Brake My Wife, Please/Quotes

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◄ Old Yeller-Belly

Brake My Wife, Please

The Bart of War ►

Judge Harm: Mr. Simpson, give me your license.

(Homer surrenders and she then puts the license on a guillotine. The blade chops it in half. She then has two Doberman Pinscher's eat it.)

Judge Harm: Burn that poop.

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Homer: (to Marge) Calm down, Stresserella!

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Homer: And now to all my dear friends I say, get the hell out of my yard.

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Homer: I am so screwed! I can't drive to work! I can't drive to the store! And I certainly can't drive to the store at work!

Marge: I guess I'll have to do all your driving chores. That's what a good wife does, picks up the slack.

Homer: That reminds me. We gotta pick up my slacks at that dry cleaner in Shelbyville.

Marge: Why can't you use the local dry cleaner?

Homer: I didn't want him to know my size.

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Homer: Thanks for picking my friends up from the strip club, Marge.

Lenny: Can we stop for ice cream?

Carl: Homer always stops for ice cream.

Marge: We'll see.

Lenny: That always means no.

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Homer: Maybe I should keep walking instead of going into a dark, dreary bar.

Moe: Get in here, Boozy. You're late for your drunkening.

Homer: No. From now on walking will be my alcohol and feeling good will be my hangover. 

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Homer: If Marge isn't happy, I'm not happy. And if I'm not happy, Moe's very happy. But for once, this isn't about Moe.

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Homer: (after crashing his car in the water) Save me, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan!

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Homer: (after being rescued) Oh, I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.

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Moe: You want to know how to make a peach crumble? Kick it in the groin.

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Carl: I can whip up my famous poulet au vin avec champignons a la Carl Mwah!

Homer: You can bring a bag of ice.