The Simpsons Road Rage/Quotes

Introduction Cutscene
(Bart is playing video games when Homer steps in front of the TV) Bart Simpson: Dad!! Homer Simpson: Quit playing those stupid video games, boy, I want to watch TV. (Marge hums as Homer changes channels) Kent Brockman: (Kent Brockman is standing on camera) Oh, we're live in front of City Hall as hooticrat Montgomery Burns is about to unveil his nuclear powered buses. Charles Montgomery Burns: (Mayor Quimby and Smithers flank him) Behold Burns' atomic megabus, faster, cheaper, and perfectly safe. Hans Moleman: (Hans Moleman is standing next to a nuclear bus, both are glowing) Please kill me. Marge Simpson: (Back to the Simpson's couch where the family is sitting watching the TV) That poor man, I hope someone does kill him. Lisa Simpson: Those buses are a threat to public health. Homer Simpson: Threat to public health, eh? That gives me an idea. (Homer is outside and has painted 'Homer 4 Hire' on his car) What do you think? Marge Simpson: (Lisa is shaking her head) Hrmmm. Bart Simpson: (breaking the fourth wall) Just get to the game already. Homer Simpson: (starts his car) Woohoo, Alright! (Drives over the postbox twice)

Driver Selection
Homer Simpson: (Family Sedan), drives into sight) Woohoo! I got the need for speed and money.

Homer Simpson: (Car Built For Homer is on a showcase, laughter is heard in the background) The sticker price is... $82,000!!!! (a crowd gasps and the horn honks in the tune of La Cucarucha)

Bart Simpson: (Drives into view) I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

Marge Simpson: (Canyonero drives up ramp after hitting telephone pole.) Everyone better stay out of my way!

Lisa Simpson: (Drives up in Elec-taurus) Get ready for electric speed. (Plug pops out) Oh dear.

Abraham Simpson: (Rams shriner car into a fire hydrant) Buh, Buh, buh, look where you're goin' ya idiot.

Groundskeeper Willie: (Drives up in tractor with Willy painted on it and does a wheelie) Get ready for some big Willie style.

Krusty the Clown: (Drives up and hops out) Hey-Hey. Time to make some kablingy, I mean mazoolians.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: (Drives in on two side wheels) Riding this car is more dangerous than the night shift at the Kwik-e-Mart. But, what the heck?

Barney Gumble: (The truck has a bunch of snow in the back and Homer is standing behind the truck) Whoa, its my turn to drive already??! (dumps snow on Homer)

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Moe Szyslak: (Drives up and trunk opens and a Panda appears) Vamoose. Get out of here. Scram. (Trunk closes) Hey, it isn't mine, I swear.

Otto Mann: (Drives around knocking down some cones) Alright! ALRIGHT!!. This is way better than driving those stupid kids.

Clancy Wiggum: (Pulls up with siren on) Never fear Chief Wiggum is... (eats a doughnut) around.

Ned Flanders: (Drives into a holy light) Ned Flanders at your ser- verli-ervice!

Homer Simpson: (Mr. Plow plows through some snow singing) Oh, Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.

Reverend Lovejoy: (Drives in as the book, Little Women, flies out of the Book Burning Mobile and hits the camera) Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.

(Chief Wiggum is in pursuit of Snake)

Clancy Wiggum: Freeze, grandpa! (Both cars go off screen, a car crashes and a wheel rolls by) Snake Jailbird: Alright, let's go smash things.

Professor Frink: (Floats around and a jet on the back of his car falls off) Glavin, Glavin, mulhavin-glavin. That monkey is going to pay.

Willie's Paper Shredder
Groundskeeper Willie: (proceeds to hit Mr.Burns' 20 newspaper stands) I'll get you for this, Burns!

Homer Simpson

 * USA! USA!

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

 * Take me to my store I hope that shoplifters didn't steal too many Squishees.
 * Vishnu frowns upon your recklessness.
 * Please refrain from crashing the car like that.
 * Whoa, No!!
 * What are you trying to do with this crazy driving?
 * Oh dear.
 * That was so fast, take this jerky as a tip.

Barney Gumble

 * Take me to the church, I think I did something last night and needed to confess but I can't remember what it was...
 * I think I ate a bug.
 * Get us killed, why dont'cha?
 * That hurt.
 * Thanks little buddy, you're the best.
 * Hurry up already, I'm going to be late.
 * Hey, where are you taking me anyway
 * What? I don't know what I'm doing here.
 * Whoa, a ride I promise I'll try my best not to throw up.
 * Can't you go any faster than this.
 * Whoa, I don't feel so good.
 * BURP!

Bart Simpson

 * Dude, where are you going?


 * Hurry up already, I'm gonna be late.


 * Oh-ho, that was the coolest.

Bumblebee Man

 * Alto! (Stop!)


 * No es facil. (Don't yield.)


 * Ay me agahon.


 * Aye aye aye.


 * Adelante!! Adelante!! (Forward!! Forward!!)


 * Mas rapido por favor! (Faster please!)


 * Gracias, I guess. (Thank you, I guess.)


 * Mi horvia, muchas gracias.

Captain Horatio McCallister

 * Can you give an old seabird a lift?


 * That was uncalled for, methinks.


 * Can' this landlubber machine go any faster?


 * Could you please stop running us aground now?


 * That was 40 knots over the speed limit.


 * Thar she blows.


 * Ahoy, maties.

Clancy Wiggum

 * Drive. With extreme prejudice.
 * Can you take me home? Thieves stole my police car.
 * Hurry up, I won't give you a ticket.
 * The law says you're not supposed to go that fast, but, what the heck?
 * Smashy Smashy.
 * Whoa, that was a big one.
 * Ow, my tushie.
 * That's a moving vioation.
 * Ow! Sat on my gun!
 * I don't think you know where you're going.
 * You sure know how to speed.

Comic Book Guy

 * Worst videogame ever.
 * You did that at warp 10.
 * Warp speed.
 * Will you hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * That was the greatest ride in history.

Doctor Nick Rivera

 * Take me to the Retirement Castle, please, I need a cadaver to practice on.
 * Hi everybody!
 * Stop!!
 * You drive as well as I practice medicine!!
 * You need to drive faster.
 * You're da best, If you're in an accident and need to live, just call Dr. Nick.
 * Why isn't anybody stopping?
 * Uh oh this is going to be a bumpy ride.
 * Why do you keep crashing into things?
 * Enough with the crashing.
 * Thanks, stop by my clinic for a free nose job.

Edna Krabappel

 * Over here, dummy.
 * Stop.
 * Grocery store please, another microwave meal for one.
 * You don't answer to me, I don't answer to you.
 * What's the big idea, Buster?
 * Well, you sure drive better than Seymour. (chuckles)

Ned Flanders

 * Can you take me Rev. Lovejoy's house, I want him to bless my new haircut.
 * Oww.
 * Woo-ho, that was quick.

Professor Frink

 * The primary reason you are picking me up is according to the laws of physics gah-hoy I cannot occupy two places at the same time.
 * Ow, the collision, it hurts me.
 * Ow, my glasses need tape.
 * More velocity. I'm going to be late.
 * Whoa.
 * Save me from the pain.
 * You must have had Flubber in the gas tank.
 * It was like I was cryogenically frozen without the heartbeat and the ceasing of the aging process gah-hoy.

Abraham Simpson

 * Retirement Castle and step on it, I'm missing Matlock! MATLOCK!!
 * I left a mannequin in my bed.
 * (indistinct) Oh we're here already?

Hans Moleman

 * That was the best ride of my life.
 * Take me somewhere happy.
 * Take me... Oh, I forgot where I needed to go.
 * Anyone there? Hello?
 * Your driving scares me.
 * Oh, are we here already?
 * All I know is pain.

Homer Simpson

 * You drive like I think...slowly.
 * Stop, taxi.
 * Over here.
 * Take me to Barney's I'm late for an intervention.
 * Learn to drive dumbass!
 * OK, that's a law suit.
 * Retirement castle please, Grandpa found a treasure map.
 * Ow, I bit my tongue.
 * Hurry up, I have to pee.
 * Way to ignore the speed limits.

Jasper Beardly

 * I'm gonna be late, hurry up.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * You're driving to slow.
 * Next time I'll take a bus.
 * Saw that coming.
 * Why did you do that.
 * Would you stop that?
 * Whoa, I'm getting dizzy.
 * UH, I'd say that's a new record.

Krusty the Clown

 * Hey-Hey. Now shut up and drive.
 * Lucky for you I left my seltzer bottle at home.
 * Ahh! I can't feel my clown nose.
 * Ixnay on the ornographpay.
 * You drive worse than Mr. Teeny.
 * Hey-hey! You're faster than Joey Heatherton.

Lisa Simpson

 * Although I'm morally opposed to the use of fossil fuels, I really need a lift.
 * Hey those people have feelings.
 * Ow!
 * Hey!
 * I hope you have airbags.
 * You maniac!
 * Not too fast, not too slow, just right!
 * You have a gift for speed.

Marge Simpson

 * Be careful.
 * Oh. My tushie.
 * Why do you keep hitting everything?
 * Thanks so much, you're fast.
 * Can you take me to the grocery store, the are having a sale on nutmeg.
 * Oh my goodness, that was so fast.

Moe Szyslak

 * Stop the car or I'll punch you in the neck.
 * Just get me out of here, no questions, I'll pay handsomely.
 * Oh, I'm getting a lot of brain swelling.
 * Next time I'll walk.
 * That was fast, you ever consider working as wheel man?

Nelson Muntz

 * Time for some mass destruction.


 * Smashy Smashy.


 * Ha Ha!


 * Hey, I can drive better than this.


 * You suck, man.


 * That was pretty good... For a lamewad.


 * Stop!!


 * Time for some mass destruction dude!!


 * I've had better.


 * That was fine as fresh huckleberry.

Otto Mann

 * Oh yeah!
 * Dude, put the heavy metal to the petal!!
 * Whoa, spilled my pudding.
 * Don't harsh my mellow man.
 * Hurry up, I'm going to be late for something.
 * Whoa, where did that come from?
 * Hey, that trip went all the way to eleven.

Ralph Wiggum

 * When I eat paste, my lips get stuck.
 * Fireworks make my ears yowl.
 * Take me to the box-factory. Yay boxes!!
 * (Barking sounds)
 * Take me home, the leprechaun tells me to burn things.
 * Wait for Ralph.
 * I choo, choo, choose you.
 * My teeth came out.
 * I'm scared.
 * My tummy doesn't like your driving.
 * The happiest day of my life was when doctor said I didn't have
 * worms.
 * Why are you driving so slow?
 * Your car smells like cat food.
 * My daddy's gonna put you in jail, bye.
 * It's OK I'm not good at things either. Miss Hoover says I'll get
 * used to it.
 * Go banana.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * Thanks, you're the bestest driver ever.

Reverend Lovejoy

 * Take me home, it's tiring being so righteous all the time.
 * I command you to stop.
 * I'm soaring with the angels.
 * Why don't you watch where you're going.
 * Hey, watch where you're going.
 * Now that was unnecessary I think.
 * Praise be the glory of God.
 * If it isn't the spawn of Satan?
 * What in God's name are you doing?
 * It's the pedal on the right, friend.
 * Whoa!
 * Halleluiah!!

==== Snake Jailbird====
 * Alright a car.
 * Take me to the Flanders' I've got my eye on their big screen.
 * Hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * Dude, you're more reckless than me.
 * Oh, like, no!
 * Bummer dude.
 * Way to go dude.
 * Dude, do you have to drive so slow?
 * Next time I'll steal a car.
 * Whoa, you're going to get us killed dude.er
 * Awesome dude, you're the best.
 * Stop, dude!

Squeaky Voiced Teen

 * Stop!!
 * I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm afraid to.
 * What?? You're the best driver I've ever seen.

Groundskeeper Willie

 * Auch, someone pick Willie up for crying out loud
 * Willie needs a lift.
 * Can you take me to my shack, I need some Willie time.
 * Aye, you turned that guy into haus.
 * Aye, I think I punctured me bagpipes.
 * That was the best trip I ever had.