The Simpsons: Hit & Run/Quotes

The Main Menu Screen

 * Abraham Simpson: Do you know where my family lives?


 * Hans Moleman: I'm a very lonely man.


 * Professor Frink: (indistinct gibberish)


 * Barney Gumble: Hi there! BURP!


 * Doctor Nick Rivera: Hi everybody!


 * Snake Jailbird: This town is so dumb.

Mission Intro
(Homer picks up coin; A TV commercial comes on)

Krusty: Hey, hey! I'm endorsing a new cola, kids, and this one isn't poisonous to anybody!

Announcer: That we know of.

Krusty: New-and-Improved Buzz Cola is made from only the finest sugars and waters. Plus, it has a special ingredient too hot for the F-B-A. It'll give you the "get up and go! You need to do all the pathetic stuff you had to do" So try New-and-improved Buzz Cola.

Homer: (tempted) Mmm, Cola. Must get Buzz Cola. (walks out of view drooling)

The Cola Capers
Marge Simpson: Homie, somebody ate every dessert in the house. I need you to go to the store and get some of that ice cream with the miniature pies in them.

Homer Simpson: Uh, must have been one of our kids, probably Milhouse.

(Homer arrives to the Kwik-E-Mart and speaks to Apu)

Homer Simpson: Hey, Apu, give me a cola and I need another bucket of ice cream with mini pies in them.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: What happened to the ice cream with mini pies your wife bought this morning?

Homer Simpson: I don't know, I probably ate it, I don't remember things too good.

S-M-R-T
Marge Simpson: Homie, Lisa left for school without her science project. Can you get it to her?

Homer Simpson: Oh, do I have to?

Marge Simpson: You can drop it off on your way to work.

Homer Simpson: And I have to go to work?!

(Homer finally gives the science project to Lisa before class)

Lisa Simpson: Thanks for bringing me my model of the disegtion system... hey, where's the gall bladder.

Homer Simpson: I got hungry, and it was a fig.

Lisa Simpson: It was modelling clay!

Homer Simpson: Ooooh...

Lisa Simpson: Oh, and by the way dad, mum called, she says she needs to talk to you at home before you go to work.

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Petty Theft Homer
Marge Simpson: Homer, go talk to Ned Flanders, he seems mifted, and PO'ed.

Homer Simpson: Why me, I'm the world's greatest neighbour. I have a mug to that effect.

(Homer sees Ned Flanders outside his house and talks to him)

Ned Flanders: I'm all in a ditter Homer, so many of my possesions have dissapeared. I called the police to find the culprit.

Homer Simpson: Culprit, eh.

Ned Flanders: My lawn mower, my cooler, my lawn chair, a family portrait, even Rod's inhaler, what kind of sick individual would take all of this stuff.

Homer's Mind: Oh no, I burrowed all of Flanders' stuff. Quick, think of an excuse to get out of here.

Homer Simpson: Uh, excuse me, I have to go...shuck some corn...

(Homer finds Ned's tuxedo, lawnmower and needs to see Barney near the petrol station and Krusty Burger restaurant)

Homer Simpson: OK, what's next. Flanders' cooler, I gave it to Barney.

Homer Simpson: (speaks to Barney) Uh, you remember that cooler I gave you for your birthday? Well, Flanders wants it back.

Barney Gumble: Now what would I use for a toilet?

(Homer collects Flanders' cooler, lawn chair and then goes to find the portrait of the Flanders family)

Homer Simpson: Almost done! Now I need Flanders' stupid picture of his stupid family.

(Homer has now collected the family portrait and now finds the last possession - Rod Flanders' inhaler)

Homer Simpson: OK, last one. Now where did I use Rod's stupid inhaler? Duuuh, on top of the Duff Truck!

(Homer finally receives Rod's inhaler and plans to return to the Flanders' house)

Homer Simpson: Now to return the stuff before the cops find me sitting alone talking to myself.

(Homer gives Ned back the missing possessions and asks for a reimbursement)

Homer Simpson: Flanders look, I found your missing stuff. Now about the reward.

Ned Flanders: Thanks neighbour-oony. Here's your reward, a prayer from the lord. Dear father in heaven, bless this noble oaf.

Homer Simpson: Stupid Flanders getting happiness from religion.

Office Spaced
Marge Simpson: Homie, you're late for work, and today your workplace evaluation's with Mr. Smithers.

Homer Simpson: Ah! He'll find my scorpion farm, then where will my scorpions live!? Only one person can help me, Lenny!

Lenny Leonard: Hey Homer, how about a breakfast churro?

Homer Simpson: No time, tell me where to find Mr. Smithers.

Lenny Leonard: Yeah, I think I saw him at the Kwik-E-Mart. Oh well, more breakfast churros for Lenny!

Homer Simpson: I'm gonna need a car with more junk in the trunk if I want to take him out. I wonder if Barney still has the Plow King.

(Homer sees Barney for the use of his Plow King)

Homer Simpson: Barney, can I borrow the Plow King?

Barney Gumble: Take what you want sexy leprechaun, just don't shoot me with that dart gun,..oooohh...!

Homer Simpson: Whatever.

(Homer drives over to the Kwik-E-Mart as he sees Mr. Smithers and destroys his limousine)

Mr. Smithers: Argh! My convertible! I just waxed my undercoat.

Homer Simpson: THAT's what you get for expecting me to do the job for which I am paid.

Time Trial
Homer Simpson: Hey Zombie, you working for the DMV now?

Half-headed Zombie: Brains...more brains...

Homer Simpson: Thank you, I do have nice brains.

(after Homer won the time trial)

Half-headed Zombie: Whaaaaaaa??

Single Race
Homer Simpson: Hey Zombie, when I win you have to promise not to eat my brains.

Zombie in Dark Robe: Yes, no.

(after Homer won the single race)

Zombie in Dark Robe: Huh...?