The Falcon and the D'ohman
Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
Treehouse of Horror XXII
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Nelson: This place is beautiful as a the side of a Coors beer can. The kind my dad used to leave in the bathtub.

Bart: I thought teachers only went outside to smoke and cry.

Chalmers: So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now.
Bart: Same garbage, different dumpster.
Chalmers: (sighs) We'll start with American history. Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are.

Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

Sea Captain: Yar, just plastic. Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean.

Bart: Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day than most people do in their whole lives.
Chalmers: You know, I hate to say this, Bart, but the library is about to close.
Bart: Really? I wanted to learn more about trust busting. Take that, Standard Oil!
Chalmers: Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow.
Bart: Well, I've learned a lot today. Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away.
Chalmers: Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. But he also believed you can learn just as much from the out-of-doors.
Bart: I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry.
Chalmers: (sighs) Yes. Uh, Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on?
Bart: No, sir.
Chalmers: Come with me.

Mrs. Krabappel: Who can name the three types of rocks? Bart Simpson?
Bart: Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks.
Mrs. Krabappel: You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book.
Bart: My book is missing page 32.
Mrs. Krabappel: Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes.
Bart: My desktop is sticky with soda from the kid that had it before me.
Mrs. Krabappel: Do as I say!

Bart: Oh, my God. Milhouse, did you take your nap?
Milhouse: Does it look like I took my nap? (rips his shirt off and starts dancing then takes his shorts off and throws them out the window)
Bart: Ay caramba!

Bart: Sir, of all the books and movies about Teddy Roosevelt, what do you think is the most informative?
Chalmers: No question, Night at the Museum.
Bart: 1 or 2?
Chalmers: Take your pick, you can't go wrong.

Season 22 Season 23 Quotes Season 24
The Falcon and the D'ohmanBart Stops to Smell the RooseveltsTreehouse of Horror XXIIReplaceable YouThe Food WifeThe Book JobThe Man in the Blue Flannel PantsThe Ten-Per-Cent SolutionHolidays of Future PassedPolitically Inept, with Homer SimpsonThe D'oh-cial NetworkMoe Goes from Rags to RichesThe Daughter Also RisesAt Long Last LeaveExit Through the Kwik-E-MartHow I Wet Your MotherThem, RobotBeware My Cheating BartA Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do AgainThe Spy Who Learned MeNed 'N Edna's BlendLisa Goes Gaga
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