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Dangers on a Train |
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- Marge: Our First Anniversary.
- Homer: And we're more in love than ever. In your face, people who said it wouldn't last a year!
- Grampa: I stand by my wedding toast.
- Marge: Let's just enjoy our happiness, Homie. Accidental motherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to a woman. And I think Bart's finally outgrown his misbehavior.
- Homer: But somehow our anniversaries didn't get better than that first one on the train.
- Lisa: Wait, you named me after a train?
- Homer: Yeah, just like we did with Bart. Anyway, this year, I'm gonna recreate our magical first anniversary, ending with a romantic ride on that... (gasping) Why are you taking away the train?
- Rafael: I'm afraid no one rides it anymore despite millions in government subsidies. So we're replacing it with something that makes money and sends people to the food court.
- Homer: Kids, I've only had three great ideas. marrying your mother, using a hot dog as a straw and this romantic train ride anniversary. Sir, I need this train.
- Rafael: Eh, take it home. It's yours.
- Lisa: Are you sure Mom is really gonna want a rusted-out kiddie train?
- Homer: She won't see it like this. I'll make this train look as beautiful as it did when this mall was young.
- Lisa: Aw, Dad, I just got a little twinge in my heart.
- Otto: Try this.
- Homer: You stay away from my kids unless you're driving them to school!
- Otto: So, I'm not babysitting tomorrow night?
- Homer: Oh, we're still on for tomorrow night.
- Kearney: Hey, lardo, where you going in your lardo car? Lardville?
- Homer: There's no such place!
- Homer: (singing) I've been working on the railroad-
- Marge: Why are you singing that?
- Homer: Because it's in the public domain?
- Marge: When does it get better? When he's 800 pounds and has to be cut out of the house to go to a movie?
- Homer: (Marge imagines an 800-pound Homer.) I lost my cleaning stick in my belly fat, but I found a kitten.
- Marge: That is so sweet. There I go again, settling!
- Reverend Lovejoy: Trains, they can fix every marriage.
- (gets text from his wife that reads "Are U still working on that stupid train?") What the? Happy moment derailed by the bipolar express. . . Ha, none of you heard that.
- Ramona: Let's go home and spend a romantic night looking through your computer's browsing history.
- Ben: That exists? Oh, boy.
- (Bart and Lisa are fighting with pillows but Bart breaks a lamp)
- Bart: Mom! Lisa made me break a lamp!
- Lisa: Mom! Bart is twisting facts in an Orwellian fashion.
- Marge: Can I have one hour of grown-up time where you two aren't tattling on each other or using obscure references?
- Lisa: Orwell? Obscure? The author of Animal Farm?
- Bart: Grandpa says he was a commie.