Tab Spangler

Tab Spangler is the counsler of the fat camp Bart went to after Bart stuffed up on Scammer and Z-Dog snacks from the school vending machines. He is voiced by Albert Brooks and appears in The Heartbroke Kid.

Quotes
Wake up, fatties! Stop dreaming about butter! Dream calories are real calories!

Son, I'm gonna tell you a story about a young man who came here and failed. Well, that is the story. I shouldn't call a sentence a story. Anyway, it's you!

Kent: Kent Brockman Channel Six News. I gorge on kettle corn during the sports and weather.

Spangler: We know, your side fat's starting to spill over to channel five and seven. I hope you're getting three paychecks.

Tab Spangler: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your boy is going to need one thing. Tough Luck! (Points to a sign saying "Tough Luck.")

Marge: Don't you mean "Tough Love?"

Tab Spangler: Tough Love. Of course, this has never made sense! The sign shop guy lied. Stanley! You didn't question the word "luck?" Now look what we've got!

Mr. Simpson, you're suffering from PSI. Poor self esteem. That's not 'I'! Every sign is wrong!

Spangler: Young man there's something I have to show you. In one hour. We have to drive there. No talking along the way, it'll hurt the drama.

Bart: Can I just--

Spangler: Shh, drama!

We're not the ghosts of Christmas past Bart. They can see us.

Spangler: What are you eating now?

Homer: Cheeseburger.

Spangler: You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.

Homer: I don't wanna.

Spangler: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.

Homer: Here's a corner.

Spangler: Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.

Homer: You're a selfish jerk.

Spangler: I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!

Homer: But it's my burger!

Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us!

Homer: Fine, I'd rather die!