Abraham Simpson II

"Ahh!"

- Grandpa's catchphrase

Abraham "Abe" Jay-Jedediah Simpson II, also known as "Grampa Simpson", or simply as "Grampa", (born December 12, 1927) is the patriarch of the Simpson family, the father of Homer Simpson, Herbert Powell, and Abbie and the grandfather of Bart, Lisa, and Maggie Simpson. Abe is a World War II veteran who was later sent to the Springfield Retirement Castle by Homer. He is known for his long, rambling, and often inaccurate stories and general incompetence.

Biography
Almost all of Grampa's biographical information is supplied by himself. Many of his stories seem to be wildly inaccurate, often physically or historically impossible, and occasionally inconsistent even with each other, suggesting that Abe is senile (Though his reaction to Bart's reaction to one of his stories implies that he is aware that he is being inconsistent). As such, all information provided is taken with a grain of salt. He is a member of the stonecutters, masons, communists as well as being president of the gay and lesbian party for some reason. Additionally, he suffers from sporadic narcoleptic attacks.

Childhood
Abraham Jedediah Simpson, perennially known as "Grampa" Simpson, was born in the "Old Country"; he apparently does not remember which country exactly. Most likely it was Canada, as that is where his great-great-grandparents imigrated to in 1860 to avoid being arrested for helping a slave (his great-great-grandfather, to be precise) escape. He also says he served in the first world war but he had to lie about his age being around five at the time.

Life in the Army
In the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Abe was participating in the javelin event. His throw nearly hit Hitler, who was watching in the stands. Unfortunately, it missed and hit the man who was about to assassinate him. At a later date, Grampa claimed he and Hitler laughed about it.

Abe's recollections of his World War II experiences are sometimes implausible. Abe was not initially keen to fight in Europe. After the United States declared war he supposedly tried to avoid service by dressing in drag and playing for a women's baseball team in 1942, which kept him from serving for a year before he was eventually discovered. Later on, he and his unit served in The Battle of the Bulge, where he nearly succeeded in assassinating Hitler (though Montgomery Burns thwarted it at the last moment), almost a year later, they then invade an abandoned castle owned by the Nazis and flushed the Nazis out, though Montgomery tries to remove some paintings. Although he opposed the decision, and was morally against the idea, he ended up deciding to let Burns do it, though only so he might have a nest-egg after retirement. After "liberating" a stash of priceless art from the Nazis, Abe's unit (the Flying Hellfish) formed a tontine, and buried the art in a trunk at sea. Decades later, Montgomery Burns tries to murder Abe in order to get the art, prompting Abe to violate the tontine. When Abe and Bart retrieve the art from Burns after a spectacular confrontation, the State Department arrives to give the art to their "rightful" owner, Baron Herzenberger, a snooty young German aristocrat (this part imples that this did actually happen).

Abe fathered an illegitimate daughter in the United Kingdom the day before he joined the D-Day operations in Normandy. This daughter is seen in the same episode lending further credence to the idea that he served in Europe. Moreover, he once showed Bart and Lisa an album with photos of Germans killed by his platoon. He was also awarded the Iron Cross for accidentally directing U.S. jeeps into Nazi minefields. Another piece of information to support this idea is, in the episode "In the Name of the Grandfather", he came to O'Flannigan's pub in Ireland a long time ago in his WWII sergeant's uniform. Abe once dressed as a women dancer in disguise and made sexual motions towards Adolf Hitler but when he leaned in down one of the fruits in his bra fell onto the stage and Adolf Hitler gagged.

Life in the Navy
Abe also claims to have served in the Navy during World War Two. He served as a pilot on an aircraft carrier with his Brother, Cyrus, and Montgomery Burns in Simpsons Christmas stories. He also served on a destroyer called the USS World War One during world war two in Thursdays with Abie. The USS world war One was sunk by a heat seeking torpedo they fired the other day. After the ship was sunk Abe and his fellow sailors rode on the back of sharks to avoid being eaten by them and had them swim in formation to spell a rescue message. It is also implied that they also tamed and befriended the sharks in question as a result.

Abraham also says he served on PT boat 109 where he heard John F Kennedy speaking in German ("Ich bin ein Berliner"). Abe claims that he is a Nazi and he and the fellow sailors tackle Kennedy.

He boasts of having been a watchman at Pearl Harbor (falling asleep on duty), and claims that President Grover Cleveland spanked him on two nonconsecutive occasions. Also, in 1947, he met future Itchy creator and bum Chester Lampwick, and he offered him a plate of Corn Muffins under the condition that Lampwick paint his chicken coop. However, he never did, resulting in Abe carrying a grudge against him. Lampwick later revealed that this was because the Corn Muffins were "lousy."

Fatherhood
Afterwards, he went to the carnival, and encountered a prostitute, thus resulting in the procreation of his illegitimate son, Herb Powell. He then married Mona, and after having a bit of his tonic with her, they made love and accidentally procreated Homer Simpson. Mona, shortly after Homer's birth, also made Abe swear not to tell Homer that he has a half brother. He continued to use the Simpson Farm until the bank foreclosed the farm in 1963 due to the Cows producing sour milk, theorizing that something must have spooked them good (unknown to Abe, the reason why the cows were spooked was because Homer had traumatized them by running around and yelling at them). When Homer aspired to become President of the United States (more specifically President Kennedy), Abe had beat Homer down for thinking that Homer even had a chance of becoming President. After moving from the farm, they settle in an apartment, and watched the third Super Bowl, which indirectly made him responsible for his wife becoming a hippie. He then was dragged to Woodstock, and after scolding Homer for emulating the Hippie lifestyle, attempted to send him off to the Vietnam War. After Mona was forced to run away from home after destroying Mr. Burns's Germ Warfare Lab, he lied to Homer by claiming that Mona died when he was at the movies.

Rise to Fame
The whole family go on a visit to Wet 'N' Wacky World. When the rest of the family are watching Slimu, Grampa stays on a shark bench and recalls how he once rode a shark. Then a newspaper columnist called Marshall Goldman turns up, and is interested in his stories. Soon the whole of Springfield is reading them. Despite being offered a chance for Mitch Albom to write about him, Grampa sticks with Marshall, who is constantly with him writing what he says. Homer comes to visit his father, but Abe rejects him. While Homer is submitting a column to the shopper about Mr. Burns (who Homer uses as an adoptive father to get back at Abe), he sneaks into Marshall's office, and finds out that Marshall is planning to kill Abe at precisely 3pm on the Tinseltown Starliner, and even has the article and award application ready. Meanwhile at Springfield Union Station, Abe is aboard the train with Marshall, and despite Homer's many attempts to warn him, Abe has no idea because of hearing problems. When he is sleeping, Marshall is just about to suffocate him when Homer jumps aboard and stops him, not expecting Marshall to pull out a knife, and then retrieve a gun form the pillow. They both wrestle for control of the gun when Abe gets up and hits Marshall on the head with a bottle, but this has no effect. When putting his hands up to surrender, he grabs the trains emergency brake lever, which sends Marshall flying back and causes him to be crushed by luggage. Both Homer and Grampa then embrace, and the family is back together. In the end Abe decides to let Homer tell the story of how he saved Homer's life (his first ramble) and Homer ends up talking about Godzilla and The Rolling Stones. In one episode, Abe won the senior olympics.

Life today
Due to his apparent senility, Abe is often ignored by Homer and other cast members, and is alternatively content with this, resentful of this, or completely unaware of his being ignored. Abe is very friendly with Jasper and the Crazy Old Man, like Hans Moleman, Abe often appears in recurring gags. He is also very unlucky and forgetful at times sometimes forgetting where he lives or where his son lives. Abe has also had many affairs with lots of women, such as Beatrice Simmons in the episode "Old Money" where she died and left Abe an inheritance of $106,000. He has also married Selma in the episode "Rome-old and Juliet". Abe has also had many relatives in The Simpsons who he has mentioned in his stories several times. Abe has also acted as a good father to Homer at times and as also acted as a good grandfather to Bart and Lisa. However, he does not like cheekiness from Homer, Bart, or Lisa, he also demands to be treated right and he reckons he is just as important as the others. He has also had an affair with Jackie Bouvier [Marge's mother] in the episode "Lady Bouvier's Love."

Occupations
For forty-five years Abe was a security guard. Within his elderly years he was a Sprawl-Mart greeter in Eddystone Pa, a cartoon writer, and a traveling salesman of an aphrodisiac.

Homer
Abe was not a particularly caring father to Homer, as evidenced at one point when he tells his son, "Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!" Homer does not normally appear to resent these casual abuses, though in one episode in which Abe calls Homer an accident, years of pent up anger on Homer's part leads to a temporary estrangement. Homer also takes every opportunity to ignore or eject his father, whom he placed in a dilapidated retirement home. Abe held a variety of postwar jobs, including a farmer in Homer's early childhood until the bank foreclosed. Abe was also a watchman at a cranberry silo for forty years. He spent most of this time living in a house he won on a crooked 1950s game show until he sold it to help Homer buy a house for his family. Abe moved in with the family, but was sent to a retirement home some three weeks later. Abe was also angered about Homer's role in ensuring of the Trappuccino incident, yelling "I'm part of the mob!" when Homer inquired on his safety.

Other family
Abraham Simpson is estranged husband to Mona Simpson, father to Homer Simpson, father-in-law to Marge Simpson and grandfather to siblings Bart, Lisa and Maggie. He also fathered two illegitimate children; a daughter named Abbie by a British lady named Edwina while in England during World War II and Herbert Powell with a carnival hooker. He was briefly married to Amber, the same woman Homer married on a Vegas binge. Also in The Simpsons Uncensored Family Album, the family tree shows his parents' names to be Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman. Abe's brother Cyrus appeared in the "Simpsons Christmas Stories" episode. Cyrus lives in Tahiti with multiple wives.

Mona
He was married for several years to Mona, who became entranced with the hippie lifestyle after watching on TV. She became a fugitive from justice after she abetted in the sabotage of a biological weapons research lab on germs, owned by C. Montgomery Burns. Abe had no interest in this, instead focussing on the TV. Mona was forced to leave to give the two a better life. Abe tells a six-year-old Homer that Mona died while Homer was at the movies. Abe and Homer also don't seem to get along as seen in several episodes where they are usually arguing amongst themselves.

Personality
Grampa Simpson is an old, grizzled, periodically incontinent and quite senile man, who lives in the Springfield Retirement Castle; which is a sad, lonely place filled with demented, crippled and depressed old people (a sign near the entrance says "Thank you for not discussing the outside world"). Abe also informs Lisa that residents are not allowed to read newspapers because "they angry up the blood". His closest friend appears to be Jasper, a fellow Retirement Castle resident.

He spends a good deal of his time writing letters of complaint. He once wrote to the President, complaining that there were too many states, and requesting that they get rid of three of them (simultaneously insisting that he was "not a crackpot"). He also wrote to "the sickos at Modern Bride Magazine" about his disgust at not seeing "one wrinkled face" or "a single toothless grin" in the publication. He also owns a 49-star American flag, because of his undefined hatred of the state of Missouri: "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missoura."

He also is soundly rooted in his antiquated ways: "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it." Like many of his fellow Retirement Castle residents, Abe is a devoted follower of Matlock. He even supports tearing down the Simpsons' house in order to complete construction of the proposed "Matlock Expressway". He seems to believe Matlock is a real person, suggesting they call him in to solve real-life crimes: "I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin MacLeod or George 'Goober' Lindsey." During a Matlock public appearance, Abe and Jasper swipe Matlock's pills, which were needed to prevent him from having a spastic heart failure. Once, reflecting on his lifetime, he lamented it as terribly boring and full of unruly teenagers, but then decided it was alright because "we did have two shows with Andy Griffith." He joins the mob when it was revealed Homer contaminated Springfield Lake and barely refrained from killing Marge, Lisa and Bart with a shotgun.

Grampa also had a habit of telling stories about his past though a lot of the time these stories didn't really happen. Presumably his senility caused him to think he really did have these experiences; alternatively he could have simply been lying about them. However at least one of his stories was true; the one about the Flying Hellfish.

Treehouse of Horror

 * In Treehouse of Horror IV, in the section Bart Simpson's Dracula, The Simpsons have to kill the head vampire. The Simpsons are then eating dinner and Lisa finds out that her whole family is vampires, including Grandpa, who pretends to be the head vampire when in reality Marge is. Lisa mistakingly killed Burns but she should've killed Marge. The Simpsons then say Happy Halloween while going through a Charlie Brown Christmas Special ending parody.
 * In Treehouse of Horror XIV, Homer thorws a burning log at Abe when he meant to get the kids after they were fighting. WHile on fire, Abe replies "I'm still Cold".

The Simpsons Game
He first appears in the level Mob Rules as one of the people Marge can bring into her mob to protest the sale of the Grand Theft Scratchy videogame to minors. His younger self appears in Medal of Homer to give Bart and Homer orders as for what to do in each of the two missions.

Creation
Groening famously named the five main Simpson characters after members of his own family: his parents, Homer and Marge (or Marjorie in full), and his younger sisters, Lisa and Margaret (Maggie). Claiming that it was a bit too obvious to name a character after himself, he chose the name "Bart," an anagram of brat. When it came time to give Grampa Simpson a first name, Groening says he refused to name him after his own grandfather, Abraham Groening, leaving it to other writers to choose a name. By coincidence, the writers chose the name Abraham, unaware that it was also the name of Groening's grandfather.

Appearances
Abraham Simpson Abraham Simpson Abraham Simpson