Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore/Quotes


 * Homer: I'm honored to drink to Apu and… Apulina.


 * Milhouse: Then, let's just say, I don't care what people think of me anymore.
 * Bart: You mean, up until now you did care? Then why did you wear that tutu to school last week?
 * Milhouse: What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu?! Nobody ever brings those up!


 * Bart: (to Milhouse) Wander away from the group? Man, you been huffin' from the Bart bag?


 * Lisa (sprays Bart with the hose) Hahaha! You wet your pants!
 * Grampa: (appears at the door with wet pants) Shut up, it's a serious problem!


 * Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last; brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!


 * Marge: Homie? I'd like to know what you've been doing after work.
 * Homer: Marge, I'm not gonna lie to you… (pauses then goes back to reading the newspaper)


 * Lisa (thinking to herself): Oh, my God! My brother's my best friend!
 * Bart (thinking to himself): Oh, my God! My sister's my best friend!
 * Marge (thinking to herself): Diamonds! I still can't believe he gave me diamonds!
 * Homer: (thinking to himself while looking in the mirror) Mirror, mirror on the wall... who's the baldest of them all?


 * Homer: When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off.


 * Marge: (after receiving the diamond earrings) Now we finally have something to put in the wall safe! (opens up the safe, and pulls out a Twinkie) Huh? A Twinkie?
 * Homer: I heard if you aged them for 10 years, they turn into liquor!


 * Homer [to a bum]: Hey, I know you. We met in a police lineup.
 * Bum: Oh yeah, yeah. You know number 2 and number 4 are an item now.
 * Homer: You don't have to tell me, I was number 3.


 * Homer: Coke and Pepsi are the same thing! Wake up, people! (laughs crazily)


 * Capitol City Kids: (taunting Bart) Springfield baby in a diaper, poked his eye with a windshield wiper.


 * Lisa [to Milhouse]: I thought your mom took you away forever.
 * Kirk Van Houten: I got a court order bringing him back. The judge said I was the most pathetic person he'd ever seen in court. Pity custody! Boo-yeah!


 * Bart: Since he's been back, Milhouse has had 3 bloody noses and stepped in dog doo. It's always a party with that guy.


 * (Homer, Lenny and Carl are rolling barrels of nuclear waste)
 * Homer [singing]: Rolling, rolling, rolling! Toxic barrel rolling!
 * Lenny [singing]: They're so hot and glowing!
 * Carl [singing]: We'll die!