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All Singing, All Dancing
Bart Carny
The Joy of Sect
Bart: But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?
Marge: You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.
Nelson: [off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-
Marge: [pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!
Nelson: [still off-camera] -HA!

Marge: You can't go on that! You have a heart condition!
Homer: Heart condition? Get out of here!
Marge: You had a quadruple bypass. You nearly died. Don't you remember?
Homer: Obviously I don't. Now if you get out of my way-
Marge: But it doesn't look safe! And the guy running it looks a little seedy. No offense.
Carny: None taken.
Homer: He's not just some guy, Marge! He's a carny, and part of a noble tradition! Carnies built this country... the carnival part of it anyway. And though they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men.

The Rich Texan: What in the name of high school football?!

Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you? [punches Bart in the stomach]

Marge: We just saw the most amazing camel. It was wearing a hat!

Chief Wiggum: I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: Heh-heh, and how.
Chief Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down, maybe we can reach a little, uh...understanding here.
Homer: [lifelessly] I understand.
Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I think he wants...
Homer: Not right now, son, Daddy is talking to the policeman.
Chief Wiggum: Lemme put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
Homer: [still not getting Chief Wiggum's point] No. He's Bart.
Chief Wiggum: Argh. Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink.
Homer: [still not understanding anything] It's a ring toss game.
Chief Wiggum: Alright, that's it, I'm shutting this game down!

Cooder: Son, if you don't finish your cotton candy, you won't get your snow cone.
Spud: Aw, heck.

Lisa: I was wrong about the Cooders, Dad. They're the nicest of all the transients you've ever brought home.

Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've got to help us!
Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well. Look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe! Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!
Homer: Thank you so much!
Lisa: Dad?
Homer: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective.

Cooder: Hey, look at me! I'm a millionaire! [struts around in Homer's white shirt]
Spud: Wow, Dad! You look like James Bond!

Homer bangs on door
Homer: Listen up, Cooder. I am offering a chance to settle this. One game of ring toss. I will try and throw this hula hoop over the chimney. If I lose, I will sign over the deed to you. But if I win, you have to give me back our house.
Cooder and Spud exit on hearing the proposal
Cooder: You mean, we own the house legit?
Homer aims hula hoop
Lisa: No, Dad!
Cooder and Spud smirk, sure that Homer will lose
Homer prepares to toss, but then drops hula hoop
Homer: {shouting} Run for it!
Entire family runs indoors and locks front door; laughing the same way Spud did to them earlier
Spud: Hey! They just ran into the house! That Homer fella grifted you good, Dad.
Cooder: Well, there's no shame in bein' beaten by the best.
Spud: But he didn't seem all that...
Cooder: {brusque} We were beaten by the best, boy.

Homer: Listen to them. Watching my television, sitting in my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: It took me years to forge that groove.
All Singing, All Dancing
Bart Carny
The Joy of Sect
Season 8 Season 9 Quotes Season 10
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