Hans Moleman

"My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!"

- Hans Moleman Hans Moleman (also known as Ralph Melish) is a 4ft 4 in, 140lb mole-like man with extremely bad luck. His appearance looks old because heavy drinking ruined his life. He is 31 years old.

Biography
Although appearing elderly, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old, but due to his heavy drinking, he appears much older. He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind (which has severely impaired his reading ability) and has used medical marijuana. He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword.

Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally "de-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult de-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge. At one time, it was revealed that Hans Moleman slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother, and is considered by Metallica to be a "real fan".

Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines. In the opening credits for the Simpsons Moleman is hit by a car by Marge. He has some jobs such as a mail man and a janitor (in the episode where Homer gets good luck). His home address was 920 Oak Grove, Springfield.

Apparently, he had a father who lived at Springfield Retirement Castle.

Behind the Laughter

 * Although mentioned to be 31, In the Simpsons Hit & Run, he lives at Springfield Retirement Castle . There is also a mission in Hit & Run called Return Of The Nearly Dead referring to Hans Moleman as very old (though video games are non-canon and the police and nurses of the Retirement Castle may believe he is old enough to go there, judging by his appearance).
 * His license plate says that his name is "Ralph Melish".
 * Moleman is similar to Kenny from South Park - both characters die frequently, yet they return unharmed in subsequent episodes.


 * Moleman is also similar to Bruce from Family Guy, in that both characters seem to have a different job in almost every appearance.
 * In early episodes, his skin color was inconsistent and would range from yellow to brownish-yellow.
 * He had an affair with Lars Ulrich's grandmother.
 * He has a knife in his cane.
 * Kissing him is similar to kissing a peanut.