Four Great Women and a Manicure/Quotes

Queen Elizabeth I Segment

 * Moe: (After seeing Queen Elizabeth I half-naked) Whoah, someone call Beowoulf! Grendel got in again!
 * King Julio of Spain: Usually I love seeing flaming dreamboats headed my way, but NOT LIKE THIS, BABY! NOT LIKE THIS!!!
 * Queen Elizabeth I: (After trying smoking) If I ever have sex, this would be great afterwards!

Dialouge
King Julio: Excellent! Now, take me to the real ones.
 * Lenny: (referring to toy models on map of Europe) This is the Spanish Armada, some of the finest ships ever made.

Lenny: These are the real ones! (moves the Spanish Armada from Spain to England on the map) Watch out, England. (in British accent) No! Have mercy! (switches back to real voice) Never.

King Julio: (angry) Guards! Take him to the dungeon and put things inside of him.

Guards: Nice things?

King Julio: No, not nice things!!! Lady Marge: (confused and repulsed) Um, who are you talking to?
 * Queen Elizabeth I:  (to Sir Walter Ralleigh) Don't you know that I love you? I've always loved you!

Queen Elizabeth I: Both! Neither! Oh, what difference does it make?

Snow White Segment

 * HDTV: You would do in a pinch, my Queen, but Snow White's the fairest I have seen. Also, there's a weather girl on Channel 9 who's whee-hee-hee!
 * Groundskeeper Willie: (about to cut out Snow White's heart) I...I...I cannot do it! Run, lassie! Find wee little men, and hide with them! (Snow White flees, and Plopper the Pig walks in) Now to fool the Queen with a pig's heart! (He raises his knife) I...I...I cannot do it! (picks up a piece of red construction paper as Plopper flees) Maybe I'll cut her a heart out of construction paper...I...I...I cannot do it!!!
 * Snow White: (trying out three different beds) This bed's too hard! This one's too soft! And this bed is just...like the first one! Also too hard! I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.
 * Queen: (surrounded by and about to be torn apart by the forest animals) Ooh, Herbivores! I'm sooo scared...aaah!!!
 * Dwarfs: Ho-hi, ho-hi! It's time to say goodbye! If Disney sues, we'll claim their use, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi!

Dialouge
Groundskeeper Willie: What am I going to do with the rest of the body?
 * Queen: (handing Groundskeeper Willie a box shaped like a heart) Bring me Snow White's heart in this box.

Queen: (refering to a child-sized box made to look like Snow White) Put it in this box! Then you'll get your reward. (Eyes move to adult-sized box made to look like Groundskeeper Willie) Crabby: Let's put a pickaxe in it's brain!
 * Lenny: There's someone in our house!

Lenny: You're in marketing! Why do you even bring an axe?

Crabby: If you were in marketing, you'd know.

Macbeth Segment

 * Homer: (reffering to Shakespeare, while killing Mel) Well if you see him in Heaven...tell him he sucks!
 * Homer: (as Macbeth) Stars, hide your fires. Hide your dark, deep desires. Out, out brief candle! Life is just a walking shadow, a player who walks his hours upon the stage and is heard no more.
 * Homer: (After shooting himself) Me reading all those plays would be the real tragedy.

Dialouge
Selma: Forget it!
 * Homer: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...today's Tuesday, so that would make it Friday...Shakespeare!

Patty: You don't know your lines!

Homer: (reading from a script hidden in his jacket) Conrad Birdie! Coming here to Sweet Apple!

Selma: That's "Bye Bye, Birdie!"

Homer: (reading from another script) Damn it, Morpheus! Not everyone believes the same thing you believe!

Patty: That's the screenplay for "The Matrix Reloaded"

Homer: D'oh!

Maggie Roarke Segment

 * Mr. Toohey: Mediocrity rules!!!