Charles Montgomery Burns

For others named Charles Montgomery Burns, see: Mr. Burns (disambiguation).

"Excellent."

- Burns' catchphrase

Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns , also known as C.M. Burns, Mr. Burns, Monty, or simply Burns, (born September 15, 1892) is viewed as an antagonist to many, if not all, of the inhabitants of Springfield. He is an elderly, skinny man who is shown as being evil, cruel, bitter, cynical, heartless and greedy. Burns owns and runs the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

Burns frequently orders his aide, Waylon Smithers, to "release the hounds," so as to let his vicious guard dogs attack any intruders, enemies or even invited guests. Mr. Burns is Springfield's richest and most powerful citizen. His net worth has been stated to be in the billion-dollar range, although at one point, it slipped to "only" $996 million, which led to his being demoted from Billionaire Camp to Millionaire Camp. Burns uses his power and wealth to do whatever he wants, usually without regard for consequences and without interference from the authorities.

Biography
His paternal family is of German, Irish, French, and English descent. His maternal family is of Italian, German, and Mexican descent. Burns' date of birth is arguable. He's believed to be born on April 20, 1890, although he himself says he was born in 1881. As a child, Burns lived happily in a northern state with his natural parents, Clifford and Daphne Burns, as one of 11 children, one being the comedian George Burns, and his teddy bear Bobo. As a child, Burns was so cheery and amiable that his parents called him "Happy".

At a young age, he left his family to live with a twisted and heartless billionaire (who was actually his grandfather, a former slaveholder named Colonel Wainwright Montgomery Burns), who owned an "atom mill" in Springfield, where laborers split atoms by hitting anvils with sledgehammers. Burns lived a life of privilege and would amuse himself by injuring hapless immigrant laborers; it appears that Wainwright was directly responsible for turning Charles Montgomery from a pleasant child into a cold-hearted man, much like himself. Burns later attended Yale University, where he studied science and business, played on the varsity football team, and was inducted into the Skull and Bones secret society. Burns graduated from Yale in 1932[citation needed].

In 1938, at Burns' 7-year college reunion, he became romantically involved with the daughter of an old flame. She would later bear his child, Larry Burns, who was given up for adoption and would later enter Mr. Burns' life briefly.

Burns served in the Flying Hellfish during World War II, holding the rank of private after being demoted for his involvement in a romantic scandal and attempting to block a probe from J. Edgar. Burns is proud of the fact that he manufactured shells for the Nazis, seeing himself as being superior to Oskar Schindler because "my shells worked, dammit!"

A member of Springfield's Flying Hellfish battalion (even though it was later shown that Mr. Burns was in the Waffen SS, the special forces of the Nazi army), he saw action in the Ardennes during the Battle of the Bulge, serving under Sergeant Abraham Simpson. He was later transferred to the South Pacific with part of his squad. During the closing years of the war, when his platoon was clearing out a German-occupied castle, Mr. Burns came across several valuable portraits. Since they couldn't decide on who they should go to, they decided to enter into a tontine in, which Mr. Burns was removed decades after the war, after being dishonorably discharged when he tried to kill Abe. The paintings were later handed back to a German whose relatives owned them.

At the end of World War II, he was personally hired by President Harry S. Truman to transport a specially-printed trillion-dollar bill to Europe as the United States' contribution to the reconstruction of the continent. As the United States' richest citizen, Burns was thought to be also the most trustworthy. Burns absconded with the bill and kept it in his possession for many years until it was lost to Fidel Castro. Burns spent time as a biochemist and bio-terrorist before purchasing the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. During the 1960s, Burns operated a biological weapons laboratory until it was destroyed by peace activists - including Homer's mother, Mona Simpson.

In the 1970s, Burns bought the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Burns currently owns the plant, although he has parted with it several times, including when he sold it to German investors, when the bank foreclosed on it and put Lenny in charge, when he lost all of his money in a bet with Colonel O'Hara, and when Homer and Bart staged a hostile takeover of it. In each of these instances, Burns regained ownership of the nuclear plant.

After allowing his assistant to sacrifice himself to stop a potential nuclear meltdown, he secretly raised his son Waylon Smithers as his own. He is unaware that Smithers may be a homosexual and has had a crush on him for years. Their relationship has had its rough spots, as Smithers was one of the prime suspects in the shooting of Mr. Burns in 1995. Mr. Burns has grown to be the oldest man in Springfield.

Personality
Mr. Burns embodies a number of stereotypes about Corporate America, as he has an unquenchable desire to increase his own wealth and power. Burns also embodies the stereotype of a manager by forgetting his employees' names (especially Homer's, despite it appearing that they interact more than Burns does with most of his employees), though this can be attributed to his senility. Burns is also unconcerned for their safety and well-being. His aspirations to apply obsolete technology to everyday life or references to Victorian-era people or places provide a common source of humor on the show. Recently, he has become less evil and more eccentric.

Although Mr. Burns has a vast amount of money, he doesn't do charity, and simply releases "The Hounds" at any charity collectors coming to his mansion. It also seems that money attracted Mr. Burns from an early age, as seen in the episode Rosebud. A rich, mysterious man turns up at the Burns family home and Mr. and Mrs. Burns ask if he would like to live with them or the rich man. Mr. Burns opts for the rich man over his own family, thus rendering him a greedy, lonely man in his later life.

Mr. Burns seems to enjoy bossing his assistant, Waylon Smithers, to do everything for him, from getting him dressed to driving him about.

At times, Burns appears to be completely removed from modern conventions and, sometimes, reality. He continually fails to recognize Homer Simpson or remember his name despite all the major events in Burns' life on the series have revolved around him in some way, similar to Krusty not remembering Bart's name. Burns is also for the most part unaware of the townspeople's general dislike of him.

Mr. Burns uses archaic phrases and antiquated expressions that have either changed meanings or fallen out of common usage in American English, including score (meaning 20), twain (two), post-haste (quickly), petroleum distillate (gasoline), gay (jolly), dean (principal), velocitator and deceleratrix (a car's accelerator and brake), aeromail (airmail), lollygagger (slacker), fourth form (fourth grade), ahoy-hoy (hello), jumping box and picto-tube (television), Autogyro (helicopter), DictaBelt (dictation machine), the New York Nine (New York Yankees), horseless sleigh (snowmobile, although it could just mean that he was trying to be a mysterious character), crackleberries (peanuts), talkie (movies with sound), thrice (three times), and mater (mother). He also answers the telephone in the same way that the man widely credited for the Invention of the Telephone, Alexander Graham Bell, is purported to have answered it ('Ahoy, Hoy?'). In one episode, he also calls Smithers and says "Smithers, come here, I want you.", a take on what are reputedly the first words spoken by Alexander Graham Bell on his telephone ("Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you").

He also displays mannerisms which are considered outdated, such as practicing phrenology, writing with a quill pen, driving a 1936 Stutz Bearcat while wearing a Edwardian motorist's outfit which includes hat, driving gloves and goggles, carrying a mace for self defense (though the weapon actually shown was a flail), driving without regard to traffic laws in the manner of early 20th century motorists, and using an antique view camera to take photographs.

Burns appears unaware of 20th century political and social developments, such as Fidel Castro replacing Fulgencio Batista as the President of Cuba, Siam changing its name to Thailand, the Belgian Congo changing its name to the Congo-Kinshasa, Prussia being absorbed into the German Empire, India gaining its independence from the British Empire, New Mexico entering the United States, the Wall Street Crash of 1929, Idlewild Airport changing its name to JFK Airport, the disbanding of the Negro Leagues, the desegregation of the Major Leagues, Joe DiMaggio no longer being a rookie, the extinction of the dodo, the demolition of the Polo Grounds, the ceasing of publication of Collier's Weekly, the demise of the DuMont Television Network, believing tires need to be re-vulcanized, confusing The Ramones with The Rolling Stones ("have the Rolling Stones killed"), thinking cars are still operated by levers, believing mail may still be delivered by auto-gyro (once asking for a package to be delivered by auto-gyro to the Prussian Embassy in Siam) and the occurrence of the 1939 World's Fair.

Mr. Burns' investment portfolio includes long-defunct shares in "Confederated Slaveholdings, Transatlantic Zeppelin, Amalgamated Spats, Congreve's Inflammable Powder, U.S. Hay", and an "up-and-coming Baltimore Opera Hat Company".

Burns commonly refers to deceased persons as if they were alive, including Al Jolson, Tallulah Bankhead, Louise Brooks, Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, and Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown.

He also believes some social institutions and inventions are novel or nonexistent, such as musicals about "the common cat" and "the King of Siam", the Packard automobile, the Fire Department, ice cream (or "iced cream"), vending machines, recycling, strip clubs, the DuMont, the word "into", silent films like the 1929 Lulu, and the synonymy of ketchup and catsup. While trying to chat up a young woman, Burns offers to play the clavichord and show stereotypical images of the Crimean War.

Health
Burns has numerous physical ailments and health problems, or more accurately, he has nearly 'every' physical ailment and health problem. He is often to the point where he seems to straddle the line between life and death. On prior occasions, Burns may have died. Presently, Burns has a condition known as "Three Stooges Syndrome", where a delicate state of homeostasis is created by the presence in his body of every disease known to man and other newly-discovered diseases unique to him, which, when all trying to invade his body simultaneously, cancel out each other. Mr. Burns took this as being invincible, although the doctor who told him this implied that the slightest breeze could kill him.

Physically weak, he often has great difficulty performing the most basic physical tasks, such as giving a thumbs-up, receiving a hug, crushing a paper cup, or stepping on an insect. He is weak enough to be pushed over by an ant or a high-five, or pushed down by a sponge scrub on his head (although he was able to eventually get up in the latter case). Bunting a baseball sends him flying to the backstop. The weight of toothpaste on his toothbrush is enough to knock him over. He has a hunched back and his vertebral column is visible when he is viewed from the side. His exposure to radiation has given his skin a green glow (though seen in only one episode) and left him infertile. Once, a 1,000 dollar bill bruised him leaving a reverse imprint of Grover Cleveland on his chest. When Burns was incarcerated at Springfield's penitentiary, when he was getting a mug shot, the camera flash was able to slam him against a wall and knock him out. His organs have grown immensely weak over the years. His heart is black and desiccated, and it barely beats or does not beat at all. It is shrunken to the size of a cherry. Burns' blood type is double-O negative. When his finger is pricked, he bleeds dust, and when his arm is poked with a needle, the needle passes through his arm like meringue, as his doctor described it. On one occasion, a chunk of Burns' brain fell out through his ear. Another time, his lungs came out through his mouth and acted like an airbag. On another occasion, he indicated in an off-hand manner that he only has a single lung. If he is not careful, fluid can build up in his hands, causing them to swell to enormous proportions, and his fingers have been shown to flap in the breeze released from a bowling ball dispenser. It has been revealed that if Burns sweats even one drop, he could die of dehydration unless he takes a bath immediately. Burns has also lost body parts due to leprosy (one example is when he lost an entire fingernail in a cup). Both his legs have a crease in them, down the entire length. Apparently, the only reason that he could survive was due to hate, and he couldn't give out kindness without being nearly killed as a result.

Medical treatment
Mr. Burns' medical treatment includes a weekly procedure which includes chiropractics, a painful vocal cord scraping, and an injection of pain-killers; its purpose is to postpone his death for one week. This makes his eyeballs grow to an unnatural size, and he becomes temporarily "nice." He also glows green, a result of working in a nuclear plant for ages. This once caused Homer to mistake him for an alien, though no one believed him, thinking him to have been drunk (he drank about ten bottles of a new type of beer, 'Red Tick Beer' made out of beer and dog fleas). Lisa tried to prove that Burns was not an alien, by pointing a flashlight at him, which revealed him in his "nice" form. The townspeople still believed he was a monster and wanted to kill him anyway, but Smithers rushed in and stopped them, explaining that it was really Mr. Burns. He also has his brain flushed out with vinegar and his eyes "re-balled". Burns' knees are also sent out to be repaired at a "shop." His dentures replace themselves. In the future, Burns may be kept alive by cryonics.

He once broke all his bones (though this was understandable, as he was knocked down onto the street below his main office, and besides which, he also had his stuffed Polar bear statue fall on top of him due to a fight between Smithers and Homer).

On rare occasions, he has displayed great strength and skill, such as when he managed to single-handly capture the Loch Ness monster, Nessie (though it was never explained how he did so) and when he rescued his girlfriend Gloria from a burning building (although she wound up carrying him out of the blaze).

Career
At the nuclear plant, Burns spends most of time in his office, monitoring his workers via closed circuit cameras. In his office, he keeps a team of ten high-priced lawyers, a scale model of Springfield, a special microbe-resistant chamber, a two-seat escape pod, and the "League of Evil" - a sinister cabal whose members are long deceased, but whose skeletons remain. The booby traps in Burns' office include cricket poison, a secret trapdoor (though he sometimes forgets where it is), a catapult that fires 100 gram weights, and a ceiling-mounted suction tube, which he can use to transport dissident workers to Morocco. He is also a loan officer at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Employee's Credit Union.

Kent Brockman also credits Burns with having stolen Christmas from 1981 to 1985.

He was once forced to work in a Sweatshop, along with other billionaires such as Artie Ziff, Aristotle Amadopolis and Rich Texan.

He also claims to have participated in the Boston Tea Party.

Burns has also owned or co-owned a number of business ventures in Springfield, including the Monty Burns Casino (later demolished) ," Li'l Lisa" recycling (an ocean slurry manufacturing plant), and Burns Slant Drilling Co. , Burns Media, the electric company, the water works and even a hotel on Baltic Avenue.

Burns has used his power and wealth to blackmail and bribe various members of Springfield, including Mayor Quimby, as well as safety inspectors. He once attempted to block out the sun to force Springfield residents to increase their use of electricity produced by the nuclear plant and was subsequently shot by Maggie. The town is routinely subject to Burns' abuse, and there is a general dislike of him throughout the town.

In The Simpsons: Hit & Run, it is implied that he had a business partner that he killed. He stated this in level 7, mission 4. When Homer goes to his office, Mr. Burns mistakes him for the ghost of his former partner, and is relieved when Homer tells him that it is just him

Residence
Burns resides in a vast, ornate mansion on an immense estate called Burns Manor, located at 1000 Mammon Lane, on the corner of Croesus and Mammon streets in the 'Springfield Heights' district. It is protected by a high wall, an electrified fence and a pack of vicious attack dogs known as "The Hounds", one of whom is named Winston. He usually releases the whole lot of hounds towards guests (implied only to drive out the guests from the house and without the actual intention of hurting the guests ), but if the guest manages to make Mr. Burns feel extremely gratified (such as when Homer interviewed him for an opium war), he will reduce the hounds released to the extent of only one hound actually being employed. In addition he has at least one 30+ yr old dog named Crippler, who is so old he has trouble walking. Crippler is known for bagging hippies - something they don't find too groovy at all. At times he has employed for protecting a force of Wizard of Oz - style guards, a personal paramilitary force, a riot police squad and a robotic Richard Simmons. The inside of the mansion includes a room containing a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters, a bottomless pit, a human chess board, the largest television in the free world, a 'Hall of Patriots' commemorating his ancestors, a laboratory, a botanical garden of vultures bearing his likeness, a safe containing a Beefeater guard and a theater that is showing round-the-clock which plays regardless whether there is an audience or not. There also is a TV studio and a CCTV room. His residence also contains a closet full of clothes made from many different types of animals, such as a vest made from Gorilla chest and loafers made from gophers.

The mansion is also home to many rare historical artifacts including the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in, King Arthur's mythical sword Excalibur, and a rare first draft of the Constitution with the word "suckers" in it.

Relationships
Burns has been engaged at least three times: a woman named Gertrude who died of loneliness and rabies, to Jacqueline Bouvier, and to a policewoman named Gloria. Though when he tells Homer about Gertrude, he says that he was her fiancé, but he implies that they were married as he says he missed their wedding, their honeymoon and their divorce due to working. He once had an affair with Countess von Zeppelin.

Family
Charles Montgomery Burns was born to Clifford Burns and Daphne Charles (hence the name Charles).


 * Clifford Burns was born to Wainwright Montgomery Burns and Evelyn Graycomb.
 * Evelyn Graycomb was born to Otto Graycomb and Lolly Dubois.
 * Lolly Dubois was born to Lance Dubois and Clarice Stemple.
 * Clarice Stemple is the sister of Gaylord Stemple.
 * Gaylord Stemple married Trixie Simpson.
 * Trixie Simpson is the Granddaughter of Sven Simpson.
 * Trixie Simpson is the great-great-great-great aunt of Homer Simpson.


 * Sven Simpson is the great, great, great, great, great Grandfather of Homer Simpson.

Mr. Burns' great-great-grandmother's sister-in-law's 4th great-grandnephew is Homer Simpson.

Mr. Burns had a strained relationship with his own mother, whom he's apparently tried to kill at least once, who had an affair with President Taft and lives in her 120's. He is Lisa's opposite, with no conscience or care for the environment in many episodes, and Lisa often opposes him. Occasionally, she agrees to work with him, but with great reluctance.

When he was asked the cause of his parents' deaths, he replied: "Got in my way". His mother was seen at least once.

Organizations
Mr. Burns is a member of various organizations. In his younger years, while a student at Yale University, he was a member of Skull and Bones. During World War II, Burns became a member of the Flying Hellfish squad, a group of soldiers who entered into a tontine regarding the ownership of German artwork. Burns was a member of the Stonecutters until it disbanded, at which time he joined the secret society that succeeded it: The Ancient Mystic Order of No-Homers. (One source of dislike of Burns for the "Stonecutters' is that despite his wealth and greed, he is outranked by Lenny). He is currently the head of the Springfield Republican Party and once headed a short-lived religion. He is also a member of the "Excluders' Club", the Springfield Golf and Country Club, and the National Rifle Association. He holds a chair (a demonic throne with snarling dogs chained to it) at Springfield University and controls an anti-democratic paramilitary force in Latin America.

Burns once attended the annual Billionaire's Retreat, where he won the Austin Celtics basketball team from the Rich Texan in a poker game. After severely mismanaging the team, he lost nearly half his net worth. At the following year's retreat it was discovered he was no longer a billionaire. He was ejected from the camp, and thrown over a wall into the slack-jawed millionaire's camp.

He once tried to run for Governor - until Marge Simpson forever ruined his chances by serving a three-eyed fish (an example of the adverse effects of the nuclear plant) for dinner in front of the media. At the end, he echoes Kane by crying out his name in rage and vows for the rest of his life to make Homer Simpson's life miserable.

Burns was a Freemason "before it was trendy".

In the Comics
In the Simpsons: Jam Packed Jamboree comic In Burns We Trust, he takes over the Springfield Church, which he uses in order to help spread his infuence, with him stating that it is a sin for anyone is part of the Enivironmental Protection Agency, GreenPeace, and "Lisa Simpson's Tree Hugging Society." It is later revealed that he plans to asccend to the position of Pope, so that he can have tax-free access to all of the Vatican gold. However, when he learns the church is not Catholic, he promptly quits (much to everyone's glee), but only on the condition that Reverend Lovejoy will grant him permission to Heaven when he dies. Eventually, he agrees, but it is comically revealed that Mr. Burns can only go to Dog Heaven when he dies. later, it is shown in Dog Heaven (a.k.a. Cat Hell) that Mr. Burns is running around, pretending to be a dog, hoping to "rise up the alpha dog ladder!!!"

The Future
Mr. Burns is later cryogenically frozen, aged 119. Scientists work to find a cure for 17 stab wounds to the back so that he can be thawed out and cured. He was cured in time to attend Lisa Simpson's wedding. He isn't completely thawed, and when he tries to sit down, he snaps in half, which is also cured. At age 122, he is a shut-in who sponsors a Yale scholarship as punishment for stealing Christmas. He keeps diamonds to have them changed into Earth's most precious mineral of the age: coal. His home is also guarded by a large group of flying unicorn-clam creatures (uni-clams). At age 998,090, he is a robot and Earth is ruled by apes. He finds his teddy bear Bobo, which he loses and finds every century. In 70,000,000, he dies and goes to Dog Heaven, which was caused by offering to give the church back to Reverend Lovejoy in exchange for admittance into Heaven. He was tricked and got admittance into Dog Heaven.



Treehouse of Horror
Burns is a vampire but no one believes Lisa. She and Bart find Mr. Burns' secret lair which can be accessed by a staircase that has a lever which doubles as a fun slide and Bart (while fleeing from a horde of vampires) says "I shouldn't... But when am I going to be back here?" is turned into a vampire after pulling the lever. The Simpsons are then worried that Bart could get worse and The Simpsons have to kill the head vampire. Homer kills Burns but gets fired in the process.

The Simpsons: The Arcade Game
Mr. Burns appears as the final boss in this game, operating a giant mechanical robot from within that changes form with the damage it receives from the Simpsons characters. He also was the one who orchestrated Smither's theft of a diamond, which also indirectly made him responsible for Maggie's kidnapping as well, as Smithers ended up kidnapping Maggie due to the diamond that he stole was knocked towards Maggie and she started using it as a pacifier. After being defeated, Mr. Burns is knocked unconscious and Maggie then places her old pacifier into Mr. Burns' mouth.

The Simpsons Road Rage
In The Simpsons Road Rage, Mr. Burns buys out the Springfield transit system and turns them into nuclear buses. In one of the missions, it is also said that he buys out the Springfield Shopper. Also, if you drive in the Springfield Mountains, you can drive into Burns Manor. In the last mission, you have to battle Mr. Burns as Homer, where Homer has smash the statues in Burns' garden. Also, in the second mission, you have to dodge him. In every single road rage or Sunday drive, he tries and hit you with his car. If you use a cheat code, you can drive his car, a nuclear bus or even Mr. Burns driving a brick. In the downtown location, you can see his bus depot. One of the other locations is his nuclear power plant.

The Simpsons: Minutes to Meltdown
In The Simpsons: Minutes to Meltdown, Mr. Burns is shown telling Homer where Spider Pig went.

The Simpsons: Hit and Run
In The Simpsons: Hit and Run, you can drive to the nuclear power plant in the first level. In the last level, you can climb up to Mr. Burns' office. You also see him in one level and can eventually drive his car if you complete the bonus mission in Level 7.

The Simpsons Game
In the level Lisa the Tree Hugger, the player stops Mr. Burns from destroying the ecosystem. Burns plans to cut down every tree in Springfield and turn each one into a single luxury toothpick. When the logging facility is destroyed, Mr. Burns has Smithers phone in some goons to rough up Al Gore to make himself feel better. In Medal of Homer, a younger version of Burns steals paintings from the village of St. Capitulons and protects them on board his personal naval carrier with a squad of sailors resembling Smithers.

Creation
SimpsonsMPG 7G03.jpg Burns' character, appearance, and mannerisms are based on several different people. The show's creator Matt Groening principally based Burns on Fredrik Olsen, a reclusive Norwegian shipping magnate and the owner of Timex. Drawing further inspiration from oil tycoon John D. Rockefeller, David Rockefeller and fictional character Henry Potter from It's a Wonderful Life, Groening made Burns the "embodiment of corporate greed". Animator David Silverman parodied Burns's appearance on Fox founder Barry Diller, and modeled his body on a praying mantis. The idea of Burns reading employee names off cards in "There's No Disgrace Like Home" came from an article about Ronald Reagan that writer Al Jean had read. In some episodes, parallels have been drawn between Burns and moguls such as Howard Hughes and, more frequently, fictional character Charles Foster Kane from Citizen Kane. Writer George Meyer lifted Burns's "Excellent!" hand gesture from his former Saturday Night Live colleague Jim Downey.

Matt Groening got Burns' middle name from a Montgomery Ward department store in Portland, Oregon's Northwest Industrial district and his surname from Burnside Street, a main thoroughfare in Portland. Burns's first name being Charles is a reference to Charles Foster Kane. In the script for "There's No Disgrace Like Home", Al Jean and Mike Reiss referred to him as "Mr. Meanie".

In the second season, the writers started to enjoy writing about Smithers and Burns's relationship, and they often pitched episodes with them as the focus, but many never came to fruition.

Voice
Burns was originally voiced by actor Christopher Collins in the episode "Homer's Odyssey". He was soon replaced by Harry Shearer, who has voiced the character ever since. He modeled the voice on Lionel Barrymore and Ronald Reagan. Shearer is also the voice of Smithers and is able to perform dialogue between the two characters in one take. Shearer said that Burns is the most difficult character for him to voice because it is rough on his vocal cords and he often needs to drink tea and honey to soothe his voice. He describes Burns as his favorite character, saying he "like[s] Mr. Burns because he is pure evil. A lot of evil people make the mistake of diluting it. Never adulterate your evil."

Age
Mr. Burns' age has fluctuated during the course of the show, being explicitly stated he was 81 in Simpson and Delilah and as old as 104 in Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One), Homer the Smithers and A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love. In the episode Fraudcast News, Burns claims that he was born in 1881, making him 123 years old (when the episode aired in 2004). He has been referred to as "Springfield's oldest resident" with a Social Security number of 000-00-0002 (cursing Franklin Roosevelt for having 0001).

Frequent allusions to Mr. Burns' age place his date of birth in the late 19th century, which would make him more than 100 years old. He says he had a driver's license that expired in 1909, graduated from Yale University in 1914, and was depicted in a 19th century woodcut terrorizing children (which, surprisingly, features him as an old man). Mr. Burns has also claimed that he has survived through 12 economic recessions and 8 panics.

Other references to Mr. Burns' age place him at thousands of years old. His ATM password, which is the same as his age, is four digits long (although it is possible the first and/or second digits are 0). Mr. Burns' birthplace has also been named as Pangaea. Also, in the one time appearance of his "league of evil", a group of evildoers from many eras of history, many of the members are quite ancient historically. Since the assumption can be made that Burns must have known all of them before they died, this pushes his age back at least another 500 years, if not much more. He also from time to time takes up arms against someone he perceives as his enemy, the joke being his feebleness and the archaic nature of his chosen weapons (i.e., a morning star in his limousine, a blunderbuss, dueling pistols, etc.). Familiarity with the use of these weapons dates him considerably prior to his birth, especially the morning star, since this hasn't been a widely used weapon since the late medieval era.

In an issue of Simpsons Comics, Mr. Smithers states M.r Burns is 118 years old.

Burns's wine cellar also has trophy heads of a Dodo, a Sabertoothed Tiger, and a T Rex,

However, because his mother, who is currently alive, is 122, Burns would have to be younger. If Simpson and Delilah was true, she would have to had to give birth at around 18 years old.

Burns' age provides the writers a character with whom they can express dated humor and references to popular culture before the 1950s.

Regardless of his current age, relative to the course of the show, it has been shown (in the episode in which he attempts to recover his lost teddy bear, Bobo) that Burns will continue living some billions of years into the future, albeit in the form of a partial android.

Although Burns appears younger than Abe Simpson in all the World War II flashbacks, he is always older than Abe in all other sources. He tried to commit suicide in one episode.