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Bart the Mother |
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- Bart: Won't you get in trouble if your Mom sees you doing that?
Nelson: Eh, my Mom's got bigger problems. She doesn't give a crap what I do.
Bart: Wow, you are so lucky.
Nelson: Come on, let's lock and load. You're not going out without a scarf, are you?
Bart: Nah, I don't need one.
Nelson: Hmm. It's your health.
- Marge: That was no accident. Shame on you, Nelson!
Nelson: Cram it, ma'am!
- Nelson: Hot food is tempting, but I can't say no to a weapon.
- Nelson: See ya later, killer.
Marge: "Killer"? Why did he call you "killer"?
Bart: Mom, you were right. Nelson is bad news. Can we go home?
Marge: What are you hiding there?
Bart: Nothing.
Marge: What are those cats doing behind you?
Bart: Uh... Cats like me?
- Bart: Not the face!
- Bart: Wow, could I try that sometime?
Nelson: Yeah, sure. Never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun.
- Homer: Mail call! Gather 'round, everyone! All right, one for resident.
Marge: That's me!
Homer: Well, that's it.
Bart: One stinkin' letter? Why'd you make us gather 'round like that?
Homer: I needed my power fix.
- Marge: (to Bart) You stay away from Nelson Muntz.
Bart: But Mom...!
Marge: Nelson's a troubled, lonely, sad little boy. He needs to be isolated from everyone.
Bart: But Mom...!
Marge: Yes?
Bart: ...That's all I got.
- Nelson: (mocking Bart) Whoa, look at me, I'm Bart Simpson! I'm scared to use a gun! I wanna marry Milhouse! I walk around like this, La, la, la, la, la la...
- Bart: And you can call me mother! No, wait, that sounds kinda fruity. Just call me mom.
- Homer: Milhouse!!
Milhouse: What?!
Homer: Tell Bart to come home!!
Milhouse: I think he's at Nelson's!!
Homer: Who's Nelson?!
- Marge: What do you think he's doing up there?
Homer: I don't know. Drug lab?
Marge: Drug lab?!
Homer: Or reading comic books. What am I, Kreskin? You tell me what he's doing.
Marge: I don't know and I don't want to know. And I'm going to find out.
- Homer: (in go-kart) Look at me, Bart! I'm driving!
Bart: (sarcastically) We're all proud of you, dad.
- Marge: Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?
Bart: I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.
Marge: You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?
Bart: I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.
Marge: What's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums, fine. Have fun killing things.
- Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as "Earwigs, Ew!" and "Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory."
- Billy: (about the baby birds) They look awfully hungry, Mr. McClure.
Troy McClure: They sure are, Billy. In nature, their mother would regurgitate food for them to eat.
Billy: That's gross!
Troy McClure: (laughs) It sure is, Billy. It sure is.
- Homer: Man, it feels good to get out of that car. Ooh, go-karts!
- Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon!
Lisa: That never happened, Dad.
Homer: Sure it didn't.
- Principal Skinner:: What a chump! It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the ne-ne, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker.
Marge: How vile!
- Lisa: Did you know they had those webbed flaps for gliding?
Principal Skinner: Yes, but I was hoping they didn't know that.
- Principal Skinner: Now people, there's been some confusion about our bird-sighting rules. You cannot count birds that you've seen at the zoo, on stamps, or in dreams.
Moe: Well, I'm back to square one.
- Mr. Burns: Look, Skinner, we haven't got all day! Kill the horrid beasts, then do away with their lizards!
- Principal Skinner: The law is very clear on this. They must be exterminated as quickly and gruesomely as possible.
- Principal Skinner: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Principal Skinner: No problem. We simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Principal Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: Then we're stuck with gorillas!
Principal Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Lisa: Hmm.
- Mayor Quimby: For decimating our pigeon population and making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.
- Homer: Mmm... Loganberry.