The Wettest Stories Ever Told
Girls Just Want to Have Sums
Regarding Margie
Chalmers: Skinner, you've got to deal with these kooks.
Skinner: Don't worry, I have a plan: pretend I agree with them.
Chalmers: Well, you'd better hurry. (pointing to his car) Look what they've done to your car.
Skinner: No, that's how its always looks.
Chalmers: Oh, how sad.

Skinner: Today, we celebrate the first of many, many, many, many diversity forums. Why is it that women 'appear' to be worse at math than men? What is the source of this 'illusion' or as I call it, the biggest lie ever told.
Lindsey Naegle: You're a worse version of Hitler!
Skinner: Please believe me. I-I understand the problem of women. (he moves from behind the podium revealing he's wearing a purple dress and purple heels) See. (the audience gasps)
Nelson: Haw, haw! The principal's a tranny.
Skinner: Am I wearing women's clothes? I didn't notice. When I look in my closet, I don't see male clothes or female clothes. They're all the same.
Edna Krabappel: Are you saying that men and women are identical?
Skinner: Oh, no, of course not! Women are unique in every way.
Lindsey Naegle: Now he's saying men and women aren't equal!
Skinner: No, no, no! It's the differences of which there are none that makes the sameness exceptional. Just tell me what to say! (he starts to breathe heavily then pass out)
Chalmers: Oh dear. Um, attention students. Due to nervous exhaustion and diarrhea of the mouth... (the students start laughing) Yes, yes, yes. I said diarrhea.

Lisa: You'd do that for me? That's so sweet! (hugs him)
Bart: (pushes her away) You're a boy. Nothing is sweet. (steps on her foot)
Lisa: Ow! That hurt!
Bart: Sweet.

Lisa: Principal Skinner?
Skinner: That's Groundskeeper Skinner now.
Willie: Assistant Groundskeeper, ya moron!

Ralph: I got hit by Boy Lisa and Girl Lisa!

Ralph: (covered in ants) These dots are itchy!

Cat: (singing to the Lion King's Circle of Life) In the circle, the circle of-
Itchy: (Spoken) Knife! (cuts puppet's arms and legs and red streamers fly out)

(Lisa thinks of math, as they speak to her)
Greater-than-or-equal-to sign (≥): Do it Lisa! You'll be greater than or equal to boys.
Number eight: Even though you're only eight (flips over to side to become infinity sign), your possibilities are infinite.
Number Twenty-Seven: Twenty-seven!

Lisa: What are you drawing?
Nelson: A robot with guns for arms shooting a plane made of guns that fires guns.

Season 16 Season 17 Quotes Season 18
The Bonfire of the ManateesThe Girl Who Slept Too LittleMilhouse of Sand and FogTreehouse of Horror XVIMarge's Son PoisoningSee Homer RunThe Last of the Red Hat MamasThe Italian BobSimpsons Christmas StoriesHomer's Paternity CootWe're on the Road to D'oh-whereMy Fair LaddyThe Seemingly Never-Ending StoryBart Has Two MommiesHomer Simpson, This is Your WifeMillion-Dollar AbieKiss Kiss Bang BangaloreThe Wettest Stories Ever ToldGirls Just Want to Have SumsRegarding MargieThe Monkey SuitMarge and Homer Turn a Couple Play
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