Kearney Zzyzwicz

Kearney Zzyzwicz is one of the school bullies of Springfield Elementary,with Nelson Muntz Jimbo Jones. He appears to be the ugliest and toughest of the bullies, and is very easily distracted.

Biography
Kearney is 23 years old. He has a father named Kearney, Sr., a mother named Mrs. Zzyzwicz. Although he looks (and sounds) to be around Jimbo or Dolph's age, Kearney has a young son named Kearney, Jr. (it is not known who the mother is), he is the only present Springfield Elementary School student that celebrated the United States Bicentennial (that is, was alive in 1976) and shaves his beard. Strangely, he once needed a fake ID to purchase beer.

Kearney drives an old style Hyundai. This is evidenced when Principal Skinner attempts to pry off the 'H' in 'HYUNDAI' to replace the 'H' logo stolen from Superintendent Chalmers' Honda. Kearney catches him in the act, forcing Skinner to flee.

Kearney is seen smoking in the room where Bart, Nelson, Jimbo, and Dolph are trapped in, during Superintendent Chalmers's visit.

Otto once stated that he and Kearney both went to Springfield Elementary School together, only for Kearney to reply that they are unable to teach him, which is his reason for why he is still in the school despite being 23.

Son
Kearney's son looks exactly like him, though younger and sounding like Ralph Wiggum. He was able to overcome his parent's divorce by sleeping in a drawer at night. He is also considered smarter than Kearney, since when he was sitting on Gil's lap when he was dressed up as Santa Claus, he believed he is the real Santa Claus and his son knew immediately he was a fake. Kearney's son seems to be a young child but Kearney says that is speaking "as a teenager and parent of a teenager" although he probably has some other child that he was talking about.

Wife
Kearney has been married to an unnamed (and unmentioned) wife. The only details given though were that he had to divorce with her, because Kearney didn't want his parents to find out. Kearney has said that he misses having sex with her, though it also mentioned in one episode that Kearney dated Jimbo's mother.

Father
Kearney's father has to date only appeared in Season 8's "The Homer They Fall" and in Bart Simpson's Treehouse of Horror "The Immigration of the Body Snatchers". Both which he had brief appearances although the former is his most significant as he was one of the bullies' father attacking Homer in Moe's Tavern after he was trying to have their sons stop bullying his own son, Bart. He hits him with a pool stick at Homer's head, which has him stunned yet not knocked out (a condition that would have him become a boxer later in the same episode). The bullies' father then leave at gunpoint by Moe to not hit Homer if not having two drinks minimum.

Mother
Kearney's mother is not seen but is said to suffer from clinical depression, for which she is being treated with medication. Kearney's points to the medication as the primary reason behind her recent weight gain. She is either in a mental clinic or jail.

Non Canon Appearance
It was revealed that Kearney, Jimbo, and Dolph were bullied by nerds. Bart then taught them that nerds are "all talk and no action" and they learned to "stand up" for themselves. Bart was later caught in the crossfire when his own creation backfired, and the other students at Springfield Elementary School (this is seen in a comic, but comic strips are not considered canonical).

Future
Kearney becomes the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary (the principal is still Seymour Skinner), however none of his bullying traits are seen. He will also be Lisa's bodyguard when she becomes the USA president, saying his contract gives him three people to kill in each term.

The Simpsons Game
Kearney appears as one of the three museum thieves that Bart and Homer must defeat. He also appears as one of the contestants in the Duff Ultimate Eating Challenge.

Behind the Laughter
Kearney was created from "Kearney Street" in Portland, Oregon, where Matt Groening grew up.

Trivia

 * He also owns his own tuxedo, although he isn't seen wearing it.

Appearances
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 * content=*{{Ep|The Telltale Head}}
 * {{Ep|Bart Gets an F}}
 * {{Ep|Dead Putting Society}}
 * {{Ep|Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment}}
 * {{Ep|The War of the Simpsons}}
 * {{Ep|Whacking Day}}
 * {{Ep|Kamp Krusty}}
 * {{Ep|Selma's Choice}}
 * {{Ep|I Love Lisa}}
 * {{Ep|This Little Wiggy}}
 * {{Ep|The PTA Disbands}}
 * {{Ep|A Milhouse Divided}}
 * {{Ep|The Homer They Fall}}
 * {{Ep|Lisa's Date with Density}}
 * {{Ep|Skinner's Sense of Snow}}
 * {{Ep|Bye Bye Nerdie}}
 * {{Ep|Special Edna}}
 * {{Ep|'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky}}
 * {{THOH|Treehouse of Horror XVI}}
 * {{Ep|Marge Gamer}}
 * {{Ep|The Mook, The Chef, The Wife and Her Homer}}
 * {{Ep|24 Minutes}}
 * {{THOH|Treehouse of Horror XIX}}
 * {{Ep|I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings}}
 * {{Ep|The Great Wife Hope}}
 * {{mov}}
 * {{Game|The Simpsons: Hit and Run}}
 * {{Game|The Simpsons Game}}
 * {{Bon|Comic Fan No More}}
 * {{Bon|Spree for All}}