Bart Gets an "F"/Quotes

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◄ Some Enchanted Evening

Bart Gets an "F"

Simpson and Delilah ►

[Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today] Bart:   Otto, man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus? Otto:   Whoa! Sorry, Bart state law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident! Bart:   [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street! Sherri:   Look! It is Bart Simpson. Terri:   I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us! Bart:   Good morning girls! Sherri & Terri:   [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart! Bart:   Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship? Sherri:   The Spirit of Saint Louis. Bart:   Where was their original destination? Terri:   Sunny Acapulco. Bart:   And why did they leave England? Sherri:   Giant rats. Sherri & Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook Bart:   Cool, history is coming alive! School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus. Martin:   As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous. Bart:   Speak English, man! Martin:   A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do! Bart:   [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, poindexter.

[Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.] Lisa:   Everyone knows you are faking it. Bart:   Well, everyone had better keep their mouth shut! Lisa:   You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later. Bart:   I got my bases covered. [Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse] Bart:   Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2? Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test. Bart:   I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up. Edna Krabappel:   I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you this is the final straw.!

[Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation] Doctor Pryor:   [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade. Edna Krabappel:   Class, the topic is world literature... Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly Edna {aged}:   The topic is world literature. Let us start with Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. Can anyone tell me the name of the pirate...Bart Simpson Senior? Bart is now a full-grown man Bart Simpson Senior:   Ah lady, come on. My kid has the chicken pox, my wife has been nagging me for a new car and I need a root canal. So can you please cut me some slack and stop asking me for the name of that stupid pirate? Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student Bart Simpson Junior:   [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad! Edna:   I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class! Bart Sr:   D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!

Bart is stopped by Lisa Bart:   Hey. Lisa:   I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.

[Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the tempation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.] Bart:   [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England... July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration. Thomas Jefferson:   We hold these truths to be self-evident. Bart:   [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident. Thomas Jefferson:   That all men are created equal. Bart:   [talking to himself] That all men are created equal. Thomas Jefferson:   And are entitled to... John Mason:   Snow! John Adams:   Look everyone! It is snowing! Thomas Jefferson:   Snow in July? It is a miracle! Robert Morris:   - valign=top align=left First Continental Congress:   [in unison] Yeah! Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window. John Adams:   Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!

[Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.] Martin:   Later, Mrs. K. Mrs. Krabappel:   Martin? Okay, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test. Bart:   Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now? Mrs. Krabappel:   well alright let me get out "Old Red". Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test. Mrs. Krabappel:   That's 59, Bart, another F. Bart:   Oh, no I can't believe it! Mrs. Krabappel:   I know I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be terrible. [Bart starts crying] Mrs. Krabappel:   What's the matter, I figure you'd be used to failing by now. Bart:   [still crying] No... you don't understand. I tried this time, I really tried. Mrs. Krabappel:   There, there. Bart:   This is as good as I could do but I still failed! Mrs. Krabappel:   Well, a 59 is a high F... Bart:   Oh, who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754! Mrs. Krabappel:   What? Bart:   Fort Necessity. George Washington lost that battle to the French in 1754. Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook. Mrs. Krabappel:   oh my gosh Bart your right. you showed applied knowledge! And given the obscurity of that battle it is only fair to award you one point. That raises your grade to a 60, or D-. Bart:   [overjoyed] You mean I passed? Mrs. Krabappel:   Barely.

(In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill) Doctor:   What's the matter, son? Bart:   Sharp pains, in my stomach. Doctor:   Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm? Bart:   Both arms, ma'am. Doctor:   Temporary loss of vision? Bart:   Who said that? Come closer.

Bart:   I've got to study! (He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.) Bart:   Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)

Captain Hook

Edna:   Perhaps you like to Tell us the NAME of the Pirate. Bart:   (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.