Troy: Think what it'll mean. Not just the McBain movie, but maybe my own fragrance: "Smellin' of Troy"!
Louie: Hey I thought you said Troy McClure was dead.
Fat Tony: No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see...
Louie: Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.
Troy: Hello, Selma Bouvier, It's Troy McClure. You might remember me from such dates as last night's dinner.
Troy: You wouldn't ask a handsome man like me to wear glasses! It'd be a crime against nature!
Marge: I've never seen Selma happier.
Homer: That reminds me... Troy said something interesting last night at the bar. Apparently, he doesn't really love Selma and the marriage is just a sham to help his career. Well, enough talk. Let's snuggle.
Troy: So, working at the D.M.V. must be very interesting.
Selma: Well, I think I'm getting Repetitive Stress Disorder from scratching my butt all day.
Selma: Are you gay?
Troy: Gay?! I wish! If I were gay there'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...
Selma: Look, I'm sorry. A loveless marriage is one thing. We're not hurting anybody. But bringing a child into a loveless family is something I just can't do.
Troy: Oh, great! We'll adopt.
Parker: Paramount wants you for a buddy comedy with Rob Lowe and Hugh Grant.
Troy: THOSE SICK FREAKS?!?
Chief Wiggum: Oh! I'm seeing stars here!
Troy: (to Chief Wiggum) No, just one. Hi I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula'd" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall".