Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over, 'conquered' if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. But, one thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
Homer: This is the most awe-inspiring sight I have ever seen. Giver of life, mother of us all… Hey guys, look what I smuggled aboard! (shows a bag of chips)
Al Bundy: (flushes a toilet, and everyone hollers and cheers)
Tim Taylor: (finally gets his rider mower to start) Yes! I did it! I finally turbo-charged my riding mower! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! (puts it in gear, it goes into reverse, knocks over the fence, and runs over next-door neighbor Wilson)
Tim Taylor: Oh, no! I've killed Wilson! Looks like it's back to jail for me! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
(Barney runs off drunk and wastes his chance at being an astronaut)
NASA Guy: Well, Homer, I guess that makes you the winner by default...
Homer: Default? The two sweetest words in the English language! De-FAULT! De-FAULT! De-FAULT!
NASA Assistant: (clubs Homer with a police sap)
NASA Guy: Where'd you get that thing?
NASA Assistant: Sent away.
News reporter: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending unqualified, under trained civilians into space?
Homer: The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Homer: You're right, Marge. Just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, "I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later..." And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back again, he said he didn't know. Well, I'm never going to let something like that happen again!
Kent Brockman: Well, this reporter was...possibly a little hasty earlier and would like to...reaffirm his allegiance to this country and its human president. May not be perfect, but it's still the best government we have. For now. [notices "HAIL ANTS" sign taped up, tears it down] Oh, yes, by the way, the spacecraft still in extreme danger, may not make it back, attempting risky reentry, bla bla bla bla bla bla. We'll see you after the movie.
Homer: (explaining why he believes he's finally going to win "Worker of the Week") "Union Rule 26: Every employee must win 'Worker of the Week' at least once, regardless of gross incompetence, obesity or rank odor." Heh heh heh...
Homer: Stupid carbon rod. It's all a popularity contest.
NASA Guy: (counting down to launch) Three... Two... One... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!
Stillwater: People, we're in danger of losing our funding. America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.
Babcock: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the chimps we sent into space came back super intelligent.
(A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.)
Chimp: (English accent) No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.