Bart: You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.
A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect.
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He's the cancer, and I am the, uh... What cures cancer?
Reporter: People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield.
Chief Wiggum: I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes.
Laramie Spokesman: I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
Electric chair. Bart is strapped to electric chair and executioner pulls switch. The horror of being executed sufficiently scares Bart awake.
Secretary: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: I don't have an appointment with any large men.
Fat Tony: You Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes. And how did you get past the hall monitors?
Lionel Hutz: You've been his father for ten years. Do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate?
Homer: Well, not the leader... I mean... Oh, it's true, it's true! All the pieces fit!
Skinner: Finally I realised if I was ever going to get out of there I would have to do it myself. I formed a crude rocket from a discarded cigar tube, and, remembering an experiment from my days as a fourth grade science teacher, I concocted a fuel from baking soda and the juice of discarded lemon wedges. The rocket took off with a mighty blast of carbon dioxide, dragging behind it the end of a vacuum cleaner cord. I grabbed on to the vacuum cleaner, pushed the cord retractor button and was on my way to freedom! And that's my courageous story.
The members of the public sitting in court watching the trial stand, clap and cheer.
District Attorney: Your honour, the prosecution moves that Principal Skinner's testimony be stricken from the record!