Diary Queen/Quotes

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◄ The Dad-Feelings Limited

Diary Queen

Wad Goals ►

Bart: Willie? I heard, can't say where, that you're actually pretty lonely. So I got you this little guy. (Bart pulls out a rabbit out of his bag and gives it to Groundskeeper Willie)

Groundskeeper Willie: A Scotsman lonely? Bannocks to that! But I will take your wee coney... for me evening stew! (to the rabbit) Do you like your stew? It's got lots of extra carrots for a growing bunny. And when you grow fat enough, I'll stick you in a bubbling pot of water... for your Saturday bath. Oh, I love you.

---

Lisa: Okay, spill it. What dirt did you find?

Bart: I'm only on page 35, but it's so clear she thought I was great. She really liked me. Even when I brought in a dead bird from outside, which I've actually forgotten.

Lisa: What? [thinking] Poor, deluded Bart. She was writing that about her cat.

Bart: She loved how much I love tuna. I don't remember that either, but it was meaningful to her.

Lisa: Listen, Bart...

Bart: And she said I was too adorable to be sterilized. Oh, her words, not mine.

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Dr. Hibbert: Is anything bothering you, young lady?

Lisa: Just the usual... global disasters, artificial intelligence taking over, the cold, dead eyes of Mike Pence.

Dr. Hibbert: Hmm. Well, I could refer you to psychological counseling, but why fix what you can numb? So I'm gonna prescribe some Sleepy and Dopey's children's chewable Xanax. (laughs)

Marge: I don't want my daughter on meds.

Dr. Hibbert: You seem upset, Marge. Talk to your doctor about Troxodone.

Marge: You are my doctor.

Dr. Hibbert: Well, well, well. Fancy that. (laughs) This is gonna turn your life into an oasis of peaceful zombitude. Side effects may include bleeding out your ears, Portuguese insolence, wandering eyebrow, intense longing, and seeing yourself as others see you. (laughs)

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Todd Flanders: Order! Order!

Ned: Now, we can't leave Springfield unless it's unanimous. Todd?

Todd: I vote "yes." I can finally get away from that ladybug that scares me.

Rod Flanders: I'm tired of Mr. Simpson peeing in our bird bath.

Ned: Well, that's one, two, three, and...

Edna Krabappel: I have to stay here in Springfield, because boys like Bart Simpson need me. Sweet, misunderstood boys, who just need someone to recognize the basic goodness that's trapped inside them and is desperately trying to get out. (sneezes)