Kirk Van Houten

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is the father of Milhouse, and the remarried husband of Luann.

Early Life and Marriage
Kirk served in the U.S. Army and graduated from Gudger College. He worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, 'Southern Cracker' (the Dryyyyy Cracker), in middle management, but when Luann leaves him, he is fired from the factory. According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to borrow money from her sister or steal clothes from the church donation box. He has a Dutch heritage. He is also seen having a fight over their different heritage with Milhouse's Uncle.



Kirk After Divorce
After the divorce, Kirk was stereotypical middle-aged male loser and deadbeat dad, with extreme emotional depression after his divorce from his wife Luann. He has been seen with one girlfriend since - Starla Starbeam, a chainsmoking alcoholic who stole his car. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visiting rights. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addressed him as "Weekend Dad". Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times. He once cut his foot off to try and get his wife back. After being fired from the Cracker factory, he struggled to hold down a job. He was once employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He attended Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy and he was also was a singer who sold his tapes from the trunk of his car. His song was titled "Can I Borrow A Feeling" and the album featured a picture of Kirk on the front in a robe, which he was using in an attempt to be a smoking jacket. He was also unemployed at some point, surviving on alimony payments and unemployment benefits. In the episode Days of Wine and D'oh'ses, Kirk is present at Barney's A.A. meeting. The episode was aired after Kirk and Luann divorced, suggesting that Kirk became an alcoholic after the divorce.

Arrest
He was once arrested for kidnapping. When Bart goes to a concert his parents banned him from, he hides at Kirk's apartment which leads to his arrest. Despite liking the attraction from the ladies outside the prison, he is released when Principal Skinner, Lisa and Alcatraaz find out Bart was lying.

Trivia

 * He once had his right arm cut off by the wire that Snake Jailbird was using to decapitate Homer.


 * He seems to dislike children singing.
 * He looks like a male Luann and some people wonder if they are related. However, since Lemon of Troy, Luann states she was born in Shelbyville. Kirk likely married his Shelbyville counterpart.

Non-canon
He died in several Treehouses of Horror episodes from overdose, alcohol, and setting his house on fire.