Pygmoelian/Quotes


 * Homer: Moe! The new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.
 * Moe: Oh, boy! Move over, liquor license. (takes a framed license down from the wall)
 * Lenny: (reading license) Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhode Island … and it's signed by you.
 * Moe: Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and, real.


 * Duff Man: And the winner… Moe Szyslak!
 * Moe: Aw, that's great; thank you, thanks a lot. Uh, I just want to say that it was an honor for me to compete against the Mick and the, uh, the chick with the rack there.


 * Duff Man: Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley, and sparkling clear mountain … what?
 * Titania: (rings bell) Goat.


 * Duff Man: Are you ready for some Duff love?!


 * Homer: Good work, everyone. We're sure to be first in line for "Duff Days."
 * Marge: You set off the smoke alarm to rush us to a beer festival?
 * Homer: (chuckles I know. I'm a character. Now a little beer music to get in the mood.


 * Moe: Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome! Me! It's like I've gone to heaven. Wait a minute…I died on the operating table didn't I?
 * Homer: He he, yeah but just for a minute. It's a funny story, I'll tell you some time.


 * Nurse: Oh boy, what a mug!
 * Surgeon: Yea, you should see his genitals, would you like to see his genitals?
 * Moe: I'm awake here.
 * Surgeon: Hey this isn't anesthetic it's new car smell.


 * Moe: It's hopeless, ain't it?
 * Surgeon: No, no, no, I love a challenge. First, we must install buttocks.
 * Moe: Nah, nah, nah - no luxury items. Just the face.
 * Surgeon: (drawing on Moe's face with a marker) Okay, I'm going to move this up, this wider. Gonna lose that. I've never even seen one of these!


 * Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?
 * Bart: (sarcastic) Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwypop. Actually, I would like a wowwypop.
 * Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years. And if Bart gets a wowwypop, I want a wowwypop.


 * Gay man: Alright then, we need a symbol for our campaign. Something that says we're gay and republican.

(A pink balloon in the shape of an elephant flies through the window.)
 * Gay man: A little bit on the nose, don't you think?


 * Homer: (to Lenny & Carl) OK, ready, guys? One...two...three...

(All three lift up their shirts; Homer has "M" on his chest, Carl has "O" on his and Lenny has "O" too)
 * Homer: "MOO"!? Lenny, you were suppose to be "E"!
 * Carl: See what happens when you skip rehearsal?


 * Moe: Am I really that ugly?
 * Carl: Well, it's all relative, Moe. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that fat, bald and stupid?

(Everyone but Carl begins to cry)
 * Carl (to the camera): See, this is why I don't talk much.