Some Enchanted Evening
Bart Gets an "F"
Simpson and Delilah
[Bart awakens and realizes that he has not studied for his test]
Bart: Hey, Otto man, I've got a big test I am not ready for. Could you please crash the bus or something?
Otto:  Oh, sorry, little buddy. Can't do it on purpose. But hey, maybe you'll get lucky.
Bart: [talking to himself] Okay, no reason to panic. Find an egghead, pump him for some answers, and boom! I'm back on easy street.
Bart: Oh-ho
Sherri: Look at him. I bet he didn't study again. 
Terri: And now he's gonna try to kiss up and get answers from us.
Sherri: He's pathetic.
Bart: Good morning girls!
Sherri and Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart!
Bart: Say, who's up for a cram session? I'll go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' boat?
Sherri: The Spirit of Saint Louis.
Bart: Where was their original destination?
Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
Bart: And why did they leave England?
Sherri: Giant rats.
Sherri and Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook
Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.
Martin: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I should care, but the information pertaining to America's colonial period that you've just received is erroneous.
Bart: So you're saying...
Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
Bart: [groans] Thanks for the pep talk.

[Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
Lisa: Everyone knows you are faking it.
Bart: Well, everyone better keep their mouth shut!
Lisa: You're gonna have to fail that history test sooner or later.
Bart: I got my bases covered.
[Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
Bart: Hey, Milhouse, what'd I miss in school today?
Milhouse: Nothing much. Lewis made Richard laugh milk through his nose.
Bart: Oh, you don't say. What about that history test, huh? Piece of cake, huh? Listen, what did you get for number one? Uh-huh. Number two? Oh, yeah, that sounds right.
Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
Bart: Here you go, Mrs. Krabappel. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
Edna Krabappel: Mm-hmm. Yep. Mm-hmm. This test is worse than Milhouse's exam. Bart Simpson, I warned you. This is the final straw.

[Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
Aged Edna: Alright class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson?
Bart is now a full-grown man
Bart Simpson Senior: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
Edna: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
Bart Sr: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!

[Bart is stopped by Lisa.]
Bart: Hey.
Lisa: I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.

[Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the temptation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
John Mason: Snow!
John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
John Adams: Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!

[Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
Mrs. Krabappel: Please turn in your exam, Bart. Class is over.
Bart: You think you could grade it now, please?
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, alright. Let me get "Old Red".
[Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.]
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, Bart, it's a 59, that's another F.
Bart: Oh, no... I can't believe it.
Mrs. Krabappel: I know, I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be hell.
[Bart begins to cry]
Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter? I would think you'd be used to failing by now.
Bart: [tearfully] No, you don't understand. I really tried this time. I really tried!
Mrs. Krabappel: [comforts Bart] There, there.
Bart: This is as good as I could do, and I still failed!
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59, it's a high F...
Bart: Who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
Mrs. Krabappel: What?
Bart: Oh, you know, 1754, the famous defeat to the French. [sobs]
[Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook]
Mrs. Krabappel: My God, Bart, you're right!
Bart: So?
Mrs. Krabappel: You just demonstrated applied knowledge! And due to the difficulty and relative obscurity of the reference, you deserve an extra point on your exam. Hey, it's only fair.
Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.

(In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill)
Doctor: What's the matter, son?
Bart: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
Doctor: Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
Bart: Both arms, ma'am.
Doctor: Temporary loss of vision?
Bart: Who said that? Come closer.

Bart: I've got to study!
(He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.)
Bart: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)

Edna: Perhaps you like to tell us the NAME of the pirate.
Bart: (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete, Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.

Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.