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:'''Homer''': Marge, write that down so we can have it at home. |
:'''Homer''': Marge, write that down so we can have it at home. |
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− | : (Homer walking |
+ | : (Homer walking Springefield street) |
− | : '''Homer''': Stupid Homer-hating family. At least there's one place I'm always welcome. |
+ | : '''Homer''': Stupid Homer-hating family. At least there's only one place I'm always welcome. |
: '''Barflies''': (''singing'') For he's a jolly good fellow... |
: '''Barflies''': (''singing'') For he's a jolly good fellow... |
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: '''Homer''': Aw, guys. This is just what I needed. |
: '''Homer''': Aw, guys. This is just what I needed. |
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: '''[[Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': This ain't for you, sweat stain. It's a surprise party for Lenny thrown by his closest friends. |
: '''[[Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': This ain't for you, sweat stain. It's a surprise party for Lenny thrown by his closest friends. |
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: '''Homer''': So what's Stephen Hawking doing here? |
: '''Homer''': So what's Stephen Hawking doing here? |
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− | : '''Hawking''': I live here now. You're looking at the new owner of the Little Caesar's down the street. (It says "Pizza-pizza" |
+ | : '''Hawking''': I live here now. You're looking at the new owner of the Little Caesar's down the street. (It says ''"Pizza-pizza"'') Sorry, that button sticks. |
: '''Homer''': So why didn't you invite me? |
: '''Homer''': So why didn't you invite me? |
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: '''Carl''': We couldn't tell you ahead of time, because you'd spill the beans. |
: '''Carl''': We couldn't tell you ahead of time, because you'd spill the beans. |
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: '''Homer''': (feel gloomy) I wouldn't ruin a surprise for Lenny. (Lenny opens the door) |
: '''Homer''': (feel gloomy) I wouldn't ruin a surprise for Lenny. (Lenny opens the door) |
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− | : '''[[Lenny Leonard|Lenny]]''': Surprise? What surprise? (Everybody |
+ | : '''[[Lenny Leonard|Lenny]]''': Surprise? What surprise? (Everybody blow their horns and get disappointed) |
: '''[[Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': (to Homer, glaring) Way the go, Homer! |
: '''[[Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': (to Homer, glaring) Way the go, Homer! |
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: '''Moe''': (angrily) Ugh, six years' planning down the drain! |
: '''Moe''': (angrily) Ugh, six years' planning down the drain! |
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: '''Homer''': (meek, defeated) I'm sorry. I'll just sit over here until you stop being mad at me. (He sits on a fake stool and ruins it) |
: '''Homer''': (meek, defeated) I'm sorry. I'll just sit over here until you stop being mad at me. (He sits on a fake stool and ruins it) |
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− | : '''Carl''': (furious) Oh great, Homer! I bake a cake shaped like Lenny's favorite barstool, and you wreck it. |
+ | : '''Carl''': (furious) Oh, great, Homer! I bake a cake shaped like Lenny's favorite barstool, and you wreck it. |
: (Homer is still feeling depressed, Lenny, Carl, Hawking and others glaring at him) |
: (Homer is still feeling depressed, Lenny, Carl, Hawking and others glaring at him) |
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: '''Homer''': (sadly) Well, I can see I'm not wanted here. (He stands up and walks) |
: '''Homer''': (sadly) Well, I can see I'm not wanted here. (He stands up and walks) |
Revision as of 21:31, 10 July 2016
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Don't Fear the Roofer |
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- Homer: How did it come to this? I'm the first man ever to feel depressed in a bar. I don't have a friend in the world.
- (A shatter voice speaks)
- Voice: (smiling) Look at the size of that nacho plate! (It's Ray Magini, in orange shirt and black trousers and black boots)
- Ray: I haven't seen this much melted cheese since I left my Billy Joel albums out in the sun.
- Homer: (surprised) HUH?! (starts laughing) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! The sun.
- Ray: Hey, you want to split this?
- Homer: Wow. It's been so long since I've been with someone who doesn't know what a selfish pig I am. (They starts to eat) Mine! Move your head! I can't take it!
- Ray: Hey. My name is Ray (Ray Magini). (shakes Homer's hand)
- Homer: Ray, you know mean better than everyone. How could get my wife to love me again?
- Ray: It's me, I'm a MARGE-calculator. Just likes it and Bottom-roofer.
- (Homer thoughts it's Simsons' house (plus) Ray Magini (equal) Marge is so happy)
- Homer: Ray! would you help me fix my roof?
- Ray: Sure, i'll help it! I had a one citation (He holds the jug full of beer) You could help finish the picture of beer?
- Marge: I'm going to take the dog to the V-E-T.
- Santa's Little Helper: Huh?
- Marge: Then I'm going to take Bart to get C-I-R-C-U-M-C-I-S-E-D.
- Bart: Huh?
- Marge: Uh...I'll tell you what it means when it's over.
- (Homer annoys Dr. Hibbert by eating his mouth guard before being given shock therapy)
- Homer: Sorry. Give me one that doesn't taste so delicious.
- Dr. Hibbert: That was rubber covered in Vaseline.
- Homer: Marge, write that down so we can have it at home.
- (Homer walking Springefield street)
- Homer: Stupid Homer-hating family. At least there's only one place I'm always welcome.
- Barflies: (singing) For he's a jolly good fellow...
- Homer: Aw, guys. This is just what I needed.
- Moe: This ain't for you, sweat stain. It's a surprise party for Lenny thrown by his closest friends.
- Homer: So what's Stephen Hawking doing here?
- Hawking: I live here now. You're looking at the new owner of the Little Caesar's down the street. (It says "Pizza-pizza") Sorry, that button sticks.
- Homer: So why didn't you invite me?
- Carl: We couldn't tell you ahead of time, because you'd spill the beans.
- Homer: (feel gloomy) I wouldn't ruin a surprise for Lenny. (Lenny opens the door)
- Lenny: Surprise? What surprise? (Everybody blow their horns and get disappointed)
- Barney: (to Homer, glaring) Way the go, Homer!
- Moe: (angrily) Ugh, six years' planning down the drain!
- Homer: (meek, defeated) I'm sorry. I'll just sit over here until you stop being mad at me. (He sits on a fake stool and ruins it)
- Carl: (furious) Oh, great, Homer! I bake a cake shaped like Lenny's favorite barstool, and you wreck it.
- (Homer is still feeling depressed, Lenny, Carl, Hawking and others glaring at him)
- Homer: (sadly) Well, I can see I'm not wanted here. (He stands up and walks)
- Moe: Wait, Homer! Don't go. (He cleans Homer's bottom with his knife over splatted cake) Okay, beat it! Who wants ass frosting?
- Hawking: No thanks. I'm on Atkins.
- Dr. Hibbert: (worried) Homer, can I please knock off?! I got surgey in the morning!
- Homer: (still angrily) At look that sky, clean! You don't! (Dr. Hibbert grumbles)
- Ray: So as I was saying Homer, Mondays 9:00 CBS. They say everybody loves that guy but I don't get it.
- Homer: (puzzled) What are you talking about?!
- Ray: I'm just saying, catch it while you still can.
- Homer: What time's this show on?
- Ray: Monday 9:00 CBS
- Homer: And what's the network?
- Ray: CBS
- Homer: At what time?
- Ray: 9:00
- Homer: And if I wanna watch it what day?
- Ray: Monday. Monday 9:00
- Homer: And this is on the radio?
- Ray: No it's television Mondays at 9 on CBS
- Homer: And if I wanna see it what time should I watch it?
- Ray: 9:00
- Homer: On what channel?
- Ray: CBS.
- Homer: What day?
- Ray: Monday.
- Homer: On the radio?
- Ray: Television.
- Homer: Turn the television to what channel?
- Ray: CBS
- Homer: At what time?
- Ray: 9:00 on Monday.
- Homer: Now If I wanted to see it on a certain day what would be the best day to see it?
- Ray: It's only on a Monday.
- Homer: And what time would be a good time..
- Ray: 9:00, from 9 to 9:30.
- Homer: So If I turn my radio on at 9:00?
- Ray: Not the radio, television.
- Homer: So it's Mondays at 9 on NBC?
- Ray: CBS.
- Homer: CBS.
- Ray: 9:00
- Homer: On the radio?
- Ray: Television.
- Homer: Television at 3:00.
- Hawking: And we're done.
- (Homer and his family discovers that Ray is real)
- Homer: So Ray does exist?
- Ray: That's right! now let's explore the improbable series of events wich led to this amusing yet tragic farse.
- Knockers Bar Man: On the count of my eyepad, I coudn't see Ray sitting at the bar. All I saw was you, eating and drinking and talking to yourself.
- Ray: And Ned, you didn't see me because I was hidding behind the chimney.
- Ned: Oh, Jez, I tought my vision was perfect and here I was, worshiping false eyeballs.
- Bart: Wait, wait wait wait. How come at builders' barn I saw Homer talking to thin air?
- Ray: Well, that... hmm...
- Stephen Hawking: I can answer that! (Enters the room) I've been tracking a tear on the texture of space-time wich combined with airborne pieces of metal at Builders' Barn to create a miniature black hole. this abnormal lead interposed itself between Homer and Bart causing a gravitational lens wich absorved the light reflected from Ray the roofer. (Everybody look at Lisa)
- Lisa: That seems... Feasible. (Everybody celebrates)
- Marge: Wait! There's still one last thing that doesn't makes sence! (To Ray) Why did you started fixing our roof and just disappear?
- Ray: That's easy! I'm a contractor (Everyone laughs)