Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy/Quotes

Grampa: Looking at that tired old freak has made me realize I'm no spring chicken myself. I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder. Wait, that's my hand.

Grampa: Hello. As you may know, I might not be around much longer. So, I've decided to give you your inheritance before I die. That way I can see you enjoy it. Lisa, I know you like reading and...so forth. To you, I give you my lifetime of personal correspondence.

Lisa: Thanks. [reads] "Mr. Simpson [stop] Your calls and letters are becoming nuisance [stop] If you do not cease I will be forced to pursue legal action. [stop] Signed: Boris Karloff, Hollywood, California."

Grampa: Anyway, about my washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball."

Homer: Look, Maggie! It's Sergeant Thug's Mountaintop Command Post! Complete with "DeathBringer Missiles" that really launch.

Marge: Mmm...that toy isn't safe for a baby like Maggie!

Homer: Aw, come on, Marge, you're way too -- [cuts his finger on it] D'oh! Aw -- [gets electrocuted] Aah! [launches a missile into his mouth] ooh -- [it explodes]

Grampa: When I was young, toys were built to last. Look at this junk! [holds a toy rocket] It breaks the first time you take it out of the box. [he strains, then manages to break it in half] And look at these toy soldiers -- they'll break the second I step on 'em. [stomps on em] Arg! Stupid! Toy! Soldiers! Break, you stupid -- [two security guards grab him]

Guard: All right, come on, Pops. Soldiers won't bother you any more.

Lisa: I'm warning you, Mom, I may get a little crazy.

Marge: I understand. When I was your age--

Lisa: (attacking another girl) Hey, horseface, get your ugly paws off that summer fun set!

Girl: Hey, Mister, what's in the box?

Employee: [uncomfortable] Uh, it's the, uh, new talking Malibu Stacy. [a crowd of little girls pause, then rush him]

Girls: Get him!

Employee: Help! Mr. Wise!

Homer: Dad, I love you, but you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!

Lisa [playing with Malibu Stacy]: A hush falls over the general assembly as Stacy approaches the podium to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable address. [pulls Stacy's cord]

Malibu Stacy: I wish they taught shopping in school!

Lisa: [groans, pulls Stacy's cord again]

Malibu Stacy: Let's bake some cookies for the boys!

Lisa: Come on, Stacy. I've waited my whole life to hear you speak. Don't you have anything relevant to say? [pulls cord]

Malibu Stacy: Don't ask me, I'm just a girl. [giggles]

Bart: Right on! Say it, sister.

Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act....that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!

Bart: Just what I was going to say.

Malibu Stacy: Let's buy makeup so the boys will like us.

Lisa: [sighs] Don't you people see anything wrong what Malibu Stacy says?

Celeste: There's something wrong with what _my_ Stacy says.

Malibu Stacy: [in a low voice] My spidey sense is tingling -- anybody call for a web-slinger?

Lisa: No, Celeste. I mean, the things she says are sexist.

Girls: [giggle] Lisa said a dirty word!

Lisa: They cannot keep making dolls like this...something has to be done!

[chewing stops slowly; Homer swallows noisily]

Marge: Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in. But you've been doing that an awful lot lately!

Bart: Yeah. You made us march in that gay rights parade! [holds up newspaper showing gay parade with Bart prominently in front looking surprised]

Homer: And we can't watch Fox because they own those chemical weapon plants in Syria.

Lisa: I can't believe you're just going to stand by as your daughters grow up in a world where this, _this_, is their role model.

Marge: I had a Malibu Stacy when I was little and I turned out all right. Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!

Malibu Stacy: Now low let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!