|| Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
- Nelson: This place is beautiful as a the side of a Coors beer can. The kind my dad used to leave in the bathtub.
- Bart: I thought teachers only went outside to smoke and cry.
- Chalmers: So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now.
- Bart: Same garbage, different dumpster.
- Chalmers: (sighs) We'll start with American history. Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are.
- Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
- Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.
- Sea Captain: Yar, just plastic. Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean.
- Bart: Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day than most people do in their whole lives.
- Chalmers: You know, I hate to say this, Bart, but the library is about to close.
- Bart: Really? I wanted to learn more about trust busting. Take that, Standard Oil!
- Chalmers: Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow.
- Bart: Well, I've learned a lot today. Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away.
- Chalmers: Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. But he also believed you can learn just as much from the out-of-doors.
- Bart: I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry.
- Chalmers: (sighs) Yes. Uh, Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on?
- Bart: No, sir.
- Chalmers: Come with me.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Who can name the three types of rocks? Bart Simpson?
- Bart: Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks.
- Mrs. Krabappel: You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book.
- Bart: My book is missing page 32.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes.
- Bart: My desktop is sticky with soda from the kid that had it before me.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Do as I say!
- Bart: Oh, my God. Milhouse, did you take your nap?
- Milhouse: Does it look like I took my nap? (rips his shirt off and starts dancing then takes his shorts off and throws them out the window)
- Bart: Ay caramba!
- Bart: Sir, of all the books and movies about Teddy Roosevelt, what do you think is the most informative?
- Chalmers: No question, Night at the Museum.
- Bart: 1 or 2?
- Chalmers: Take your pick, you can't go wrong.
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