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A Serious Flanders: Part One |
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Kostas Becker: A greedy man once yearned for more, so the fool began to borrow. He ate and drank and told the bank, "I'll pay the debt tomorrow." But as both dolt and purse grew fat, the calendar grew thinner. The debt collector had enough and hungered for his dinner. The coward ran, with coin in hand, but come dawn, lost his breath. The fool was caught, 'twas all for naught, for the collector's name was Death.
The Rich Texan: Don't do this! I have a wife and two young mistresses, also a secret other wife. Please, I'm a good man. A good man!
Ned Flanders: Homer Simpson? I didn't know you were a fellow volunteer Litter Gitter?
Homer: No, I'm doing community service 'cause of where I told the judge to shove some parking tickets.
Homer: Aw, a do-gooder like you finding this money is proof that karma is real, which sucks 'cause now I can't club you over the head and take it.
Ned: Aw, thanks, neighbor.
Rod Flanders: We should get a huge terrarium with like a million turtles.
Todd Flanders: No, we should get a speedboat with bunk beds on it.
Rod: Turtles.
Todd: Bunk-boat.
Rod: Turtles.
Todd: Bunk-boat.
Kostas Becker: Anyhoo, the Rich Texan account has been balanced, and I'll be bringing you the proof. No, not the whole head. They only let you have one bag on United.
Comic Book Guy: Ooh, locking the door as a means of intimidation. How original. The silent but violent accomplice, another overworked cliché.
Colette: (Speaks French)
Comic Book Guy: Correction, French accomplice. An unexpected yet still underwhelming twist. Two stars.
Ned: You know, I was just talking to.… He's gone.
Kostas Becker: No, I'm not. I started to hide, but I couldn't find any good places. I'll see you later.
Marge: How can someone else's generosity make you angry?
Homer: Mm, because that money should've been mine! I fall down inclines all the time, and all I ever get is concussionezzezzezzezzes…. Zzezzes.
Seamus: How come every song you play has to be so kooky and obscure? Just for once, I wouldn't mind a little Taylor Swift before we commit an atrocity.
Ned: Well, as the picture frame said to the level, that was quite an evening.
Ned: Is that... is that Sideshow Mel? You must be a real fan.
Barbara Belfry: Well, I used to be.
Ned: He's your husband?
Barb: Well, technically, but don't you worry, hon. We got an arrangement, me and Mel.
Ned: What?!
Barb: I get to have my extracurriculars and, uh, so does he. Well, he tries, anyway. Aw, bless his heart.
Ned: Oh, Lordy, I'm an adulterer.
Sideshow Mel: Don't mind me. Just rebooting the Wi-Fi.
Ned: Gah, the cuckold!
Homer: Flanders, you got to save me. This guy's way too weird not to be dangerous. He doesn't even look at his phone when he's bored. He's not human, I tell you.
Fit-Fat Tony: Why are you dipping my face in dough? Why are you kneading my face into an "O" shape? Why are you pushing my face toward the deep fryer? Oh, I see. Clever.
Snake Jailbird: Hands up. This is totally…. Oh, God! My God! What the hell happened?! Oh, Mafia guys! Headless dude! Oh, Disco Man! I need some water. Oh! His face is a donut! That is so messed-up.