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Credits
Three Men and a Comic Book
Blood Feud
Stark Raving Dad
Commemoration of the SNPP billboard
Mayor Quimby: Chief Wiggum, Archbishop McGee, distinguished guests, I am pleased to dedicate this emergency warning system. In the off-chance of a nuclear disaster, this sign will tell you, the good citizens of Springfield what to do.
Warning sign: [RELAX. EVERYTHING IS FINE.]
Strong applause
Warning sign: [MINOR RADIATION LEAK. ROLL UP WINDOWS.]
Moderate applause
Warning sign: [MELTDOWN. FLEE CITY.]
Weak applause
Warning sign: [CORE EXPLOSION. REPENT SINS.]
Audience is in stunned silence over gravity of such a warning; all except for Carl, Homer, and Lenny, who are snickering because they think that warning sign is ridiculous
Homer: Joke's on them. If the core explodes, there won't be any power to light that sign!

Carl: I'd give, except for one thing.
Lenny: What?
Carl: I don't wanna.
Homer: I can't believe you guys! There's a wealthy human being who needs our help. You don't wanna cash in? That's why you losers are stuck in this crummy job.

Smithers: Damn this gutter blood!
Mr. Burns: Smithers, don't feel so bad. After all, that kidney you donated to me really hit the spot.

Bart: I don't have to give blood! I have rights!
Homer: Yeah, the right to remain silent!

Homer: It's not like I'm asking you to give blood for free! That would be crazy! When you save a rich man's life, he showers you with riches. You know "Hercules and the Lion"?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Once upon a time there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. Everyone tried to pull it out but nobody was strong enough. They got Hercules. And Hercules used his mighty strength, and bingo! The moral is, the lion was so happy he gave Hercules this big thing of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get rich?
Homer: It was the olden days!

Homer: I've never seen Mr. Burns this mad, and he's always kind of mad!

Mr. Burns: Who are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't tell him. Give him a fake name.
Homer: Homer Simpson.
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal Worker: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: I don't know.
Outside post office sitting on steps
Homer: Great plan, Bart!

Homer: It's just a card! Is that some way to show your gratitude? No gold, no diamonds, no rubies, not even a lousy card! Wait, there was a card. That's what got me so mad!

Homer: I promised my boy one simple thing: Lots of riches! And that man broke my promise!

Homer: I'll show you mad in the morning! (chokes Bart)
Marge: Homer, you encouraged him. You should be strangling yourself!
Homer: She's right. (strangles himself)

Marge: The moral is, a good deed is its own reward.
Bart: We got a reward! The head is cool!
Marge: Well, then, I guess the moral is, no good deed goes unrewarded.
Homer: Wait a minute. If I hadn't written that letter, we would've gotten nothing.
Marge: Well, the moral is, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral.
Bart: Exactly! Just stuff that happened.


Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud
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