds common ground with their brother-in-law, Patty and Homer openly despise each other, and having a relationship which involves a continuous exchange of insults. She unfavorably compares her brother-in-law to a caveman, suggesting him capable of trading Maggie for beer and a nudie magazine. In one episode, she or Selma said "Hello everybody except Homer"

Selma and Patty have occasionally expressed their common hope that Marge will eventually divorce Homer. They are often quick in pointing out his attempts at infidelity, and have unsuccessfully offered to help Marge find a replacement for Homer (although Selma eventually gave in and helped Marge find Homer after seeing how truly unhappy she was). The twins once went so far as to have a billboard built trying to convince voters to have Homer kicked out of Springfield.

Their dislike towards Homer has even led to push Homer off a bridge, although they half-heartedly claim they did this in order to get him to his surprise party, which was conveniently on a boat passing beneath the bridge at the time.

Homer also openly calls them ugly. He calls them the "Gruesome Twosome" behind their backs. One such incident is when Homer sees them working out and calls the sight nauseating. He once said he was blindfolded and "two sobbing trolls" threw him on to the lawn. Homer has also called them "Penis curling she devils" during a party Marge threw. Homer is known to show little care to what happens to Patty and Selma, unless Marge finds out and gets upset or if there's a benefit for him; for example, when Patty and Selma stopped Homer from getting his chauffeur's license, he smoked their cigarettes to save them from getting fired and in return demands they forgive an earlier loan they gave him for a mortgage payment.

Character
Series creator Matt Groening said he suggested that Kavner voice Patty and Selma as characters who "suck the life out of everything...." Al Jean said Kavner makes Patty's voice more masculine and a lower register, while Selma's voice is a little sweeter.

Creation
Groening also said that he named the Simpsons after his own parents and two younger sisters; he has an older sister named Patty who is an art dealer.

Future
In Future-Drama, Patty gets a fluffy tail, because of plastic surgery. Patty and Selma still live together and are apparently both still single, as hinted by Selma threatens to stuff Edna Krabappel's hat down her throat if she catches the bouquet at Lisa's Wedding. In Holidays of Future Passed both Patty and Selma have love bots, but the bots choose that are unable to love them and run off together much to the annoyance of Patty and Selma.

Treehouse of Horror
In Treehouse of Horror VI, Homer, along with Bart, Lisa, Santa's Little Helper, and Snowball II dread Patty and Selma's visits so much that each of them hide in various places throughout the house, leading Homer to go into another dimension.

The Simpsons Game
Patty and Selma appear in the level NeverQuest in the form of a two-headed dragon who attack the Hobbit-like forms of Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, and Ralph Wiggum. They also appear earlier on in Mob Rules as people Marge can use to protest the sales of the Grand Theft Scratchy videogame to minors.

Trivia

 * In The Blue and the Gray, Patty's hair is revealed to be actually red, the gray actually being smoke and ash from her constant usage of cigarettes. Though flashbacks have shown Patty's hair being gray as child, it is possible that it was colored gray in the flashbacks because she was smoking at a very young age. It isn't surprising, seeing as she smokes in flashbacks as well. But in Three Men and a Comic Book, she and Selma had gray hair, but that was probably their father doing that.
 * If the twins do not have identically coloured hair, then they must be fraternal twins and not identical twins, although they do have a close family resemblance.
 * Also in The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson a picture on the mantle shows that Selma has red hair. However, Patty's hair is still gray.
 * Patty was NOT the second girl Homer kissed in his life.