Horatio McCallister

Whoot at the Lesbian!

Wikia sucks!

"Yarrrrrrrrrr!"

- McCallister's Catchphrase

The Sea Captain, or Captain McCallister (Horatio and/or Pete)or Sea Captin is a resident of Springfield. He's always seen holding a corncob pipe and squinting: because he has at least one glass eye - though once he was seen tapping both of his eyes and says he has 'two glass eyes.' In addition to eye(s), he also has an artificial leg. He was created by then writer Conan O'brien.

Though he admitted that he isn't a real captain, Captain McCallister has (incompetently) piloted several vessels. On one occasion, he wrecks a cargo ship full of hot pants; on another, in a reference to the Exxon Valdez oil spill, he causes an oil spill by crashing his tanker while drunk. He launches a river raft for Homer, only to have it sink immediately to the bottom. The captain's idea for Mr. Burns' casino involved three ships and fifty "stout men" who would "sail 'round the Horn and return with spices and silk". On several occasions, he acknowledges his incompetence with a depressed, "Yarr, I don't know what I'm doin'." At one time, he tried selling his houseboat to Marge and Homer while they were looking for a new home, and in an obvious nod to Robert Shaw's character in Jaws starts grappling with a shark when it attacks through the floor. He was apparently a Christian, as he had his ship blessed by Reverand Lovejoy until he learned at least three months later that Lovejoy's blessing the ship didn't count as a blessing since during the three months, his minister license was expired.

As an entrepreneur, McCallister is equally incompetent. His restaurant, The Frying Dutchman, is a failing business venture that does not generate enough income to support its owner. He also once used Homer's bad review for his restaurant despite his hatred of it because it covers up the "D" from the health inspection agency nicely. The captain once appeared as a penniless bum. When seeing Homer and Marge walking Homer's pet lobster at the beach, he approaches them and claims that he runs a "small academy for lobsters." However, when Marge refuses to send the lobster away to "some snobby boarding school," McCallister asks her for spare change instead.

He has never been shown with a girlfriend and, while it's generally believed that he's not gay, he has hinted to the fact that he has engaged in "situational homosexuality" with his fellow sailors. However, McAllister once took a picture of Patty and Selma in the nude, a picture which he claims to need for "those lonely nights at sea". He has at least one son, whom he describes as "the catch of the day."


 * The Sea Captain was created by NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" host Conan O'Brien while he was a writer for The Simpsons. Voiced by Hank Azaria, the character first appeared in 1992 in the episode "New Kid on the Block" episode as the owner of The Frying Dutchman all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. In that episode, McCallister is sued by Homer for not letting him eat all he could eat. Homer Simpson's visit to the restaurant caused the captain to observe about him, "'Tis no man, 'tis a remorseless eatin' machine!"
 * The Sea Captain's squinty eye and pipe are based on.
 * The Sea Captain's real name may be derived in part from Captain, the title character of a series of sea-adventure novels by.