(6 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
Bart: Why is the sky blue?
Homer: Hmm... I don't know. Just is.
Bart: Why are clouds white?
Homer: No clue.
Bart: Why are people yellow?
Homer: It's the way God made them.
Bart: Why is grass green?
Homer: So you can find your damn golf ball! Now I have a question for you: Why did you leave your toy car on the stairs? (the camera zooms out, revealing many injuries on Homer's body)
Bart: Why is blood red?
Homer: Why do you ask?
Bart: It's coming out your ear.
(Professor Frink is trying to teach 8 years old Bart how to read)
Bart: (trying to read) S-See the m-m-mou m-m-m... (6 years old Lisa grabs his book)
Lisa: See the mouse. Mouse hits cat. Cat goes splat!
Frink: Very good, Lisa. Very, very good! And with barely any knowledge of diphthongs, sibilants and phonemes... (she walks away giggling)
Bart: How come she can read and I can't?
Frink: All right, calm down, young man, not to worry. You won't need to read! You see, customers will just point to a picture of the burger that they want you to flip. (screams) Because you're not gonna have any... thing going.
(At Bart's 12th birthday)
Homer, Marge and Lisa: Happy birthday!
Bart: Well, thanks! But you know I'm not into Krusty anymore.
Marge: (sad) You've outgrown Krusty? First no more "ay, caramba," now this?
Bart: Mom, don't...
Marge: ...have Have a cow, man?
Bart: I was gonna say "don't have a foolish attachment to the past."
Homer: Come on, boy. Humor your mother.
Bart: Oh, fine! Don't have a cow, Man!
(Marge and Lisa leave for a camp, leaving Homer and Bart alone)
Homer: So, boy, look at this! Just us guys, huh?
Bart: (on the cellphone) Mm-hmm.
Homer: (chuckles) Glad we've got the whole summer, 'cause we got a lot to talk about.
Bart: Yeah, I guess.
Homer: Let's see... Hmm... oh! When you replace windshield wipers, you only need to switch out the rubber part, not the whole blade!
Bart: Huh, where can you buy just the rubber part?
Homer: I don't know. (brief silence) Well, I'm glad I told you that before I died. So, uh, I'll go to Moe's while you sort it out, huh? (Homer leaves Bart alone)
(Lisa revives Bart after he hits the ground too hard in one of the BMX tricks)
Lisa: Yes! Yes!! Thank God I aced chest compressions at Mayo pre-med camp!
Narator: And Bart's okay! The real star of this BMX tournament is Lisa Simpson!
Bart: (crossing his arms) No! (a helmet falls on Bart's head making him unconscious again)
Lisa: Warned ya'.
(At Milhouse's graduation party)
Kirk: Friends, family, and a few people we hired to make our son look more popular
Barney: I love Milton!
Milhouse: Dad, you're embarrassing me! As usual.
Luann: (angry at Kirk) Yes, it's the only thing your father does well.
Milhouse: Can't you two put it aside for one night in honor of me?
Kirk and Luann: No!
Milhouse: (sad) Oh...
Lisa: Ah, what the heck? Congratulations, Milhouse. You made it through adolescence and you're cuter than ever! (Kisses Milhouse on the cheek)
Milhouse: Oh, sweet Lisa! You know I had a rocky childhood with all the rocks they threw at me. You're the most amazing thing at this party!
Krusty the Clown: Well, excuse me! (takes off with a balloon and crashes it seconds later)
Bart: (groans) I'm not even the best Simpson at my best friend's party! (To Lisa) Do you know what it's like to be second-best at anything?
Lisa: (angry at Bart) Yeah, I do! I'm going to Yale! Listen here, Bart Simpson! I am sick and tired of you blaming me for every setback you've ever had!! And you have talents, too, you idiot. You're a hell of an artist, even though you don't do anything with it!
Bart: You... think... I'm an artist?
Lisa: And you already have a true artist's most important asset: A miserable life. So if that's all my fault, you're welcome. (Bart leaves the party)
(Bart is in his bike customization shop when Nelson enters)
Bart: Hey man, you're looking good.
Nelson: Thank God Lisa invented the artificial pituitary. (Bart looks angrily at him) Sorry, didn't mean to use the "L" word. Listen man, a certain someone convinced me to go around giving back the lunch money I took. Here's the first five thousand. (Gives $5.000 to Bart)
Bart: Wow, Thanks! What got into you?
Lisa: (from the sidewalk in front of the shop) Nelson, come on! We'll miss day six of the Bolivian Film Festival!
Bart: You guys are dating?
Nelson: Is there any other reason I'd be going to a Bolivian Film Festival?
(18 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
Bart: Why are clouds brown?
Bart: Why is the grass green?
Homer: Because it's artificial. (the sprinklers turn on)
Bart: Then why are the sprinklers coming on?
Homer: Because I was too lazy to unhook them. (brief silence)
Bart: Why aren't we moving?
Homer: Because you're drunk and I'm stoned.
Bart: (takes a sip of beer) Why does beer taste so good?
Homer: Because you've just had seven.
Bart: Did you like the movie Boyhood?
Homer: Oh, is that what this was!?
Bart: How many years of hair do I have left?
Homer: It disappears as soon as girls like you.
Bart: What's the secret of life?
Homer: You can avoid a lot of awkward situations by pretending to be on the phone.