'Tis the Fifteenth Season/Quotes


 * Krusty: Happy Thanksgiving from the entire Channel Six family. Including Kent Brockman whose contractually permitted to replace himself with a cardboard cut out. The real Kent is in a rehab clinic. We all wish him the best… again.


 * Krusty: Now in the spirit of the season… start shopping!! And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.


 * Marge: Christmas is a time to think of others, but today you showed you only care about yourself.
 * Homer: That’s not true! I cared what you thought once you found out.


 * Nelson: Someone snuck in and took our presents! Do you think it was papa?
 * Mrs. Muntz: I wouldn't put it past him. He stole my gold tooth the night he left.
 * Nelson: He didn't leave… he went to the store. And when he comes back I'll wave those Pop Tarts right in your face!


 * Flanders: That Homer just burns my waffles! (starts tugging his moustache) Pain is the cleanser! Pain is the cleanser!


 * Homer: Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic, but others don't and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen.


 * Homer: Children? Children! What day is this?
 * Lisa: It's Saturday, December 6th.
 * Homer: Thank God! There's still four more days 'til Christmas.


 * Todd: Daddy, are you jealous of Brother Homer?
 * Flanders: Maybe just a tad, Todd.
 * Rod: I'm jealous of girls cause they get to wear dresses.
 * Flanders: One problem at a time, boy!


 * Homer [after burning the Christmas tree]: Aw, why do things I love always burn?!