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- Bart: I want a divorce from my parents.
- Lawyer: You WHA?
- Bart: I said I want a divorce from my parents.
- Lawyer: Yes, I heard you. I was just calling my secretary. Yuwah, give me the standard child divorcing parent form.
- Yuwah: Yes, sir.
- Bart: Well, here I am, on my own. And I'm gonna make it, world! (throws his red cap ala Mary Tyler Moore and the ceiling fan destroys it)
- Man: (pounding on the wall) Be quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs!
- Bart: I was in a commercial? I don't remember this at all. (he starts eating a Butterfinger)
- Homer: Who is it?
- Blue-haired Lawyer: I'm here to serve you with a subpoena.
- Homer: Well, I'm not answering the door.
- Blue-haired Lawyer: It comes with a side of bacon.
- Homer: Is it crispy?
- Blue-haired Lawyer: Yes.
- Homer: But, not too crispy.
- Blue-haired Lawyer: No.
- Homer: (to Bart) Son, I just want you to know, whatever that judge decides, I'm gonna be the best dad I can.
- Judge Harm: No judge would send a pre-teen out on his own...
- Homer: Woo-Hoo! You're still mine! And if you thought I was a bad dad before...!
- Judge Harm: ...Except in this case! (Homer pulls his shirt collar nervously and cringes)
- Homer: D'oh!
- Judge Harm: That boy is about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack. Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated. Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.
- Homer: Mmmmm...garnish.
- Judge Harm: That means half your paycheck goes to Bart.
- Homer: What the...half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife. What's left for Moe?
- Lisa: Homer, don't make things worse!
- Homer: I'll show you worse! (he screams and runs towards Judge Harm; the bailiff catches him and drags him out) I WAS TOLD THIS WOULD BE TELEVISED!!!
- Bart: Mom, you've always been cool to me, but Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
- Tony Hawk: You're going down, Homer. Then back up. Then down. Then back up again. That's how the game is played.
- Tony Hawk: Hey! Blink-182!
- Tom DeLonge: (annoyed) We have names, you know.
- Tony Hawk: Whatever. You can crank it up!
- Mark Hoppus: Dudes, let's trash this place.
- Travis Barker: After we get paid.
- Mark Hoppus: (smiles) Nice.
- Lisa: That couch looks really pricey.
- Bart: Well, you need an expensive couch to watch an expensive TV.
- Homer: Of course, because you wouldn't want to.... (yells) I PAY FOR YOUR SPLENDOR, YOU… (chokes Bart)
- Bart: (to Homer) Dad, you don't understand. This was never about being cool. It was about you not caring how I felt.
- Homer: Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid.
- Tony Hawk: Homer, you're heading for a parental face-plant. Do a 180 emotional Ollie. [groans as he falls down the skate ramp]
- Homer: Finally, someone explains it to me in words I can understand.
- Milhouse: Puppy goo-goo fetch me a dream.