Selma Bouvier

"How's my blubber in-law?!"

- Selma Bouvier

Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger-Hutz-McClure-Stu-Simpson-D'Amico (née Bouvier) is one of Marge's older chain-smoking twin sisters, who works at the DMV and possesses a strong dislike for her brother-in-law, Homer. Selma is the adoptive mother of Ling.

Biography
Selma Bouvier was born two minutes before Patty. Due to a childhood bottle rocket accident, she lost the sense of taste and smell. Selma's favorite film actor was reportedly Troy McClure, to whom she was briefly married, before discovering that it was just a publicity stunt by McClure. McClure took it one step further by wanting to have a child with Selma to help his career. Selma was willing to live a sham for a while, but broke it off when she realized she couldn't bring a child into a loveless marriage. According to Marge, Selma is "the one who likes Police Academy movies and Hummel figurines, and walking through the park on clear autumn days." Selma inherited her deceased Aunt Gladys's iguana, Jub-Jub, instead of her mother, Jacqueline, due to Jacqueline's dislike of Jub-Jub. Unlike Patty, Selma is very desperate to find love after seeing her Aunt Gladys' video will. She also asks Marge for advice to find love, saying that Patty is 2 minutes younger than she is.

Selma's favorite brand of cigarettes is identified as "Laramie Hi-Tars" while Patty's favorite brand of cigarettes is "Lady Laramie 100s"; they have been claimed by their mother to "have started smoking even before birth". It is shown that Patty and Selma started smoking as children when they gave their allowances to Marge (she would do their chores), and with all the free time they had, they took up smoking. The twins had melodic voices prior to starting smoking, and their trademark harsh voices after. Patty and Selma share an apartment at the Spinster Arms apartment complex and work at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). They have on numerous occasions acted unprofessionally in the course of their jobs.

Selma and Patty both have an avid (sometimes maniacal) love of the television show MacGyver. Selma nearly broke off her engagement with Sideshow Bob because he disliked the show, and both Patty and Selma stay up until two in the morning to watch the show. Patty and Selma both have an interest in travelling. The twins have visited Egypt, Lenin's Tomb in St. Petersburg, Russia, Easter Island, and Mexico but more mundane places, such as the Horse Drawn Carriage Museum in Alberta, Canada. When they return home, they bring back numerous slides of them in these locales, and show them to the Simpson family, often describing the events in the most unenjoyable way possible. The family, especially Bart and Lisa, are shown as barely staying awake during these shows.

Personality
Selma and Patty both tend to be cynical and are noted for their addiction to tobacco smoking. They have a strong, mutual (and reciprocated) dislike for their brother-in-law. She and with her sister are shown to be older than Homer and Marge, but a birthdate has not been given. It is presumed they are in their mid to late 40s. She weighs 168 pounds.

Unlike Homer, who usually makes a perfunctory (if not particularly sincere or committed) effort to be polite to his sisters-in-law out of respect for his wife, Patty and Selma have no hesitation in treating Homer with open rudeness and contempt. There were several instances where they did not seem to care when Homer faced a life-threatening situation. For instance, when Marge rushes to the hospital after receiving a telephone call that Homer had suffered a heart attack at work, Patty and Selma — instead of going to the hospital and comforting Marge in her time of need — remained seated at the kitchen table, continuing their activity of cutting coupons, gasping in amazement at a five cent discount and behaving as though nothing was wrong. They later attempted to set up Marge with a (rather sleazy) man as a replacement for Homer, regardless of the fact that Homer was still very much alive.

When Homer faked his death to get out of work, Patty and Selma showed up at the Simpsons house holding a tombstone inscribed with "Homer J. Simpson. We are richer for having lost him." This gift as well as the fact that they been saving for this since Marge's wedding causes her to angrily throw them out. When Homer was revealed to be alive, the twins use the tombstone as a coffee table.

Her bad traits have not gone unnoticed by the populace of Springfield and even their family; her mother even stated that "[they're] a sort of evil", having raised them her whole life.

Relationships
Despite being identical twins, Patty and Selma have very different track records when it comes to finding dates. According to Marge, Patty chose a life of celibacy, while Selma had celibacy thrust upon her. Her standards are extremely low, as evidenced by her comments on Mr. Burns: "Single, eh? Well, he passes the Selma Test."

Selma has actively sought out a husband, having been married a total of five times. Her current name has evolved into Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger-Hutz-McClure-Stuart-Simpson-D'Amico, after failed marriages to Sideshow Bob, Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure, Disco Stu, Fat Tony (although they weren't actually married) and Abraham Simpson. One person Selma refused to marry was Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, because she said her collection of last names was long enough without Nahasapeemapetilon added to it. Selma claimed that she would only marry for love, or possibly money in the future. There is photographic evidence that she slept with Apu after Homer and Marge's second wedding. Selma later began dating and later married Grandpa Simpson, who had previously dated her mother. Eventually, however, they realized that they just cannot make it work because of his age and her career and called it quits.

Selma has also dated Hans Moleman, Moe Szyslak, and pitifully, Barney Gumble. She also, alongside Patty before the latter came out of the closet, did some sexually questionable actions such as tricking a TV repairman into acting as a "gentleman caller" by unplugging their TV set and then claiming it was broken, as well as going into a line for sex offender registration once with Patty, although whether this was due to mistaking the line for another line or if they did sexual actions to deserve sex offender registration is never specified.

Unable to find companionship in a husband, Selma has also sought to have children. At one point she was considering using a sperm donor. After babysitting Bart and Lisa for a day, she realized that although she wanted someone to love, she was not ready to have children and wound up adopting Jub-Jub, her Aunt Gladys' pet iguana. Later however, a very menopausal Selma adopted a Chinese baby, Ling Bouvier. During the adoption process, Selma pretended to be married to Homer, since the Chinese government only allows children to be adopted by married couples. When the fraud was exposed, Selma managed to keep the baby, as a Chinese dignitary who had also been raised by a single parent became sympathetic.



Other
As children, Selma and her sister Patty Bouvier were apparently domineering towards Marge and ridiculed her ambition of becoming an astronaut. Their relationship seems to have improved over the years. As adults, the Bouvier twins have a friendly relationship with their sister and frequently visit the Simpsons. They seem relatively fond of their nieces and nephew, but seem to like them more when they are young: "The older they get, the cuter they aren't." They have, on occasion, watched the kids when their parents were out of town. However, Bart and Lisa would rather not be around when their aunts visit. They once spend a nightmarish weekend with their aunts, making Bart and Lisa appreciate Marge when she returns. Their idea of bonding with Lisa includes tutoring her in the belief that men are pigs, using Homer as the prime example.

Their relationship with Homer remains one of mutual dislike (although Selma gradually grows to become more tolerant towards Homer and often experiences brief moments of kindness from both Homer and Selma, but these examples are far and few between) which involves a continuous exchange of insults from day one. They unfavorably compare their brother-in-law to a caveman, suggesting him capable of trading Maggie for beer and a nudie magazine.

Selma and Patty have occasionally expressed their common hope that Marge will eventually divorce Homer. They have unsuccessfully offered to help Marge find a replacement for Homer (although Selma eventually gave in and helped Marge find Homer after seeing how truly unhappy she was without him). The twins went so far as to have a billboard built trying to convince voters to have Homer kicked out of Springfield.

Their dislike towards Homer has even led to pushing him off a bridge, although they half-heartedly claim they did this in order to get him to his surprise party, which was conveniently on a boat passing beneath the bridge at the time.

Although Homer dislikes Selma and Patty, he has shown occasional bouts of kindness towards them, and Selma in particular (much to the twin's surprise), although, he often does this more because of his love for Marge than for any love for his in-laws.

Selma once took the Simpson children on a disastrous trip to the Duff Gardens theme park. Unable to control the children, Bart manhandles several animatronic characters and sneaks on a ride that he is not old enough for, and Lisa goes on a psychedelic trip after drinking "water" from an It's a Small World - like boat ride (later swimming naked in the Fermentarium and exclaiming "I am the lizard queen!"). After that, however, Selma returned home with the children and asked Homer how he does it, referring to raising children. She mentioned children and they exchanged a hug, implying that Selma is slightly more capable of overcoming her dislike of Homer than Patty.

Future
Selma threatens to stuff Edna Krabappel's hat down her throat if she catches the bouquet at Lisa's Wedding.

The Simpsons Game
Patty and Selma appear in the level NeverQuest in the form of a two-headed dragon who attack the Hobbit-like forms of Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, and Ralph Wiggum. They also appear earlier on in Mob Rules as people Marge can use to protest the sales of the Grand Theft Scratchy video game to minors.

Simpsons Hit & Run
Patty and Selma are seen running the street races in all the levels except level 7, when zombies take over Springfield. They will unlock a bonus car if the player can complete all three street races in each level. In levels 2 and 5, they can both be seen working at the DMV. The player can talk to them whilst inside the DMV.

Behind the Laughter
Matt Groening has said that he named the Simpsons after his own parents and two younger sisters; he has an older sister named Patty who is an art dealer. Julie Kavner has said that she had difficulty coming up with the voices for Marge's sisters, until producer James L. Brooks suggested that she voice Patty and Selma as characters "that suck the joy out of everything."

Trivia

 * As shown in the intro to To Surveil With Love, Selma is a hula dancer.
 * In The Blue and the Gray, it is revealed that Selma's hair is actually blonde, the gray being smoke from her constant usage of cigarettes, but flashbacks show Selma's hair being gray as a child. However, it's possible that it was colored gray in said flashbacks because she was smoking at a young age. It isn't surprising, seeing as she smokes in flashbacks as well.
 * Due to her brief marriage to Abe Simpson, Selma is not only Homer's sister-in-law, but formerly his stepmother.