Milhouse Van Houten

"The House always wins."

- Milhouse

"My Glasses!"

- Milhouse's catchphrase when he is hurt

"Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"

- Milhouse's victory and well-known catchphrase

Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten (also called Mr. Milhouse in the future) is Bart Simpson's best friend. As the only child of Kirk and Luann Van Houten, Milhouse's most distinctive physical traits are his extreme nearsightedness (depicted by very small eyes), requiring thick glasses to correct, and a huge nose that is about the size of a softball. Milhouse could qualify to be overweight because in Bart Star after he stopped sucking in his stomach it came out hugely.

Despite being believed to be a nerd, Milhouse has average intelligence yet has very poor social skills. He is also very gullible, thus he is constantly led into trouble by the mischievous Bart, who is not shy about taking advantage of his naive, trusting and loyal friend.

Early life
When Milhouse gets angry with Bart he says "I'm only 3 months younger than you". Bart was born on April 1st, so that means Milhouse was born in July. It is also possible that Milhouse is inbred, as in "MoneyBART", he states a belief that his parents are brother and sister.

Biography
Milhouse is constantly victimized in some form or another such as being the target of the bullies Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney. They often inflict extreme acts of physical violence upon him. One instance had the bullies wrapping Milhouse in bumper stickers and placing him in a shopping cart, the bullies then pushed the cart with Milhouse inside down a very steep hill. He frequently visited a female psychiatrist called Dr. Waxler until she got fed up by his frequent callings. Milhouse is also a subject of Nelson's bullying including his adolescent cruelty: "stop (hitting, zapping, etc.) yourself." He still uses a child-size car seat and is a bed wetter.

Milhouse has been seen as a cool boy on some occasions. When his parents got lost in the sea during their honeymoon, Milhouse realized he is not a baby, so started acting cool because of his sadness. The kids at the school were impressed by Milhouse, even Lisa. Bart brought his uncle Norbert (who is Danish, thus looking different from his Dutch relatives) to Springfield to console Milhouse. When his mother moved with him to Capital City, he dyed his hair blond, wore fashionable clothes and acted rude to impress his new friends, who acted similar. He even gave Bart a wedgie and laughed at him with his friends. After his father got custody of Milhouse and brought him back to Springfield, the kids stopped thinking Milhouse was a cool boy so everything went back to normal.

Perhaps due to his name (he is named after Richard Nixon), people frequently make Milhouse the butt of a variety of jokes, ranging from being beat up by Nelson for delivering a love note from Lisa (that Nelson thought was from Milhouse himself), having the door slammed in his face while playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey, making him a wanted fugitive and inadvertently inheriting Bart's dismal permanent record at school through a side deal arranged between Bart and Edna Krabappel and Principal Skinner, which will disqualify Milhouse from "all but the hottest and noisiest jobs."

Milhouse may be of part Italian ancestry, due to the fact that his grandmother lives in Italy. Milhouse is part Dutch, Danish and Greek.

Friendship with Bart Simpson


Bart and Milhouse share a general friendship through the series. Milhouse first became friends with Bart in kindergarten when he sat next to him while drinking. After Bart makes him laugh and squirt milk out of his nose by making armpit noises, Milhouse says that he's funny, forming their friendship (and encouraging Bart's mischievous behavior). However, even though the two are best friends on a weekly basis, their true friendship remains questionable.

On Bart's account, he is shown to victimize Milhouse in many of his pranks and misdeeds. On one occasion, Bart got Milhouse placed on the America's Most Wanted list, On another occasion, he tried to lure Milhouse into a cactus. This kind of torture is often used by Bart, who tries either to get Milhouse in trouble or to hurt him for no reason, making Milhouse's and Bart's relationship even more questionable. Bart once introduced Milhouse to Greta and attempted to explain why they are friends. He cannot come up with a real answer and admits that it is due to geographical reasons, though Bart has admitted that he really loves Milhouse. Homer also seems to like joining in on his son's torment of Milhouse although to a much lesser extent (constantly referring to him as "that little wiener Milhouse"). However, Bart does genuinely care for Milhouse, despite victimizing him on many occasions. Despite being a good boy, Milhouse often does bad things because of Bart's influence, like dropping mustard on cars from the top of a bridge and destroying the school by loosening all the screws. Many of these influences from Bart are the main reason that his mother once didn't want Milhouse to see him anymore (despite Milhouse, but she later changed opinion after Marge tells her that they're all they have.

On the other hand, Milhouse's loyalty to Bart as a friend is arguable. Through the series, Milhouse has been shown to been occasionally fickle towards Bart, as he often abandons him, sells him out to avoid trouble, or attacks whenever a dispute breaks out him. Such instances would include (but are not limited to) daring him to yank off Homer's beard when he was working as a mall Santa, disowning Bart for being presumably being a genius after he is sent to the Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children, abandoning him after he hurts himself during his first daredevil attempt to jump over a car while riding a skateboard, taking Bart away (as the new hall monitor) to serve 600 days of detention after he takes the blame for Lisa's crime, neglecting Bart after falling in love with Samantha Stankey and attacking him after he revealed that he told Samantha's father about their romance, accusing Bart of being in league with an unknown conspiracy and attacking him when the children believe their parents are acting peculiar, tattling on Bart to Reverend Lovejoy that they switched the churches intended hymns with "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida", wagering Bart to sell his soul for $5 and raising the price to $50 when he asks for it back, refusing to share his Bonestorm video game by falsely telling his mother that Bart was "swearing" and "smoking", attacking Bart after he criticizes his management skills when they are left in charge of The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop, boasted to Bart about how he was dating Greta Wolfcastle after he broke up with her, taking credit for Bart's idea on how to sneak into R-rated movies, asking Bart to let him give him a wedgie and laughed at him in order to look cool in front of his new friends when he moved to Capital City, jeopardizing Bart's relationship with Jenny by hinting at his misdeeds, and tattling on Bart to his mother that the cell phone he found belongs to Denis Leary after she takes it away.

Based on the evidence of their relationship as friends, the general thing holding their friendship together is their mutual interests in things such as pranks, Krusty the Clown, and Radioactive Man comics. While displaying no real loyalty towards Bart, Milhouse generally hangs out with him for his own quick fix for fun.

Milhouse's "My Mom Says" Excuses
Anytime that Bart insist that they should do something, Milhouse would opt out and give an excuse that his mother won't let him. A few examples are, "My mom":


 * "Won't let me be your friend any more".
 * "Says I'm cool"
 * "Says I'm the handsomest guy in school"
 * "Says solving riddles is an asthma trigger".

Romance and sexuality
In terms of romance, Milhouse is usually clumsy around females. He has also exhibited a tendency to begin acting rather ridiculously feminine, complete with clichéd catchphrases and mannerisms. This case of social anxiety has lost him Lisa's heart three times, as well as a relationship with Rainier Wolfcastle's daughter Greta. Examples of such behavior are referring to himself as a "big sister" and being caught with a scrunchie in his hair. During kindergarten, a school counselor accidentally revealed that he had assessed Milhouse to be gay (while mistaking Bart for him), and indeed, it is often implied Milhouse most likely is bisexual. On occasion he has been shown to enjoy cross-dressing (in one episode, he convinces Bart to dress up with him too) and has noticed a boy, named Devan Woosterfield, to be beautiful. Once, Milhouse rides Lisa's bike, and Bart asks him what it's like riding a girl's bike, and Milhouse replies "it's surprisingly comfortable".

Milhouse's first girlfriend was Samantha Stankey, a new student who had moved to Springfield from Phoenix, Arizona. Because of all the time the two were spending together, Bart felt excluded and resorted to revealing their relationship to Samantha's strict father. After her father caught her and Milhouse in the treehouse together, he sent her to a French Canadian Catholic girls' school so she would never see Milhouse again. After visiting her at her school and sharing one last kiss, the two never see each other again, nor is their relationship ever mentioned in future episodes.

Note: Milhouse's official first kiss was with Samantha, it was contradicted when Milhouse claims his first kiss was with Homer during a game of spin the bottle that Homer interrupted by going up the treehouse and accidentally kissing Milhouse (much to Homer's disgust, but Milhouse being glad for being his first kiss).

Despite caring a great deal about Samantha early in the series, Milhouse harbors a hopeless crush on Bart's younger sister, Lisa throughout the rest of the series, even going so far as to make awkward attempts to impress her. His feelings are usually never returned with romantic interest. Despite Lisa's constant rejections, she once showed concern for Milhouse when he was beaten by Nelson and left in a heap, and tended to him. This rare moment of affection however was brief, as she became distracted by the arrival of Irish environmentalist Colin, who became her love interest. When the Trappuccino finished, Milhouse lied to Lisa about Colin's death and that he begged Milhouse to look after her. Colin returned in the midst of Milhouse's story, and he quickly took his leave. In a newer episode, Lisa kisses Milhouse on Holding Hands Peak, Milhouse then falls off the peak. He comes up on an eagle saying "every thing's coming out Milhouse!"

On one occasion, Milhouse was seen making out with Paris Texan, who is nearly 20. This may be due to Milhouse wearing cool clothes at the moment.

Milhouse may have a crush on Marge, implied when Bart asked him if he's in love with her. Additionally, upon being asked whether he thinks that Marge is cool, he immediately, without thinking, responds, "No, I think she's HOT!"

School Permanent Record
Milhouse once attempted to destroy his school permanent record, but failed when it fixed itself, proving that it was permanent.

When Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel were dating and did not want Bart to tell anybody, they made a deal to change his permanent record and give it to somebody else, Bart agreed and Milhouse was given Bart's permanent Record.

Skills and talents
Milhouse is fluent in Italian due to visiting his Anglophobic grandmother Nana Sophie in Tuscany for two weeks every year. Because of his grandmother's beatings when he spoke English, Milhouse learned Italian and started to wet his bed.

Milhouse is allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy and even his own tears. He also says that real milk can kill him, though he often drinks it. He is also allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes and nectarine.

He has also demonstrated that he is a skilled Vespa rider, although he is obviously not legally entitled to operate a scooter on public roads. Milhouse had come closest to wooing Lisa when he taught Italian to her, as she even kept a picture of Milhouse in her room while practising Italian. It is implied that she was captivated by his impressive command of the language during a rather romantic outing to the local Italian immigrant establishment. However, he once again reached a roadblock due to his ongoing fatal flaw when it came to girls.

He also mention that he is in some of Martial Arts and has a Green Belt, stating he was promoted too early thanks to Nelson.

Milhouse can also cook. In the season 9 episode "The Cartridge Family", Homer says "Do you know how to cook dinner?", and Milhouse responds "Do I!?" and starts getting some cooking stuff out.

He also might be good at science. In the episode "The PTA disbands", Milhouse describes Skinner and Krabappel as 'two positively-charged ions', leaving Bart puzzled, this is more likely however, by the fact that he was taking private tutoring as the school had a strike.

Future
As shown by Professor Frink's future machine, Milhouse will be really strong and buffed when he is a teenager. He will save Lisa from a fire, which will make her like him. However, she gets surprised when she learns he caused the fire. They will continue dating a long time. When they break up, Milhouse gets as much angry as, throwing cars away and destroying the streets. Later, Lisa almost kisses him again when she loses her college scholarship, but Bart manages to separate them to prevent Lisa from ruining her future.

In the episode Lisa's Wedding, it is hinted that Lisa will lose her virginity to him. He has been seen to work at the nuclear power plant.

In Holidays of Future Passed, he finally marries Lisa and they have a daughter, Zia Simpson, and is again in his hay fever period. None of Milhouse's genetic material is used, suggesting that cloning has been perfected by 2041 (as Zia favors Lisa) or another man's sperm was used.

In Boys Of Bummer in 2067, a 70-year old Milhouse nearly lets it slip to a 70-year old Bart that their little league game was faked to make up for his lack of talent. The ghosts of Homer and Marge watch Bart taunt Milhouse.

As an adult Milhouse is balding and paunchy and bears a striking resemblance to his dad Kirk.

The Simpsons Game
Milhouse appears as the villain Mr. Dirt who taunts Homer and Lisa as they seek to defeat all three Sparklemons. After they capture all three Sparklemon balls and place them in the coin slots of the giant toilet shrine, Mr. Sparkle cleans up the village, and Milhouse shrinks to normal, handing over the key card and being attacked by the three Sparklemons.

Creation
Milhouse was named after US President Richard Nixon, whose middle name was Milhous. The name was the most "unfortunate name Matt Groening could think of for a child." Milhouse is a favorite among the staff as Al Jean noted "most of the writers are more like Milhouse than Bart."

Milhouse's appearance is based on the character Paul from The Wonder Years.

Trivia

 * In Rosebud, Milhouse is seen as a missing person on milk cartons, until they are pasted over with pictures of Bobo by Smithers and Mr. Burns.
 * In Hardly Kirk-ing he was voiced by Pamela Hayden and Hank Azaria, the latter was for when the tie compressed his voice-box.
 * In many episodes, Milhouse has been considered gay by Nelson. At one point Nelson joked about Bart wanting to marry Milhouse.
 * In The Way We Weren't, it is shown Milhouse has ringworm as he says "I hope you like the taste of ringworm medicine!".
 * His sexuality has been questioned many times by Nelson, and once by Carl.
 * He fights best friend Bart Simpson several times but they always reconcile.
 * It has been shown that he has Stigmata.
 * In the episode "Lisa's Rival" it is shown that Bart has managed to get Milhouse into the FBI's America's Most Wanted list.