The transcript of Bart and Dad Eat Dinner.
Part #1: You and Me[]
[Bart is standing alone in the living room, until Homer enters with some food on plates.]
- Homer: Hey there, boy! Mom took the girls to ballet [mockingly] tonight, so [under his teeth] it's just you and me, kid.
- Bart: [exhaustedly] Uh, sure, Dad.
- Homer: [angrily] Now set up the TV trays and let's get started. You want the frozen fish nuggets or the pork-a-roni?
- Bart: [barfs in mouth] That's a toss-up, Dad.
- Homer: [happily] I've got an idea! Let's mix 'em together, smorgasbord style!
[Homer puts the plates on top of each other, mixing the foods.]
- Homer: A... fish pork-a-roni! Allah, Simpson!
- Bart: Uh, Dad? Would it be too late for me to catch a bus to the ballet?
Part #2: Dog Food[]
- Homer: Where'd he go?
[Bart appears to have left the living room.]
- Homer: [angrily] Bart? Bart! Bart..? Bart! Bart! ... Bart, bart! BAAART!
[Bart rises from behind the couch.]
- Bart: [reluctantly] Here I am...
[Bart jumps and lands on the couch cushions.]
- Homer: Eat.
[Homer places the "fish pork-a-roni" plate on the TV tray. Bart tries it.]
- Bart: Yuck. Tastes like dog food.
- Homer: [angrily] Bart!
- Bart: [teasingly] Does eating dog food turn you into a dog?
- Homer: [angrily] Bart!
- Bart: [teasingly] Well, that answers that question.
Part #3: Done[]
[Homer is eating his "fish pork-a-roni", while Bart is simply staring at it.]
- Homer: You're not touching your fish nuggets-a-roni, boy.
[Homer accidentally throws his fork and it starts bouncing onto the floor.]
- Homer: Whoops, dropped my fork!
[Homer picks it up. While he does this, Bart cleans his plate full of "fish pork-a-roni" onto Homer's plate. Homer looks up and sees that Bart's plate is empty.]
- Homer: [confused] Finished already?
- Bart: Mmm, licked the plate clean!
[Homer shows a cup full of "fish pork-a-roni".]
- Homer: Good, cause there's plenty more where that came from!
[Homer hums a tune while pouring "fish pork-a-roni" onto Bart's plate.]
Part #4: Sleeping[]
[The girls appear in the entrance. Maggie and Lisa are doing ballet as they are walking through.]
- Marge: We're home! The ballet was divine; oh, it was just the...
[Marge smells something.]
- Marge: What's that smell?
[Marge sees the boys sleeping on the couch.]
- Marge: Oh, look at that... Our own two husky men snuggled together on the couch.
- Homer: [mumbling in sleep] Pass that bucket of... [chewing nothing] fish pork nuggets-a-roni this way...
- Bart: [mumbling in sleep] Come on, man... No nuggified fish porklets... Oh no...
- Marge: Isn't that sweet?
[Homer snores.]