Secrets of a Successful Marriage

"What is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary defines it as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.'"

- Homer Simpson

"Secrets of a Successful Marriage" is the twenty-second episode of Season 5. It first aired on May 19, 1994. The episode was written by Greg Daniels and directed by Carlos Baeza.

Homer fears he may be a little slow, so he goes to the Adult Education Annex. While there, he decides to teach a class of his own on the secrets of a successful marriage, since that is the only thing he is good at.

Plot
At Lenny's house, Homer and they guys are playing poker. Homer ends up folding. Moe initially is overjoyed at winning the poker round, but then expresses irritation when he notices that Homer doesn't even realize he had a good hand (a straight flush, more specifically) before Carl tells Moe to calm down as there's no reason to get angry at Homer, before admitting that Homer may be a little slow. Homer debates with himself and doesn't reply until it's so late that everyone else has left, with Lenny, who was downstairs at the time to get a snack, noticing Homer's presence, and notes that Homer really is slow. Homer debates himself again before being cut off by Lenny telling him to get out of his house. He decides to go to a class, but when he gets there, he sees Lenny and Moe teaching a class, he wants to teach one too. The adult learning centermanager notices he's married and asks him to start a class called "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" where he explains how to live a perfect marriage, but he doesn't know what to say. He then decides to tell stories of Marge and his love life. When Marge finds out, she makes Homer promise he won't do it again.

However, his students by now are more interested in the secrets than learning anything so they threaten to leave, he tells more secrets and invites them to dinner to see what a successful marriage is like. Marge gets angrier and throws them all out, including Homer. Homer can't come back in the house and he lives in the treehouse. He starts to go mad by making a fake Marge out of a plant and his clothes become weared and ripped. When he seems ready to walk out of her life for good he realises something and tells her what he can give her that no one else can, complete and total dependence. She doesn't believe that to be a good thing but Homer disagrees, they have been separated for only a day but he's already filthy, hungry and insane and that more than anything he can't afford to ever lose her trust because he clearly can't survive by himself. Marge eventually forgives him and he goes back home.

The following morning, Moe asks Marge through the kitchen window "if she is really happy". When he sees Homer, he screams and runs off.