Bye Bye Nerdie/Quotes


 * Marge: Homer? You're still here? You should have left for work an hour ago.
 * Homer: They said if I come in late again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.


 * Milhouse [when Otto speeds up the school bus while racing Marge]: Wow! It's just like Speed 2, only with a bus instead of a boat.


 * [When the new girl, Francine arrives on the school bus]
 * Sherri: Red hair?
 * Terri: What's she trying to pull?
 * Janey: Those shoes look Canadian.
 * Braces Boy [wearing a "Frankie Says Relax" shirt]: She'll never fit in.


 * Bart: 1-hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast.


 * [A baby-proofing saleswoman arrives at the Simpsons' house]
 * Saleswoman: Your baby is dead!
 * Homer and Marge: [screams]
 * Saleswoman: That's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of deathtraps lurking in the average American home.
 * Homer: You really scared us there.
 * Saleswoman: I'm sorry, but the truth is, your baby, Maggie Simpson, is dead. [Homer and Marge scream again] Dead tired of baby insurance agents not giving you a free estimate.


 * [When the saleswoman crawls on the kitchen floor like a baby]
 * Homer: [to Marge; referring to the saleswoman's butt] That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.
 * Marge: Homer, don't be ... wow, that is huge.


 * Saleswoman: You see how quickly your baby could have been drinking this...[reads the label] Similac Baby Formula?
 * Homer: No! [takes the bottle and stomps on it] This is such an eye-opener. I always pictured the kids dying in the living room.


 * [Homer kicks the saleswoman out of their house]
 * Homer: We don't need your high-priced safety junk! [Maggie falls out the window. The saleswoman catches her and gives her to Homer] Thank you.


 * [When Francine is sitting alone on the teeter-totter at recess]
 * Bart: Look at the new kid hogging the teeter-totter like she owns the place!
 * Milhouse: Yeah, she thinks she's "Babe: Pig in the City."
 * Lisa: Give her a break. Remember your first day at school?
 * Milhouse: Not as long as I keep taking these. [holds up a bottle of pills labeled "Repressitol"]


 * Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. [draws bunny faces on the electrical outlets]
 * Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.
 * Homer: She will be.


 * Marge [to Lisa]: Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest.
 * Lisa: Hmmm. Well, lots of people like jazz fusion. [starts playing her saxophone and Marge stops her]
 * Marge: Okay, that's in the "maybe" file. What if you two bond over your Malibu Stacey dolls.
 * Lisa: They're not dolls; they're "aspiration" figures. But it might work.


 * Lisa: Uh, Francine? I think we got off to a bad start. [notices Francine is holding a Malibu Stacy doll] Hey! You like Malibu Stacy, too!
 * Francine: Oh, yeah.
 * Lisa: And you like the same one I like, with the grad student glamour pack. Just like the one in my... [sees that her locker door has been forced open] locker. That's mine, isn't it?
 * Francine: [bites the head off the doll, and spits it at Lisa] Tastes like yours. [picks up Lisa, throws her in her locker, closes the door, and walks away]
 * Lisa: [from inside her locker] How about jazz? Do you like jazz?
 * Milhouse: [from the locker next to Lisa's] I like jazz.
 * Lisa: Milhouse? She got you, too?
 * Milhouse: Yeah, but it's not so bad. I'm standing on Ralph.
 * Ralph: [from the bottom of the locker] We're a totem pole. [in an Indian chant] Hi-ya, hi-ya! Hoy-ya, hoy-ya!


 * Homer [to Marge]: Now do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every 3 minutes.
 * Marge: I'm the one who told you that.
 * Homer: Yeah, but this is me talking. Look, I already encased the telephone in concrete. [points to the telephone, which is encased in a 2-foot thick concrete cube]
 * Marge: How are you supposed to dial?
 * Homer: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot. [holds one up]
 * Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?
 * Homer: Baby could order poison.
 * Marge: Oh, that's ridiculous. [Homer dials a number and then gives the receiver to Marge]
 * Poison Delivery Man [on the phone]: Poison Delivery Service. A gift basket of poison is on its way.


 * [Martin is hanging upside down from the bleachers as the bullies are throwing tomatoes at him]
 * Nelson: Why're you throwing tomatoes at yourself? Why're you throwing tomatoes at yourself?
 * Martin: Your very question is faulty.
 * Nelson: You're faulty! [throws a tomato at him]


 * Lisa: Knock-knock.
 * Nelson: What do you want?
 * Lisa: Would you bullies be interested in some bodyguard work?
 * Nelson: This is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.
 * Dolph: We're offering a recess and lunch package that's very affordable.
 * Lisa: Well, I'm going to need full coverage. My bully is highly aggressive. Check out these Indian burns. [holds out her arm, which has an Indian burn on it; the bullies are impressed]
 * Jimbo: Triple twist! Nice work!
 * Kearney: You sure this was done by hand?
 * Lisa: Yeah, she's a real purist.
 * Nelson: She? [the bullies back away] Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch.
 * Dolph: And sometimes we fall in love.
 * [The bullies sigh romantically]


 * Lisa: I just don't understand Francine's motivation.Why does she only go after the smart ones?
 * Nelson: That's like asking the square root of a million. No one will ever know.


 * Lisa: Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag.
 * Drederick Tatum: No, not at all, swab away. Whoa, whoa… nobody mentioned a beaker!
 * Lisa: Please! It's for science!
 * Drederick Tatum: Oh, for science? In that case, proceed.


 * [When Nelson beats up Drederick Tatum]
 * Drederick Tatum: Hey, cut it out, I insist that you desist!
 * Nelson: Sorry! I'm so sorry! (punches him) Please don't hurt me!
 * Drederick Tatum: You leave me little recourse. [rolls up his sleeve]


 * TV Announcer: And now, the Estrogen Network presents "Afternoon Yak."
 * Meredith Viera: Men...
 * Studio Audience: Boo!
 * Homer: Cancelled! [immediately changes the channel]


 * Kent Brockman [on the news]: The "safe-baby" craze, it's sweeping Springfield thanks to one crusading parent.
 * Homer: That's me! [gets off the couch and starts dancing & singing] Safety dance, safety dance, everybody look at your pants!


 * Homer [running out in the street]: Babies of Springfield, we need your help! Please, skin your knees! Put dice up your nose! Let cats sleep on your face!


 * Professor Frink: Scientists, scientists, please. Looking for some order. Some order, please, with the eyes forward and the hands neatly folded and the paying attention ... [shouts] PI is exactly 3! [the audience gasps and quiets down]


 * Scientist: Let's not listen.


 * Lisa: I have isolated the chemical which is emitted by every geek, dork, and four-eyes. I call it "poindextrose."


 * [Francine runs towards Lisa, but Lisa sprays the bully repellant and Francine stops in her tracks]
 * Scientist #1: My God, she's stopped in her tracks.
 * Scientist #2: The little girl's invented some sort of bully repellant. [the crowd murmurs, astonished]
 * Lisa: Actually, it's just ordinary salad dressing. [the crowd gasps]
 * Marge: So that's where that went.
 * Lisa: The pungent vinegar and tangy Roquefort block the smell receptors, rendering the bully harmless. [the crowd applauds]
 * Professor Frink: Congratulations, Lisa. You are truly the standout at this year's science thing. [hands Lisa an envelope]
 * Lisa: [looks inside the envelope] A gift certificate from J. C. Penney's?
 * Professor Frink: Yes, you'll love their slacks. Nn-hey.


 * Marge [to Lisa]: Oh, honey, we're so proud of you.
 * Homer: So all her bullying was just to get some attention.
 * Lisa: No, Dad, didn't you listen to anything I said?
 * Homer: Just to get some attention.