Bart Gets an "F"/Quotes


 * [Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today]
 * Bart: Otto man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus?
 * Otto: Whoa! Sorry Bart dude, state law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident!
 * Bart: [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street!
 * Sherri: Look! It is Bart Simpson.
 * Terri: I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us!
 * Bart: Good morning girls!
 * Sherri & Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning Bart!
 * Bart: Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship?
 * Sherri: The Spirit of Saint Louis.
 * Bart: Where was their original destination?
 * Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
 * Bart: And why did they leave England?
 * Sherri: Giant rats.
 * Sherri & Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook
 * Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
 * School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.
 * Martin Prince: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous.
 * Bart: Speak English, man!
 * Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
 * Bart: [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, poindexter.


 * [Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
 * Lisa: Everybody knows you are faking it.
 * Bart: Well, everybody had better keep their mouth shut!
 * Lisa: You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later.
 * Bart: I got my bases covered.
 * [Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
 * Bart: Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
 * Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
 * Bart: I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
 * Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
 * Edna Krabappel: I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you!


 * [Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
 * Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
 * Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
 * Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
 * Edna Krabappel{aged}: The topic is world literature. Let us start with Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. Can anyone tell me the name of the pirate...Bart Simpson Senior?
 * Bart is now a full-grown man
 * Bart Simpson Senior: Ah lady, come on. My kid has the chicken pox, my wife has been nagging me for a new car and I need a root canal. So can you please cut me some slack and stop asking me for the name of that stupid pirate?
 * Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
 * Bart Simpson Junior{whispering}: Long John Silver, Dad!
 * Edna Krabappel: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
 * Bart Sr & Bart Jr: [in unison] DOH!


 * Bart: Woo hoo! A snow day! Last one out is a rotten egg!
 * Bart is stopped by Lisa
 * Lisa: I heard you praying last night. You asked God to make it so that He would close the school and He did. I do not know much about the existance of God, but I do know this; He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.


 * [Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the tempation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
 * Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
 * July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
 * Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
 * Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
 * Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
 * Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
 * Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
 * John Mason: Snow!
 * John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
 * Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
 * Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
 * First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
 * Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
 * John Adams: Look everybody, John Hancock wrote his name in the snow!


 * [Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
 * Martin: Later Mrs. K.
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Martin? OK Bart, time is up. Hand over your test.
 * Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now?
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Very well, let me get out "Old Red".
 * Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.
 * Mrs. Krabappel: That's 59, Bart, another F.
 * Bart: Oh, no.
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Yes, I know, another year, oh it's gonna be hell.
 * [Bart starts crying]
 * Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter, Bart? I figure you'd be used to failing by now.
 * Bart: [still crying] No..you don't understand. I tried. I really tried.
 * Mrs. Krabappel: There, there.
 * Bart: This is as good as I could get! And I still failed!
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59 is a high F...
 * Bart: Oh, who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
 * Mrs. Krabappel: What did you say?!
 * Bart: Fort Neccesity. George Washington lost that battle to the French in 1754.
 * Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Why Bart, you showed applied knowledge! And given the obscurity of that battle it is only fair to award you one point. That raises your grade to a 60, or D-.
 * Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
 * Mrs. Krabappel: Barely.

--
 * (In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill).
 * DOCTOR: What's the matter. son?
 * BART: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
 * DOCTOR: Oh dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
 * BART: Both arms, ma'am.
 * DOCTOR: Temporilary loss of vision?
 * BART: How said that? Come closer.


 * BART: I've got to study!
 * (He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book).
 * BART: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture).