The Simpsons Road Rage/Quotes

Introduction Cutscene
(Bart is playing video games when Homer steps in front of the TV) Bart Simpson: Dad! Homer Simpson: Quit playing those stupid video games, boy! I want to watch TV! (Marge hums as Homer changes channels) Kent Brockman: (Kent Brockman is standing on camera) We're live in front of City Hall as joyless plutocrat Montgomery Burns is about to unveil his new line of nuclear powered buses. Charles Montgomery Burns: (Mayor Quimby and Smithers flank him) Behold the Burns' atomic megabus, faster, cheaper, and completely safe! Hans Moleman: (Hans Moleman is standing next to a nuclear bus, both are glowing) Please kill me. Marge Simpson: (Back to the Simpson's couch where the family is sitting watching the TV) That poor man, I hope someone does kill him. Lisa Simpson: Those radioactive buses are a threat to the public health! Homer Simpson: Threat to public health, eh? That gives me an idea. (Homer is outside and has painted 'Homer 4 Hire' on his car) What do you think? Marge Simpson: (Lisa is shaking her head) Hrmmm. Bart Simpson: (breaking the fourth wall) Just get to the game already! Homer Simpson: (starts his car) Woohoo! Alright! (Drives over the postbox twice)

Driver Selection
Homer Simpson: (Family Sedan), drives into sight) Woohoo! I got the need for speed and money.

Homer Simpson: (Car Built For Homer is on a showcase, laughter is heard in the background) The sticker price is $82,000!? (a crowd gasps and the horn honks to the tune of La Cucarucha)

Bart Simpson: (Drives into view and gives the middle finger salute) I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Marge Simpson: (Canyonero drives up ramp after hitting telephone pole.) Everyone better stay out of my way!

Lisa Simpson: (Drives up in Elec-taurus) Get ready for electric speed! (Plug pops out) Oh dear.

Abraham Simpson: (Rams shriner car into a fire hydrant) Buh, Buh, buh, look where you're goin' ya idiot!

Groundskeeper Willie: (Drives up in tractor with Willy painted on it and does a wheelie) Get ready for some big Willie style!

Krusty the Clown: (Drives up and hops out) Hey-Hey! Time to make some kablingy, I mean mazoolians.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: (Drives in on two side wheels) Driving this car is more dangerous than the night shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. But, what the heck?

Barney Gumble: (The truck has a bunch of snow in the back and Homer is standing behind the truck) Whoa, its my turn to drive already??! (dumps snow on Homer)

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Moe Szyslak: (Drives up and trunk opens and a Panda appears) Vamoose. Get out of here. Scram! (Trunk closes) Hey, it isn't mine, I swear.

Otto Mann: (Drives around knocking down some cones) Alright! ALRIGHT! This is way better than driving those stupid kids!

Clancy Wiggum: (Pulls up with siren on) Never fear. Chief Wiggum is around. (eats a doughnut)

Ned Flanders: (Drives into a holy light) Ned Flanders at your ser-diddly-ervice.

Homer Simpson: (Mr. Plow plows through some snow singing) Oh, Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.

Reverend Lovejoy: (Drives in as the book, Little Women, flies out of the Book Burning Mobile and hits the camera) Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.

(Chief Wiggum is in pursuit of Snake)

Clancy Wiggum: Freeze, hairball! (Both cars go off screen, a car crashes and a wheel rolls by) Snake Jailbird: Alright, let's go smash things!

Professor Frink: (Floats around and a jet on the back of his car falls off) Glavin, Glavin, mulhavin-glavin! That monkey is going to pay!

Willie's Paper Shredder
Groundskeeper Willie: (proceeds to hit Mr.Burns' 20 newspaper stands) You won't get away with this, Burns!

Bart On The Run
Homer Simpson: Boy, remember when daddy told you about being responsible & showing up to work on time? Well, it's all a lie.

Bart Simpson: Homer, that's America to me.

Barney's Rage
Barney Gumble: Oh, the world's gone crazy! There are mascots everywhere! Or maybe I'm just seeing double again, who knows?

Burns' Arena
Homer Simpson: You'll remember my name when we're finished here, Burns!

Homer Simpson: Hey, What the?

Homer Simpson

 * USA! USA!
 * Get in. I got candy!
 * What part of "Get in" don't you understand?
 * Seatbelt schmeatbelt.
 * Hi Marge.
 * Homer 4 Hire at your service!
 * Where to, Mac?
 * Get in, boy.
 * Why aren't you in school, boy?
 * Hi, sweetie.
 * Hi sweetie, how are ya?
 * Get in the car, Dad.
 * Dad!? What are you doing here?
 * Hop in. I accept Duff as currency.
 * Barney! What are you doing here?
 * Hi, Doctor Nick!
 * Hello, Apu.
 * Hello, my Hindu friend.
 * (nervous) Oh! Chief Wiggum! Wh-what are you doing here?
 * Chief Wiggum, hehe. How can I be of law-abiding service?
 * Flanders? Oh, boy, why did I stop?
 * Well, well, if it isn't Mister Goody-Two-Shoes himself.
 * Hello, Reverend Lovejoy!
 * Well well well, if it isn't Mister Fire And Brimstone himself.
 * It's crashing time!
 * Damn straight!
 * Let's do this thing!
 * Oh! Can I come?
 * Whatever.
 * Okay, I didn't ask about your life story.
 * Boring!
 * Get in the car, Milhouse.
 * Milhouse! You're one weird kid, you know that.
 * Get in the car, Moe.
 * Hi, Moe. What's new?
 * The what now?
 * Careful! Don't sit on my nachos!
 * Just call me Air Homer!
 * I feel bad about myself.
 * Please don't sue!
 * Get outta my way, jerk-ass!
 * Ow! My ass!
 * Ow! My head!
 * Ow! my neck!
 * Aw, I bit my tongue.
 * Aw, I swallowed my gum!
 * Mistakes were made!
 * I'm not a very good driver.
 * I have no insurance!
 * D'oh!
 * Do you have any barf bags? I don't feel so good.
 * Thank you!
 * Alright!
 * Tip, please.
 * Woohoo! Alright!
 * I hope you didn't puke.
 * Would you like a receipt? Too bad!
 * That's a spicy meatball!
 * Now that's driving.
 * That was too easy.
 * Did I do great or really great?
 * I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T--- I mean S-M-A-R-T!
 * Aw, I thought I was winning.
 * Aw, this video game su-ucks!
 * What do you mean "Game Over"?
 * Nooooooooooooo!
 * D'oh! Sad clown. Why you torment me so?

Marge Simpson

 * I hope the traffic is nice.
 * Can you name the truck with four wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats 35. Canyonero! CANYONERO!!!
 * Move your keister, Meister!
 * Another day, another dollar. (laughs)
 * (Laughs) Whatever you say.
 * Easy come, easy go.
 * Hold on tight!
 * You got it!
 * Where can I take you?
 * Whoopsie.
 * Ow, my tushy. Whoo!
 * Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 * Oh, my goodness!
 * Oh, my heavens!
 * There you go.
 * There you go. Hope you like the ride.
 * Welcome to my world.
 * You're with Marge now.
 * Grandpa, what are you doing outside?
 * Grandpa, are you lost?
 * Hi, i'm Marge.
 * Huh. I could've sworn I had more time left.
 * Oh, well. I had a good run.
 * Everyone's the winner.
 * Don't pressure me!
 * Get your caboose in here.
 * Hi, Doctor Nick!

Bart Simpson

 * It's time for some Road Rage! Bart Simpson style!
 * Time to make some cold hard cash! (evil laugh)
 * Welcome to the Bart Zone.
 * Fine by me.
 * Cooool!
 * Whoa, got him.
 * Principal Skinner! I..Uhh..
 * If it isn't Reverend Lovejoy.
 * Get out of the car, man.
 * Don't have a cow, man. I'll get you there.
 * Cowabunga, dude.
 * Don't forget to write.
 * Bart Simpson at your service.
 * So glad to be of service.
 * No problemo.
 * You said it.
 * Hey Lisa.
 * Bingo!
 * Glad to be of service.
 * What the...!?
 * I didn't do it.
 * Safe and sound.
 * Oops.
 * Hey Milhouse, what's happening man?
 * Hop In Milhouse.
 * Yeah!
 * Thanks for riding with Bart Simpson Incorporated.
 * Welcome to your destination.
 * Let's go, mac. Haven't got all day.
 * Uh, get out of the way!
 * Alright, alright. Chill, man.
 * And where to?
 * And here we are.
 * Hi, Doctor Nick.
 * Oh, man. This sucks.
 * Oh, come on. Just a few more seconds.

Lisa Simpson

 * But I was just getting started!
 * NO! Not the trees! Not the precious life-giving trees! Oh, why? Why?
 * Where to Citizen?
 * Lisa Simpson is never tardy.
 * Sit back, and leave the driving to me.
 * Tell your friends about me!
 * Get ready for the electric speed!
 * Hello, Springfield.
 * Oh no!
 * Look at me, i'm flying!
 * Whee!
 * Get out of my way!
 * Electric cars only go so fast!!
 * How do you like my Elec-Taurus??
 * Everyone is a psycho but me!
 * Welcome aboard.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!

Abraham Simpson

 * Oh I sure hope I don't fall asleep on the wheel.
 * Let's drive! What's a car?
 * Hot diggidy!
 * Hot diggidy, let's go go go!
 * Bye. Oh now I'm alone. Oh well.
 * What year is this?
 * I don't know.
 * Do you have my pills?
 * There's my pelvis!
 * Back in my day we called sandwichs flat freddies and they cost four playing cards a bite.
 * Sit down and shut up.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Damn teenagers.
 * Hop in, Junior! Time's a-wasting! *Snorrrreee*
 * How 'bout them apples?
 * Run along now.
 * You didn't think we'd make it, did ya?
 * This isn't fair!
 * Don't send me back to the home.
 * Would somebody tell me what just happened?

Groundskeeper Willie

 * You never tangle with a greased Scotsman!
 * Get yer stinking arse in the tractor.
 * Never doubt a Scotsman.
 * Ah, yer so daft.
 * Hey Doctor Nick!
 * I have brought disgrace upon my entire clan!
 * Uh, you didn't even get a Willie a chance!
 * You got to be kidding me. I'm just getting warmed up.
 * No tip?! Aye,a fellow Scot!!
 * Blame the haggis!
 * GET IN, and don't sit on my hedge clippers!
 * GET IN, and help yerself to the lawn clippins!
 * Sorry about the stink. Willie's been cleanin' out tha PUKE bucket!
 * I didnae cry when they hanged mah father for stealin a pig... BUT I'LL CRY NOW!!!
 * Don't make Willie angry. You don't like Willie when he's angry.
 * I didnae cry when they hanged mah father for stealin' a pig.... BUT I'LL CRY NOW!!
 * Sorry about tha stink. Willie's been cleanin out the PUKE bucket!

Krusty the Clown

 * Hey hey! Get in the car and shut up!
 * Millions of children watch my show! Alright thousands! Okay dozens...
 * Uh, I hope no one pukes in the car again. Yuck!
 * Welcome friends!
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Don't be frightened by my appearence. I am a trained professional harlequin.
 * Bingo!
 * This is too easy.
 * Hey hey!
 * Careful don't sit on Mr. Teeny.
 * Ow! My shoes!
 * Eat clown car jerks!
 * AW CRAP!
 * What's a clown gotta do to get ahead these days?
 * These mashugana  drivers are VERKAKTE!! (CRAPPY!)
 * GAAAAGH!!! Welcome to VERKAKTE airlines!!
 * My agent is SO fired.
 * Uh, what do I have to do to make you people happy?
 * What are you looking at? Have you ever seen a drunk clown before?
 * What's the matter? You never seen a clown car before?
 * Whatever.
 * UUUGH, what does a clown have to DO to get AHEAD these days?!?!
 * This clown ain't fooling around.
 * Uh, I once nailed a groupie there.
 * Uh, maybe I should stick to my day job.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

 * Get in the car please. I have many places to go today.
 * That is okay with me
 * I must admit, the smell of fresh air is much more pleasing than the odour of the hot dog machine.
 * .I hope the Kwik-E-Mart does not get robbed more than 4 times while I am driving around today.
 * Pick-a-penny-Leave-a-Penny.
 * Here we go.
 * Farewell another passenger.
 * Another satisfied customer.
 * Thank you, come again.
 * Oh, get out of the way, silly pedestrian!
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * The meter has been running since I saw you!
 * I having so much fun.
 * Looks like at the end of the road for Apu.
 * I feel like an untouchable.
 * I have brought shame to my family and my store.

Barney Gumble

 * I sold my driver's lisence for a box of wine.
 * BURP!!!
 * Hi, I'll be your driver today.
 * Get in the car, both of you.
 * Last call.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Yay, I won something!! ... What was it????
 * Barney Gumble: Hiya Moe.
 * Moe Szyslak: God, you depress me.
 * Barney Gumbe: Hey Moe.
 * Moe Szyslak: Hey Barn.
 * Barney Gumble: Hey Marge.
 * Marge Simpson: Barney, you are a life saver.
 * Barney Gumble: Hiya Marge.
 * Marge Simpson: Hello Barney, thank you for stopping.
 * I can take you there.
 * Sure thing, madam president. BURP!!!
 * Whoa, where do you come from.
 * Whoa, watch where you're going.
 * So much violence in the world today.
 * Alright!
 * Whoa! I don't to take that trip again anytime soon.
 * Don't pressure me.
 * Uh oh, I think I ate a bug...
 * ARRRGH, WHERE'D THE GROUND GO?!?!?!
 * Whoopsie daisy!
 * Go back to your own planet!
 * Hey, this isn't so hard.
 * There you go.
 * There you are.
 * Sheesh. Why is everyone in such a rush?
 * Thanks for your patronage! BURP!!!
 * Next time I'll do better, I promise. BURP!!!
 * NOOOOOOOO! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!!!!

Moe Szyslak

 * Where to, Mac?


 * And away we MOE!!


 * Moe money, Moe money.


 * Another day, another money pile.
 * Adiós ya useless tool.
 * Alright, get out of the car now, please.
 * Ah, geez, I was just gonna get good at this. (sigh)


 * Ugh, everything I touch turns to CRAP...


 * Oh, I'm gonna die lonely and ugly and dead...
 * You're coming with me.


 * I was born to fail.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Midge! What are you doing here?
 * Hi Midge! Can i help you?


 * Hey, I don't go where YOU work and tell you YOU'RE running outta time!!


 * Well, it's back to bartending for me.
 * There ya go.


 * Hurry up. I ain't got all day.
 * Hold on to your hat, mac.


 * Oh, come on!
 * You got it!
 * So long, loser.
 * WHOOOAAAAHHH!!!! SWEET MOTHER OF MIKE!!
 * On the Moe.
 * I'LL SMASH YA SPINES!!

Otto Mann

 * Whoa, where did that come from?
 * Whoa, that was the big one.
 * Man, this is going to be wicked cool.
 * All right!
 * Awesome!
 * Rock on, dude!
 * Climb on in, dude!
 * Just leave the driving to me, dude.
 * Chill out, you'll get there in time.
 * Watch your step.
 * Yeeeah! Every day, YOU ride the bus!!
 * Ohhh, I hate comin' down.......
 * No problemo.
 * Whoa, I spilled my pudding.
 * This is way better than driving those stupid kids.
 * Welcome to the magical mystery bus.
 * Greetings, stranger.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * ZEPPELIN RULES!!!!
 * Whoops.
 * You got it, dude.
 * Yeah!
 * Yeah! I totally rule!
 * Whoa, that is weak.
 * Dude that heard Van Halen guitar so there's longer than that.
 * What do you mean I've failed? Did I hit all or some?

Clancy Wiggum

 * Take me to the Krusty Burger at once, I give you permission to speed.
 * I'd call for an ambulance, but those guys are jerks.
 * Time to dish out some justice. Wiggum style!
 * Ah Crime doesn't take a vacation, but I do.
 * Ow! Sat on my gun!
 * Hey no fair... I was just getting warmed up.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * Well well if it isn't Homer Simpson!
 * Homer Simpson! Stay out of my trouble i hope?
 * Just think how fast we would go if my siren worked?
 * Good thing this car belongs to the city! (laugh)
 * Well well if it isn't MAYOR kickback how many bribes did you taken today. Quimby None as yet but hopefully that will change soon.
 * Hello MAYOR Quimby. Steal any government funds lately?!

Quimby None that YOU'LL be able to trace,. Chief Chump!!
 * See you around, dirt-bag.
 * Good thing I don't answer that 911 call.
 * Stay out from drugs, stay in school! Yada-yada-yada!

Ned Flanders

 * Aaaaaagh! I'm coming to join you, Maude!
 * Slow and steady wins the race.
 * Hop right in friend.
 * Score one for old Neddy.
 * Hello friend, where to?
 * Hold on tight friend!
 * You'll have a nice day now!
 * Ned Flanders at your service.
 * Hi Doctor Nick!
 * That's okay by me.
 * Here you go friend.
 * Oh, dear GOD, what have I DONE???
 * Old Neddy will take you the rest of your way.
 * See you later Computator!
 * Well Neddy, I'm sure we're gonna have ourselves a busy day!
 * Well hiya Homer, er would you mind returning my patty old furniture next Spring?
 * Hi diddly ho-neighbor?
 * Not to worry, next time I'll sure do better.
 * Well, sure, Neddy, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Reverend Lovejoy

 * Let us together spread the word of God.
 * Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.
 * Repent on your sins and ride with God.
 * Time to make some filthy, FILTHY money!
 * Time to spread the word of God! (And make some money on the side!)
 * Verily I say unto thee... GOTCHA!
 * Welcome to the Kingdom of God.
 * ...And which they entered forth into the world and they were happy.
 * Let's go! I've four sermons in a funeral to give today.
 * Sounds good to me.
 * Don't worry about it my fair child.
 * Do not worry my child.
 * Alright then.
 * Hello Doctor Nick!
 * Good lord it's HOMER SIMPSON?! May the angels protect me!!
 * Homer: Angels?? WHERE???
 * Hello HOMER in need of some salvation today are we?
 * Homer: AND HOW!
 * Oh dear God! What have I done?
 * And another one joins the (ahem) Kingdom of Heaven...
 * I have rided with the chosen one.
 * Don't worry friend, you're riding with the Lord now.
 * Don't fear, God is here to protect us.
 * There you go. Safe and sound.
 * Praise be thou the glory of God.
 * By Mother, we got comfort.
 * Lord, what have I done to offend thee?

Snake Jailbird

 * I love the smell of gasoline in the morning.
 * Dude, get in the car and let's go.
 * All right, a sucker.
 * We're off to the races.
 * All right, easy money.
 * Dr. Nick Riviera: Hi everybody!
 * Snake Jailbird: Hi Doctor Nick.
 * Snake Jailbird: Bummer, it's the heat.
 * Clancy Wiggum: Hello there, familiar yet clearly innocent driver.
 * No problem, dude.
 * All right, let's roll.
 * All right, let's go.
 * Just leave the driving to me.
 * Hey, leave the driving to me.
 * Totally awesome!
 * This is so much better than being in prison.
 * All right!
 * Awesome!
 * This is where you get off.
 * All right, time to pay.
 * It's back to petty theft for me.
 * This town is going to pay for this.
 * Score!

Professor Frink

 * Professor Frink rides again!
 * Welcome. fellow Earthling.
 * Superior technology bring superior results. MU-HAI!
 * Oh dear the failure with the crying and the blaming and the calls to mommy!
 * OHHH, I didn't mean to hit a person!!!
 * That monkey is going to pay!
 * All right then.
 * Behold: Gravity in action! NO, not my pants, the CAR!
 * Hey, Where can I take you?
 * Hi Doctor Nick!

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

 * Take me to my store I hope that shoplifters did not steal too many Squishees.
 * Take me to the grocery store, their low prices make me laugh.
 * You must drive faster or I will travel out of your car.
 * Vishnu frowns upon your recklessness.
 * Please refrain from crashing the car like that.
 * Whoa, no!
 * What are you trying to prove with this crazy driving?
 * Little Bart, I do not think you are old enough to be driving, but... WHAT THE HECK??
 * Oh dear.
 * Apu does not like to be late.
 * That was so fast, take this jerky as a tip.
 * Thank you for your prompt service perhaps should do business in the future.
 * Your speediness will be rewarded in the next life
 * Thank you for taking me where I needed to go.
 * Thank you very much for the adequate lift.
 * That was the worst trip I have ever been on.
 * I would not have flagged you down had I known of your slowness!

Barney Gumble

 * Whoa, a ride I promise I'll try my best not to throw up.
 * Can you take me to the church, I think I did something last night and needed to confess but I can't remember what it was...
 * Black Box Bar please!
 * I think I ate a bug.
 * Get us killed, why don'tcha?
 * Thanks little buddy, you're the best.
 * Why, you're DRUNKER THAN *I* AM!!!!!
 * Hurry up already, I'm going to be late.
 * Hey, where are you taking me anyway?
 * What? I don't know what I'm doing here.
 * Can't you go any faster than this.
 * Whooooaaa, I don't feel so good.
 * BURP!!!

Bart Simpson

 * To the Kwik-E-Mart, at once!!
 * To the Girl School please! Don't Ask!
 * Uh... There was a fire... and, uh... Principal Skinner, and, all of the teachers, burned up!.
 * Yes sir.
 * Dude, where are you going?


 * Hurry up already, I'm gonna be late.


 * Oh-ho, that was the coolest.
 * This sucks. I'm outta here.
 * I've had it. You're too slow.
 * This sucks.
 * Boring.
 * Ah, this sucks.
 * Awesome man. That was the best ride ever.
 * Nice driven man
 * Thanks for the lift, dude.
 * Come on, come on, I haven't got all day!
 * Well am I glad to see you?
 * To the Power Plant Runoff stream! Those three-eyed fish make GOOD eating!
 * Hey, man. Stop the car!

Bumblebee Man

 * Alto! (Stop!)


 * No es facil. (Don't yield.)


 * Ay me agahon.


 * Aye aye aye.
 * Rancho Relaxo por favor. (Rancho Relaxo please.)


 * Adelante!! Adelante!! (Forward!! Forward!!)


 * Mas rapido por favor! (Faster please!)


 * Gracias, I guess. (Thank you, I guess.)
 * Thank you for the ride my friend


 * Mi horvia, muchas gracias. (My horvia, thank you very much)
 * Your driving, she stinks.
 * Hospital, por favor. Soy muy alérgica a mi traje (Hospital, please. I am very allergic to my suit)
 * ¿Por qué usted está conduciendo en la dirección equivocada? (Why are you driving in the wrong direction?!)
 * Ay yi yi, ¿por qué es tan cruel el mundo? (Ay yi yi, why is the world so cruel?!)

Captain Horatio McCallister

 * Yargh, can you give an old seabird a lift?
 * Would you like take me to the Stonecutters Lodge.


 * That was uncalled for, methinks.


 * Can't this landlubber machine go any faster?


 * Could you please stop running us aground now?


 * That was 40 knots over the speed limit.


 * Thar she blows.


 * Ahoy, maties.
 * The port of call, yar-hargh!
 * This ship is too slow, says I.
 * Yargh, Rancho Relaxo if ya don't mind.
 * Yargh Matey, to the museum with me!

Clancy Wiggum

 * Gimme a ride.
 * Drive. With extreme prejudice.
 * Just making that people are obeying the law, that's all.
 * Official police business. I'll tell you where I'm going, but then I'd have to kill ya.
 * Can you take me this address? I have to deliver a warrant.
 * Take me to the legitimate businessman's club!
 * Take me to the Krusty Burger at once. I give you a permission to speed.
 * Can you take me home? Thieves stole my police car.
 * Quick take me to the Police Station I've just got Cable TV.
 * City Hall on the double they just refilled the candy machine.
 * Courthouse please!
 * I'd like to tell you where I'm going, but then I'd have to kill ya.
 * Hurry up, I won't give you a ticket.
 * I don't think you know where you're going.
 * Whoa, that was a big one.
 * Ow, my tushie.
 * That's a moving violation.
 * Ow! Sat on my gun!
 * I'm outta here!
 * You CAN drive 55!.
 * See you around! DIRTBAG!!!
 * Thanks for the lift.
 * Thanks for the ride. I miss you.
 * You sure know how to speed.
 * The law says you're not supposed to go that fast, but what the heck?
 * Literally, I say "Gotcha!".
 * I guess pigs really can fly!
 * I guess that's what you get when you have to drive the speed limit.
 * You could've driven a little faster, Clancy would understand!.
 * Time to bring home the bacon! Namely me!

Comic Book Guy

 * You did that at warp 10.
 * You really must learn how to drive.
 * Warp speed!
 * Will you hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * I think you could've avoided that.
 * I spilled my Squishee.
 * Worst video game ever.
 * That was the greatest ride in history.
 * That ride was adequate.
 * Thank you for the lift!
 * Worst trip ever!
 * Worst producer ever!.
 * Worst designer ever!
 * Worst programmer ever!
 * Worst artist ever!
 * Please take me to my store, and make it quick! Every minute my store is closed has a negative effect on society!

Dr. Nick Riviera

 * Why isn't anybody stopping?!
 * Stop!!
 * Hi everybody!
 * Take me to the Retirement Castle, please, I need a cadaver to practice on.
 * You need to drive faster.
 * I'm a little dizzy from the anaesthetic. I'm just going to sit here for a while!
 * Take me to the hospital. I pretend to work there!
 * Uh oh this is going to be a bumpy ride.
 * Why do you keep crashing into things?
 * Enough with the crashing.
 * You drive well as I practice medicine!!
 * Thanks, stop by my clinic for a free nose job.
 * Bye everybody.
 * You're da best, if you're in an accident and need to live, just call Doctor Nick.
 * You're da Doctor Nick of driving.
 * You've made a boo-boo.
 * You don't know where you're going.
 * Maybe driving is not for you, huh? Why not try heart surgery instead?

Edna Krabappel
Krabappel : You don't answer to me, I don't answer to you!
 * Over here, dummy.
 * Stop.
 * Grocery store please, another microwave meal for one for dinner.
 * Take me to Seymour's House, if anyone asks, just tell 'em I'm marking tests. (chuckles)
 * Take me to the School Please, kids get dumber everyday?
 * Ugh, I've had enough of those kids. Just take me home, okay?
 * Ugh, I've has enough of those kids.
 * Take me to the Black Box Bar!
 * What's the big idea, Buster?
 * That trip gets an A+.
 * Now I'll never see Paris.
 * I'd give that ride a C.
 * Well, you sure drive better than Seymour.
 * You sure drive better than Seymour. (chuckles)
 * Your driving gets me a D-.
 * So long, sucker! Ha!
 * Just where are you taking me?
 * I'm not asking for the directions
 * Heh, men NEVER ask for directions....
 * You're slower than my students.
 * Bart : WHAT the..??

Ned Flanders

 * Can you take me Rev. Lovejoy's house, I want him to bless my new haircut.
 * If you took me to the church, I'll be the happiest Christian of the world!
 * Say, can you take me home good Samaritan?
 * Oww.
 * You have a nice day now.
 * Woo-ho, that was quick.
 * See you around, friend.
 * Thanks for the ride.
 * Friend, I don't think you're doing to last too long out here driving like that.
 * Oh dear, Neddy's late! Oh well.
 * Cathedral of the Downtown, please. They're all heathens, but God tells us to hate the sin, and love the sinner!

Professor Frink

 * Silly Person. The primary reason you are picking me up right now is according to the laws of physics gah-hoy Hey I cannot occupy two places at the same time.
 * Take me to the Stonecutters Lodge Please!
 * Ow, the collision, it hurts me.
 * Ow, my glasses need tape.
 * More velocity. I'm going to be late.
 * Whoa.
 * Save me from the pain.
 * You must have had Flubber in the gas tank.
 * Thank you. It was like I was cryogenically frozen without the heartbeat and the ceasing of the aging process gah-hoy.
 * Please take me home, and... refrain from mocking me...!
 * See you around, you silly person.
 * You're a disgrace to drivers everywhere.
 * Here's a tip. LEARN TO DRIVE!
 * Farewell, slow person.

Abraham Simpson

 * Retirement Castle and step on it, I'm missing Matlock! MATLOCK!!
 * Take me to the Burlesque House please and step on it, I'm not getting any younger!
 * I left a mannequin in my bed.
 * Ah, I leprechaun.
 * (indistinct) Oh we're here already?
 * Well, I'm off to die now.
 * Thanks for the lift!
 * I don't know.
 * I'm lost?! Aaaaah!
 * Hurry up while I'm young. Too late.
 * You call yourself a driver? huh
 * You're the worst driver since Fanny Brite!.
 * Where are you taking me...To HELL!?

Hans Moleman

 * Anyone there? Hello?
 * Take me somewhere happy.
 * Oh, take me home please...
 * Can you take me somewhere... That Oh, I forgot where I need to go.
 * Your driving scares me.
 * Oh, are we here already?
 * That was the best ride of my life.
 * All I know is pain.
 * Thank you!
 * See you later!
 * I thought I was slow.
 * My wrinkle hurts.
 * Even I know this isn't the right way.
 * Oh, You're going the wrong way.
 * See you. Loser.

Homer Simpson

 * You drive like I think...slowly.
 * That... hurt.
 * Stop, taxi.
 * Over here.
 * Krusty burger please, It's milkshake monday.
 * Take me to Barney's I'm late for an intervention.
 * Candy Most Dandy please!
 * Black Box Bar please!
 * Learn to drive dumbass!
 * OK, that's a law suit.
 * Retirement castle please, Grandpa found a treasure map!
 * Ow, I bit my tongue.
 * Please take me home, as I am too drunk to walk.
 * (slurred) TAKE ME HOME, I'M TOO DRUNK TO WALK!!
 * Take Me To The Power Plant. I'm on a Mission for Fission!
 * Mr Burns wants to see me in his office.. If I'm late, he'll have me ELIMINATED...!
 * I need to go to my workstation. My sleeping bag is there.
 * Take me to the Courthouse! I'm late for my sentencing!
 * Take me to the Murderhorn! It's an avalanche of fun! ... and ICE!!!
 * Hurry up, I have to pee.
 * Way to ignore the speed limits.
 * Woo-hoo! you should be in cannonball run.
 * And here's your tip stay in school.
 * Your driving is adequate, but lacks passion.
 * Even I know you're lost.
 * (loud whisper) You're going the wrong way!
 * Boring! See you later... LOSER!
 * Boring! See you later, loser!
 * Boring! See you later, loser.
 * I need to go to the Frying dutchman. They've got all you can eat chum, chum!

Jasper Beardly

 * I'm gonna be late, hurry up.
 * Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart.
 * Take me home.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * You're driving too slow.
 * Hmph, Next time I'll take the bus.
 * Saw that coming.
 * Why did you do that.
 * Take me to the antiques store. Finally. Someplace I belong!
 * Would you stop that?
 * Whoa, I'm getting dizzy.
 * Thanks for the lift.
 * Home for the Mildly Interesting? Hmph, this better be good.
 * Huh. That ride knocked a kidney stone loose! Thanks!
 * See you around.
 * Hm, I'd say that's a new record.
 * Where am I? What am I doing in this car?
 * Too slow, friend.
 * Hmph, I see faster.
 * Driving too slow. That's a paddlin'.

Krusty the Clown

 * Can you take me to the Kwik-E-Mart?
 * Can you take me to the Courthouse?
 * Can you take me to the Casino?
 * Can you take me to the Studio? I gotta voice over some lousey video game.
 * Hey, hey! Take me to the Airport? Don't ask any questions!
 * Rancho relaxo please! I need a scmidt's!
 * To the Convention Center in Hurry! There All Working Girls Are Gone!
 * Lucky for you I left my seltzer bottle at home.
 * Ahh! I can't feel my clown nose.
 * Ixnay on the ornographpay.
 * Gimmie a ride I just got clown-jacked.
 * I need a ride mr. teeny crashed my canyonero.
 * Can complain those kids get dumber every year.
 * Hey thanks for helping out a clown in need.
 * You drive worse than Mr. Teeny.
 * You're the worst driver I've ever seen, and I driven with Mickey Rooney.
 * Hey, hey!
 * (laughs) You're faster than Joey Heatherton.
 * Hey, that ride was faster than Chevy Chase's talkshow.
 * (laughs) Now shut up and drive!
 * (groans) You don't know where you're going.
 * Hey, You're going the wrong way you verkakte jerk.

Lisa Simpson

 * Although I'm morally opposed to the use of fossil fuels, I really need a lift.
 * Could you take me to the school?
 * Please take me to the Girl School?
 * Can you drive me to Convention Center please!
 * Can you please take me to the Observatory!
 * Can you please take me to the Radio Station!
 * Hey those people have feelings.
 * Ow!
 * Hey!
 * I hope you have airbags.
 * You maniac!
 * Bart, I'm morally opposed to the use fossil fuels.
 * Not too fast, not too slow, just right!
 * You have a gift for speed.
 * Normally, I would never ride in a vehicle, that is so hostile to the environment. But, I'm in a teensy bit of a jam right now!
 * Finally, I thought we're never going to get here.
 * See ya later, alligator!
 * I'm sorry, but you're just too slow.
 * Would you hurry up, I'm going to be tardy!
 * I don't mean to be rude, but STEP ON IT!!!!
 * You're going the wrong way!
 * Do you even have a map?
 * Watch where you're going.
 * Ugh, would someone PLEASE stop?!

Marge Simpson

 * Be careful.
 * Smashy, smashy!
 * Oh. My tushie. WHOO!!
 * Why do you keep hitting everything?
 * Move it or lose it buster!
 * Thanks so much, you're fast.
 * Retirement Castle please!
 * Can you take me to the pre-school, Maggie is ready to come home.
 * Can you take me to the grocery store, they are having a sale on nutmeg.
 * Oh my goodness, that was so fast.
 * I'm so tired from all this rushing around. Take me to Rancho Relaxo.
 * That was so fast!
 * Move your keister Meister!
 * You're a regular Jeff Gordon!
 * Thanks for the ride!
 * Nice riding with you!
 * Mmmm, If I'd known you'd be this slow, I would've walk.
 * You need to drive faster to expect to make any money.
 * You pick me any pie a little bit.
 * Marge has to go now.
 * Well, I guess it didn't work out. See you later.

Moe Szyslak

 * Stop the car or I'll punch you in the neck.
 * Hey! Over here!
 * Hey, Homer.
 * Can you take me to Barney's place?
 * Take me to the Gilded Truffle, I feel like beating up swells.
 * Just get me out of here, no questions, alright?? I'll pay handsomely.
 * I need to check out the Black Box Bar.
 * Low Expectations Dating Service. Wha-what you looking at?
 * Oh, I'm getting a lot of brain swelling.
 * I'm outta here.
 * Adiós ya useless tool.
 * Alright, enough is enough.
 * Thanks for nothing pal, Next time I'll walk.
 * Why do i always get the slow ones. Sheesh!
 * Newsflash - you suck!
 * Thanks for the lift, Mack.
 * That was fast, you ever consider working as a wheelman?
 * See you around, 'less I see you first.

Nelson Muntz

 * Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart, I feel a little shoplifting.


 * Can you take me to Black Box Bar?


 * Haw Haw!


 * Hey, I can drive better than this.


 * You suck, man.


 * You drive like a granny


 * That was pretty good... for a lamewad.
 * Take me to old man Burns' mansion! Dude's got, like, a ZILLION windows!


 * Stop!!


 * Adiós dork!
 * So long dude rag.
 * Eh, I had better.


 * Time for some mass destruction man!
 * Old man Burns' mansion please. He's got over a thousand windows to break!


 * That ride was fine as fresh huckleberries.
 * Courthouse, please. I gotta post bail for my mom!
 * You're an Octowussy!!
 * You suck! Ha-Ha!

Otto Mann

 * Whoa dude, I'm glad you came along.
 * Oh yeah!
 * Dude, put the heavy metal to the petal!!
 * Hurry up, I'm going to be late for something.
 * Whoa, where did that come from?
 * Whoa, spilled my pudding.
 * Don't harsh my mellow man.
 * Oh man that sucks.
 * Whoa, see you around brother.
 * Thanks for the lift dude.
 * You're totally rock!
 * Whoa, man that was awesome.
 * Hey, that trip went all the way to eleven.
 * Hmph, That trip was slower than a monster Ballad!
 * KJAZZ radio! Hey a Man can't live by metal alone can he?
 * KBBL radio please! It's rocktober!
 * Palace of Fine Arts, please! I need to get me some HIGH culture!

Ralph Wiggum

 * Hi Lisa! When I eat paste, my lips get stuck.
 * Lisa Simpson! Well you we're marry me.
 * Fireworks make my ears yowl.
 * I want to go to the box-factory. Yay boxes!!
 * (Barking sounds)
 * Can I go home, the leprechaun tells me to burn things.
 * Wait for Ralph.
 * I choo, choo, choose you.
 * My teeth came out.
 * I'm scared.
 * My tummy doesn't like your driving.
 * When the doctor said i didn't have worms anymore. That was the happiest day of my life.
 * Why are you driving so slow?
 * Your car smells like cat food.
 * My daddy's gonna put you in jail, bye.
 * It's OK I'm not good at things either. Miss Hoover says I'll get used to it.
 * Thanks for driving.
 * Go banana.
 * Can you drive faster?
 * Thanks, you're the bestest driver ever.
 * I like coconuts!
 * I bent my Wookie!!
 * Now we're lost! (cries)

Reverend Lovejoy

 * Take me home, it's tiring being so righteous all the time.
 * I command you to stop.
 * I'm soaring with the angels.
 * Why don't you watch where you're going.
 * Hey, watch where you're going.
 * Now that was unnecessary I think.
 * Praise be the glory of God.
 * If it isn't the spawn of Satan?
 * Cementary please, it's been a busy week.
 * Rancho Relaxo please. What do you think the good Lord alone kept this face smiling?
 * What in God's name are you doing?
 * It's the pedal on the right, friend.
 * Whoa!
 * Take me to the Flanders House, I promised I'd bless his potato salad!
 * Cathedral of the downtown, please. Always gotta keep one eye on the competition!
 * Hallelujah!!
 * May the Good Lord forgive you, BECAUSE I WON'T!!!
 * That was the worst driving I have ever seen! MAY YOU BURN IN HELL!!!

Snake Jailbird

 * Alright a car.
 * Flanders House please' I've got my eye on their big screen.
 * Alright would you take me to the Library! Into Read Up on Safe Cracking!
 * Hurry up I'm going to be late.
 * Dude, you're more reckless than me.
 * Oh, like, no!
 * Bummer dude.
 * Way to go dude.
 * Dude, just get me out of here.
 * Dude, do you have to drive so slow?
 * Bummer dude, That was like, so totally slow.
 * You totally suck.
 * Next time I'll just steal a car.
 * Whoa, you're going to get us killed dude.
 * Awesome dude, you're the best.
 * Awesome ride, you rule!
 * Stop, dude!
 * Awesome, thanks a lot dude!
 * Thanks for the lift dude!

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

 * Stop!!
 * Please don't tell my manager you saw me, I'm supposed to be cleaning urinals at the Movie Theatre.
 * What?? I'm outta here. Please don't tell my manager.
 * What?? I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm afraid to.
 * What?? I think I could have walked here faster. Bye!
 * Can you take me to the Movie Theatre, I hear they are hiring losers.
 * What?? You're the best driver I've ever seen.
 * That was the greatest moment in my entire life.
 * What an average trip.
 * Thanks for the ride!

Groundskeeper Willie

 * Auch, someone pick Willie up for crying out loud
 * Willie needs a lift.
 * Can you take me to my shack, I need some Willie time.
 * Take me to the church, Willie's got a lot of repenting to do.
 * Can ye take me to Skinners? He's make me hose off his mother!
 * Aye, you turned that guy into haggis.
 * Aye, I think I punctured me bagpipes.
 * That was the best trip I ever had.
 * Aah! Since we started, Bring it to us come back twice!
 * Bonnie job!
 * I still ain't tippin' ya, I'm Scottish!
 * You'll get eaten alive out in the streets of Glasgow.
 * Will you take me to the music store? I got to pick up me bagpipes.

Seymour Skinner

 * I can't approve of your recklessness, but we got here fast.
 * Hmph, Now I'm tardy.
 * You need to listen to punctuality.
 * Don't worry Bart, were both playing hooky today.
 * Time for another exciting trip to box-factory.
 * Take me to the Girl School please! Always gotta keep one eye on the competition!
 * Er, excuse me, I think you're going the wrong way.
 * This isn't the right way. Are you kidnapping me?
 * That was simply awful, simply awful!
 * I can't say I approve of your recklessnes, BUT WE SURE GOT THERE FAST!!!
 * Otto, where are the children? No, wait... I don't think I WANT to know...
 * Reckless and Slow. Next time i'll take the bus.
 * What Clever driving, bravo.

Milhouse Van Houten

 * Thanks for the lift.
 * Uh, thanks! You rock the house!
 * Thanks A-Lot. That was really quick.
 * All right! That was great!
 * Now I'm late, Thanks for nothing.
 * You're too slow. Sorry.
 * I SWALLOWED MY RETAINER.....!
 * Uh, you're too slow. I'm outta here.
 * Uh, can you take me the girl school! (laughs creepingly)
 * Everyone's coming up Milhouse!
 * All right! What's the big idea? You're going the wrong way!

Mayor Quimby

 * Vote Quimby.
 * Hello there please take me to the Courthouse! I'll have to pay on my nephew!
 * City Hall please! In return and i will give you the key to the city.
 * I couldn't have been happier with how that went.
 * That was a superb trip, come by my office and I'll give you the key to the city.
 * Thank you good citizen.
 * Faster you moron.
 * You idiot, You're going the wrong way
 * What's the big idea?
 * Take me to the power plant office. I had to collect this month's bribe.
 * That was so slow I'm going to have my bodyguard beat you severely!
 * You're a disgrace, Vote Quimby.
 * Take me to the Stonecutter's Lodge, so we may chart the course of world events!
 * Take me to the Airport. Hopefully no one will discover the missing money until I'm long gone!

Charles Montgomery Burns

 * I'll be watching you.
 * Ah, another day. Another set of irradiated passengers. Excellent.
 * You simpering fool! You get that rattle-trap off the road!
 * That is the sorry-est excuse for a vehicle I've ever seen. I've seen tree sloths move faster than that piece of rubbish!
 * What's the meaning of this?? Send that wretched contraption to the landfill and ride my bus.
 * How dare you clutter up the roadways with that piece of rubbish!
 * Get him, Smithers.
 * What in Blazes?
 * You have any idea who's driving his vehicle?
 * You haven't seen the last of me.
 * I won't forget this.
 * You're only prolonging the inevitable, my friend.
 * I haven't felt this much pep since the night I cold-cocked Calvin Coolidge.
 * How dare you! Get that wretched automobile OFF THE ROAD!!
 * Blast! We'll meet again, my friend. Oh-ho, we'll meet again.
 * Blast your eye to Hades!
 * Get that rattle-trap out of my sight!
 * Steal my passengers, will you? We'll see about that!
 * Confound your impudence!
 * You win this round, but we'll be back.
 * How dare you defy me.
 * You'll regret this!
 * Excellent.
 * Ha-ha! Who's wearing the cat's pajamas now?
 * Just what do you think you're doing?
 * Watch where you're going, you brain-dead moron!
 * What's the meaning of this??
 * Get that rustbucket off the road, you Idiot!
 * My buses aren't good enough for you, eh? Well I'll say "Hard cheese!".
 * I've seen circus chimps who drive better than you do!
 * I dare say you have done enough damage for one day....
 * Come on. Come on! WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!
 * Soap box racers. Electric cars. This is a transit town, not the 1967 World's Fair.
 * You'll rue the day, you crossed C. Montgomery Burns!
 * Let the fools have their automobiles, I'd say.
 * Another driver on the road?... Blast your eye to Hades, you meddling fool.
 * A shiny new donkey for the man who brings me the head of Homer Simpson....
 * Well, thank you very much, Mr. I'm-too-good-to-ride-the-bus. I hope you asphyxiate on your exhaust fumes and die a horrible death.
 * I've had it with you people complaining about my "scary glowing buses"! I haven't seen a display of civil disobedience this contemptible since the Summer of Love. You want the Transit system back? Then take it! But don't think for a moment, that you've seen the last of Monty Burns! (laughs evily)

Gil Gunderson

 * Oh this looks bad for ol' Gil!
 * Oh I think I broke something there!
 * Oh, Gil's really done for!
 * Ol, Gil is going to need another operation.
 * This looks bad for old Gil.
 * Oh, Gil's gonna sue...I'm going to be on easy street.

The Seven Duffs/Capital City Goofball

 * Look Out!
 * I Regret Nothing!
 * Watch Out!
 * Hey!
 * Oof!

Homer

 * Snake: Simpson house please. I got some looting to do.
 * Homer: Ooh! Can I come?
 * Snake: Flanders house please. I got my eyes on their big screen.
 * Homer: Whatever!


 * Marge: I need to go and see Patty and Selma.
 * Homer: Ooh! Can I come?


 * Homer: Hi Marge.
 * Marge: Hi, Homie. I bought you some pork chops for later.
 * Homer: Boring...
 * Homer: Hi Marge.
 * Marge: Hi, Homer. Be careful Okay.
 * Homer: Whatever!


 * Barney: Take me to the Duff Brewery. The happiest place in the world. *Belches*.
 * Homer: Boring...

Apu

 * Nelson: Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart. I feel like a little shoplifting.
 * Apu: That is okay with me.


 * Skinner: Take me to the dam. I am thinking of jumping off.
 * Apu: That is okay with me.

Bart

 * Bart: Hey Otto Mann!
 * Otto Mann: Hey Bart dude!
 * Bart: No problemo
 * Otto Mann: Whoa dude, I'm glad you came along.