Groundskeeper Willie: (grumbling after hearing a narration from To Kiss A Scoundrel) Yeah, whatever happens in a book, it's romantic. But when Willie tries to kiss ye, yer all pepper spray and fingernails.
Homer: Slow down, Picasso! You were gonna start a novel without informing me?
Marge: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call!
Homer: I also fed some ducklings.
Marge: I know, I got your message.
Homer: Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!
Marge: Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
Homer: Oh, I was so close!
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell, no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
Marge: "(to herself)" Hmm, what should I write about? That painting has always sparked my imagination. That's it! A novel about whaling. That's something you haven't seen before. Thank you, "Scene from Moby-Dick."
Marge: (to herself) I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well, like they say "snuggling sells."
Marge: Homie, I finished my novel…
Homer: Wooh, typed.
Marge: It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think.
Lisa: Maybe you should let Dad read your book before you submit it to publishers.
Marge: I suppose I'd better. Your father is a very private person.
[Marge looks at a window, seeing a naked Homer checking the mail]
Homer: Marge, we're out of bath towels!
[Homer hears the ice cream truck bell]
Homer: Ooh, ice cream truck!
[runs to the street]
[Moe hears the gossip about Homer and Marge and passes it on]
Moe: Can you believe that Homer and Marge's wedding is just a sham? Alright, I'll order. I'll have a medium pepperoni. And can you space out the meat so it spells "Happy Birthday Moe"? [cries] Oh GOD, I'm alone!