Hardly Kirk-ing/Quotes


 * Marge: Look, Maggie, they have a story lady.
 * Children's reader: One day, Silly Sally said, "Let's have a sloppy, gloppy supper." First, they slurped their soup. Slurp, slurp, slurp. Then they chewed their bread. Chew, chew, chew. More soup? Oh, I could slurp this soup forever. Slurp, slurp...
 * Security guard: Sorry, folks, she doesn't even work here.


 * Milhouse: Wow, no TV for 24 hours? I couldn't get through a day without Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
 * Bart: You're right. I'm bored. Epoxy fight!
 * Milhouse: What the hell is an epoxy fight?


 * Milhouse as Kirk: Hello, Lisa.
 * Lisa: Milhouse?
 * Milhouse as Kirk: Milhouse? Who's Milhouse? I mean, he-he's my son.
 * Lisa: Well, Milhouse, you might get past the bouncer at the jazz club, because they're in no position to turn anyone away, but it doesn't matter, 'cause we can't pay for the gas and the cover fee anyway.
 * Bart: Au contraire, starfish hair.


 * Milhouse as Kirk: Uh, hey, bartender. We'd like two milks, and then you can tell us where babies come from.
 * Moe: Oh, well, in my case, my mom was hit with a voodoo curse. I gestated for five years, then I popped out backwards and on fire.
 * Bart: Really?
 * Moe: Oh, yeah, keep my tail right here in this jar. Good times.


 * Lisa: Mom, I think Maggie misses TV. You know, Mom, I was thinking we could take Maggie downtown. The Jazz Hole is featuring a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band. Their trumpeter has the puffiest cheeks.
 * Marge: I don't think so. The U.S. Embassy has warned people not to go to downtown Springfield.
 * Lisa: I get it. Middle child, never do what I want. Okay, I also know of a puppet show.