Bart: Won't you get in trouble if your Mom sees you doing that? Nelson: Eh, my Mom's got bigger problems. She doesn't give a crap what I do. Bart: Wow, you are so lucky. Nelson: Come on, let's lock and load. You're not going out without a scarf, are you? Bart: Nah, I don't need one. Nelson: Hmm. It's your health.
Marge: That was no accident. Shame on you, Nelson! Nelson: Cram it, ma'am!
Nelson: Hot food is tempting, but I can't say no to a weapon.
Nelson: See ya later, killer. Marge: "Killer"? Why did he call you "killer"? Bart: Mom, you were right. Nelson is bad news. Can we go home? Marge: What are you hiding there? Bart: Nothing. Marge: What are those cats doing behind you? Bart: Uh... Cats like me?
Marge: I see a foot. Lisa: I see an eye. Bart: I see a neck. Homer: I see a horn. Lisa: A horn?
Bart: Not the face!
Bart: Wow, could I try that sometime? Nelson: Yeah, sure. Never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun.
Homer: Mail call! Gather 'round, everyone! All right, one for resident. Marge: That's me! Homer: Well, that's it. Bart: One stinkin' letter? Why'd you make us gather 'round like that? Homer: I needed my power fix.
Marge:(to Bart) You stay away from Nelson Muntz. Bart: But Mom...! Marge: Nelson's a troubled, lonely, sad little boy. He needs to be isolated from everyone. Bart: But Mom...! Marge: Yes? Bart: ...That's all I got.
Nelson:(mocking Bart) Whoa, look at me, I'm Bart Simpson! I'm scared to use a gun! I wanna marry Milhouse! I walk around like this, La, la, la, la, la la...
Bart: And you can call me mother! No, wait, that sounds kinda fruity. Just call me mom.
Homer: Milhouse!! Milhouse: What?! Homer: Tell Bart to come home!! Milhouse: I think he's at Nelson's!! Homer: Who's Nelson?!
Marge: What do you think he's doing up there? Homer: I don't know. Drug lab? Marge: Drug lab?! Homer: Or reading comic books. What am I, Kreskin? You tell me what he's doing. Marge: I don't know and I don't want to know. And I'm going to find out.
Homer:(in go-kart) Look at me, Bart! I'm driving! Bart:(sarcastically) We're all proud of you, dad.
Marge: Bart! Did you kill that poor bird? Bart: I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left. Marge: You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal? Bart: I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished. Marge: What's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums, fine. Have fun killing things.
Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as "Earwigs, Ew!" and "Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory."
Billy:(about the baby birds) They look awfully hungry, Mr. McClure. Troy McClure: They sure are, Billy. In nature, their mother would regurgitate food for them to eat. Billy: That's gross! Troy McClure:(laughs) It sure is, Billy. It sure is.
Homer: Man, it feels good to get out of that car. Ooh, go-karts!
Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon! Lisa: That never happened, Dad. Homer:Sure it didn't.
Principal Skinner:: What a chump! It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the ne-ne, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker. Marge: How vile!
Lisa: Did you know they had those webbed flaps for gliding? Principal Skinner: Yes, but I was hoping they didn't know that.
Principal Skinner: Now people, there's been some confusion about our bird-sighting rules. You cannot count birds that you've seen at the zoo, on stamps, or in dreams. Moe: Well, I'm back to square one.
Mr. Burns: Look, Skinner, we haven't got all day! Kill the horrid beasts, then do away with their lizards!
Principal Skinner: The law is very clear on this. They must be exterminated as quickly and gruesomely as possible.
Principal Skinner: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend. Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards? Principal Skinner: No problem. We simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards. Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse? Principal Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat. Lisa: Then we're stuck with gorillas! Principal Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death. Lisa: Hmm.
Mayor Quimby: For decimating our pigeon population and making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.