Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh
Four Great Women and a Manicure
Coming to Homerica

Queen Elizabeth I Segment

Moe: [After seeing Queen Elizabeth I half-naked] Whoah, someone call Beowulf! Grendel got in again!

King Julio of Spain: Usually I love seeing flaming dreamboats headed my way, but not like this, baby! NOT LIKE THIS!

Queen Elizabeth I: [After trying smoking] If I ever have sex, this would be great afterwards!

Lenny: [referring to the tiny ship models in the table] This is the Spanish Armada, some of the finest ships ever made.
King Julio: Excellent! Now, take me to the real ones.
Lenny: These are the real ones! [moves the Spanish Armada from Spain to England on the map using a stick] Watch out, England. [in British accent] No! Have mercy! [switches back to real voice] Never.
King Julio: Guards! Take him to the dungeon and put things inside of him.
Guard: Nice things?
King Julio: No, not nice things!

Queen Elizabeth I: [to Sir Walter Raleigh] Don't you know that I love you? I've always loved you!
Lady Marge: [confused and repulsed] Um, who are you talking to?
Queen Elizabeth I: Both! Neither! Oh, what difference does it make?

Snow White Segment

HDTV: You would do in a pinch, my Queen, but Snow White's the fairest I have seen. Also, there's a weather girl on Channel 9 who's whee-hee-hee!

Groundskeeper Willie: [about to cut out Snow White's heart] I... I... I cannot do it! Run, lassie! Find wee little men, and hide with them! [Snow White flees and Plopper the Pig walk in] Now to fool the Queen with a pig's heart! [He raises his knife] I... I... I cannot do it! [picks up a piece of red construction paper as Plopper flees] Maybe I'll cut her a heart out of construction paper... I... I... I cannot do it!

Snow White: [trying out three different beds] This bed's too hard! This one's too soft! And this bed is just... like the first one! Also too hard! I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.
Queen: [surrounded by and about to be torn apart by the forest animals] Ooh, Herbivores! I'm sooo scared... aaah!
Dwarfs: Ho-hi, ho-hi! It's time to say goodbye! If Disney sues, we'll claim fair use, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi!

Queen: [handing Groundskeeper Willie a box shaped like a heart] Bring me Snow White's heart in this box.
Groundskeeper Willie: What am I going to do with the rest of the body?
Queen: [referring to a child-sized box made to look like Snow White] Put it in this box! Then you'll get your reward. [Eyes move to adult-sized box made to look like Groundskeeper Willie]

Lenny dwarf: There's someone in our house!
Crabby dwarf: Let's put a pickaxe in its brain!
Lenny: You're in marketing! Why do you even bring an axe?
Crabby dwarf: If you were in marketing, you'd know.

Lady Macbeth segment

Homer: [referring to Shakespeare, while killing Mel] Well if you see him in Heaven... tell him he sucks!

Homer: (as Macbeth) Stars, hide your fires. Hide your dark, deep desires. Out, out brief candle! Life is just a walking shadow, a player who walks his hours upon the stage and is heard no more.

Homer: [After shooting himself] Me reading all those plays would be the real tragedy.
[He's content with being lazy and Marge is once more frustrated with him.]

Homer: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...today's Tuesday, so that would make it Friday...Shakespeare!
Selma: Forget it!
Patty: You don't know your lines!
Homer: [reading from a script hidden in his jacket] Conrad Birdie! Coming here to Sweet Apple!
Selma: That's "Bye Bye, Birdie!"
Homer: [reading from another script] Dammit, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe.
Patty: That's the screenplay for "The Matrix Reloaded"!
Homer: D'oh!

Maggie Roarke Segment

Mr. Toohey: Mediocrity rules!

Season 19 Season 20 Quotes Season 21
Sex, Pies, and Idiot ScrapesLost VerizonDouble, Double, Boy in TroubleTreehouse of Horror XIXDangerous CurvesHomer and Lisa Exchange Cross WordsMypods and BoomsticksThe Burns and the BeesLisa the Drama QueenTake My Life, PleaseHow the Test Was WonNo Loan Again, NaturallyGone Maggie GoneIn the Name of the GrandfatherWedding for DisasterEeny Teeny Maya, MoeThe Good, the Sad and the DruglyFather Knows WorstWaverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'ohFour Great Women and a ManicureComing to Homerica
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