Hans Moleman

"My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!"

- Hans Moleman Hans Moleman (also known as Ralph Melish) is a 4ft 4 in, 140lb mole-like man with extremely bad luck. There is a running gag in the series of him being killed by accidents.

Biography
Although appearing elderly, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old, but due to his heavy drinking, he appears much older. He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind (which has severely impaired his reading ability) and has used medical marijuana. He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword. He is also known to be a war veteran.

Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally "de-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult de-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge. At one time, it was revealed that Hans Moleman slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother, and is considered by Metallica to be a "real fan".

Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines. In the opening credits for The Simpsons, Moleman is hit by a car by Marge. He has some jobs such as a mail man and a janitor (in the episode where Homer gets good luck). His home address was 920 Oak Grove, Springfield.

Apparently, he had a father who lived at Springfield Retirement Castle.

Hans Moleman once attended Springfield University for a short time, only so that he could find a seat. One of the college girls refers to him as an "80 year old man" only referring to his old appearance. It is unknown how long he attended the school and whether he gained any credits.

Behind the Laughter

 * Although mentioned to be 31, In the Simpsons Hit & Run, he lives at Springfield Retirement Castle . There is also a mission in Hit & Run called Return Of The Nearly Dead referring to Hans Moleman as very old (though video games are non-canon and the police and nurses of the Retirement Castle may believe he is old enough to go there, judging by his appearance and obvious bad luck.)
 * Also, in the Springfield hub of The Simpsons Game, he might just be confused about his age, saying he is both 26 and 31. However, this is non-canon, too.


 * His license plate says that his name is "Ralph Melish".


 * In early episodes, his skin color was inconsistent and would range from yellow to brownish-yellow.
 * He had an affair with Lars Ulrich's grandmother.
 * He has a knife in his cane.
 * Kissing him is similar to kissing a peanut.
 * He is one of the Springfield residents to appear in a Tracey Ullman short, the others are Krusty and Abe.

Behind the Laughter
Moleman first appeared in the short, Scary Movie without glasses sleeping in the cinema, but wakes up when Bart screams. He was silent by then. He looked different in that short, showing a prototype version of him. He was officaly introduced as a speaking, unlucky character in Principal Charming.