The Seven-Beer Snitch
Don't Fear the Roofer
(Bart and Lisa are teasing each other in the street about their romantic prospects)
Bart: Oh yeah? Well, you love Moleman!
Lisa: You're gay for Moleman!
Bart: No, you're gay for Moleman!
(They start wrestling)
Hans Moleman: (sadly) No one's gay for Moleman.

Kearney: Okay, I want a nice clean prom. That means no booze, kick, puff, doze, max, stim, or turb. Remember, stim kills!
Skinner: It's what turned Superintendent Chalmers into a vegetable.
Chalmers: (going around in a circle in an electronic wheelchair) Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner!

Moe: (MoeClone drops a beer mug) You moron! Oh, why did I think I ever needed a clone?
MoeClone: Hey, I'm not the clone! You're the clone!
Moe: Oh, please, not this again. audio clip

(Moe and MoeClone are watching Homer and Krusty strangle each other)
Moe: Once they destroy each other...
MoeClone: ...then we make our move.
(a spider with Moe's head lowers himself down)
MoeSpiderClone: Yes, we make our move.
(camera zooms in on SpiderClone and both Moes look at him)
MoeSpiderClone: What? A spider got into the cloning machine.

(In the future, Teenage Lisa strangling Teenage Bart after finding out he took the Yale scholarship)
Teenage Lisa: You've wrecked my life!
(In the present, Lisa is also strangling Bart)
Lisa: You're gonna wreck my life!

(Homer puts on a wig and leads Bart to the airlock in his underwater home)
Homer: Come on, boy! We're hitting the town!
(They sit in the decompression chamber. Homer reaches for a knob)
Homer: After decompressing, of course.
(Homer turns the knob which begins a countdown of three hours as well as the hissing noise of decompression. By the end of this dialogue, only eleven seconds tick by)
Bart: (beat) So...what do ya do to kill time in here?
Homer: There's a DVD player, but it doesn't work.

(Milhouse gets stuck between two trees)
Milhouse: Lenny, Carl, can you pull me out?
Lenny: Sorry, we're ghosts now.
Carl: Our spirits live in those two trees.
Lenny: Or maybe we're alive and feel like jerking you around!
Carl: Or maybe we're one of each!
(Lenny and Carl chuckle as they leave, complete with eerie alien-style music) audio clip

Bart: This blows! I wanna see Vice President Cletus!
(changes machine screen to VP Cletus)
Vice President Cletus: (on phone) You want me to attend the funeral of the Sultan of Brunei? Well, I would consider it my honor. (yelling) Hey, Brandine! Pack my evenin' britches! We goin' to Brunei audio clip

Lisa: How did you know we were coming?
Professor Frink: Because I have mastered the one true science... (dramatic pose) astrology!
Lisa: Don't you mean 'astronomy'?
Prof. Frink: No, my dear, I said (goes back to dramatic pose) astrology!

(Homer and Bart pass through a mountain using a portal/tunnel, coming out of the other side with Bender in the car)
Bender: Alright! You guys are my new best friends!
Homer: You wish, loser! audio clip

Snake: Don't move, Teenage Bart! I've got you covered with my phaser-slash-cell phone.
(the phone begins playing The Entertainer) (talking into phone)
Snake: Dude, this is totally not the time to call me...I don't know, some kind of pasta...look, just get me what you're having...ew, not that!
(Bart knocks Snake out)
Snake: (semi-delirious) What soups do they have? (passes out) audio clip

(at the high school prom, it's time for slow dance. Martin and his date, "Childlike-Humanoid-Urban-Muchacho" {or C.H.U.M., which he invented in "Fat Man and Little Boy} are dancing)
Martin: So, any plans after graduation?
C.H.U.M.: Travel.
Martin: Do you need a traveling companion per chance?
C.H.U.M.: Travel cancelled!

Ralph: (to a girl at prom) I can use the potty now. audio clip

Lisa: (Bart is watching a hologram of the prom, Martin is dancing with his robot "date") Is that robot break dancing?
Bart: No, he just activated his self-destruct mechanism.
(the robot explodes)

Homer: Hey Moe. Hey MoeClone.
Moe: Hey ya, Homer.
MoeClone: Hey, Homer.
Moe: Hey hey hey hey. I don't pay you to socialize.
MoeClone: Oh right. You're the 'people person'!
Moe: Watch with the attitude, mister! You came from my back fat.

Otto: (runs nude from the limo he was driving) I can fly! I can fly! (runs toward a cliff while flapping his arms, but stops before he reaches the edge)
Otto: Just kidding. I know I can't fly. I can glide though! (runs off the edge and falls to his death)

(Bart is cleaning the Kwik-E-Mart floor.)
Anoop: (Spits on floor.) You missed a spot! Do it again!
Bart: Yes, Mr. Gheet.
Anoop: I'm Anoop, you racist cracker! (Kicks Bart.)

Mr. Burns: Hello, Smithers. Nice of you to drop by... AFTER my life was saved.
Smithers: Sir, you KNEW I was on a date!
Bart: Mr. Smithers? I thought you were...ah...you know...
Smithers: Ha ha, no I'm straight, as long as I take these injections every 10 minutes! (injects himself) I love BOOBIES!

Homer: I'm so proud of you! (To Lisa) Lisa graduated two years earlier (to Bart) and Bart... (Stares at him) graduated!

Season 15 Season 16 Quotes Season 17
Treehouse of Horror XVAll's Fair in Oven WarSleeping with the EnemyShe Used to Be My GirlFat Man and Little BoyMidnight RxMommie BeerestHomer and Ned's Hail Mary PassPranksta RapThere's Something About MarryingOn a Clear Day I Can't See My SisterGoo Goo Gai PanMobile HomerThe Seven-Beer SnitchFuture-DramaDon't Fear the RooferThe Heartbroke KidA Star is TornThank God It's DoomsdayHome Away from HomerThe Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.