Homerland/Quotes


 * Lisa: Ooh, there's new marshmallows in the Belfast Charms!
 * Marge: No! No, that's Bart's cereal. It's the only way I can get him to take his "vitamins."


 * Bart: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
 * Lisa: That's not right.
 * Bart: Yes, it is. They're my lines as the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.


 * Selma: Well, he's not in the Boise morgue. Maybe he was mistaken for a dead elephant and flown back to Kenya.
 * Marge: You're talking about my husband.
 * Selma: To spare your feelings, we'll just call him the Blob.
 * Patty: Two to one says the Blob is stuck in the water-intake pipe at the reservoir.


 * Chief Wiggum: Sorry I'm late, everyone. I had some trouble getting the voice mails off the 9-1-1 line. Why does everyone have to talk so fast and panicky?
 * Man on the phone: (slowly and clearly) A man with a gun is in my house.
 * Chief Wiggum: Gibberish.


 * Marge: Homie, what happened to you?!
 * Homer: I overslept, lost my cell phone, missed my flight.
 * Marge: Why didn't you call us?
 * Homer: Well, all the pay phone at the airport were replaced by self-serve yogurt. I ate all the cookie dough toppings a man could want.
 * Bart: So many cookies will never be born.


 * Marge: Dear Christian god...
 * Lisa: Hey!
 * Marge: Sorry, dear god... You know which one I mean.


 * Marge: I been having snuggle dreams.
 * Homer: Marge, I changed in Boise. I'm not sure a man who eats right and doesn't drink.


 * Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
 * Annie Crawford: Agent Crawford, FBI.
 * Bart: You guys know I don't talk to field agents. Get your boss on the phone.


 * Annie: Don't talk.
 * Homer: Okay.
 * Annie: I want you to know I'm the best there is at finding out what you're up to.
 * Homer: Ooh.
 * Annie: I can torture you. I can give you incredible sex. Or you can just tell me what I want to know.
 * Homer: What was the first one again?
 * Annie: I see. You're stupid.
 * Homer: Hey. I'm the one in bed with two beautiful women.
 * Annie: (gasps) You think I'm beautiful? Oh!
 * Homer: In a breaking-and-entering kind of way.
 * Annie: Well, give me something or I'm not leaving.


 * Apu: Chief Wiggum, how come every time there's a terrorist chatter in this town, you come to me?
 * Chief Wiggum: Lay off, Apu. When I look at people, I don't see colors. I just see crackpot religions.


 * Lisa: Dad?!
 * Homer: Huh? How'd you get in here?
 * Lisa: Girl Scout Cookies get you in anywhere.


 * Lisa: We did it, Dad. We did it.
 * Homer: We sure did.
 * Lisa: You weren't shot.
 * Homer: No, I was just up late watching a movie. Something with William Holden and... (snoring)