Marge: I haven't been in a play since high school, and I thought it would be a good chance to meet some other adults.
Homer: Sounds interesting.
Marge: You know, I spend all day alone with Maggie, and sometimes it's like I don't even exist.
Homer: Sounds interesting.
Llewellyn Sinclair: Hello! I am Llewellyn Sinclair. I've directed three plays in my career and I've had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I'm planning for a fourth.
Llewellyn Sinclair: Those auditioning for the role of Stanley, take off your shirts. Take off your shirts! Deshabillez votre chemises! Schnell, schnell, schnell!
(Several men remove their shirts)
Llewellyn Sinclair: (to Jasper) Uh-uh. (to Apu) Nope. (to Chief Wiggum) Try joining a gym. (to Otto) OH, ye gods!
(Otto's chest reveals a gruesome skull tattoo)
Otto: Hey man, if you like that, you should see my butt!
Llewellyn Sinclair: (noticing Flanders' ripped physique) You! You're my Stanley.
Flanders: Hot diggity!
Ms. Sinclair: Mrs. Simpson, do you know what a baby is saying when she reaches for her bottle?
Marge:....Ba-ba?
Ms. Sinclair: She's saying "I am a leech".
Marge: Maybe I should've a nice calligraphy class.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, forget about it. That Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic!
Lisa: Wow! My mother the actress. I feel like Lucie Arnaz-Luckinbill.
Bart: Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
Marge: Um, I don't think so.
Homer: Bart, don't ask stupid questions...Is there any frontal nudity?
Marge: No, Homer!
Helen Lovejoy: My name is Helen Lovejoy, and I'll be playing Stella.
Apu: I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I play Steve.
Otto: My name is Ot-toooo! I'm playin' Pa-blooo!
Lionel Hutz: Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
Ms. Sinclair: Mrs. Simpson, I don't like to toot my own horn, but we're the only day-care in town that is not currently under investigation by the state.
Llewellyn Sinclair: [to Homer on the phone] Stop bothering my Blanche!
Marge: I just don't see why Blanche should shove a broken bottle in Stanley's face. Couldn't she just take his abuse with gentle good humor?
Marge: (in a southern accent) The play's tomorrow night. I've got to stay in charactah.
Lisa: (in a southern accent) Hey Mom, would it help if I talked lack this tew?
Marge: (in a southern accent) It maght.
Bart: (in a cockney accent) En I'll talk like 'is. Bob's ya uncle mate.
Marge: (in a southern accent) That really doesn't help, Baaht.
Bart: (in a cockney accent) Can I slog off school tomorra. Gotta pain in me gulliva!
Homer: I'm livin' in a cuckoo clock!
Homer: What about dessert?
Marge: For God's sakes, you can pull the lid off your own can of pudding!
Homer: Fine! I will!
Marge: I'm sure you won't enjoy it. There's nothing about bowling in the play. Oh wait, there is.
Homer: Probably not much of it.
Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.
Marge: What kooky projects?
Homer: You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.
Homer: It really got to me how that lady, uh... You know which one I mean. You played her.
