Kearney Zzyzwicz

Kearney Zzyzwicz is one of the school bullies.

Kearney is the toughest (and the ugliest) bully in Nelson's gang.

Kearney is also pretty fat for his age.

Kearney has a buzz haircut.

Kearney wears a white short-sleeved torn shirt (sometimes red with 1 white stripe at the bottom of the shirt, as shown in the video game, The Simpsons Hit & Run), dark blue torn short pants, dark blue shoes, and dog collar bangles on his wrists.

Kearney resembles somewhat of a caveman.

In "24 Minutes," it is revealed that Kearney owns his own tuxedo, although he isn't seen wearing it. He is 22 years old. He has a father named Kearney, Sr., a mother named Mrs. Zzyzwicz. Although he looks (and sounds) to be around Jimbo or Dolph Starbeam's age, Kearney has a young son named Little Kearney (it is not known, who the mother is, although Kearney once says that his divorce was hard on his kid, but he got through it okay), the only present Springfield Elementary School student, that celebrated the United States Bicentennial (that is, was alive in 1976) and shaves his beard. Strangely (in an episode), he needed a fake ID to purchase beer.

It is speculated that Kearney is Nelson's second-in-command, next to Jimbo, but in one episode, he rose through the bullying ranks to become the president.

In a future episode, Kearney is seen as the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary. In the episode, "Whacking Day," Kearney is seen, smoking in the room, where Bart, Nelson, Jimbo, and Dolph are trapped in, during Superintendent Chalmer's visit.

In a recent episode, Otto stated that he and Kearney both went to Springfield Elementary School together, only for Kearney to reply that they are unable to teach him. He is voiced by Nancy Cartwright.

Son
Kearney has indicated he has an unnamed wife and a son. While his wife has only been mentioned his son has appeared throughout the series and has only made two speaking appearances. In A Milhouse Divided it is revealed that he was able to overcome his parent's divorce by sleeping in a drawer at night. He is also considered smarter than Kearney as in Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2 when Kearney was sitting on Gil's lap when he was dressed up as Santa Claus. Kearney believed he is the real Santa Claus and his son knew immediately he was a fake. Also, you can see clearly that Kearny's son is young but previously mentioned, Kearny says that is speaking "as a teenager and parent of a teenager" although he probably has someother child that he was talking about.

Wife
Kearney has been married to an unnamed (and unmentioned) wife. The only details given though were that he had to divorce with her, because Kearney didn't want his parents to find out. Kearney has said that he misses having sex with her, though it also mentioned in one episode that Kearney dated Jimbo's mother.

Mother
It was revealed in the Season 19 episode, "Husbands and Knives," that Kearney's mother suffers from clinical depression, for which she is being treated with medication. Kearney's points to the medication as the primary reason behind her recent weight gain.

Creation
There is a "Kearney Street" in Portland, Oregon, where Matt Groening grew up.

Start as a Bully
It was revealed in a The Simpsons comic strip that Kearney, Jimbo, and Dolph were bullied by nerds. Bart then taught them that nerds are "all talk and no action" and they learned to "stand up" for themselves. Bart was later caught in the crossfire when his own creation backfired, and the other students at Springfield Elementary School (The Simpsons comic strips are not considered, canonical).

Life as a Bully
Kearney's favorite punching bag is Martin Prince. He also once beat up Nelson when he found out how sensitive he was, as well as when Nelson commented on how Duncan the Horse (the former diving horse) didn't "take no guff from nobody", for using the word, "Guff," in place of an expletive. The bully gang does not use physical abuse on girls — most likely due to the fact that the "girl bullies" would come after them as they do the nerds, dorks and geeks. One other reason for it is that they say that girls bite and scratch, and sometimes, "we fall in love". At one time, he has dated Jimbo's mother, claiming "Hey, she came onto me!", with the result that he was beaten up by the rest of the gang. Like Jimbo and Dolph, Kearney is quite stupid. Kearney's prior offenses are indian burn (3rd degree), full moon, half moon, attempted purple nurple, hertz donut (acquitted) (from 24 Minutes).

Future
In the episode "Future-Drama", Kearney becomes the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary (the principal is still Seymour Skinner). However, none of his bullying traits are seen. He was also seen as Lisa's bodyguard in "Bart to the Future", saying his contract gives him three people to kill in each term.

Episode Appearances












Comic Appearances


Kearney ZzyzwiczKearney ZzyzwiczPatata