Bart: Joe Banks, 82 years young has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery... the ducks... were gone! Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people say, that Joe used to sit down there, near those ducks. But it could be, that there is just no room in this modern world, for an old man... and his ducks.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?
Krusty the Clown: (laughs) Man, you think the quality would dip after fifty-five hundred shows! But... (laughs)
Lady: Well, the FCC isn't laughing. They don't believe kids are learning anything from "Itchy and Scratchy".
Krusty: Oh, please! What don't they learn? Don't trust mice, cats are made of glass...
Lady: Our renewal license is on the bubble. We need educational programming, fast!
Krusty: What about that Mattel and Mars Bar Quick-Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour?
Lady: That's barely legal as it is. Here's what I was thinking: a newscast for kids. By kids.
Krusty: Well, you're not taking any time out of my show. It's jammed up as it is. There's a monologue, those idiot puppets, Krusty's nap time, the second monologue, Paul Harvey, Senor Papino... I tell ya, it's the tightest three hours and ten minutes on TV.
Lady: We're cutting ten minutes from your show.
Krusty: Well, I guess we can trim the Hobo Parade to a lean twenty.
Homer: (while watching TV) Marge can I get a duck?
Principal Skinner: Lisa, Channel 6 is launching a children news program, and they asked me to select an outstanding student to be anchor child.
Lisa: (Gasps) Oh my god! (Pretending to be a anchor) Today's top story: Little girl on cloud nine as dream comes true.
Principal Skinner: Lisa, I've selected you to be that child anchor.
Lisa: I know, I already jumped to that conclusion
Principal Skinner: Hmm.. All right. If you're so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunchroom monitor!
Principal Skinner: (Gives her a sash) Take your sash and go.
Bart: (reporting live from the Springfield Dump) Ahem. Lisa, I've just arrived at the Springfield Dump. A lot of things get thrown out here; sometimes... even... a human being. Somewhere in this pile of twisted metal and soiled mattresses...