Kwik-E-Mart

The Kwik-E-Mart is a convenience store owned by Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

Convenience store
The Kwik-E-Mart sells the usual convenience store fare at extraordinarily high prices, including the always popular Squishee. An example of the high prices was when Apu whispered to Homer Simpson during a holdup, "Call the police." Homer replied with, "I don't have any change. I only have a five." "No change without purchase." "What's the cheapest you've got?" "A 6 oz bag of Chippos, $5.99." "$5.99?! What a rip-off, someone should shoot you!"

History
The Kwik-E-Mart chain was started somewhere in the Himalayas, where the world's first convenience store still stands on a mountain peak, an ironically inconvenient location. Visiting pilgrims are allowed to ask three questions of the resident all-knowing guru (except safe combinations). Apu's visit was spoiled by Homer's three questions, "Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?", "Really?" and "You?"

Apu was fired from his job after Homer was poisoned by tainted meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart. He was replaced by James Woods, who was studying to be a convenience store clerk for a role in an upcoming movie. In the episode Homer and Apu, Apu revealed that the Kwik-E-Mart is known as "Stop-O-Mart" in Ohio. Apu was re-hired a short time later, after he foiled a robbery attempt at the Kwik-E-Mart and saved James Woods' life. Apu was shot during the attempted robbery. Later, it was retconned that Apu owned the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu has also stated that the parent corporation of his store is "Nordine Defense Dynamics," when he is commenting on the prosecution of Marge for shoplifting.

Apu is known as a legend in the realm of Kwik-E-Mart employment for working for over ninety-six hours in one shift. During the shift he experienced a hallucination in which he thought he was a hummingbird and tried to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.

Apu once installed 16 gas pumps in the parking lot on the Kwik-E-Mart to compete with a rival store, the Gas'N'Gulp. However, a round of redirected mortar shells from Fort Springfield promptly ruined his hard work. The store itself also appeared to be destroyed: the "K" in the store's name landed on the fort grounds moments later. However, a later episode showed gas pumps at the Kwik-E-Mart.

The Springfield location has not been immune to the concept of showmanship as a marketing technique. When retiree Jasper Beardley decided to freeze himself in the store's freezers as a low budget form of cryopreservation for an indefinite future, Apu transformed the store into the "Freak-E-Mart", of which Jasper, marketed as "Frostillicus", was the main attraction. When Jasper thawed, thus ending the viability of the project, Apu decided to institute a clothing optional policy, thusly briefly rechristening the store as the "Nude-E-Mart".

The Kwik-E-Mart also includes a Utopian garden on its roof; Paul and Linda McCartney hung out there when they were in Springfield. The garden is accessed through the refrigerator labeled "Non-Alcoholic Beer". When Lisa asks what Apu does when somebody wants to purchase some, he replies, "You know, it's never come up." In accordance with Apu's vegetarian philosophy, all hot dogs at the Springfield location are actually made of tofu. No customer, Apu claims, has ever noticed any difference.

Despite generally being a good-natured and friendly individual, Apu often exhibits a ruthless, capitalist streak. He has caressed his cigarette machine in gratitude for not dispensing its products after taking a customer's money. His catchphrase after a purchase is always, "Thank you, come again!" Even after dealing with a difficult customer--Homer--he states, "Now go away and come again!"

After the town of Springfield fined Mr. Burns $3 million for illegally dumping toxic waste, a town meeting was held to discuss how to spend it. Apu suggested spending some of it on hiring more police officers, as he had been shot eight times that year and nearly missed work. Chief Wiggum responded, "Crybaby."

Shelbyville has a store called Speed-E-Mart, an obvious Shelbyville antithesis to the Kwik-E-Mart.

Comic Appearances

 * The Amazing Colossal Homer