The Parent Rap/Quotes


 * Homer: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600.
 * Moe: Really?
 * Homer: Yeah, they're Italian.
 * Moe: (Points a gun at Homer) All right, hand 'em over.
 * Homer: Moe, what the--
 * Moe: Yeah, I rob now.


 * Homer: Say, is that our house!?
 * Bart: I don't think our house has a steeple.
 * Homer: Oh yeah. I forget things sometimes.


 * Judge Harm: Grand theft auto!?
 * Bart: It was an accident, ma'am!
 * Judge Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it’s frosting!
 * Homer: (Angrily) What did she say about cupcakes?


 * Bart: You there! Put your hands up!
 * Ned: Me? Okay.
 * Bart: Now, drop your pants!
 * Ned: But my hands are up!
 * Bart: Hula out of them!
 * Ned: Alright, officer.


 * Judge Harm: Well, I thought Dad was the probelm, but apparently Mom is no prize pig herself. It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet Lady H.
 * Bart: I'm a latchkey kid.
 * Lisa: You are not!


 * Bart: Come on, Dad. I got to go to the bathroom.
 * Homer: Oh, I just got comfortable! Use the bottle.
 * Marge: No, I don't want you using the bottle. That's what hobos do.
 * Bart: Come on, Homer!
 * Homer: No!
 * Bart: Mom!
 * Marge: Aw geez, Homer, just take him to the bathroom.
 * Homer: Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!


 * Bart: The town keeps getting bigger. Will there always be enough electricity?
 * Homer: (Laughs) Ah, son, you know that's none of your business.


 * Officer: Sir, you are not a size 4.
 * Homer: I used to be! (Starts crying)


 * Judge Harm: You have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision!
 * Homer: I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or au pair?
 * Judge Harm: Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw.
 * Homer: It won't?


 * Homer: I love our court days.
 * Marge: It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore.


 * Milhouse: If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast.
 * Bart: Big deal. It's just saltines and fig paste.
 * Milhouse: Ew, saltines!


 * Judge Harm: (to Bart) According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car?
 * Homer: Uh, your honor? I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Price Patrol.
 * Judge Harm: You abandoned your son to win forty dollars!?
 * Homer: And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion (Takes out the medallion) Cool.
 * Judge Harm: And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?
 * Homer: Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of, "Don't Fear The Reaper", I think you'll agree that--
 * Judge Harm: I'm familiar with B.O.C.!

(Homer, tethered to Bart, enters Moe's.)
 * Moe: Hey, hey, no kids in the bar!
 * Homer: Since when?
 * Moe: Oh, the heat's been on since them Bush girls were in here.

(Lisa comments on Homer being tethered to Bart.)
 * Lisa: Creative sentencing is common these days. That's why Bill Clinton is our new mailman.


 * Judge Harm: Not only that, you are horrible parents, you're also violent criminals. I'm going to have you two locked up 'til frogs do fractions.
 * Bart: Your Honor, may I say something?
 * Judge Harm: Well, it is highly unorthodox, so no.
 * Bart: Please, your Honor?
 * Judge Harm: Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind of me when I was a little boy.
 * Bart: Your Honor, it's not easy being my parents. I'm always screwing up in school and getting in trouble with the law. But if I grow up to be a halfway decent person, I know it will be because of my Mom and Dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will.
 * Lisa: Thats my brother.
 * Snake: Did she say she used to be a dude?


 * Kirk Van Houten: Judge, please don't send my boy to juvie. He's just weak, both morally and in the upper body.


 * Judge Harm: I hereby order you to be tethered to your son.
 * Homer: Tethered?
 * Judge Harm: Tethered. Report to room 5.
 * Homer: Room 5?

(Marge has cut the tether and triggered the alarm and Judge Harm's image appears out of the tether.)
 * Judge Harm: That's right it's me, Judge Harm, through the magic of fiber optics.
 * Homer: Hey, hey, hey, h-how about that? Huh, huh?
 * Judge Harm: Quiet, tubsy. You violated my order.
 * Homer: But Constance, it only happened because--
 * Judge Harm: Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway.

(Watching Judge Harm on television.)
 * Marge: Of course she's never had children, look at how high and firm her breasts are!