Homer: And now to all my dear friends I say, get the hell out of my yard.
Homer: I am so screwed! I can't drive to work! I can't drive to the store! And I certainly can't drive to the store at work!
Marge: I guess I'll have to do all your driving chores. That's what a good wife does, picks up the slack.
Homer: That reminds me. We gotta pick up my slacks at that dry cleaner in Shelbyville.
Marge: Why can't you use the local dry cleaner?
Homer: I didn't want him to know my size.
Homer: Thanks for picking my friends up from the strip club, Marge.
Lenny: Can we stop for ice cream?
Carl: Homer always stops for ice cream.
Marge: We'll see.
Lenny: That always means no.
Homer: Maybe I should keep walking instead of going into a dark, dreary bar.
Moe: Get in here, Boozy. You're late for your drunkening.
Homer: No. From now on walking will be my alcohol and feeling good will be my hangover.
Homer: If Marge isn't happy, I'm not happy. And if I'm not happy, Moe's very happy. But for once, this isn't about Moe.
Homer: (after crashing his car in the water) Save me, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan!
Homer: (after being rescued) Oh, I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.
Moe: You want to know how to make a peach crumble? Kick it in the groin.
Carl: I can whip up my famous poulet au vin avec champignons a la Carl Mwah!