Melvin Van Horne

"They say any publicity is good publicity."

- Sideshow Mel

"This is Herschel Krustofski."

- Sideshow Mel

"Everyone's always kissing your ass. Well I'm not afraid to tell you you're a [bleep]!"

- Sideshow Mel, to Krusty the Clown

Melvin Van Horne (aka Sideshow Mel) is Krusty's current sidekick on The Krusty the Clown Show. When not in character, Mel speaks in a grandiose English/Shakespearean accent and owns many poodles.

Biography
Mel joined the cast of the Krusty the Clown Show to replace Sideshow Bob, who was sent to prison for attempting to frame Krusty for armed robbery.

Sideshow Mel uses a slide whistle to communicate on camera. When not in character, Mel speaks in a grandiose English/Shakespearean accent and owns poodles. His main accomplishment so far has been successfully removing Waylon Smithers from suspicion of having shot Mr. Burns. Off-screen, Mel is generally very eloquent, educated, poetic and intelligent, with a beautiful singing voice - it is implied that, as with Sideshow Bob before him, his true talents are wasted on Krusty's show. He attended Cornell University. When Lisa Simpson won the "Entertainer of the Year Award," it was revealed that Melvin also won the award previously for his portrayal of Biff in Death of a Salesman, but his desire to keep his stardom eventually led him to become the sidekick he is today. He was once forced to conduct an orchestra of kazoo-playing monkeys. When he pleaded with Krusty to not force him to do it, Krusty simply shouted at him to "shut up and conduct!"



Religion and Education
Little is known about Mel. He is a Cornell University graduate. It is also shown that Mel could be a recovering alcoholic as he had attended several Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Although he is occasionally seen at the Presbylutheran church, Mel was retroactively an atheist until the episode "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass," where he converted to religion after watching Ned's home movies depicting Bible stories.

Hair
Aside from the bone, Mel has a light blue curly hair in a sort of the beehive-like style similar to Marge's, only shorter and rounded at the top. His hair also appears to be "fashioned/poised/set" in an upward position because it seems to sit atop his head, showing that he has no sideburns or even a hair "tail". Mel perpetually wears a bone in his hair which may or may not be permanently affixed. He once warned Lisa not to use a bone to try and get gum out of her hair, as he did and it became permanently stuck there. However, he has been seen removing the bone to use it as a weapon during a duel, and to whack at the dome under which Springfield was trapped by the EPA. Bart also took the bone out of his hair to prank Martin Prince, after which Mel was shown to have long flowing hair. Homer also took the bone out of his hair and used it as a murdering weapon. He indicated that he could feel meteorological conditions in the bone, such as incoming storms. Before he got his bone, Mel was famous in both London and Hollywood and was able to comb his hair.



Disabilities
It was revealed in "Bart Gets Famous" that Sideshow Mel was lactose-intolerant when Bart gave him a grilled cheese sandwich.

Family
He may be married to or living with a woman named Barbara, who may or may not be Krusty's sister with whom he wished to purchase a house from Marge Simpson. Mel once complained that Barbara no longer pleasured him with the French Arts. . It is revealed that he has at least one child when he says "Krusty, please, my wife is giving birth as we speak." He has also been seen with a son, Warren, a daughter, Becca, and several unnamed children. Mel also has a deceased father, whose funeral he attended shortly before performing at an icerink with Krusty. He once said his father was a monster.

Mel may be divorced from Barbara or another wife or girlfriend. The papers say he is having a contentious custody battle with the mother of at least one of his children ("Homerazzi").

Krusty reveals to Mel that he has been secretly having an affair with Mel's wife, and that he wants to dump her after 11 years since the thrill is gone.

Other Jobs
After Krusty's show was cancelled following the rise of Gabbo, Mel worked at a fast food restaurant where he initially refused Krusty's pleas to return to his show.

He was the jury foreman for the Mona Simpson trial. The jury was sequestered at a Quality Inn which "more than lived up to its name."

In a comic it is revealed he was a racer and got 15 trophies, maybe he earned even more.

Behind the Laughter
As said in "Midnight Rx", he could have been married to Marge. He had his own comic story of how he became a sideshow. His house and parents are in it.