Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words/Quotes


 * Lisa: Guess what, mom? I'm a cruciverbalist!
 * Marge: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You know, you'll just drop the whole thing at college when you get a Jewish boyfriend.


 * Homer: Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club and won't be home until three in the morning!
 * Marge: Have fun!


 * Lisa: Dad, I know this is crazy, but did you plant a message to me in the New York Times crossword puzzle?
 * Homer: Well, I had a little help from this guy.
 * [Will Shortz and Merl Reagle appear]
 * Lisa: (gasps) New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz and master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle!
 * Merl Reagle: I actually wrote that crossword.
 * Will Shortz: And I edited it. Now get back to crosswording!
 * Merl Reagle: (dejected) Yes, sir.


 * Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
 * Principal Skinner: You called?
 * Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
 * Principal Skinner: My mistake.


 * [After Lisa loses the crossword puzzle tournament]
 * Lisa: Oh, I blew it again.
 * Homer: She blew it again! Woo-Hoo!
 * [The bartender approaches Homer with a large tray of money]
 * Bartender: (disdainfully) Here's your money, soaked in your daughter's tears.
 * Homer: You know for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.