The Heartbroke Kid

"The Heartbroke Kid" is the seventeenth episode of the sixteenth season of The Simpsons. The episode aired on May 1, 2005 in the US.

Synopsis
Principal Skinner is looking for a company to sign a vending machine contract with Springfield Elementary, with half of the machine's profits going to the school. He looks at suggestions from the Sea Captain and from Gil and rejects them, until he gets a suggestion from Lindsay Naegle, and the school has its vending machine. Some of the students like it, but the machine's biggest customer is Bart, who seems to like it so much that in three weeks fast he has gained a lot of weight, and he suffers a heart attack.

Bart sees Dr. Hibbert, who says that a snack&mdash;malted milk balls&mdash;has clogged his arteries. Either way, Bart still gets addicted to junk food heavily, continuously eating it until Marge intervenes and puts Bart on a diet. When that suggestion fails, he is caught by two representatives of a maximum security fat camp, Serenity Ranch. Bart ends up there with Apu, Rainier Wolfcastle (who was last seen fattening up for a movie), and Kent Brockman, and the camp's leader is none other than former junk food magnate Tab Spangler (who is dealing with many anger issues). However, when Bart is there, the family is faced with an expensive bill. To pay for the camp, the family converts their house into a youth hostel which attracts German tourists.

Bart has a hard time at camp, and Tab Spangler takes him home to visit the family to show him the horrors that occur. He suggests Bart fight his addiction, and he does, by destroying the vending machines in school. His addiction to junk food is over, and he steals the money from the vending machines, which the family uses to pay for the bill and give the Germans "Das Boot". Tab Spangler says that they still have three weeks left of treatment, and Homer goes with him (if this is by choice or not is unknown), where the episode ends with them driving in Tad's car getting into an argument over the cheeseburger Homer is eating.

Trivia

 * This episode was originally set to be the 350th episode (despite being the 352nd to air), but was inexplicably switched with Don't Fear the Roofer.
 * Spangler's car is a Volvo.
 * Bart's line "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" was also said by Homer in "Homer's Triple Bypass" following one of several heart attacks, which Dr. Hibbert quickly proved to be wrong.
 * The montage near the end of the first act spoofs Bart's shots in the show's opening; additionally, Barney appears in place of where the now-deceased Bleeding Gums Murphy would've appeared.
 * Homer has a fantasy about a robotic Marge, a reference to "Gump Roast" where "Marge becomes a robot" is suggested as a future plotline.
 * This is Albert Brooks' fifth guest staring role on The Simpsons. He is credited, as with all his episodes, as "A, Brooks".
 * Homer's half-brother Herb Powell is mentioned in this episode, marking his only appearance or even mention since his starring roles in Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? and Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?.
 * One of the candies that Bart eats is named Cop Killaz

Cultural references

 * The title of this episode is probably a spoof of the 1972 film The Heartbreak Kid starring Charles Grodin. It may also reference World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Superstar Shawn Michaels whose nickname is "The Heartbreak Kid".
 * The song Homer sings for coins to the German students on vacation is "99 Luftballons".
 * The song played during Bart's junkfood sequence is "Yummy yummy yummy" by The Ohio Express.
 * The line "raged against the machine" is a reference to the political rap-rock band Rage Against the Machine.
 * When Bart rips off the Krusty poster in his room which conceals a stash of junk food, it is a reference to "The Shawshank Redemption", where Andy DuFresne's means of escape is through a hole in the wall covered by a poster of Rita Hayworth.
 * Homer says "they're melting" in a style reminiscint of The Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
 * This episode's storyline is likely a satire of the real-world problem of vending machines in schools. In fact, some states have made it illegal for public schools to sell junk food to its students during school hours.

Goofs

 * How far is Spangler's compound from the Simpson house? Earlier in the episode it takes only an hour's drive; later, as Homer and Tab are out on the highway, Tab wants to stop at a motel overnight.

Quotes
Bart: What the family?! Ned: Son, we're all here to help you with...uh, what addic-diddly-iction are we going for? Homer: Overeating and if there's time, we'll get to my drinking. But there won't be time. Homer: (holds up a decrepit, dirty plush fox with the Fox Network logo on it) Did you hear that Foxie, the Fox Network fox? Skinner: Really? I'm a Libra. There's a lot of compatibility there. Chalmers: Be gay on your own time, Skinner. Marge: They're not kidnappers. They're professionaly-trained child snatchers... Marge Don't you mean Tough Love? Tab Tough Love... I knew that sign never made any sense, the sign guy lied to me!!! Marge: Cottage cheese! Bart: Yuck! From the looks of it, this cheese has already been eaten. Homer: Marge, no machine could replace you...(has a thought)...or could it? (a thought-bubble appears in which Homer walks into the house) Homer: Oh Marge-bot, I'm ready for some loving. (at that moment, Marge-bot, a Terminator-esque robot, appears with a machine gun and kills Homer) (back to reality) Homer: Oh, why did I give her a gun? But I repeat, no one is being replaced by a machine...until all the kinks are worked out. Bart Where are you really going? Homer Milkshake festival, look you can see it from your window. [cut to outside] Milkshake mascot Today only: free milkshakes for 10 year old boys, drink your weight in milkshakes-and get a free milkshake!
 * People in the Simpson house: INTERVENTION!!!
 * Bart: I've learned that even made-up corporate shills can lie to you.
 * Tab Spangler: This is nothing, Bart. One family had to take in dry cleaning. The chemicals killed their dog! At least that's what they said in the lawsuit. I don't see a dog living past fourteen anyway.
 * Bart: What doesn't kill me makes me stronger! (catches his breath) Boy, that was a lot of words.
 * Chalmers: It's not my birthday, Seymour. You know I'm a Sagittarius.
 * Sea Captain: Everyone loves a gumball machine. So why not a gum-bo machine?
 * Bart: Help! Kidnappers!
 * Homer [drunkenly]: Lisa! Take a picture of me with all the milkshakes. There, are we all in? We're all in. Hurry! They're melting!
 * Tab Spangler We have something here called Tough Luck [points at sign]
 * Tab Spangler [to Bart]: We'll look for your father and, time permitting, look for mine.
 * Bart [after chopping through the coin slot on a vending machine]: I'm ending your vending, dog!
 * Homer: Time to take out the Euro-Trash! German Woman: Oh no. Who will put up with our nonsense now? German Man: To Disneyland, where we will heap the scorn on Goofy.
 * Bart: (reading a container of cottage cheese Marge bought him) Kot-a-hey cheese?
 * Tab Spangler: Mr. Simpson, you're suffering from P.S.I.: "Poor Self-Esteem". [does a double-take and becomes incensed] Esteem doesn't start with "I". Every sign is wrong! [rips sign off dashboard and throws it out the window]
 * Vending machine: I'm gonna cap a pop in yo ass!
 * German backpacker: Problem with America number 35: No universal healthcare! Problem number 36: No metric system! What is this! The time of Charlemagne? Answer me! Answer me now!
 * Marge: So, I've been replaced by a machine?
 * Tab Spangler [about Homer's cheeseburger]: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat..I do want the meat!
 * Tab Spangler: I have a story I want to tell you. It's about a boy who came here and quit. Well, actually that is the story. I shouldn't call a sentence a story.
 * Homer: Well, who else here needs to lose weight? Maggie? Grampa? My seldom-seen half-brother Herb?
 * Tab Spangler: (about Homers Cheeseburger) I have smelt it now so I must eat it!
 * (on a racetrack, Spangler has tied Bart, Kent Brockman, Apu and Rainer Wolfcastle to a chariot) Tab Spangler: You are going to pull me across this racetrack. As we pick up speed, I'm going to whip you and you will tell me why you are here. Go! (Spangler's men begin running) Sound off! (cracks whip at Kent) Kent: Kent Brockman, Channel 6 News. I gorge on kettle corn between weather and sports! Tab Spangler: Yeah, I can see your gut spilling over to channel 5 and 7. I hope you're getting three paychecks! (cracks whip at Bart) Bart: I'm Bart Simpson and I'm just big boned! Tab Spangler: No such thing. (cracks whip at Bart again) Bart: Growth spurt!? Tab Spangler: Doesn't exist. (cracks whip at Bart again) Bart: This can't be legal! Tab Spangler: It's legal enough.
 * Homer [after Bart's heart attack] Um, we're all going to the library.
 * Tab Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us. Homer: Fine. I'd rather die.
 * Homer (entering wearing lederhosen and a Bavarian hat and carrying a large wurst platter): Guten abend, mein brave Bavarian overlords. The best wurst in town.
 * Homer: Marge, do you think we could... Marge: Give these Germans das boot? Jawohl!