Kearney Zzyzwicz

Kearney Zzyzwicz (voiced by Nancy Cartwright) is one of Springfield Elementary Schools bullys. He has a crew cut and wears a white torn shirt and dog collar bangles.

Age
Although he looks to be around Jimbo or Dolph's age, he has a young son (it's not known who the mother is, although he once says that his divorce was hard on his kid, but he got through it ok), the only present Springfield Elementary student that celebrated the United States Bicentennial (that is, was alive in 1976) and shaves his beard. Strangely (in an episode) he needed a fake ID to purchase beer. It is speculated that Kearney is the gang's second in command next to Jimbo, but in one episode he rose through the bullying ranks to become the President. In a future epsiode, he is seen as the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary. In one episode he describes himself as speaking "as a teenager, and as the parent of a teenager", a feat which is accually impossible. He was also in third grade with Otto Mann, who is 29 years old. In "Whacking Day" he is seen smoking in the room where Bart, Jimbo, Nelson, and Dolph are trapped in during Superintendent Chalmer's visit.

Son
Kearney has exclaimed to have an unnamed wife and son. While his wife has only been mentioned his son has appeared throughout the series and has only made two speaking appearances. In A Milhouse Divided it is revealed that he was able to overcome his parent's divorce by sleeping in a drawer at night. He is also considered smarter then Kearney as in Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2 when Kearney was sitting on Gil's lap when he was dressed up as Santa Clause Kearney believed he is the real Santa Clause and his son knew right off the bat it was a fake.

Wife
Kearney has been married to an unnamed and unmentioned wife. The only details given though were that he had to divorce with her because Kearney did not want his parents to find out. Kearney has said he misses having sex with her.

Creation
There is a "Kearney Street" in Portland, Oregon, where Matt Groening grew up.

Start as a Bully
It was revealed in a Simpsons comic that he, Jimbo, and Dolph were bullied by nerds. Bart then taught them that nerds are "all talk and no action" and they learned to "stand up" for themselves. Bart was later caught in the crossfire when his own creation turned on him and the other students at Springfield Elementary. (The Simpsons comics are not considered canonical.)

Life as a Bully
Kearney's favorite punching bag is Martin Prince. He also once beat up Nelson when he found how sensitive he was, as well as when Nelson commented on how Furious D (the former diving horse) didn't "take no guff from nobody," for using the word "guff" in place of an expletive. Kearney can often be seen hanging around "Jimbo" Jones, Nelson Muntz, and Dolph. The gang does not use physical abuse on girls &mdash; most likely due to the fact that the "girl bullies" would come after them as they do the nerds, dorks and geeks. One other reason for it is that they say that girls bite and scratch, and sometimes, "we fall in love". At one time, he has dated Jimbo's mother, claiming "Hey, she came onto me!", with the result that he was beaten up by the rest of the gang. Like Jimbo and Dolph, Kearney is quite stupid.

Future
In the episode Future-Drama, Kearney becomes the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary (the principal is still Seymour Skinner). However, none of his bullying traits are seen. He was also seen as Lisa's bodyguard in Bart to the Future saying his contract gives him three people to kill in each term.

Episode Appearances

 * The Telltale Head