The Sweetest Apu/Quotes

(Apu is preparing a hangman's noose)
 * Apu: Over, under, round and round so your feet won't touch the ground.

(He throws the noose rope over a pipe) Now, let's see what awaits me in the next life. (He looks over a reincarnation chart) First I was a tiger, a snake, a Clod, a goat with a hat, then me. (Looks at his next incarnations) Hoo, a tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels! It's going to be a rough couple of lifetimes.


 * Homer: (to Apu) I saw you and that Squishee Lady canoodling like junkyard rabbits!

(At the Civil War re-enactment)
 * Principal Skinner: Hey you dead people, stop playing cards! And Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
 * Disco Stu: The south will boogie again!


 * Manjula: Not tonight. I said, not tonight! Wait, something's wrong, why aren't you pressuring me for sex.
 * Apu: Oh I'm just happy to lie here appreciating and respecting you.
 * Manjula: Okay buster, what is going on.
 * Apu: Nothing. How could you even accuse me of repeated infidelity? Oh I'm so angry I could just fall asleep.


 * Homer: Nothing, nothing, there's nothing eating me up inside.

(Homer's eyeball is twitching and moving all over the place)
 * Marge: Oh, it must be something big. Something you did? Something you saw. (gasps) Apu is having an affair?
 * Homer: I know! Can you believe it? Oh, Manjula is just going to die.


 * Homer: The Squishee Lady! Oh my god. I know you must get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavor.
 * Squishee Lady: Go ahead.
 * Homer: Grape.


 * Apu: Please, could you just take the children home? The porno magazine buyers are too embarrassed to make their move. Look.
 * Moe: C'mon!