She of Little Faith/Quotes

(Close-up of Homer at breakfast)
 * Homer: So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! (it turns out that he is talking to Bart) So butter your bacon!
 * Bart: Yes, father. (does so)
 * Lisa: (walking in) Mom, Dad, my spiritual quest is over!
 * Homer: Hold that thought... (to Bart) Bacon up that sausage, boy!
 * Bart: But, Dad, my heart hurts!

(Homer glares at him; Bart reluctantly wraps a slice of bacon around his sausage and eats it.)


 * Richard Gere: I am dreaming of a free Tibet.
 * Lenny: We are dreaming of free sandwiches.


 * Carl: Hey, Richard, in An Officer and a Gentleman, did you really do all those sit-ups?
 * Richard Gere: I wish! I did one, and they just showed it a thousand times.


 * Marge: (Cheerfully) Who wants some astro-lemonade?
 * Nerd: What precisely makes it "astro"?
 * Marge: Look, I don't want to start a whole thing with this.


 * Kearney: Fixing this church should be our top priority. And I say that as a teenager and a parent of a teenager.


 * Marge: (whispering) Here she comes! And a-one, and a-two, and...
 * Family: (singing) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish -- (stop as Lisa enters)
 * Marge: ...oh. Hello, Lisa.
 * Lisa: I just came down for a glass of water.
 * Marge: Oh. Well, you do have a present under the tree. I guess no-one told Santa you were a Buddhist.
 * Lisa: Well, Santa can take it back, because I'm not ruled by material desi-- (gasps when she sees the "present") Is that a pony!?

(Homer and Bart stand beside it)
 * Homer: I don't know what Santa left you! I just know his name is Clip-Clop and he loves sugar. (holds out some sugar cubes to the pony)
 * Marge: Lisa, we love you, and we're not trying to put any pressure on you!

(She sets Maggie, carrying a candy cane, down on the floor, and nudges her with her foot. Maggie walks over to Lisa and holds out the cane.)
 * Lisa: (touched) Aww!

(Reverend Lovejoy peers through the living room window as Lisa takes the cane)
 * Reverend Lovejoy: Lick it! Lick it!
 * Lisa: (noticing him) NO! (runs out of the house)


 * Lenny: Richard Gere! The world's most famous Buddhist!
 * Carl: What about the Dalai Lama?
 * Lenny: Who's the Dalai Lama?
 * Carl: You know, the 14th Reincarnation of Buddha?
 * Lenny: Who's Buddha?
 * Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass!