Horatio McCallister

Horatio McCallister (or McAllister), a ship's captain, is a fictional character from the animated television comedy The Simpsons. He is generally referred to as the Sea Captain, though in court he admitted that he wasn't a real captain.

Origins
The character was created by NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" host Conan O'Brien while he was a writer for The Simpsons. Voiced by Hank Azaria, the character first appeared in 1992 in the New Kid on the Block episode as the owner of The Frying Dutchman all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. In that episode, McCallister is sued by Homer for not letting him eat all he could eat. Homer Simpson's visit to the restaurant caused the captain to observe about him, "'Tis no man, 'tis a remorseless eatin' machine!"

Captain Horatio McCallister's first name probably either comes from British admiral Horatio Nelson or C.S. Forester's fictional sea-captain Horatio Hornblower. He is probably named after Captain McCallister in the movie Flying Leathernecks or Fort McCallister. The character, with his pegleg, two glass eyes: McCallister claims his both eyes are prosthesis. and repetitive exclamations of "Arrr" is based on numerous popular media versions of seafarers and pirates, including Long John Silver.

Character
Being a sea captain, ironically McCallister is frequently shown to be completely incompetent at seafaring. On one occasion, he wrecks a cargo ship full of hot pants; on another, in a probable reference to the Exxon Valdez oil spill, he causes an oil spill by crashing his tanker while drunk. He launches a river raft for Homer, only to have it sink immediately to the bottom. The captain's idea for Mr. Burns' casino involved three ships and fifty "stout men" who would "sail 'round the Horn and return with spices and silk". On several occasions, he acknowledges his incompetence with a depressed, "Yarr, I don't know what I'm doin'."

On another occasion, he tried selling his houseboat to Marge and Homer while they were looking for a new home, and in an obvious nod to Robert Shaw's character in Jaws starts grappling with a shark when it attacks through the floor.

As an entrepreneur, McCallister is equally incompetent. His restaurant, The Frying Dutchman, is a failing business venture that does not generate enough income to support its owner. In the episode Lisa Gets an "A", the captain appears as a penniless bum. When seeing Homer and Marge walking Homer's pet lobster at the beach, he approaches them and claims that he runs a "small academy for lobsters." However, when Marge refuses to send the lobster away to "some snobby boarding school," McCallister asks her for spare change instead.

Despite his age, unfit physique and poor vision, McCallister demonstrated notable skills as an amateur basketball player. He has never been shown with a girlfriend and, while it's generally believed that he's not gay, he has hinted to the fact that he has engaged in "situational homosexuality" with his fellow sailors. In episode 1F05 ("Bart's inner child"), however, McAllister takes a picture of naked Patty and Selma, a picture which he claims to need for "those lonely nights at sea". In episode 2F10 ("And Maggie makes three"), he is seen to have a son, whom he describes as "the catch of the day."

Quotes

 * "So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay." (quoting Robert Frost)
 * "I just want a friend who isn't a work friend!"
 * "I've got nothin' against ya, squiddy, I just heard thar was gold in yer belly."
 * (Upon receiving copies of "Juggs magazine" before a voyage) "They'll keep my men from resortin' to homosexuality.... For about ten minutes! Harr, harr, harr!"
 * "Arr, I've got customers; call me back, Ishmael." (Spoofing the first line of Moby Dick)
 * "Arr, the hotpants!"
 * (When asked by 10-year-old Homer who he was) "The sailing instruct-arr. And on movie night, I run the project-arr.  Only PG, nothing arr.  Yarr."
 * (tied to a tree during a snow storm) "Yarr! Help! I was tied here by teenage pirates!"
 * "I brought ya me finest catch of the day. We lost a dozen good men...but it's worth it, just to see ya smile." (Marge goes wow) "That's it? Twelve men... (beat) Well, I've got some families to inform."
 * (In line at the post office on tax day) "Arr, sometimes I wonder why I bother plunderin' at all." (Drops pieces of jewelry from a treasure chest into an envelope)
 * "Yarr, I'm not attractive."
 * (After taking a real estate exam) "Yar, I nailed that one about houseboats! Did you?"
 * "Arrr. I hate the sea and everything in it."
 * (The heading to an article that Homer writes to review the Captain's restaurant) "Thar, she blows."
 * (Homer gets sucked into a comfortable chair and says "Hey, there's someone else in here") "Arr, she swallowed me whole."
 * "Yarr, 'tis me private shame."
 * (Stepping out of "Ye Olde Anchor Shoppe" to find Homer's makeshift "M" anchor attempting to stop the monorail) "Arr, you call that an anchor?!"
 * (In response to Mr. Burns asking if anyone had ever seen the sun set at 3 p.m.) "Arr, once, while I was sailing the Arctic circle" (followed by Mr. Burns' retort of "Shut up, you!")
 * (After escorting a group of senior citizens aboard his ship for a tour) "Arr, not a looker in the bunch!" (followed by a disappointed look on his face.)