- “Worst (insert noun) ever!”
- ―Comic Book Guy's negative catchphrase
- “Best (or "greatest") (insert noun) ever!”
- ―Comic Book Guy's positive catchphrases in certain episodes or media
- “Ooh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix!”
- ―Comic Book Guy's hospital catchphrase
Jeffrey "Jeff" Albertson, better known as Comic Book Guy, is the overweight, geeky proprietor of Springfield's local comic book store, The Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop. Though thought to be an antagonist, he is sarcastic, surly, and insulting at certain points.
Comic Book Guy is an obese and socially incompetent man who is perhaps best known for his sarcastic quips. He holds a master's degree in folklore and mythology (he translated The Lord of the Rings into Klingon as part of his thesis). He exhibits geeky behavior to an extraordinary and deliberately unrealistic degree, and often also makes references to obscure subjects or internet culture. His catchphrase is the declaration, "Worst... (episode)... ever". He states that he is a 45 year-old virgin who lives with his parents. Comic Book Guy is extremely overweight, to the point where his clothes barely fit over his huge stomach. He also at one point suffered from lumbago.
Appropriate to his nickname, Comic Book Guy is obsessed with comic books, pop culture and science fiction. Comic Book Guy has a bumper sticker that reads "My Other Car Is The Millennium Falcon," given to him by a Harrison Ford lookalike. The license plate on his AMC Gremlin is NCC-1701, the registry number of Star Trek's USS Enterprise. The contents of his display case include, among other oddities, a photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore and a very rare Mary Worth in which she advised a friend to commit suicide. He also owns a T-shirt that says "C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN" (Notice the incorrect usage of the forward slash. DOS directories are listed with a backslash, so it would be "C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN"). He is a member of the Springfield branch of Mensa, along with Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Lisa Simpson, Professor Frink, and Lindsey Naegle. In the episode "Beware My Cheating Bart", he says he is a cyber bully.
In the episode Large Marge, Comic Book Guy had liposuction performed on him, so he would fit in a Superman costume.
Comic Book Guy is a middle-aged, overweight, almost fanatical comic buff and displays deep passion regarding all fictional memorabilia in general, especially science fiction to the point of complete monomania. Sarcastic, irate and proudly geeky, Comic Book Guy does not treat anyone with kindness unless they are as passionate about comics as he is. Most of the character's infamy and trademarks are derived from his constant sarcastic observations, quips and distinct accent. Comic Book Guy's Obsessive-Compulsive fixation with comics is such that when somebody placed a Spider-Man comic inside The Spectacular Spider-Man slot, it was enough to make him angry. He is so stressed about people's comic book ignorance around him that it caused him to have a heart attack, while Dr. Hibbert later calls his profession as owner of a comic book store one of the most stressful jobs in the world, referring to it as the "widow-maker" (if any [comic book store owners] had wives).
Aside from following Radioactive Man, the ongoing Hollywood movies and fast-paced internet nudity, Comic Book Guy is also a fan of Marvel and DC Comics such as Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, Fantastic Four, Hulk and many more. He also enjoys Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Game of Thrones and Japanese anime. Comic Book Guy owns, amongst his vast collectibles, a Hulk melon baller (which he originally intended as a wedding gift to Skinner and Krabapel), a Spider-Man, The Flash, Batman, Spock and Klingon Warrior costume, several life-sized cardboard cut-outs of various Star Wars characters, Star Wars sheets and a Jar-Jar Binks figure which he sleeps with. Comic Book Guy speaks fluent Klingon, Mordor Black Speech, has set his life on routine of the Vulcan mating ritual Pon Farr, has a restraining order on Lynda Carter and has a crush on Nichelle Nichols, Batman's Catwoman and Get Smart's Agent 99.
Comic Book Guy has a massive collection of bootlegs of stolen movies, police interrogations and even ones regarding homeland security in his basement.
Comic Book Guy has a habit of stating his emotions and what is occurring or how he is feeling as it happens. When he was having a heart attack he yelled out the symptoms; "breath short, left arm numb" before he collapsed and yelled "can't go on describing symptoms any longer". Comic Book Guy often states what he thinks in a matter-of-factual way such as the method listing "A, B" and using words like "correction" or "false" whenever he corrects somebody. In addition, Comic Book Guy refers to comic books as if they were actuality, for example when Stan Lee entered the Android's Dungeon, he proclaims "my heart is pounding like Thor's hammer against Doctor Doom's titanium breastplate". He has shown to be one of the few characters who non-directly break the fourth wall in his canon appearances. For example in season 11 when Marge asks if the Simpsons should get a horse when Bart wanted to adopt Duncan, Comic Book Guy noted that the Simpsons already had a horse in season 3 (even though he was not involved in that situation and didn't appear in that episode at all).
Comic Book Guy treats most of his patrons cruelly and usually extorts his customers out of expensive collectibles or tricks them altogether into buying something. For example, claiming to Milhouse, who desperately needed it, that the bathroom was only for paying customers tricks him into buying a comic before allowing him to be taken away by his father, paying five dollars for priceless unseen Star Wars memorabilia and selling Fantastic Floors under Fantastic Four. Comic Book Guy is quite bitter, keeping a banned list of Milhouse, Bart (with those two being banned solely because they stopped Martha Price from unknowingly selling the aforementioned priceless unseen Star Wars memorabilia), Sideshow Bob, Nelson and Matt Groening in his store (although the first two he lifted the ban on after they saved his life upon having a heart attack), and after being made a fool of by Tom Savini during the latter's comic act, just prior to his heart attack, he angrily declared all the audience to be banned from his store for laughing at him. Although he lives a solitary lifestyle and his lack of social skills prevent him from ever making headway in a relationship with a woman, Comic Book Guy proclaims before his near-certain death that a life of collecting comics and other fictions was a "life well spent'.
Although onerous, he has had some positive elements to him. For one thing, he willingly allowed Marge Simpson to access his recording of Abe's breakdown at church so she could transcribe what exactly Abe said, in exchange for Homer's long pajamas, and even attempted to aid Marge in figuring out what Grampa meant by "Epa! Epa!" to the best of his ability.
Comic Book Guy lived in his parents' basement in the 1980s. He had a dog named Chewbacca (now deceased). He also went to a fat camp, which, judging by his current appearance, was unsuccessful.
The Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop
Comic Book Guy is the owner of The Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop, a local comic book store. Many of the comics and toys he sells are of very poor-quality, and often sell for very high prices. His store is his sanctuary, where he holds some level of self-esteem, imperiously lording over pre-teen kids, like Bart Simpson and Milhouse Van Houten, using a heavily sarcastic tone. When he was the target of mockery while trying to return the Ultimate Belt, he sighed, "I must get back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them". His store contains a section full of illegal videos, which include Mr. Rogers drunk, Alien Autopsy, Illegal Alien Autopsy, a top secret American nuclear war strategy session, a "good version" of The Godfather Part III, Kent Brockman picking his nose, and Ned Flanders in a police informant video, wherein he claims that Homer released a radioactive ape in his house (although, according to Bart, Homer only let the ape into the house because the ape tricked Homer, and not out of malicious intent). He later was arrested and had his store shut down temporarily because of this. He once had to give up the Ultimate Belt (which he won as a door prize at a Star Trek Convention) because, as he pointed out, "the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt".
At a small point in the episode "Husbands and Knives", due to a better comic book store opening across the street, it caused Comic Book Guy to go out of business, getting him to stoop to selling pretentious martial arts merchandise to children, but soon backfired after also having attempted to assassinate his competitor with his weapons. After that, Comic Book Guy was forced to close down his comic book store and became unemployed (which his place later turned into a females orientated gym). It's unclear how Comic Book Guy got his comic book store back as future episodes shows The Android's Dungeon again.
In North Haverbrook, there is a comic book shop named "Mylar Baggins" and the proprietor bears a striking resemblance to Comic Book Guy with the exception that his skin and hair are slightly darker. He also has a deep-rooted rivalry with a store similar to his: "Frodo's of Shelbyville". These shops could have had the same owner, as both rival store names refer to The Lord of the Rings character Frodo Baggins. During the Trappuccino crisis, Comic Book Guy says that his obsessive comic book collecting is a "life well spent".
In "Homer the Whopper", Comic Book Guy created the comic book series Everyman. He apparently created 278 issues, including the controversial issue with the death of Marmaduke. However, he was reluctant to self-publish them initially because he feared that he'd be mocked by the internet community for his comics. While trying to exasperate Comic Book Guy by feigning complete ignorance on the history of Spiderman, Bart and Milhouse stumbled upon a draft of an issue of Everyman that he was working on. Comic Book Guy then learned that Bart and Milhouse actually liked the comic, and after a bit of convincing, he decided to self-publish.
The comic's popularity started to soar as a result, with a movie project starting for the Summer Market. Some movie executives requested to make Everyman into a movie. Comic Book Guy was reluctant to allow them to work with the movie, especially as the same movie company apparently ruined the Stratego movie for him. He eventually relented, but only under the condition that he picked the person who will portray Everyman. When they refused that condition, he opened the door to the store, implying that he wanted them to leave, until they agreed to that condition, commenting that being "hard-balled by Hollywood" is the closest thing to a physical sport that he could ever do.
He later explains that he wants a "complete loser" to portray Everyman. He then picks Homer Simpson for the part, after the latter accidentally walked into the store, not realizing it was closed for auditioning. He then spent his time talking to people at his new, Hollywood-style house about what it is like to be a producer, and adopting a Cambodian Orphan named Prius. However, when the movie was going over budget and Homer ended up gaining an eating disorder due to his fitness coach abandoning him for Turtle (to the extent that he couldn't even get out of his trailer without it being sawed off), he tried to end production of the film, but ended up being thrown out by security into a dumpster with disgraced executives.
He later ended up sacrificing any chance at another Everyman movie being made by voicing his honest opinion that the Everyman movie was the worst movie ever. It is unknown if he still worked on his comics after this.
Comic Book Guy was once married—in an online role-playing game. He and his Internet wife contemplated having children, but that would have severely drained his power crystals. He was shown paired with Mindy Simmons, the woman who had briefly tempted Homer, during a mass-marriage that occurred when a cult took over Springfield, and presumably the two were wed in the mass ceremony.
While part of an intellectual junta that briefly ran Springfield, he proposed plans to limit breeding to once every seven years (a reference to the Vulcan blood fever of mating, called Pon Farr), commenting that this would mean much less breeding for most, but for him, "much, much more".
Comic Book Guy also has a gay cousin named Comic Book Gay. Comic Book Gay is interested in "certain types of comics" and sounds just like Comic Book Guy.
He was a virgin well into his forties when he became romantically involved with Principal Skinner's mother Agnes. Chief Wiggum and Eddie were notably repulsed when he and his officers stumbled upon the couple "in the act," (having sex) with the former even quickly offering when arresting him for pirated videos that he'll reduce his sentence if he "puts on some pants, fast!"
He later dated Edna Krabappel and was shown with the Superman logo tattooed on his upper right buttock (which is interesting, as in the Comic Book Guy's Book of Pop Culture, he states that he hates Superman; it's possible that considering the location he doesn't consider this to be a compliment). While at the Springfield Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con, Comic Book Guy meets a woman to whom he is attracted and asks, "How do you feel about forty-five year old virgins who still live with their parents?" However, this relationship does not progress any further when he refuses to comb the Sweet Tarts out of his beard.
The Simpsons Road Rage
Comic Book Guy has a voice only cameo during the credits, where he, predictably, makes scathing comments about the people who worked on the game.
The Simpsons Hit and Run
Comic Book Guy appears in a few missions. He first appears in the first mission of the third level, "Nerd Race Queen." Lisa, trying to find Bart, tries to ask whether he had seen him. Comic Book Guy, however, is unwilling to answer her question, as he's more concerned with trying to get the last issue of the Itchy & Scratchy Adventures comic (which, according to him, is a very controversial issue as the two finally kiss), and promises that he'll aid her in her dilemma if she can assist him. After getting it, Lisa asks whether he can tell her Bart's location now, but he insists that they return to the The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop in order to put the issue in a mylar bag before it "deteriorates into near-mint condition." Upon doing so, she then pressed the issue further, with Comic Book Guy then stating that he may have seen Bart at the Noise Land Video Arcade, and then states that video games are a waste of money, while he considers bidding $1,000 Itchy and Scratchy corn cob holders online to be a "terrific, terrific expense."
He also appears as the bonus mission for the fourth level. In it, he asks for Marge's help in retrieving his gifts to Agnes Skinner from Springfield Elementary School due to Principal Skinner intercepting the gifts and locking them away there, presumably in an attempt to keep them apart, due to her refusing to go out to mock schoolchildren for this reason. He reluctantly admits that he can't do it by himself because his obvious lack of mobility due to his immense weight. When Marge, sympathizing with his being husky, asks for a favor from him in return for her helping him, he enthusiastically agrees to it. After retrieving her belongings (Two heart boxes that presumably contained chocolate, two sets of false teeth, two sets of heart underwear, a tombstone, and a pair of slippers), and after returning the "laundry", he then, after expressing joy at hearing Agnes' sneer again, keeps his end of the bargain by supplying her his phone number if she wants to hear his theories on how Krusty jumped the shark. Comic Book Guy drives a Gremlin, which can be used if selected.
He later appears in the prelude to the second mission of the seventh level. When Homer meets up with Comic Book Guy (whom he refers to as "Smelly Sam") and asks what's going on, Comic Book Guy explains that the alien craft is using a tractor beam to suck up any trespassers to their doom, while maintaining they were horrible special effects despite it being real. Homer then asks about the black car, with Comic Book Guy explaining that, to his certain knowledge from Sci-fi movies, it is an advanced alien probe, and dismisses Homer since he wants to spend his last hours on Earth doing what he does best: Complain about movies on the internet. Homer then mutters that the gift of life was wasted on him. Comic Book Guy then advises that Homer buy a Zombie Car, as it would protect him from the zombies, although it comes at the cost of needing human brains to operate as a "slight drawback", with Homer quipping he's got "plenty of those."
The Simpsons' Game
Comic Book Guy appears throughout the game to point out various video game cliches that the player can unlock by performing certain actions. Jeff tells Bart that the cave near the museum is the appropriate setting for a superhero origin story. He later thanks Bart for saving the museum. He later says that he won't lose in the eating contest especially not to Homer. He also appears as one of the contestants in the Duff Ultimate Eating Challenge in the level Around the World in 80 Bites, and sadly deals with his defeat by snacking. He then tells Bart about The Loggers and tells Bart that it's cool that he saved the trees but it's not like they're Ents. Later he was playing Grand Theft Scratchy online and is defeated by Lewis. He says l that Aquaman has prevented dolphins from attacking the pier and gets emailed by LonleyMoe15 that Lard Lad is attacking the city and expects Zombies to attack the mall but it's aliens. He also appears in the form of a gang of sumo wrestlers (also cliched) in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game.
The Cleveland Show
In the second segment of "Treehouse of Horror X", Comic Book Guy kidnaps Lucy Lawless thinking that she is Xena who has styled himself as a villain called "The Collector", kidnaps her using a magnet to attract her metal breast plate. Lawless goes to remove the breastplate, but when hundreds of fans raise their cameras to photograph her breasts she stops with a statement of "Maybe later." He takes her to his lair, where he puts her in an aluminized Pet film bag for "safekeeping" and imprisons her in a room of other similarly-captured celebrities such as Yasmine Bleeth and Tom Baker. Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl burst into The Collector's hideout, but he manages to knock Clobber Girl out with a working phaser gun that was fired only once to prevent William Shatner from releasing another album. He wastes all his remaining shots on Stretch Dude, who splits in half and does somersaults to avoid the rays. The Collector hurls his empty raygun at Stretch Dude, hitting him on the forehead and knocking him out as well. He suspends the drowsy duo over a vat of bubbling Lucite, slowly lowering them towards certain doom and mocks them, saying "Goodnight, Retch Dude and Slobber Girl. Sweet screams!" Lucy Lawless, still in her plastic restraint, lures the Collector over by pretending to be attracted to him. When he's close enough she grabs his lips and then attacks him with Kung Fu moves. Stating that he fell for a "ruse so hackneyed, it would make Stan Lee blush!", the Collector grabs his limited edition double edged lightsaber from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and ignites the blades. Lucy reminds him that he has removed it from its original packaging and it is now no longer a collectible. He backs away in horror and plummets into the Lucite, eventually emerging to strike a dramatic death pose (imitating a Lorne Greene pose from Battlestar Galactica) before the plastic hardens around him.
Behind the Laughter
Comic Book Guy was partly inspired by a clerk at the Los Angeles Amok book shop who often "[sat] on the high stool, kind of lording over the store with that supercilious attitude and eating behind the counter a big Styrofoam containerful of fried clams with a lot of tartare sauce." Matt Groening noted that: "I can't tell you how many times people have come up to me and said, 'I know who you based that comic book guy on. It's that comic-book guy right down the block.' And I have to tell them, "No, it's every comic-bookstore guy in America." Hank Azaria based Comic Book Guy's voice on a student who went by the name "F", and lived in the room next door at his college. Azaria also "loves that the character is an adult who argues with kids as if they're his peers."
A long-running gag on the show was never to reveal the character's name, with other characters referring to him as "Comic Book Guy". Finally, in the February 6, 2005 episode, "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass," Comic Book Guy nonchalantly told Ned Flanders, "My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me 'Comic Book Guy'." Showrunner Al Jean remarked, "That was specifically done to make people really mad. We just tried to pick a generic name. It was also the Super Bowl show, so we did it so the most people possible would see it." Groening stated that he had originally intended him to be called Louis Lane and be "obsessed and tormented by" Lois Lane, but was out of the room when the writers named him.
Comic Book Guy has also been seen in quite a few episodes but he has had very few episodes where he is a major character. He is rarely seen outside The Android's Dungeon and most of his interactions are with Bart Simpson. Comic Book Guy wasn't seen very often early in the series of the show and has not been seen very much since in the 19th season.
- Comic Book Guy has an IQ of 170.
- His cousin is Comic Book Gay.
- He is the one character on the show who is even more obese than Chief Wiggum, appearing to weigh 500 pounds (227 kg) compared with Wiggum's 350 pounds (159 kg).
- He has a degree in chemical engineering.
- He is the featured character on the Season 12 DVD box set.
Even though Comic Book Guy is just a recurring character, he still has some merchandise such as, Comic Books Guy's Book of Pop Culture. He also appears on the cover of the twelfth season DVD. As well as having four action figures in the World of Springfield line, one coming with the Collectors Lair playset as the Collector, another coming with the Androids Dungion playset, a Toyfare exclusive Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con Comic Book Guy, and "Worst Episode Ever" T-shirt Comic Book Guy. As part of Simpsons Comics, Comic Book Guy had his own mini comic series.
- ↑ Mayored to the Mob
- ↑ .As well as a degree in chemical engineering that has since been unused. This is a reference to an organization called the Klingon Language Institute who took the time to translate Hamlet into Klingon after hearing the line "You haven't experienced Shakespeare until you've read him in the original Klingon" in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.
- ↑ Mayored to the Mob
- ↑ Comic Book Guy's Book of Pop Culture
- ↑ Husbands and Knives
- ↑ The Simpsons Movie
- ↑ The Joy of Sect
- ↑ My Big Fat Geek Wedding