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Bartman Begins |
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Homer Simpson[]
Around certain parts of the level[]
- Finding this cave was a life-changing experience. Or did Moe find it? Oh, who cares. Stupid cave!
- Is it amazing that we evolve from all of this stuff?
- Now where did I put that gun?
- Bart, it's not polite to walk on the walls. You'll get them all fingerprint-y.
- Can you see where they keep the beer from up there?
- You did it boy! You saved me.... after leaving me behind to rot..... WHY YOU LITTLE!
- Wow, so this is the future!
- [on a pressure pad] What the heck?!
- [on a pressure pad] If I step on these things, I go down. I'm a freakin' genius!
- [on a pressure pad] Going down.
- Heheheh. Boobs!
- Oh, why does Bart always get the sexy platforms?
- Ooh, a temple! I hope there's latkes.
- Gee, I wonder who invented this place. Probably Einstein.
- This place is impressive;but it just doesn't feel lived in.
- [To Bart when leaving the cave exhibit] I didn't know you spoke Greek!
- You know, despite the human sacrifices, these Aztecs were okay.
- Don't mind if I do!
- I hope my bones will be this useful some day.
- (Nervously): Nice dinosaur. Good dinosaur.
- We should always give thanks to Van Helsing for killing all the dinosaurs.
- I'm gonna hold my breath, you count! How long was that?
- Bart, I'm bored! Entertain me. Please!
- Bart, you're too young to be on that platform!
- Bart I've been meaning to talk to you about the special feelings you may be having about that platform.
- Hey Bart, which one is the smart one, me or Lisa?
- Best donut ever!
- This is supposed to be outer space? Where are all the giant space ants?
- Bart, don't look down, or you'll wet yourself!
- You'd have to be crazy to go up there, and I'm merely stupid.
- I'm not going up there! I have too much dignity and fear.
Attacking enemies[]
- I thought you guys were supposed to be courteous.
- I'm gonna try not to take that personally.
- Oh no! The pretend police are mad!
- Our mission is to stop the bully, oh but I do love beating guards!
- Marge told me to stop attacking guards.
- You're supposed to guard, not taunt.
- Say what you will, I like me.
- I'm hard enough on myself!
- You are off my Christmas list...starting next year!
- I'll make you eat those words! Mmm...words.
- Take it back!
- Well, I hope you die!
Defeating enemies[]
- Don't stay down too long, they'll dock your pay!
- Hahahaha! Funny man go boom!
- Nice one, guard tard!
- Now who stinks?
- That's how I roll!
- Wish I could lie down!
- Well, I hope you die!
When Bart defeats enemies[]
- (laughs) I heard the funny man.
- Oh, I had twenty bucks on the guard.
- That's a good, healthy hatred of authority.
- That's my boy!
- They become deadly fighting machines so fast....
- Way to give them guff!
- (whispering) I think he's dead...
- Wish my dad had taken me brawling.
Bart Simpson[]
Around certain parts of the level[]
- Whoa, this room would be a great place for a skate park!
- Cool! I'm looking around in cave just like the real Batman, I mean Bartman. I hope DC didn't hear that.
- This is so great! I didn't think I'd start hanging out in caves 'til I was an adult.
- Today I am a man.
- Suddenly, I get every dirty joke I've ever heard.
- Just thought I'd drop in.
- It would be embarrassing if I was thwarted by this glass.
- The only thing standing between us is this glass.
- Hey Homer I need a fat **s of our fat ball.
- Homer! Come here, I need your obesity!
- Homer, I need your fat ass up here!
- Hey Homer, there's some bacon grease to lick off the skull!
- [When leaving the cave exhibit] Open Sesame!
- Hey, it's those bones Flanders said God planted in the ground fool us!
- [To Dolph] You can't hide behind that flap of hair forever!
- [To Kearney] If you were talking about school I'd agree!
- [To Kearney] No, you're moving too stupid!
- [To Jimbo, in robotic voice] I'm sorry, Jimbo, I'm afraid I can't let you do that!
- Crude, but effective.
- Seeing the grandeur of the Solar System really makes you feel like a big nothing.
- I can't believe they built this space ship without laser guns. What a waste!
- I wonder which of these balls is the world.
- I wonder which planet is the toilet. I gotta take a Bart whiz.
Attacking enemies[]
- Yeah, my superpowers are no match for your flashlight!
- Technically, they're on our side but let's get 'em anyway!
- These guards will be like an amuse bouche before we get to the main course.
- Sorry, did I wake you?
- I've heard better taunts from Ralph.
- SCUM!
- Don't say things you can't take back.
- You're a disgrace to the plastic badge!
- If the uniform makes a man, you must be a pretty crappy man.
- You aren't even able to guard your dignity!
Defeating enemies[]
- Good idea, you guard the floor.
- Ha! Next time, you'll think twice about doing your job!
- I am the greatest!
- Oh geez, I hope he has health insurance.
- Sleep well, sweet idiot!
When Homer defeats enemies[]
- Good use of violence, Dad!
- I hope the security cameras didn't see that Dad!
- I told Mom you weren't a complete loser.
- Way to throw your weight around, Homer!
- Whoa, nicely done, Dad!
Wiseguy[]
- We'd better call for back-up. It's a fat guy and a little kid.
- Let me show you to the exit!
- You want some of this, pally?
- Don't worry, they love fat guys and kids in jail.
- You messed with the wrong pally, boy-o!
- You didn't make the suggested donation!
- Where are my manners? Let me introduce you to my nightstick!
- We can do this the hard way or the harder way!
- Well, if it isn't fat man and little boy.
- Taking out the trash is part of the job.
- You've offended my delicate sensibilities.
- Nice.
Sideshow Mel[]
- Look! A rogue buffoon and his delinquent son!
- At least if I get hurt, I'll feel something!
- I am frequently underestimated, never imitated!
- Don't make bravado for pussy-ness!
- I am opening a jar of whoop-derriere!
- I'm warning you, I've studied under a Shaolin!
- Beware! I've unleashed the beast within!
- Prepare for the slapping of a lifetime!
- I haven't mixed it up since I was banned from the Ultimate Fighting Championships.
- Bad news, you've caught me in a killing mood.
- This ends here!
- Assistance! Au-secours!
- God help us! There are barbarians beyond the gate!
- Give up now and no one be need hurt emotionally!
- No hitting below the bone!
- My safe word is "NutraSweet"!
- The security of the museum is in breach! Grave, perilous breach!
Dolph[]
- [To Bart] Give it up, Bart. I was all-state hide-and-seek champ.
- Booooones!
Kearney[]
- I hope karma doesn't see this.
- Wanna piece of me?
- My superpower is anger!
- Look at me! I'm Walker, Texas Ranger!
- Let me introduce my fist!
- I have an itch that's driving me crazy!
- The bully has become the nerd!
- Careful, I have a child to care for!
- No fair!
- Retreat!
- Hey, I'm the bully!
- [To Bart] Just give up! You're in over your head!
- You guys aren't exactly the Hardy boys, are you?
- [To Bart] Am I moving too fast for you?!
- [When exiting History of Man] Ooh. ooh Ah aah ahh hah!
- What a fascinating slice of life!
- I don't like the way that donkey's looking at me.
- This moat reminds me of the gap between me and my son.
- Ah, you never see fathers and sons getting their butts kicked together anymore.
Jimbo[]
- [To Bart] Bart, you look so insignificant from up here!
- Look up here! I'm in the Ort Belt, dingus!
- I'm totally gonna knock you out of your orbit!
Museum's History of Man and Woman Announcer[]
- (Male voice) Welcome to Springfield's History of Man! (Female voice) And woman! (Male voice) and woman.
- (Male voice) Our first diorama depicts early man. One of the traits that set our human forefathers apart was the emergence of the four-fingered hand we know today.
- (Male voice) The Middle Ages were a turbulent time as the vestiges of the Roman Empire smoldered. Castle storming was all the rage. If you weren't storming a castle, you were worse than a loser.
- (Male voice) Get off my dad-gum diorama, Injuns!!!!
- (Male voice) Fire in the hole!
Planetorium Curator[]
- The sun is a mass of incandescant gas. A giant nuclear furnace.
- Three quarters of the Earth is covered by water... The water of life.
- Mercury was named after the Roman god Mercury, a winged messenger.
- The thick clouds that cover Venus create a greenhouse effect. That keeps it in a toasty 8640 degrees fahrenheit.
- If you weight 100 pounds on Earth, you would weigh 38 pounds on Mars due to the smaller mass of the red planet.
- A belt of asteroids separates the four inner planets from the five outer planets. My belt separates my gut from my junk.
- Saturn's seven rings are made of billions of ice particles. Just like the heart of my ex-wife.
- Constant storms rage on the surfaces of Neptune. Who do I have to screw to get a cup of coffee around here? I've been recorded this stuff for hours! Yeesh!
- Pluto is the only planet not yet studied closely by a space probe. 'Cause it's bo-ring.
- How often are you supposed to wash your hair? It's bad if you do it everyday, right?
- In college, I ate another guy's barf to get into a fraternity.
- Armageddon: best second act in movie history.
- What's with Flava Flav and the clock?
- Funny story: I killed the guy who's supposed to make me read the stuff about the planets.
- Jimbo Jones: Remember, people, we came to this museum to steal, not learn. Don't look at any of the displays, stay focused!