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Treehouse of Horror XV
Homer: All my daughter ever did was tell people to think for themselves. I may be her father, but when I grow up, I want to be just like her, except still a dude.

Mr. Burns: Very well. You had your chance. I'm going to shred you like a Christmas card! Now get out!
Lisa: I can't! My mom's not picking me up for an hour.
(long pause)
Burns: So, what do you think of today’s popular music scene?
Lisa: I think it distracts people from more important social issues.
Burns: My god, are you always on?

Kent Brockman: The town still mourns the loss of its venerable old man.
Mr. Burns: Here it comes.
Kent: Beloved by children.
Mr. Burns: Ah, yes, the little ones.
Kent: Thought to be thousands of years old.
Mr. Burns: I have been 89 for a while now.
Kent: We'll miss you, Geezer Rock. [Mr. Burns spits out his drink, deflating in the process]

Mr. Burns: Well, I guess it's impossible for one man to control all the media. Unless, of course, you're Rupert Murdoch. [looks at camera] He is one beautiful man.
Smithers: [he looks at camera too] I couldn't agree more.

Lisa: All right, Nelson, what kind of journalistic skills do you have?
Nelson: I don't know, making nerds cry?
Lisa: Perfect, you're our TV critic. [Ralph walks up to Lisa] Ralph, what about you?
Ralph: I want to be a fire truck!
Lisa: Hmm... how 'bout a feature columnist?
Ralph: Yay! I'm a feature columnist! [he pretends to be a fire truck making sirens and then starts running around in circles]

Kearney: Burns is alive? Then whose skull have I been drinking beer out of?

Bart: What's the big deal about a rock that looks like a dude? I've got a dad that looks like a monkey!
[Homer is humped over, scratching his crotch and eating a banana]
Homer: Bart! You promised you'd stop making that comparison! [Then he strangles Bart] Per... our... agreement.

Marge: [as Homer types on a typewriter] Look at you go! Typety-type-type-type!
Homer: [he takes the paper out, balls it up and throws it away] Marge, I'm pulling an all-nighter for my little girl! [grabs another piece of paper, puts it in the typewriter, and starts typing again] Put on a pot of coffee, drink it, and start making burgers!
Marge: Oh! Some anniversary this is.

Lisa: Burns owns everything! I got to speak out before it's too late! (she reads a magazine cover with a Mr. Burns photo with "It's to late" written) D'oh!

Mr. Burns: [After failing to crush an ant] Take my wallet and leave me alone!

Groundskeeper Willie: Check out The Willie World News! I reviewed the new tractors! They're all shite!

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