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Simpsons Wiki
Pray Anything
Barting Over
I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
Bart: I want a divorce from my parents.
Lawyer: You WHA?
Bart: I said I want a divorce from my parents.
Lawyer: Yes, I heard you. I was just calling my secretary. Yuwah, give me the standard child divorcing parent form.
Yuwah: Yes, sir.

Bart: Well, here I am, on my own. And I'm gonna make it, world! (throws his red cap ala Mary Tyler Moore and the ceiling fan destroys it)
Man: (pounding on the wall) Be quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs!

Bart: I was in a commercial? I don't remember this at all. (he starts eating a Butterfinger)

Homer: Who is it?
Blue-haired Lawyer: I'm here to serve you with a subpoena.
Homer: Well, I'm not answering the door.
Blue-haired Lawyer: It comes with a side of bacon.
Homer: Is it crispy?
Blue-haired Lawyer: Yes.
Homer: But, not too crispy.
Blue-haired Lawyer: No.

Homer: (to Bart) Son, I just want you to know, whatever that judge decides, I'm gonna be the best dad I can.
Judge Harm: No judge would send a pre-teen out on his own...
Homer: Woo-Hoo! You're still mine! And if you thought I was a bad dad before...!
Judge Harm: ...Except in this case! (Homer pulls his shirt collar nervously and cringes)
Homer: D'oh!
Judge Harm: That boy is about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack. Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated. Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.
Homer: Mmmmm...garnish.
Judge Harm: That means half your paycheck goes to Bart.
Homer: What the...half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife. What's left for Moe?
Lisa: Homer, don't make things worse!
Homer: I'll show you worse! (he screams and runs towards Judge Harm; the bailiff catches him and drags him out) I WAS TOLD THIS WOULD BE TELEVISED!!!

Bart: Mom, you've always been cool to me, but Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

Tony Hawk: You're going down, Homer. Then back up. Then down. Then back up again. That's how the game is played.

Tony Hawk: Hey! Blink-182!
Tom DeLonge: (annoyed) We have names, you know.
Tony Hawk: Whatever. You can crank it up!
Mark Hoppus: Dudes, let's trash this place.
Travis Barker: After we get paid.
Mark Hoppus: (smiles) Nice.

Lisa: That couch looks really pricey.
Bart: Well, you need an expensive couch to watch an expensive TV.
Homer: Of course, because you wouldn't want to.... (yells) I PAY FOR YOUR SPLENDOR, YOU… (chokes Bart)

Bart: (to Homer) Dad, you don't understand. This was never about being cool. It was about you not caring how I felt.
Homer: Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid.
Tony Hawk: Homer, you're heading for a parental face-plant. Do a 180 emotional Ollie. [groans as he falls down the skate ramp]
Homer: Finally, someone explains it to me in words I can understand.

Milhouse: Puppy goo-goo fetch me a dream.

Season 13 Season 14 Quotes Season 15
Treehouse of Horror XIIIHow I Spent My Strummer VacationBart vs. Lisa vs. the Third GradeLarge MargeHelter ShelterThe Great Louse DetectiveSpecial EdnaThe Dad Who Knew Too LittleThe Strong Arms of the MaPray AnythingBarting OverI'm Spelling as Fast as I CanA Star is Born-AgainMr. Spritz Goes to WashingtonC.E. D'oh'Scuse Me While I Miss the SkyThree Gays of the CondoDude, Where's My Ranch?Old Yeller-BellyBrake My Wife, PleaseThe Bart of WarMoe Baby Blues