Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
Bart Gets Hit by a Car
One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
Smithers checks on Bart after Mr. Burns hit him with his car.
Smithers: Uh-oh. I, uh—I think the boy's hurt.
Mr. Burns: Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel, and let's get going.

Homer's Brain: A million dollars. My wife cost me a million dollars.
Marge: Homer, would you like some more macaroni and cheese?
Homer's Brain: Yeah, a million dollars worth, you treacherous snake woman.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some string beans?
Homer's Brain: No, I don't want any string beans either, you two-timing, backstabbing—Uh-oh. Better answer.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some celery with cream cheese on it?
Homer's Brain: Just mouth polite nothings.
Homer: No, thank you.

Homer and Marge make up at Moe's bar. Last lines of episode.
Moe: Okay, everybody, for the next 15 minutes, one-third off on every pitcher!
Barflies cheer and start making large orders.
Moe: Hey, one per customer. Domestic beer only. Hey, no sharing!

[At the trial the next day, everyone is shocked when Mr. Burns' lawyer calls Marge to the witness stand.]
Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Marge: Mmm... Yes, I do.
Hutz: She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.
Homer: [cringes] D'oh, the truth.
[Mr. Burns's Lawyer walks up to an unprepared Marge.]
Lawyer: Mrs. Simpson, does the name Julius Hibbert mean anything to you?
Marge: Yes, he's been our family physician and trusted friend ever since the day I became a mother. He's seen us through everything from colds to impetigo all with competence, love and care.
Lawyer: But, wait a minute, I'm confused. We just heard expert testimony from one Dr. Nick Riviera. What is your opinion on him?
[Marge becomes nervous and hesitant, which makes Mr. Burns' lawyer very impatient with her. Hutz looks concerned as everyone else peers behind him in suspicion after hearing Marge's testimony discrediting his claims of Dr. Riviera being the Simpsons's family physician by admitting to having Dr. Hibbert being their family physician.]
Lawyer: Mrs. Simpson!
Marge: [Trying to plead the fifth] I'm sorry, but my mother always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Homer: Will that hold up in court?
Hutz: [glumly admitting] No, I tried that before.
Lawyer: Mrs. Simpson, what is your opinion on Dr. Riviera? AND LET ME REMIND YOU THAT YOU'RE UNDER OATH!!!!
Marge: (on Dr. Nick Riviera) Hmm, well, to be honest, he seemed a lot more concerned about wrapping Bart in bandages than in making him feel better. And he mispronounced words that even I know, like abdomen... and his office was dirty. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if he was even a doctor!
Homer: D'oh!
[While watching Maggie, Lisa is the only one proud of Marge for doing the right thing by telling the truth.]
Lawyer: Mrs. Simpson, could you describe to us in your own words, Bart's intense anguish and suffering.
[Bart smiles, hoping Marge will lie.]
Marge: Well, I don't know how intense it was. Well, I guess he missed three days of school.
Lawyer: Oh three days.
Marge: Though he doesn't like school all that much. So that may not count as anguish.
Lawyer: No, it doesn't, Mrs. Simpson.
Marge: But it was a little hard on me having him around the house all that time.
[Bart frowns in disapproval in her betraying Homer]
Lawyer: Could you put a dollar amount on these hardships?
Marge: Well we pay Bart $5 a week to take out the trash. I suppose if he have been able to do it that way, we might have given him the $5.
Lawyer: $5?! But your lawyer, assuming he is a lawyer is asking for a million. Well we can't blame them for trying now can we. (laughs) Thank you very much, Mrs. Simpson.

Dr. Nick: Stop, you're embarrassing me.

Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.

Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page.

Stream the best stories.

Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page.

Get Disney+