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- Bart: The funniest stuff came right out of real life. (Flashes back to shooting a scene with Homer)
- Homer: Son, let's go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes.
- Bart: Cowabunga, dude!
- Director: And... cut!
- Bart: Dad, I've never said "cowabunga" in my life. Your script sucks!
- Homer: Why you little... (begins to angrily strangle him)
- Director: Hey, that's funny! (The two stop, then Homer and Bart continue with a fake strangling as they make mock grunting and gagging noises.)
- Narrator: The Simpsons' TV show started out on a wing and a prayer. But now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered by Satan.
- Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist!
- Narrator: Marge put together a night club act..
- Marge: (singing) I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!
- Backup Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it!
- Marge: So the next time you see a sheriff, shoot him (audience gasps) A smile! Goodnight!
- Backup Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it!
- Ozzy Osbourne: Right and the award for best hardcore thrash metal goes to "Simpsons Christmas Boogie"?!
- Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry onscreen.
- Homer: Every day I thought about firing Marge…you know, just to shake things up.
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