Milhouse Van Houten

"Trust me, Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents instead of just one of them."

- Milhouse

Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten (also called Mr. Milhouse in the future) is Bart Simpson's best friend. As the only child of Kirk and Luann Van Houten, Milhouse's most distinctive physical traits are his extreme nearsightedness (depicted by very small eyes), requiring thick glasses to correct, and a huge nose about the size of a softball.

Despite being considered a nerd, Milhouse is of average intelligence but has poor social skills. He is also very gullible, thus he is constantly led into trouble by the mischievous Bart, who is not shy about taking advantage of his naive, trusting and loyal friend.

Biography
Milhouse is constantly victimized in some form or another such as being the target of the bullies Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney. They often inflict extreme acts of physical violence upon him. One instance had the bullies wrapping Milhouse in bumper stickers and placing him in a shopping cart, the bullies then pushed the cart with Milhouse inside down a very steep hill. He frequently visited a female psychiatrist called Dr. Waxler until she got fed up by his frequent callings. Milhouse is also the subject of Nelson's cruelty: "stop (hitting, zapping, etc.) yourself." He still uses a child-size car seat and is a bed wetter. He was also born on November 27 1988.

On one occasion, Bart got Milhouse placed on the America's Most Wanted list, even though they are friends, and he once tried to lure Milhouse into a cactus. This kind of torture is often used by Bart, who tries either to get Milhouse in trouble or to hurt him for no reason, making Milhouse's and Bart's relationship even more questionable. Bart once introduced Milhouse and attempted to explain why they are friends. He cannot come up with a real answer and admits that it is due to geographical reasons, though Bart has admitted that he really loves Milhouse. Homer also seems to like joining in on his son's torment of Milhouse although to a much lesser extent (constantly referring to him as "that little wiener Milhouse.") However, Bart does genuinely care for Milhouse, despite victimizing him on many occasions. Despite being a good boy, Milhouse often does bad things because of Bart's influence, like dropping mustard on cars from the top of a bridge and destroying the school by loosening all the screws. This is the reason his mother once didn't want Milhouse to see Bart anymore, but she later changed opinion after Marge talked to her.

Milhouse has been seen as a cool boy on some occasions. When his parents got lost in the sea during their honeymoon, Milhouse realized he is not a baby, so started acting cool because of his sadness. The kids at the school were impressed by Milhouse, even Lisa. Bart brought his uncle Norbert (who is Danish, thus looking different from his Dutch relatives) to Springfield to console Milhouse. When his mother moved with him to Capital City, he dyed his hair blond, wore fashionable clothes and acted rude to impress his new friends, who acted similar. He even gave Bart a wedgie and laughed at him with his friends. After his father got custody of Milhouse and brought him back to Springfield, the kids stopped thinking Milhouse was a cool boy so everything went back to normal.

Perhaps due to his name (he is named after Richard Nixon), people frequently make Milhouse the butt of a variety of jokes, ranging from being beat up by Nelson for delivering a love note from Lisa (that Nelson thought was from Milhouse himself), having the door slammed in his face while playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey, making him a wanted fugitive and inadvertently inheriting Bart's dismal permanent record at school through a side deal arranged between Bart and Edna Krabappel and Principal Skinner, which will disqualify Milhouse from "all but the hottest and noisiest jobs".

Milhouse may be of part Italian ancestry, due to the fact that his grandmother lives in Italy. Milhouse is part Dutch and Danish.

Romance and sexuality
Milhouse harbors a hopeless crush on Bart's younger sister, Lisa, and he is usually clumsy around females. However, in a flashback, when Bart and Milhouse were in kindergarten, a school counsellor accidentally revealed that he had assessed Milhouse to be gay, and indeed, it is often implied Milhouse most likely is bisexual. On occasion he has been shown to enjoy cross-dressing (in one episode, he convinces Bart to dress up with him too) and has noticed a boy, named Deven Woosterfield, to be beautiful.

Milhouse has exhibited a tendency to begin acting rather ridiculously feminine, complete with clichéd catchphrases and mannerisms. This case of social anxiety has lost him Lisa's heart three times, as well as a relationship with Rainier Wolfcastle's daughter Greta. Examples of such behavior are referring to himself as a "big sister" and being caught with a scrunchie in his hair.

Milhouse may have a crush on Marge, implied when Bart asked him if he's in love with her. Additionally, upon being asked whether he thinks that Marge is cool, he immediately, without thinking, responds, "No, I think she's HOT!"

Lisa once showed concern for Milhouse when he was beaten by Nelson and left in a heap, and tended to him. This rare moment of affection however was brief, as she became distracted by the arrival of Irish environmentalist Colin, who became her love interest. When the Trappuccino finished, Milhouse lied to Lisa about Colin's death and that he begged Milhouse to look after her. Colin returned in the midst of Milhouse's story, and he quickly took his leave.

Milhouse's first girlfriend was Samantha Stankey, a new student who had moved to Springfield from Phoenix, Arizona. After her father caught her and Milhouse kissing, he sent her to a French Canadian Catholic girls' school. While Milhouse's official first kiss was with Samantha, it was contradicted when Milhouse claims his first kiss was with Homer during a game of spin the bottle that Homer interrupted by going up the treehouse and accidentally kissing Milhouse (much to Homer's disgust, but to Milhouse' glad for being his first kiss).

Milhouse was seen making out with Paris Texan, who is nearly 20. This may be due to Milhouse wearing cool clothes at the moment.

School Permanent Record
Milhouse once attempted to destroy his school permanent record, but failed when it fixed itself, proving that is was permanent.

When Principal Skinner and Mrs Krabappel were dating and did not want Bart to tell anybody, they made a deal to change his permanent record and give it to somebody else, Bart agreed and Milhouse was given Bart's permanent Record.

Skills and talents
Milhouse is fluent in Italian due to visiting his Anglophobic grandmother Nana Sophie in Tuscany for two weeks every year. Because of his grandmother's beatings when he spoke English, Milhouse learned Italian and started to wet his bed.

Milhouse is allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy and even his own tears. He also says that real milk can kill him, though he often drinks it.

He has also demonstrated that he is a skilled Vespa rider, although he is obviously not legally entitled to operate a scooter on public roads. Milhouse had come closest to wooing Lisa when he taught Italian to her, as she even kept a picture of Milhouse in her room while practising Italian. It is implied that she was captivated by his impressive command of the language during a rather romantic outing to the local Italian immigrant establishment. However, he once again reached a roadblock due to his ongoing fatal flaw when it came to girls.

Future
As shown by Professor Frink's future machine, Milhouse will be really strong and buffed when he is a teenager. He will save Lisa from a fire, which will make her like him. However, she gets surprised when she learns he caused the fire. They will continue dating a long time. When they break up, Milhouse gets as much angry as, throwing cars away and destroying the streets. Later, Lisa almost kisses him again when she loses her college scholarship, but Bart manages to separate them to prevent Lisa from ruining her future.

The Simpsons Game
Milhouse appears as the villain Mr. Dirt who taunts Homer and Lisa as they seek to defeat all three Sparklemons. After they capture all three Sparklemon balls and place them in the coin slots of the giant toilet shrine, Mr. Sparkle cleans up the village, and Milhouse shrinks to normal, handing over the keycard and being attacked by the three Sparklemons.

Creation
Milhouse was named after US President Richard Nixon, whose middle name was Milhous. The name was the most "unfortunate name Matt Groening could think of for a child." Milhouse is a favorite among the staff as Al Jean noted "most of the writers are more like Milhouse than Bart."

Milhouse's appearance is based on the character Paul from The Wonder Years.