- Lisa: This whole morning has been wonderful! (Suspicious) Too wonderful.
- Bart: You're right, this is it. They're selling us to be crash-test dummies!
- Lisa: Oh, please let it be Volvo.
- Bart: It's shot day!
- Bart, Maggie, and Lisa: Aaaaaaahhhh!
- Dr. Hibbert: Welcome to Hell...man Avenue Medical Plaza!
- Marge: Now that wasn't so bad, was it, Bart? You know, sometimes the fear of something gets over you pretty fast.
- (turns to static in the middle)
- Bart: Whoa. Something's wrong. I can't hear!
- Homer: Doctor, perform a diagnosis!
- Dr. Hibbert: Hmmm...I'm afraid the inoculation has swollen his ear holes shut.
- (Dr. Hibbert attempts to inoculate Bart on an amusement park ride, but he injects Drederick Tatum instead)
- Drederick Tatum: (punches Dr. Hibbert) Black on black violence must end! (punches him again) That was for Dr. King!
- (The Simpsons swim off the prison island. One guard points a shotgun at them. A second guard comes over)
- Guard 2: Hold your fire. That walrus will eat them.
- Guard 1: No, that's the dad.
- Guard 2: But he's eating a seal.
- (shows the family swimming with said seal in Homer's mouth)
- (The family is watching a cartoon in the reeducation center)
- U.S. Constitution: Hello! I'm the U.S. Constitution, and I'm over two-hundred years old! But I'm feeling fine! I wish I could say the same for my crazy cousin, Bill O'Rights.
- Bill O'Rights: (With a drunken voice) What did I do? What did I do? (Vomits some papers. Bart and Lisa start laughing)
- Marge: Lisa, That's not funny! You believe in the Bill Of Rights.
- Lisa: (Laughing) I don't know whether it's the lack of sleep, the sodium pentathol, or that it's the only cartoon I've seen in two months, (With a serious voice) But this is what I believe in now.
- Willie: I know what you're hiding, lad. Willie's been deaf since the boiler explosion of '88. But I've taught myself to read lips.
- Guy: Morning, Willie!
- Willie: What did you say about me mother? For your information, her feet stink cause she works in manure all day, but it's still the best damn Starbucks in Glasgow.
Alexander Graham Bell
: And I'm Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone.
Elisha Gray: You stole it from me, Elisha Gray.
Alexander Graham Bell: (Holds up a gold thing with the number 174,465) Read the patent number, bitch!