The Amendment Song

The Amendment Song is a parody of the popular Schoolhouse Rock! song "I'm Just a Bill," even going so far as using the original singer, Jack Sheldon. It is briefly shown as a replacement for Itchy & Scratchy on The Krusty the Clown Show in the episode The Day the Violence Died. Both the music and lyrics were written by John Swartzwelder.

Lyrics

 * Krusty:
 * Well, Itchy & Scratchy are gone. But here's a cartoon that tries to make learning fun. (laughs and then groans) Sorry about this kids, but we have some real good toy commercials coming up. I swear!


 * Kid:
 * Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of congress?


 * Amendment:
 * I'm not garbage.
 * I'm an Amendment-to-Be,
 * Yes, an Amendment-to-Be,
 * And I'm hopin' that they'll ratify me.


 * There's a lot of flag burners
 * Who have got too much freedom,
 * I wanna make it legal
 * For policemen to beat 'em.


 * 'Cos there's limits to our liberties,
 * Least I hope and pray that there are,
 * 'Cos those liberal freaks go too far.


 * Kid:
 * Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?


 * Amendment:
 * Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution—


 * Kid:
 * Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws.


 * Amendment:
 * Now you're catching on.


 * Bart:
 * What the hell is this?


 * Lisa:
 * It's one of those campy '70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation X-ers.


 * Bart:
 * We need another Vietnam, then out their ranks a little.


 * Kid:
 * What if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?


 * Amendment:
 * Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
 * And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
 * If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.


 * Congressman:
 * Great news, Amendment! They ratified ya! You're in the U.S. Constitution!


 * Amendment:
 * Oh yeah! Doors open, boys!


 * (various amendments storm the steps of congress whooping, cheering and bringing guns and bombs)


 * Lisa:
 * So it's true! Some cartoons do encourage violence! (hits Bart)


 * Bart:
 * Ow!