Dog of Death
Colonel Homer
Black Widower
Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.
Marge: Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie and you did it at the county fair last year, remember? (holds up a photo of homer eating a giant hoagie)

Homer: Marge, I've always carried myself a certain quiet dignity. Tonight, you robbed me of it. I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again.

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie... one to lie and one to listen.

Homer: They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.

(While Homer and Marge are watching the underwater movie; Homer is watching the submarine ride slow)
Homer: That submarine is so fake! Look, he could see the strings. (gasps) An Octopus!

(While Bart and Lisa are watching the "Space Mutant" movie; Lisa is covering her eyes)
Bart: (to Lisa) If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.
Lisa: [covering her eyes] Please tell me when the scary part's over.
Bart: It's over.
(Lisa uncovers her eyes; the movie theater is bathed in red as the sound of blood spurting is heard; Lisa screams)

Homer: (while watching the movie) I've heard how this ends, it turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter!
Audience: Boooooo!
Homer: Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!
Marge: Oh, shut up, Homer. No one wants to hear what you think!
Audience: Yeah! (applauds)

Lurleen: My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
Homer: That's a pretty name.
Lurleen: Oh, you think so?
Homer: Maybe. I'm not sure. I forgot it.

Homer: Lurleen, I can't get your song out of my mind. I haven't felt this way since “Funky Town!”

Krusty: (while slapping Sideshow Mel) I thought I told you to stay away from my sister!! (Lurleen's song comes on the radio; his tone softens) Oh, here's 50 bucks. Take her to the Copa.

Lisa: (while listening to Lurleen's song) I can feel her sweet country soul in every digitally-encoded bit.

Bart: Country music sucks. All it does is take precious air space away from shock DJ's, whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.

Marge: (about Lurleen) Who is this woman?
Homer: Well, right now, she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress, but she's going to be a country music superstar like... uh... that jerk in the cowboy hat... and that dead lady.

Homer: Marge, you make it sound so seamy. All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.

Lurleen: Homer, I want you to be my manager.
Homer: Really?! Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
Lurleen: That's okay.
Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
Homer: I did bad in school.
Lurleen: I didn't even go.
Homer: My personal hygiene has been described as...

Recording Studio Owner: Ah, this studio has a lot of history, uh.. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said, "There is no way in hell that I'm going to record in this dump."
Homer: I'm sure Lurleen will love it!
Marge: Homer, how much did you just give that man!
Homer: Calm down, Marge, it's just our life savings!

Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV!
Lurleen: (squeals with delight) Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: (in an angry tone) Hey! (in a soft tone) Oh, you meant that as a compliment.

Bart: [about Homer] Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.

Homer: Is there any room in that bed for a dag-burn fool?
Marge: Always has been.

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
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