The Simpsons Road Rage/Quotes

Introduction Cutscene
(Bart is playing video games when Homer steps in front of the TV) Bart Simpson: Dad!! Homer Simpson: Quit playing those stupid video games, boy, I want to watch TV. (Marge hums as Homer changes channels) Kent Brockman: (Kent Brockman is standing on camera) We're live in front of City Hall as hooticrat Montgomery Burns is about to unveil his new line of nuclear powered buses. Charles Montgomery Burns: (Mayor Quimby and Smithers flank him) Behold the Burns' atomic megabus, faster, cheaper, and perfectly safe. Hans Moleman: (Hans Moleman is standing next to a nuclear bus, both are glowing) Please kill me. Marge Simpson: (Back to the Simpson's couch where the family is sitting watching the TV) That poor man, I hope someone does kill him. Lisa Simpson: Those radioactive buses are a threat to the public health. Homer Simpson: Threat to public health, eh? That gives me an idea. (Homer is outside and has painted 'Homer 4 Hire' on his car) What do you think? Marge Simpson: (Lisa is shaking her head) Hrmmm. Bart Simpson: (breaking the fourth wall) Just get to the game already. Homer Simpson: (starts his car) Woohoo, Alright! (Drives over the postbox twice)

Driver Selection
Homer Simpson: (Family Sedan), drives into sight) Woohoo! I got the need for speed and money.

Homer Simpson: (Car Built For Homer is on a showcase, laughter is heard in the background) The sticker price is... $82,000!!!! (a crowd gasps and the horn honks in the tune of La Cucarucha)

Bart Simpson: (Drives into view) I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

Marge Simpson: (Canyonero drives up ramp after hitting telephone pole.) Everyone better stay out of my way!

Lisa Simpson: (Drives up in Elec-taurus) Get ready for electric speed. (Plug pops out) Oh dear.

Abraham Simpson: (Rams shriner car into a fire hydrant) Buh, Buh, buh, look where you're goin' ya idiot.

Groundskeeper Willie: (Drives up in tractor with Willy painted on it and does a wheelie) Get ready for some big Willie style.

Krusty the Clown: (Drives up and hops out) Hey-Hey. Time to make some kablingy, I mean mazoolians.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: (Drives in on two side wheels) Driving this car is more dangerous than the night shift at the Kwik-e-Mart. But, what the heck?

Barney Gumble: (The truck has a bunch of snow in the back and Homer is standing behind the truck) Whoa, its my turn to drive already??! (dumps snow on Homer)

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Moe Szyslak: (Drives up and trunk opens and a Panda appears) Vamoose. Get out of here. Scram. (Trunk closes) Hey, it isn't mine, I swear.

Otto Mann: (Drives around knocking down some cones) Alright! ALRIGHT!!. This is way better than driving those stupid kids.

Clancy Wiggum: (Pulls up with siren on) Never fear Chief Wiggum is... (eats a doughnut) around.

Ned Flanders: (Drives into a holy light) Ned Flanders at your ser-didly-ervice!

Homer Simpson: (Mr. Plow plows through some snow singing) Oh, Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.

Reverend Lovejoy: (Drives in as the book, Little Women, flies out of the Book Burning Mobile and hits the camera) Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.

(Chief Wiggum is in pursuit of Snake)

Clancy Wiggum: Freeze, hairball! (Both cars go off screen, a car crashes and a wheel rolls by) Snake Jailbird: Alright, let's go smash things.

Professor Frink: (Floats around and a jet on the back of his car falls off) Glavin, Glavin, mulhavin-glavin. That monkey is going to pay.

Willie's Paper Shredder
Groundskeeper Willie: (proceeds to hit Mr.Burns' 20 newspaper stands) You won't get away with this, Burns!

Bart On The Run
Homer Simpson: Boy, remember when daddy told you about being responsible & showing up to work on time? Well, it's all a lie.

Bart Simpson: Homer, that's America to me.

Barney's Rage
Barney Gumble: Oh, the world's gone crazy! There are mascots everywhere! Or maybe I'm just seeing double again, who knows?

Homer Simpson

 * USA! USA!
 * Get in...I got candy...
 * What part of "Get in" don't you understand?
 * Seatbelt schmeatbelt.
 * Homer Simpson: Hi Marge.
 * Homer 4 Hire at your service!
 * Where to, Mac?
 * Homer Simpson: Get in boy!
 * Homer Simpson: Why aren't you in school, boy?
 * Homer Simpson: Hi, sweetie.
 * Homer Simpson: Hi sweetie, how are ya?
 * Homer Simpson: Get in the car, Dad.
 * Homer Simpson: Dad!? What are you doing here?
 * Homer Simpson: Hop in, I accept Duff as currency.
 * Homer Simpson: Barney! What are you doing here?
 * Homer Simpson: Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Homer Simpson: Hello Apu.
 * Homer Simpson: Hello my Hindu friend.
 * Homer Simpson: (nervous) Oh! Chief Wiggum! Wh-wh-what are you doing here?
 * Homer Simpson: Chief Wiggum, hehe. How can I be of law-abiding service?
 * Homer Simpson: Flanders? Oh boy, why did I stop?
 * Homer Simpson: Well, well, if it isn't Mister Goody-Two-Shoes himself.
 * Homer Simpson: Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Fire And Brimstone himself.
 * It's crashing time!!
 * Damn straight!
 * Let's do this thing!
 * Oh! Can I come?
 * Whatever.
 * Okay, I didn't ask about your life story.
 * Boring...
 * The what now?
 * Careful! Don't sit on my nachos!
 * Just call me Air Homer!
 * I feel bad about myself...
 * Please don't sue!
 * Get outta my way, jerk-ass!
 * Ow! My ass!
 * Ow! My head!
 * Ow! my neck!
 * Aw, I bit my tongue.
 * Aw, I swallowed my gum!
 * Mistakes were made!
 * I'm not a very good driver...
 * I have no insurance!
 * D'oh!
 * Do you have any barf bags? I don't feel so good.
 * Thank you!
 * Alright!
 * Tip please.
 * Woohoo! Alright!
 * I hope you didn't puke.
 * Would you like a receipt? Too bad!
 * That's a spicy meat-a-ball!
 * Now that's driving.
 * That was too easy.
 * Did I do great or really great?
 * Aw, I thought I was winning.
 * Aw, this video game su-ucks!
 * What do you mean "Game Over"?!

Bart Simpson

 * It's time for some Road Rage! Bart Simpson style!

Lisa Simpson

 * But I was just getting started!
 * Where to Citizen?
 * Lisa Simpson is never Tardy.
 * Sit back, and leave the Driving to me.

Abraham Simpson

 * Oh I sure hope I don't fall asleep on the wheel.
 * Let's drive! What's a car?
 * Hot diggidy!
 * Hot diggidy, let's go go go!
 * Bye. Oh now I'm alone. Oh well.
 * What year is this?
 * Do you have my pills?
 * Sit down and shut up.
 * Damn teenagers.
 * How 'bout them apples?
 * Run along now.
 * You didn't think we'd make it, did ya?

Groundskeeper Willie

 * You never tangle with a greased Scotsman!
 * Get yer stinking arse in the tractor.
 * Never doubt a Scotsman.
 * Ah, yer so daft.
 * I have brought disgrace upon my entire clan!

Krusty the Clown

 * Hey hey! Get in the car and shut up!
 * Millions of children watch my show! Alright thousands! Ok dozens...
 * Ow! My shoes!
 * AW CRAP!
 * My agent is SO fired.
 * What do I have to do to make you people happy?

Barney Gumble

 * I sold my driver's licence for bags of wine.
 * BURP!!!
 * Hi, I'll be your driver today.
 * Get in the car, both of you.
 * Last call.
 * Barney Gumble: Hiya Moe.
 * Moe Szyslak: God, you depress me.
 * Barney Gumble: Hiya Marge.
 * Marge Simpson: Hello Barney, thank you for stopping.
 * I can take you there.
 * Sure thing, madam president. BURP!!!
 * Whoa, where do you come from.
 * Whoa, watch where you're going.
 * So much violence in the world today.
 * Alright!
 * Whoa! I don't to take that drop again anytime soon.
 * Don't pressure me.
 * Whoopsie daisy!
 * Go back to your own planet!
 * Hey, this isn't so hard.
 * There you go.
 * There you are.
 * Sheesh. Why is everyone in such a rush?
 * Thanks for your patriot-age, BURP!!!
 * I guess I will try better, I promise. BURP!!!

Clancy Wiggum

 * I'd call for an ambulance, but these guys are jerks.
 * Crime doesn't take a vacation, but I do.
 * Ow! Sat on my gun!

Ned Flanders

 * Aaaaaaaagh!! I'm dying here Maude!

Reverend Lovejoy

 * Let us together spread the word of God.
 * Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.
 * Repent on your sins and ride with God.
 * ...And which they entered forth into the world and they were happy.
 * Let's go! I've four sermons in a funeral to give today.
 * Sounds good to me.
 * Don't worry about it my fair child.
 * Do not worry my child.
 * Alright then.
 * Oh dear God! What have I done?
 * I have rided with the chosen one.
 * Don't worry friend, you're riding with the Lord now.
 * Don't fear, God is here to protect us.
 * There you go. Safe and sound.
 * Praise be thou the glory of God.
 * By Mother, we got comfort.
 * Lord, what have I done to offend thee?

Snake Jailbird

 * I love the smell of gasoline in the morning.
 * Dude, get in the car and let's go.
 * All right, a sucker.
 * We're off to the races.
 * All right, easy money.
 * Dr. Nick Riviera: Hi everybody!
 * Snake Jailbird: Hi Doctor Nick.
 * Snake Jailbird: Bummer, it's the heat.
 * Clancy Wiggum: Hello there, familiar yet clearly innocent driver.
 * No problem, dude.
 * All right, let's roll.
 * All right, let's go.
 * Just leave the driving to me.
 * Hey, leave the driving to me.
 * Totally awesome!
 * This is so much better than being in prison.
 * All right!
 * Awesome!
 * This is where you get off.
 * All right, time to pay.
 * Score!

Professor Frink

 * Professor Frink rides again!

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

 * Take me to my store I hope that shoplifters did not steal too many Squishees.
 * Take me to the grocery store, the low prices make me laugh.
 * You must drive faster or I will travel out of your car.
 * Vishnu frowns upon your recklessness.
 * Please refrain from crashing the car like that.
 * Whoa, No!!
 * What are you trying to do with this crazy driving?
 * Oh dear.
 * That was so fast, take this jerky as a tip.
 * Thank you for taking me where I needed to go.

Barney Gumble

 * Whoa, a ride I promise I'll try my best not to throw up.
 * Can you take me to the church, I think I did something last night and needed to confess but I can't remember what it was...
 * I think I ate a bug.
 * Get us killed, why don'tcha?
 * That hurt.
 * Thanks little buddy, you're the best.
 * Hurry up already, I'm going to be late.
 * Hey, where are you taking me anyway
 * What? I don't know what I'm doing here.
 * Can't you go any faster than this.
 * Whooooaaa, I don't feel so good.
 * BURP!!!

Bart Simpson

 * To the Kwik-E-Mart, at once!!
 * Dude, where are you going?


 * Hurry up already, I'm gonna be late.


 * Oh-ho, that was the coolest.
 * This Sucks
 * Boring
 * Come on, Come on, I haven't got all day!
 * Well am I glad to see you?

Bumblebee Man

 * Alto! (Stop!)


 * No es facil. (Don't yield.)


 * Ay me agahon.


 * Aye aye aye.


 * Adelante!! Adelante!! (Forward!! Forward!!)


 * Mas rapido por favor! (Faster please!)


 * Gracias, I guess. (Thank you, I guess.)
 * Thank you for the ride my friend


 * Mi horvia, muchas gracias.
 * Your driving, She stinks.

Captain Horatio McCallister

 * Yargh, can you give an old seabird a lift?


 * That was uncalled for, methinks.


 * Can' this landlubber machine go any faster?


 * Could you please stop running us aground now?


 * That was 40 knots over the speed limit.


 * Thar she blows.


 * Ahoy, maties.
 * The port of call, yar-hargh!
 * This ship is too slow, says I.

Clancy Wiggum

 * Gimme a ride.
 * Drive. With extreme prejudice.
 * Official police business.
 * Can you take me home? Thieves stole my police car.
 * I'd like to tell you where I'm going, but I don't have to tell ya.
 * Hurry up, I won't give you a ticket.
 * I don't think you know where you're going.
 * Smashy Smashy.
 * Whoa, that was a big one.
 * Ow, my tushie.
 * That's a moving vioation.
 * Ow! Sat on my gun!
 * Thanks for the lift.
 * You sure know how to speed.
 * The law says you're not supposed to go that fast, but what the heck?
 * Literally, I say "Gotcha!".

Comic Book Guy

 * You did that at warp 10.
 * Warp speed.
 * Will you hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * I spilled my Squishee.
 * Worst video game ever.
 * That was the greatest ride in history.
 * Worst Trip ever

Dr. Nick Riviera

 * Why isn't anybody stopping?!
 * Stop!!
 * Hi everybody!
 * Take me to the Retirement Castle, please, I need a cadaver to practice on.
 * You need to drive faster.
 * Uh oh this is going to be a bumpy ride.
 * Why do you keep crashing into things?
 * Enough with the crashing.
 * You drive well as I practice medicine!!
 * Thanks, stop by my clinic for a free nose job.
 * Bye everybody.
 * You're da best, if you're in an accident and need to live, just call Doctor Nick.
 * You've made a boo-boo.
 * You don't know where you're going.

Edna Krabappel

 * Over here, dummy.
 * Stop.
 * Grocery store please, another microwave meal for one.
 * Seymour's House, if anyone asks, just tell I'm marking tests. (chuckles)
 * Ugh, I've had enough of those kids. Just take me home okay?
 * What's the big idea, Buster?
 * Now I'll never see Paris.
 * I'll give that ride a C.
 * Well, you sure drive better than Seymour.
 * I'd give that ride a D-.
 * Just where are you taking me?
 * I'm not asking for the directions
 * You're slower than my students.

Ned Flanders

 * Can you take me Rev. Lovejoy's house, I want him to bless my new haircut.
 * If you took me to the church, I'll be the happiest Christian of the world!
 * Say, can you take me home good samaritan?
 * Oww.
 * You have a nice day now.
 * Woo-ho, that was quick.
 * Thanks for the ride.
 * Oh dear, Neddy's Late! Oh well.

Professor Frink

 * The primary reason you are picking me up is according to the laws of physics gah-hoy I cannot occupy two places at the same time.
 * Ow, the collision, it hurts me.
 * Ow, my glasses need tape.
 * More velocity. I'm going to be late.
 * Whoa.
 * Save me from the pain.
 * You must have had Flubber in the gas tank.
 * It was like I was cryogenically frozen without the heartbeat and the ceasing of the aging process gah-hoy.
 * See you around, you silly person.

Abraham Simpson

 * Retirement Castle and step on it, I'm missing Matlock! MATLOCK!!
 * Take me to the Burlesque House please and step on it, I'm not getting any owners.
 * I left a mannequin in my bed.
 * (indistinct) Oh we're here already?
 * Well, I'm off to die now.
 * You call yourself a Driver.

Hans Moleman

 * Anyone there? Hello?
 * Take me somewhere happy.
 * Oh, take me home please...
 * Take me... Oh, I forgot where I needed to go.
 * Your driving scares me.
 * Oh, are we here already?
 * That was the best ride of my life.
 * All I know is pain.
 * I thought I was slow.
 * My Wrinkle hurts.

Homer Simpson

 * You drive like I think...slowly.
 * Stop, taxi.
 * Over here.
 * Take me to Barney's I'm late for an intervention.
 * Learn to drive dumbass!
 * OK, that's a law suit.
 * Retirement castle please, Grandpa found a treasure map.
 * Ow, I bit my tongue.
 * Hurry up, I have to pee.
 * Way to ignore the speed limits.

Jasper Beardly

 * I'm gonna be late, hurry up.
 * Get me home.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * You're driving to slow.
 * Next time I'll take a bus.
 * Saw that coming.
 * Why did you do that.
 * Would you stop that?
 * Whoa, I'm getting dizzy.
 * See you around.
 * UH, I'd say that's a new record.

Krusty the Clown

 * Can you take me to the Kwik-E-Mart?
 * Lucky for you I left my seltzer bottle at home.
 * Ahh! I can't feel my clown nose.
 * Ixnay on the ornographpay.
 * You drive worse than Mr. Teeny.
 * You're the worst driver I've ever seen, and I driven with Mickey Rooney.
 * (laughs) You're faster than Joey Heatherton.
 * Hey, that ride was faster than Chevy Chase's talkshow.
 * (laughs) Now shut up and Drive!

Lisa Simpson

 * Although I'm morally opposed to the use of fossil fuels, I really need a lift.
 * Could you take me to the school?
 * Hey those people have feelings.
 * Ow!
 * Hey!
 * I hope you have airbags.
 * You maniac!
 * Not too fast, not too slow, just right!
 * You have a gift for speed.
 * Finally, I thought we're never going to get here.
 * Would you hurry up, I'm going to be tardy!
 * You don't have to be rude, Put step on it
 * You're going the Wrong Way!
 * Do you even have a Map?
 * Watch where you're going?

Marge Simpson

 * Be careful.
 * Oh. My tushie. WHOO!!
 * Why do you keep hitting everything?
 * Move it or lose it buster!
 * Thanks so much, you're fast.
 * Can you take me to the pre-school, Maggie is ready to come home.
 * Can you take me to the grocery store, the are having a sale on nutmeg.
 * Oh my goodness, that was so fast.
 * That was so much fast!
 * You're a regular Jeff Gordon!

Moe Szyslak

 * Stop the car or I'll punch you in the neck.
 * Hey! Over Here!
 * Can you take me to Barney's place?
 * Take me to the Guilted Truffle, I feel like beating my swells.
 * Just get me out of here, no questions, I'll pay handsomely.
 * Oh, I'm getting a lot of brain swelling.
 * Thanks for nothing pal, Next time I'll walk.
 * Newsflash, You suck!
 * Thanks for the lift, Mack.
 * That was fast, you ever consider working a as wheel man?
 * See you around, but 'less I see you first.

Nelson Muntz

 * Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart, I got a little shoplifting.


 * Smashy Smashy.


 * Haw Haw!


 * Hey, I can drive better than this.


 * You suck, man.


 * That was pretty good... For a lamewad.


 * Stop!!


 * Time for some mass destruction man!


 * That ride was fine as fresh huckleberries.
 * You suck! Ha-Ha!

Otto Mann

 * Whoa dude, I'm glad you came along.
 * Oh yeah!
 * Dude, put the heavy metal to the petal!!
 * Hurry up, I'm going to be late for something.
 * Whoa, where did that come from?
 * Whoa, spilled my pudding.
 * Don't harsh my mellow man.
 * Whoa, see you around brother.
 * Hey, that trip went all the way to eleven.

Ralph Wiggum

 * When I eat paste, my lips get stuck.
 * Fireworks make my ears yowl.
 * Take me to the box-factory. Yay boxes!!
 * (Barking sounds)
 * Can I go home, the leprechaun tells me to burn things.
 * Wait for Ralph.
 * I choo, choo, choose you.
 * My teeth came out.
 * I'm scared.
 * My tummy doesn't like your driving.
 * The happiest day of my life was when doctor said I didn't have
 * worms.
 * Why are you driving so slow?
 * Your car smells like cat food.
 * My daddy's gonna put you in jail, bye.
 * It's OK I'm not good at things either. Miss Hoover says I'll get used to it.
 * Go banana.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * Thanks, you're the bestest driver ever.
 * I like coconuts!
 * Now we're lost! (cries)

Reverend Lovejoy

 * Take me home, it's tiring being so righteous all the time.
 * I command you to stop.
 * I'm soaring with the angels.
 * Why don't you watch where you're going.
 * Hey, watch where you're going.
 * Now that was unnecessary I think.
 * Praise be the glory of God.
 * If it isn't the spawn of Satan?
 * What in God's name are you doing?
 * It's the pedal on the right, friend.
 * Whoa!
 * Halleluiah!!

Snake Jailbird

 * Alright a car.
 * Take me to the Flanders' I've got my eye on their big screen.
 * Hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * Dude, you're more reckless than me.
 * Oh, like, no!
 * Bummer dude.
 * Way to go dude.
 * Dude, just get me out of here.
 * Dude, do you have to drive so slow?
 * Bummer dude, That was like, so totally slow.
 * Next time I'll just steal a car.
 * Whoa, you're going to get us killed dude.
 * Awesome dude, you're the best.
 * Awesome ride, you rule!
 * Stop, dude!
 * Awesome, thanks a lot dude.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

 * Stop!!
 * Please don't tell my manager you saw me, I was supposed to be cleaning urinals at the Movie Theatre.
 * I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm afraid to.
 * What?? You're the best driver I've ever seen.
 * That was the greatest moment in my entire life.

Groundskeeper Willie

 * Auch, someone pick Willie up for crying out loud
 * Willie needs a lift.
 * Can you take me to my shack, I need some Willie time.
 * Take me to the church, Willie's got a lot of repenting to do.
 * Aye, you turned that guy into haus.
 * Aye, I think I punctured me bagpipes.
 * That was the best trip I ever had.
 * Aah! Since we started, Bring it to us come back twice!

Seymour Skinner

 * I can't approve of your recklessness, but we got here fast.
 * Hmph, Now I'm tardy
 * er, excuse me, I think you're going the wrong way.
 * This isn't the right way. Are you kidnapping me?
 * That was simply awful, Simply awful!

Milhouse Van Houten

 * Take me home - I have to regroup from a wedgie.
 * To the arcade, please! I need to spend my mum's ceremonies, ha ha ha!
 * Thanks for the lift.
 * All right! That was great!
 * Now I'm late, Thanks for nothing.
 * Everyone's coming up Milhouse!
 * All right! What's the Big Idea? You're going the wrong way!

Mayor Quimby

 * Vote Quimby.
 * That was superb, come by my office and I'll give you the key to the city.

Charles Montgomery Burns

 * I'll be watching you...
 * You simpering fool! You get that rattled trap off the road!
 * That is the sorry-est excuse for the vehicle I've ever seen. I've seen trees faster than that piece of rubbish!
 * What's the meaning of this?!? Get rid of that pertraction of landfill and ride my bus!
 * Get him Smithers.
 * What in Blazes?
 * You haven't seen the last of me.
 * I won't forget this.
 * Your only prolonging the inevitable my friend.
 * Blast! We'll meet again, my friend, oh-ho, we'll meet again
 * Blast your hide to hades!
 * Stealing my Passengers will you? We'll see about that!
 * You win this round, I'll be back!
 * How dare you defy me?
 * You'll regret this!
 * Excellent.
 * Let their fools have their own automobiles, I say!
 * So my buses aren't good for you, are they? Well I'll say "Hard Cheese".
 * Soap Box Racers, Electric Cars, this is a transit town! Not the 1960s-70s world's fair.

Gil Gunderson

 * Oh this looks bad for ol Gil!
 * Oh I Think I Broke something there!
 * Oh, Kills Really Done for!

The Seven Duffs/Capital City Goofball

 * Look Out!
 * I Regret Nothing!
 * Watch Out!

Homer

 * Snake: Simpson house. I got some looting to do.
 * Homer: Ooh! Can I come?


 * Marge: Take me to Patty and Selma's.
 * Homer: Ooh! Can I come?


 * Homer: Hi Marge.
 * Marge: Hi Homie, I bought you some pork chops for later.
 * Homer: Boring...


 * Barney: Take me to the Duff Brewery. The happiest place in world *Belchs*.                                               Homer: Boring...

Apu

 * Nelson: Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart. I feel like a little shoplifting.                                                                        Apu: That is okay with me.


 * Skinner: Take me to the dam. I am thinking of jumping off.
 * Apu: That is okay with me.