When You Dish Upon a Star
D'oh-in' in the Wind
Lisa Gets an "A"
[After appearing in a recruitment film for Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Homer decides to join the Screen Actors' Guild. He needs his middle name for the S.A.G. form, but only knows his middle initial.]
Homer: Hey, Dad, what does the 'J' stand for?
Grampa: How should I know? It was your mother's job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking.
Homer: But I can't ask Mom; she's on the run from the law!
Grampa: Serves her right for being a 60s radical! [fondly remembering] Though she was a demon in the sack!

Lisa: Why would Lenny want someone to saw his legs off?
Homer: Well, there were script problems from day one.
Bart: Didn't seem like anyone even read the script.
Homer: That was the problem.

[Mr. Burns has a jar of garlic pickles]
Mr. Burns: No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?
Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir.

Mr. Burns: What we need around here is some fresh blood.
Smithers: Would you like me to drain Simpson while he's passed out, sir?

[The family tries to help Homer with the S.A.G. form.]
Bart: Why not just make up a middle name?
Lisa: You might as well. You already made up a phony film credit.
Homer: No! Homer Simpson never lies twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
Marge: You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.
Homer: Yes, but they were all part of a single ball of lies.

Mr. Burns: To attract the top grads we'll need to make a recruitment film a picture that showcases our cutting-edge technology.
Smithers: A talkie, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes, brilliant! That's just the kind of far-out gimmick we need!

[In search of Homer's middle name, he and Grampa visit Groovy Grove Natural Farm, the commune where Homer's mom Mona went after leaving Abe. They meet Seth and Munchie, middle-aged hippies who now run a juice business at the farm. They remember Mona.]
Seth: You know, Homer, your mom was a pretty groovy chick.
Munchie: And a demon in the sack! [They both chuckle.]
Grampa: Oh, you heard about that, eh? [He laughs.]
[Seth and Munchie go silent for a moment, glance at each other, and then laugh along with Grampa.]

A young Homer is dancing naked at Woodstock, to the amusement of Mona and the anger of Abe.
Abe: Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on and then pull 'em down, 'cause it's time for a spankin'!

Homer: Hear ye! Hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
Principal Skinner: Hmm. Fifteen years of loyal service, and this is how they tell me... A jester with an invisible proclamation.

Lisa: Dad, do you mind? Your feet are really close to my potato.
Homer: Your potato? You can't, like, own a potato, man! It's one of Mother Earth's creatures.

Homer: [belches]
Marge: Homer, excuse yourself.
Homer: No way, narc! Bodily functions are a natural thing.
Bart: Not to mention hilarious!

[Having embraced the hippie lifestyle, Homer tries to get Marge to go along with him.]
Homer: Marge, you've got too many hang-ups. Like, the whole shaving trip. Come on, I want to see those legs all furry and gross!
Marge: That ain't gonna happen, bub.
Homer: Well, at least lose the bra. Free the Springfield Two, Marge! Free the Springfield Two!
Marge: [grumbles] I think you've had too much strawberry wine.

Kent Brockman: A spokesman attributed the production shutdown to a half-witted oaf.
Homer: Aw, it was sweet of those guys to blame an oaf, but really it was my fault. I just don't have the discipline to be a hippie.
Marge: Oh, does this mean you're going to start showering again?
Homer: Perhaps, in time.

[While cleaning house, Marge notices an empty space where the couch is supposed to be. Then she hears a scream coming from outside. Investigating, she goes outside and sees that Maude Flanders is screaming at the sight of Homer lying naked on the couch, playing with his Frisbee.]
Maude: [still screaming] Help! Oh, I've never seen anything like- [covers eyes] My eyes have been soiled!
Homer: [standing up facing Maude] Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing!

[At Groovy Grove, Homer tries to get Seth and Munchie to go along with him to freak people out.]
Seth: Yeah, an old-time freak-out sounds tempting, Homer, but [sighing] we've got a big order to fill.
Homer: [sarcastically] Fine. I guess the juice business is more important than the ideals our hippie forefathers refused to go to war and die for.
Munchie: I suppose we could duck out for a couple of hours.
Seth: Hey, we'll call it a business trip and write off the mileage!
Homer: Now your freak flag's flyin'! Let the freak-out begin!

[After his Frisbee ruins a whole batch of juice, Homer resolves to make things right by re-making the batch at night while Seth and Munchie sleep. Homer greets them first thing the next morning.]
Homer: [to Munchie] Good morning, starshine! [to Seth] Seth.
[Seth and Munchie notice the empty field and gasp.]
Munchie: What's going on?
Seth: What happened to our crops?
Homer: I picked 'em, juiced 'em, and delivered 'em to every store in town. Your business is saved!
Munchie: But there weren't enough vegetables left to fill that order!
Homer: That's what I thought at first. But then I found the other garden behind the barn! The one with the camouflage netting.
Munchie: Uh-oh.
Seth: Homer ... those were our personal vegetables.
Homer: "Well, now the whole town can benefit from their nutrients.

Wiggum: Attention, hippies! Come out peacefully so we can smash your drug mill and all your worldly possessions!

[Groundskeeper Willie, at the elementary school, tosses back a bottle of the hippie juice.]
Groundskeeper Willie: [opening his eyes, dropping the bottle in disbelief] Fergie!
Sarah Ferguson: [leaning against a purple tree while stars float by] Willie... You complete me.
Groundskeeper Willie: Saints be praised!
Sarah Ferguson Oh, closer...
Groundskeeper Willie: I've always dreamed of this moment!
[The two embrace passionately. In reality, Willie, walking over to a regular tree, has a rake in his hands, which he uses to claw up his face, sighing contentedly.]

[Stopped in traffic, Ned Flanders drinks the juice in his car, and is shocked at his hallucinations.]
Flanders: Huh?
[Teddy bears and skeletons cross the road and laugh.]
Skeleton: Mornin', Ned!
[Next, marching hammers cross the road, and one looks at Ned, showing that it has the Rolling Stones' "Lips & Tongue."]
Hammer Lips: Pucker up, Ned!
[The Hammer comes closer to Ned and attempts to kiss him. Ned screams.]

[The juice freaks people out all over town, including at the police station. Chief Wiggum notices Lou spinning in a chair, laughing and holding a bottle of juice.]
Wiggum: Lou. Lou! Are you all right?
Lou: The electric yellow has got me by the brain banana.
Wiggum: I ... see.
[Wiggum grabs the bottle from Lou, dips a fingertip into the juice, and has a taste.]
Wiggum: My God, it's nothing but carrots and peyote!
Eddie: Damn longhairs never learn, Chief.
Wiggum: It's time for a good old-fashioned hippie ass-whomping!

Season 9 Season 10 Quotes Season 11
Lard of the DanceThe Wizard of Evergreen TerraceBart the MotherTreehouse of Horror IXWhen You Dish Upon a StarD'oh-in' in the WindLisa Gets an "A"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"Mayored to the MobViva Ned FlandersWild Barts Can't Be BrokenSunday, Cruddy SundayHomer to the MaxI'm with CupidMarge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"Make Room for LisaMaximum HomerdriveSimpsons Bible StoriesMom and Pop ArtThe Old Man and the "C" StudentMonty Can't Buy Me LoveThey Saved Lisa's BrainThirty Minutes Over Tokyo
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