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The Otto Show
Bart's Friend Falls in Love
Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
Milhouse: [asks Magic 8 Ball] Let me try! Will I get beat up today? "All signs point to yes."
Nelson: That ball knows everything. [punches him]

Bart: (After the 8-Ball says otherwise about his friendship with Milhouse) What could come between two bestest buddies like us?
(scene change to show Samantha Stanky, with ominous music)

Principal Skinner: Now it's never easy to come to a new school, so let’s make her feel right at home. Please say a big elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
[kids laugh]
Samantha Stankey: Stankey.
Principal Skinner: Oh, embarrassing for you. Well, goodbye!

Edna Krabappel: I'm sure this is a little scary for you, dear.
Samantha: Uh huh.
Edna Krabappel: So, why don't you stand up in front of the class and tell us about yourself. I'll be grading you on grammar and poise.

Samantha: We just moved here from Phoenix. My dad owns a home security company. He came to Springfield because of its high crime rate and lackluster police force. All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that you're all probably used to...but I'm not.
Edna Krabappel: It'll take you about six weeks, dear.

Edna Krabappel: Class, in order to explain why your hormones will soon make you an easy target for every smooth-talking Lothario with his own car and tight jeans... I will now show a short sex-education film. Ezekiel and Ishmael, in accordance with your parents's wishes you may step out into the hall and pray for our souls.
Troy McClure: Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You kids might remember me from such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious, But Deadly" and "Here Comes the Metric System." I'm here to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner. And now, here's "Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What".

Edna Krabappel: She's faking it.

Samantha: How do we know when we fall in love?
Edna Krabappel: Oh, don't you worry. Most of you will never fall in love and marry out of fear of dying alone.
Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man half-apelike creature?
Edna Krabappel: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God, shmod! I want my monkey-man!

Milhouse: Uh, that’s a nice dress.
Samantha: My dad makes me wear it, I hate it!
Milhouse: Well, I hate it too!

Otto: Everybody on! No shoving! Hee, just kidding. You can shove all you want!

Samantha: Hi.
Bart: Hey, what's with the skirt?
Milhouse: I've brought friends to this treehouse before.
Bart: Yeah, but never a girl. What if I want to strut around nude?
Samantha: Maybe I should go.

Bart: [to Samantha] You can read comics with us. Let's see...something for the lady. Ah, Radioactive Man vs. the Swamp Hog.
Samantha: Do you have any girl comics? Like Bonnie Craine, Girl Attorney, Punkin & Dunkin, The Twinkle Twins, or Lil' Kneesocks?
Bart: No, but my sister's got a wide selection of crappy comics.

Kent Brockman : Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two-fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.

Marge: [in a dream about Homer's funeral] I wish they had never invented fried cheese!

Lisa: Dad, what if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?
Homer: I'd say you're a lying scumbag. Why, sweetie?
Lisa: According to "Eternity Magazine", you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is subtly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.
Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.

Homer: Lose weight and listen to new age music? Wow. What do you think Marge?
Marge: [loudly] Oh, Homer, I love you just the way you are.
Marge: [whispering] Lisa, what's that number?
[Marge is making an order]
Marge: Operator, I'd like to place an order for my husband.
Telephone operator: Would he like to lose weight, stop smoking, learn the state capitals, master hostage negotiations..
Marge: Hmm...hostage negotiations.
[Marge suddenly imagines Homer at the airport outside a hijacked plane. He is wearing army fatigues and yelling through a bullhorn]
Homer: Listen, Tabbouleh, we're ignoring all your demands. What do you say to that?
[Terrorist sticks submachine gun out of plane hatch and guns down Homer. A frightened Marge returns to reality]
Marge: Better give me the weight loss tape.

Lisa: They'll send you tapes you listen to while you sleep. As you hear New Age music, a powerful message goes to your brain telling you to eat less.
Homer: Lose weight and listen to New Age music? Wow!

Marge: Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?
Homer: Ah, lamentably no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.

Bart: [about Milhouse and Samantha] All they do is kiss.
Marge: How cute! They don't open their mouths, do they?
Bart: No.
Marge: How cute!

Martin [to Bart]: This is the first time anyone has ever sat next to me since I successfully lobbied to have the school day extended by 20 minutes!

Mr. Stankey: Samantha!
Samantha: Dad!
Mr. Stankey: Nooooo! [crows squawking away]
Mr. Stankey: Samantha, you’re my little girl, and sometimes my imagination runs away with me. Just, just tell me what happened.
Samantha: Well, Milhouse and I…
Mr. Stankey: That's enough! I'm putting you in an all-girl-school! And you're never going to see that boy again!
Samantha: Milhouse!
Milhouse: Samantha! [Samantha puts in Stankey's Car then Mr. Stankey drives away]
Bart: Well Milhouse, 'tis better to have loved and lost... yatta, yatta, yatta. Let's go to the arcade!
Milhouse: How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy!

Lisa: Hey Bart, according to this magazine, in another million years, man will have an extra finger!
Bart: Five fingers...ooh, freak show!

Bart: Milhouse, we're living at the age of cooties. I can't believe the risk you’re running. Besides, what's so great about kissing?
Milhouse: Bart, it's just not the kissing. A lot of it is waiting to kiss. You know like when you open an Eskimo Pie and you wait just a little bit for it to melt?
Bart: But she doesn’t melt.
Milhouse: Oh, yes she does.

Milhouse: Bart, I don't want you to see me cry.
Bart: Oh, come on, I've seen you cry a million times. You cry when you scrape your knee, you cry when they're out of chocolate milk, you cry when you're doing long division and you have a remainder left over.

Homer Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?

Bart: [after Samantha is sent to Saint Sebastian School, an all-girls school] Hey, Samantha, I'm sorry about getting you thrown in the penguin house.
Samantha: That's all right, Bart. I love Saint Sebastian. It's run by a group of French-Canadian nuns. They're very nice, except they never let me out.

Milhouse: Bart, think I can ever find another one like her?
Bart: You're asking the wrong guy, Milhouse. They all look alike to me. Now let's go whip donuts at old people.

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?