Moe: Look, Ned, I know we ain’t hung out much, what with your insane fear of drinking and me being banned from the church and all but eh, that Maude, she was really something.
Ned: Oh, wasn't she? Thank you Moe, I appreciate that.
Moe: I really mean it though, If it was you that died, I would have been on her so fast!
Ned: What are you saying!?
Moe: What, nothing, she was hot, what? you can't take a compliment?
Ned: Hot? You Monster!
Marge: It's hard to believe we're never going to see Maude again.
Homer: And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Well, from now on, I'm never going to let you leave the room without telling you how much I love you, and how truly special... This is really eating up a lot of time. Maybe just a pat on the butt.
Homer: Hey, t-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt!
[Maude is coming back to her seat with some hot dogs]
Homer: Ooh, look! A bobby pin!
[Homer bends down]
[Maude gets shot with the t-shirt guns and falls off the top of the speedway's bleachers]
Dr. Hibbert: Oh my Lord, she's dead!
Ned: (gasps, moans)
Bart: Why are you taping Flanders, dad?
Homer: You'll see. [he chuckles]
Bart: Do you even have a job anymore?
Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.
Homer: So, how you doin', Ned?
Ned: Oh, it's been a hard couple of months but I feel like I've turned a corner.
Homer: Well, that's gonna change, thanks to this tape!
Homer: Now the audio needs some tweaking and there's some footage of Maggie being born that I couldn't get rid of. Anyway, enjoy.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I would date Ned in a second if I was a woman, or gay. He looks like a cuddler, that Ned. I-I like that. I like to be held, I like to be...pampered. [looks off dreamily as alarms and gunshots are heard behind him]
Maude: I like the fresh air, and looking at the poor people in the infield.
Brandine: Dang, Cletus, why'd you have to park next to my parents?
Cletus: Now, honey, they's my parents too!
Female Cheerleader: Who wants a free t-shirt?
Moe: Me! Me!
Marge: I do! I do! Wait, no I don't.
[A shirtless Homer is begging the racetrack cheerleaders to give him a free T-shirt.]