Natural Born Kissers/Quotes

(Bart and Lisa are in the backyard using Grampa's metal detector)
 * Lisa: What are we looking for, anyway?
 * Bart: Pirate booty! What else?

(Bart starts daydreaming about pirates burying treasure on a desert island)
 * Captain: Arrrr! Now we bury the treasure!
 * Sissy Pirate: Uh, Captain? Captain, I know we usually bury the treasure, but what if this time, we use it to buy things? You know, uh, things we like.

(The captain shoots him, then looks at the other pirates, who start digging furiously in the sand)
 * Captain: Arrrr! We'll dig up the treasure in seven yarrr! I've drawn a map on this cracker, which Polly will hold for safe keepin'!

(A parrot on the captain's shoulder takes the cracker in its beak, then looks around nervously) (Back to reality)
 * Bart: So you see, there's treasure everywhere!

(Everyone at the stadium sees Homer and Marge nude.)
 * Homer: (Mockingly) Why don't you take a picture? It lasts longer.

(Everyone starts taking pictures)
 * Homer: D'oh!


 * Marge: This is so naughty, coming back to our old love nest!
 * Homer: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.

(People are wondering what's in the windmill)
 * Moe: Who cares what it is? Let's monoxide it.

(He sticks a hose connected to a car gas tank into the windmill)
 * Homer: Oh, why are people always trying to kill me?


 * Lisa: Wow! An alternate ending to "Casablanca." Bart, this could be priceless!
 * Bart: Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?


 * Homer: Hello, everybody.
 * Bart: Hey, you're back. Did you ‘Rock the Casbah?’
 * Homer: Bart! …Yes.


 * Bart: Whoa! Excellent haul!
 * Lisa: But it's all trash.
 * Bart: Exactly. Now there's nothing left out there but treasure.


 * Homer: Now they did say bed and breakfast, right?


 * Carl: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
 * Lenny: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
 * Homer: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
 * Carl: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
 * Lenny: Can I come?
 * Homer: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.


 * Bart: Okay, here's the deal. Crowns and doubloons are mine, snuff boxes and cameos are yours. Now, as for wands and scepters…
 * Lisa: It's a bottle cap.
 * Bart: Jewel-encrusted?


 * Farmer: If somebody's in here, you're in for some serious ass forkin'!


 * Abe: That's my brass knee! Steel hip! That one's news to me!


 * Marge: Aww, look, Homie, our wedding cake!
 * Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?


 * Homer: Hey, look what was in here! A program from that guy's funeral.
 * Marge: You mean Frank Grimes?
 * Homer: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever happened to that guy?


 * Homer: Right now I'm drunk on love… and beer.


 * Marge: When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refridgerator motor?
 * Homer: Naw, I never thought I'd live this long.


 * Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!


 * Gil: They stole the balloon! I've been living in there!

(Homer and Marge are trapped inside a mini-golf obstacle.)
 * Maude: Rod, you've got small girlish hands, reach in and fish it out!
 * Marge: A hand!
 * Homer: Eeee!

(Homer whacks Rod)
 * Rod: Ooow, daddy, something attacked me!


 * Homer: Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit! Hahaha!
 * Marge: Heh, heh, mmm...yeah.


 * Carl: How d'you do ma'am.
 * Lenny: Hope this evening finds you well.
 * Marge: Oh knock it off you perverts.


 * Bart: What's with the love thang?
 * Marge: Let's just say the country air did us good.

(An audience cheers and wolf whistles)
 * Homer: Bart, I told you not to leave that TV on.

(Audience says "Wuh ooh!")

(Santa's Little Helper walks into the bedroom.)
 * Homer: Look who's here!
 * Marge: Oooh! Who's a good boy?
 * Homer: He's the best boy!
 * Marge: Oh yes, he is, yes, he is!

(The dog exits)
 * Homer: Hey Marge, wasn't that great when the dog came in here?
 * Marge: Oh yeah, he's really special!
 * Homer: I love that dog!
 * Marge: I love him too. Good night.
 * Homer: Good night.

(Bart, Lisa and Grampa watch the countdown at the start of the alternate ending to Casablanca)
 * Grampa: Here comes two!


 * Homer:(flying hot air balloon) Okay, I think I've figured this thing out. You can go up and down, but not side-to-side, or ... back in time.


 * Chief Wiggum: Boy, I'll tell you, they only come out at night... or, in this case, the day.


 * Marge: Whatever happened to Grampa? He was supposed to baby-sit.

(Cut to Grampa in the Flanders' house watching Rod and Todd play checkers)
 * Grampa: (to Rod) Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.
 * Rod: I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders.
 * Grampa: There you go with that smart mouth! (to Todd) Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.
 * Todd: Yes, sir!


 * Maude: And they are running around like the day God made them.
 * Helen: Oh, no--
 * Moe: (Imitating Helen) Oh, please think of the children.