Flanders' Ladder
Bart's Not Dead
Heartbreak Hotel
Dolph: Hey, Martin Princess. If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it?
Chalmers: No heckling!
Skinner: Way to crush him, sir.
Kearney: Hey, Skinner! If you like Chalmers so much, why don't you marry him?
Skinner: Well, as the superintendent, he's married to all the principals.
Chalmers: Thank you. You've made the anniversary of my wife's death even more depressing.

Milhouse: She loves me, she loves me not. Oh, why do I always use flowers with two pedals?

Ralph: I'm turning my back on you. [does a 360] Hi, Bart!

Nelson: [teasing] Bart's got a dad. Bart's got a dad.
Bart: I do not!

Homer: You did the worst thing any boy could do. It's worse than wetting your pants, while on Santa's lap, and I've been on both sides of that one.

Bart: Grandpa, dad says I have to take a dare.
Grandpa: I had Homer on a dare and as horrible as that worked out, I'd do it again.
Bart: Why did someone dare you to have Homer?
Grandpa: It was after the war. We needed babies.

Jimbo: So, Simpson. Word on the street is, you're looking for a dare.
Bart: Yeah, fine. I need to get this monkey off my back.
Kearney: Hey, how about that for a dare? Putting a monkey on his back.
Jimbo: And after we're done, then what? We have a monkey that's our permanent responsibility.
Dolph: Yeah, think ahead, Dingus.

[A power plant worker sees Bart about to jump off the Springfield Dam]
Guy: Simpson, is that your kid?
Homer: Oh my God! I've gotta stop him!
Lenny: I dare you not to.

Homer: Marge, Marge. As someone who's fallen off a cliff, multiple times, the best thing we can do is teach him, how to fall off cliffs.

Bart: It was joyful. Clouds, harps, Abe Lincoln.
Homer: Oh my God, Marge! I think our son went to Heaven! Were there any other presidents?
Bart: No.
Homer: It was Heaven!

Bart: I have a message for you, mom.
Marge: From who?
Bart: Jesus.
Marge: Don't say that if it's not true!
Homer: You have to believe him, Marge. It's a deathbed confession.
Marge: He's not on his deathbed!
Homer: The guy in the bed before him died! [Eats some "Get Well Soon" chocolates for the late Uncle Joe]

Lisa: Bart, I've held my tongue, because I appreciate you not ruining my song.
Bart: Can't ruin what already sucks. Burn.

[Lisa makes a creepy face]
Lisa: Oh, no. It's stuck!

[Christian Movie Producers shows up at Bart's doorstep]
Christian Movie Producer #1: Hello Bart, we are Christian movie producers.
Bart: So, you give all your profits back to the church?
[Christian Movie Producers pause in silence]

Christian Movie Producer #1: Homer, we're the best in the business.
Christian Movie Producer #2: Our films average 98% on Rotten Communion Wafers.

Homer: Like most of America, I think I know the movie business.

Homer: I want two seats to the premiere, and my wife needs a seat as well.

[Homer and Ned lie around, doing nothing]
Marge: What are you guys doing?
Homer: What's it look like? We're working!
[Marge groans and walks away]
Ned: Maybe we should take a break.
Homer: Good idea.
[Homer and Ned get back to lying around, doing nothing]

Gal Gadot: Gal Gadot, reading for Lisa.
Ned: You've got the part!
Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I know you were great in Fast and Furious, but what else have you been in?
Gal Gadot: Uh, did you see Wonder Woman?
Homer: Whenever I see the DC logo, I immediately fall asleep.

Marge: Can you get me the wine that I keep in mommy's knitting basket?
Lisa: I know where you keep it.
[Lisa leaves and comes back with the wine]
Lisa: There was no knitting in there.

Homer: There's nothing the director can do on set, that's wrong.

Bart: Dad, I'm starting to feel weird.
Homer's Actor: I'm not your dad. I'm the actor playing him.
Bart: You need all that padding to play Homer?
Homer's Actor: Yes, and I'm fat to begin with.

Homer: The scene we said is New York, is actually Downtown, Calgary, and vice versa.

Bart: No! No! No! I'm going to Heaven!

Bart: Save me Jesus!
Jesus Christ: [pissed off] I've tried very hard to forgive you. It is very tough!

Announcer Lady: And here's Marge with the actress, who played her.
Gal Gadot: In real life, we don't get along.

News Interviewer: Who are you worshiping?

[Grampa watches a movie full of Bart Simpson]
Grampa: Eh, not enough Bart.

Homer: Don't worry, Marge. It's just a little movie. Nobody will see it.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders just called. The movie's on pays to make $100,000,000! It crushed all the good movies that came out, this week.
Homer: Take that Paul Thomas Anderson!

Marge: Oh my God! Our movie's a hit, and a lie!
Homer: Oh, all hit movies are based on lies, Marge. Did you see Argo? None of that happened, and I have strong doubts about The Incredibles.

Kent Brockman: In what some are calling the worst scandal in the history of religion, Bart Simpson lied, when he claimed he had talked to Jesus.

Bart: You think God will forgive me? Don't tell anyone I said that.
Lisa: Well, if there is a God, from what I know, said God will forgive you, if you truly have remorse in your heart.
Bart: Thanks, Lis. Don't tell anyone I asked you that. I did it cuz you're the smartest person I know. And don't tell anybody I said that!

Lisa: Dad must have raked the leaves today!
Bart: Now, that's a miracle!

[Homer goes to Hindu Heaven]
Homer: Please, send me back to Earth.
Vishnu: Yes, yes. You can be a turtle or a pharmaceutical CEO.
Homer: Turtle, please.

Season 29 Season 30 Quotes Season 31
Bart's Not DeadHeartbreak HotelMy Way or the Highway to HeavenTreehouse of Horror XXIXBaby You Can't Drive My CarFrom Russia Without LoveWerking MomKrusty the ClownDaddicus Finch'Tis the 30th SeasonMad About the ToyThe Girl on the BusI'm Dancing As Fat As I CanThe Clown Stays in the Picture101 MitigationsI Want You (She's So Heavy)E My SportsBart vs. Itchy & ScratchyGirl's in the BandI'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'ohD'oh CanadaWoo-hoo Dunnit?Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion
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