The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
Holidays of Future Passed
Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
Homer: To prove a point, everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance.

Apu: What do you want?! We're a cashless society!

(Waking up after falling asleep in mashed potatoes,Marge had just put a christmas hat on his head and he has a beard of mashed potatoes. He sees his reflection in a plate.)
Abe: I’m Santa? Oh, now, I’ll never die.

Bart: (thinking) Ha ha ha! I'll just dump 'em at my Mom's!
Bart's Elder Son: You know, we can hear thoughts now.
Bart: Damn it!

Milhouse: Lis, I’m afraid my seasonal allergies are kicking in.
Lisa: Oh, you poor thing. This is a tough time of year for someone who’s allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy cane.
Milhouse: I can’t believe we put a man on the sun, but we can't stop my sneezing, Achooo!

Bart: I can't believe she got married. I have no one. It's so hard to find somebody new.
Ned: Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost!
Maude's Ghost: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void.
Ned: (chuckles) Isn't she pretty?

Bart: The boys think I'm a lousy father.
Lisa: Aw. Poor Bart. My daughter thinks I'm a lousy mother.
Bart: Muhaha! Sorry.
Lisa: Meh. It's OK. But you know who took her side? Marge Bouvier Simpson.
Bart: Pft. What did she do?
Lisa: She told me to relax me bake cookies!
Bart: Did'ya bake some?
Lisa: Yes, and they were some of the best cookies ever made in this house- But THAT IS NOT THE POINT!

Selma's Lovebot: No, Selma. Even a robot made only to love you cannot love you. I am running off with your sister's Concu-droid.

Homer: [touched the boys have forgiven Bart] If those boys can forgive their train wreck of a father, maybe I can forgive...
[Homer de-freezes Abe]
Abe: You quit drinking like a coward, the one thing you were good at...
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: Lawn chair-breaking...
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: Hair-losing...
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: Marge-loving...
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: Barometer dropping
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: Father freezing.
[Homer re-freezes Abe and then de-freezes him]
Grampa: But you'd always come and get me when I wandered out on the freeway. Because deep down you couldn't stand to see me smooshed.
[Homer and Abe reconcile]

[at the hospital]
Hospital Administrator: Sorry, but there's no room at the in-patient facility.
Kearney: Lady, this is Maggie Simpson, she just played a sold-out show in Beijing!
Hospital Administrator: A star in the east... let me see... We do have a little room in the manger. I mean, mangier wing.
[Maggie shakes her head yes]

[After Thanksgiving dinner, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are stuffed from eating]

Bart: [takes off his belt, letting his stomach expand, and groans]

Lisa: [takes off her pearl necklace, letting her neck expand, and sighs in relief]

Maggie: [unstraps her diaper, letting her belly expand and smiles, before taking out her pacifier, and burps loudly]

Homer: [appears from under the table] I'll never eat turkey again. Marge! We got any ham?

Season 22 Season 23 Quotes Season 24
The Falcon and the D'ohmanBart Stops to Smell the RooseveltsTreehouse of Horror XXIIReplaceable YouThe Food WifeThe Book JobThe Man in the Blue Flannel PantsThe Ten-Per-Cent SolutionHolidays of Future PassedPolitically Inept, with Homer SimpsonThe D'oh-cial NetworkMoe Goes from Rags to RichesThe Daughter Also RisesAt Long Last LeaveExit Through the Kwik-E-MartHow I Wet Your MotherThem, RobotBeware My Cheating BartA Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do AgainThe Spy Who Learned MeNed 'N Edna's BlendLisa Goes Gaga
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