The transcript of Bart's Haircut.
Part #1: Bart's Hat[]
[The Simpson family are each doing something, only Bart is gone. Marge is knitting something, Homer is reading a newspaper, Lisa is playing with a toy rabbit and Maggie is rattling a toy. Bart enters with a large hat.]
- Homer: How come you're always wearing that hat?
- Bart: Fashioned statement, Dad.
- Homer: Take off the hat, boy.
[Bart takes off his hat, and it is revealed to the family he has more than usual hair.]
- Lisa: Look, he's a beatnik!
- Marge: [gasp] You go get a haircut!
- Homer: Right now.
- Bart: I was afraid this moment would come.
Part #2: Bart's Haircut[]
[In Snipper Cuts - Shaves, Bart is sitting in a barber chair.]
- Jake the Barber: Well, what'll it be, sonny?
[Jake raises the barber chair.]
- Bart: Just a little off the top, sir.
- Jake: Ah, sure thing.
[Jake begins cutting off Bart's hair. Eventually, Bart notices that Jake is cutting a lot more than "a little off the top".]
- Jake: There you go! What do you think?
[Jake turns Bart to the mirror; Bart is shocked. He sees that a large majority of his hair is gone.]
- Bart: [shouting] What the hell did you do to my hair?!
- Jake: Oh, that'll be five dollars, please. Here's a sucker!
[Jake offers Bart a lollipop.]
[Later, Bart is at his house. He climbs through a window with a brown paper bag of his hair. He grabs a piece of yellow paper, glues it, and places his hair on it. He places glue on his head, and places the paper of hair on his head. He looks in the mirror and smiles. The hair falls off from the paper.]
[Back in the living room, the family discuss Bart's whereabouts.]
- Homer: Isn't that boy back from the barber yet?
- Lisa: I heard him sneaking around in his bedroom.
- Homer: [shouting] Bart! Front and center!
[Bart arrives in the living room with the brown paper bag on his head.]
- Bart: I'll take it off, but you all gotta promise you won't laugh, okay? Promise?
- Marge, Homer, Lisa and Maggie: We promise!
[Bart takes off the bag.]
[Marge and Lisa gasp. Marge, Homer, Lisa and Maggie snicker, until eventually laughing.]