Homer the Great/Quotes


 * Bart: What do they do there?
 * Homer: What don't they do? They do so many things, they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars!
 * Lisa: You don't know what they do, do you, Dad?
 * Homer: Not as such, no.




 * Homer: Why won't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?




 * Grampa: Ok, I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, the president of The Gay and Lesbian Committee for some reason. Oh, here it is... The Stone Cutters.
 * Homer: Yes, thank you dad. Lets go!... I'll take this Communist one too!




 * Homer: I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go.
 * Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
 * Homer: Well, something did!
 * Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.
 * Homer: Oh, okay, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. I'm... going outside to... stalk... Lenny and Carl. (pause) D'oh!




 * Homer: You better run, egg!




 * Homer: I always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is. And it's me.
 * Marge: You're not a god, Homer.
 * Lisa: Remember Dad, all glory is fleeting.
 * Homer: So?
 * Lisa: Beware the Ides of March.
 * Homer: No.
 * Lisa: Dad I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever!
 * Homer: Everything lasts forever.
 * Lisa: Don't you see, getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.
 * Homer: Remove the girl!
 * Lisa: Dad you're not with your Stonecutters now. There are no lackies to carry out your every-

"(Bart appears, puts his hand over her mouth, salutes Homer, and then drags her away)




 * Number One: Now, let's all get drunk & play ping-pong!




 * Homer: I could help others... I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them re-enact the Civil War!
 * Lisa: Dad, that doesn't help people.
 * Homer: Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys started hurting people... which they almost certainly would.




 * Bart: Dad, you remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grandpa?
 * Homer: Do I ever! It's five years later, and I still think I'm a chicken! (to Marge) I'm a chicken, Marge!




 * Marge: Kids can be so cruel.
 * Bart: We can? Thanks, Mom!
 * (Bart runs into Lisa's room and smacks her)
 * Lisa: Oww! Cut it out, Bart!

(Bart laughs)