Template:TabQ
- Marge is at a typewriter
- Marge: "Homer, cannot we wait to make this advertisement until after the dog flunks out of obedience school?"
- Homer: "No Marge, we have to commit ourselves! Have the ad say 'Kind, faithful dog for sale. Says I love you on command...in three languages'!"
- Marge gives her annoyed sigh at Homer's blatant attempt at false advertising
:Mrs. Winthrop's office. Bart enters with a leashed Santa's Little Helper
- Bart: "Mrs. Winthrop, may I have a minute of your time?"
- Mrs. Winthrop motions for Bart to have a seat
- Bart:"Look, I was thinking, since you are paid whether Santa's Little Helper fails or passes, why not just pass my dog anyway?"
- Emily Winthrop: "Oh I get it. Lick a stamp on it, thank you very much, next please!"
- Bart:"Yup!"
- Emily Winthrop{sighing}: "Heavens to Murgatroyd! Bart, perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe while the traditions I was weaned on are either neutered or put to sleep one by one."
- Bart stares at her blankly as if she implies resignation
- Emily Winthrop{stern tone}: "But my time has not yet passed! The world does not need another college graduate who does not know how to sit!"
- Santa's Little Helper fails to respond to the command
- Emily Winthrop: "Pull the chain."
- Bart: "What?"
- Emily Winthrop: "Correct the dog."
- Bart:"I do not want to strangle my dog."
- Emily Winthrop: "PULL THE BLOODY CHAIN, BOY!"
- An intimidated Bart pulls Santa's Little Helper's leash, who yelps then collapses on the floor
- Bart: "I am sorry, boy. It is not your fault you are so dumb."
:Homer is with a grizzled farmer, who is testing Santa's Little Helper by grabbing underneath his legs
- Homer: "I do not want to give him up, but I am moving to a foreign country where dogs are forbidden."
- Farmer: "No problem, I can put him to good use on my farm. You know, other farmers say only mules can pull plows. Impatient people would not make a dog do it. Patient people know otherwise."