Thank God It's Doomsday
Home Away from Homer
The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star
Homer: (to Ned) You wear a bathing suit in the bathtub?
Flanders: Yeah, so I can't see my own shrinky-dink.
Homer: Makes sense.

Lisa: I feel so much empathy for those villagers. They had to drink their own tears.
Bart: I was so bored, I cut the ponytail off of the guy in front of us. (holds it to the back his head) Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and made $600 last year.
Marge: Bart! Don't make fun of grad students. They just made a terrible life choice.

Bart: Mom, I don't want to read, it's the weekend.

Bart: I know what we can “Ask Jeeves.” Why does he suck?

Homer: Don't worry, I'll straighten things out with Coach Clay. We're good buddies. We play this game called "who can punch the softest" and he always lets me win.

(At the Kwik-E-Mart, Homer shows Apu the video)
Homer: What a combination. Hot chicks and stupid Flanders.
Apu: And you say Mr. Flanders remains completely ignorant of their...dot-kama sutra?
Homer: Yep, and nobody's telling him. Not even his good buddy God! (Moe walks by holding a magazine)
Moe: Boy, nothin' is sexier than still photos in a girly magazine. (sees the video) Hey, whaaat?
Homer: Sensual, isn't it? (starts to laugh) And the best part is, stupid Flanders doesn't even know it's happening in his stupid house; hence my nickname, stupid Flanders!

Lisa: You've totally humiliated the best friend the Simpsons ever had.
Homer: You're right, but you know who the real victim is here? Ned.
Lisa: That's what we've been trying to tell you!

Lady: Winner of the Romanian Film Festival's Prestigious Golden Bucket... Holy crap, someone's actually calling!

Flanders: You softcore sophomores took advantage of my trustful nature and sullied the Internet by putting pornography on it! Get out!
(The two hot chicks leave gloomily, they gasps and Ned shocks, too. Springfield citizens cheering together)
Flanders: The whole town is laughing at me behind my back! (sighing) I guess you're the only real friend I have.
Moe: Are you kidding? Homer's the one what wised us up to the sexy goings-on.
Flanders: Homer, is this true?
Homer: Ned, I had no choice. It was just so funny.
Flanders: The Bible said: Cast your bread upon the waters! But all I got was a bunch of soggy bread.
Homer: Hmmm, soggy bre--
Flanders: Don't say it, Homer! This is not the time!
Homer: --Ead...

Homer: What's this? (reading) Good-bye, Springfield,
Ned: (voice over) The Flanders family has pulled up stakes. You have laughed at us for the LAST-DIDDLY-AST time!
Homer: Last-diddly-ast?! (sobbing) Oh, he's gone! And it's all someone's fault! (He starts to cry, eating Ned's cookies)
Marge: (on the window) Oh, I almost forget about Ned. (sniffing)

Bart: (while reading "Gay Focus") Mom, am I a butch or a femme?
Marge: (Not listening) Honey, you can be anything you want to be.

Marge: What language is this? Gibby-gabby?
Lisa: It's Albanian. But the producers added subtitles to make it commercial.

Katja: I'm Katja, and this is Vicky. We make much study at community college.
Vicky: We're, like, here about the room. We moved out of our dorm because it's like, co-ed. Sometimes we saw the boys in their... (starts to cry) ...robes.
Ned: You poor thing, I've heard about those robes. (shudder) Flapping everywhere! Girls, welcome to your very own Ned and breakfast!
Katja: Silly talk means "yes"? (Ned nods. The girls smile and enter Flanders' home)
Ned: Here's your room, ladies. You can catch some Z's while you earn those degrees!
Katja: [giggling] You rhyme like Snoopy Dog.
Ned: Well, thank you.

Vicky: Katja? Do you think everyone's watching?
Katja: If they are, they will see us explore our sexhood without restraint.

Bart: Hey, this one of those dirty websites!
Milhouse: Two girls? Who would want that? (The door knocks. The girls get back into their robes and pick up books)
Katja: You may inside come. (Ned opens and holds some Cappuccino)
Ned: I got two Cappuccinos for Ned's pre-meds.
Bart and Milhouse: (shocked) FLANDERS?!?!
Ned: That's odd. I guess I swore I just heard someone say my name.
Bart: You heard nothing!
Ned: Oh, oh, well, that's better! (Snap to black)

(Fade to Bart and Milhouse watching the video. Vicky spanks Katja's bottom with Rod's picture frame)
Katja: Spank me again with little boy's picture! (Bart and Milhouse laugh while Homer bursts into the room)
Homer: What are you kids laughing at? If you say Jimmy Fallon, I'll know you're lying. (gasps) Scantily clad co-eds?! Why you little! (strangles Bart) I'll teach you to have a libido!
Bart: (yelling) Dad, look who's in there!
Homer: (shocked) Flanders?! (Vicky holds a arrow sign reading "SEXY", Katja dances, and Ned brushes his teeth)
Milhouse: He doesn't know it's happening!

(Homer knocks out Coach Roberts)
Roberts: Why did you do that?! I was backing for mercy!
Homer: I saw my advantage, and I took it. That's what heroes do.

Humbleton Citizen 1: (to Ned) Howdy, Humbletonian!
Humbleton Citizen 2: Picnics and Pixie Stix!
Humbleton Citizen 3: I'll see your smile, and raise you a wink and a giggle! (winks and giggles)
Ned: (chuckles back) This town is sweeter than a cake made of pie. Even the dogs curb themselves!

Season 15 Season 16 Quotes Season 17
Treehouse of Horror XVAll's Fair in Oven WarSleeping with the EnemyShe Used to Be My GirlFat Man and Little BoyMidnight RxMommie BeerestHomer and Ned's Hail Mary PassPranksta RapThere's Something About MarryingOn a Clear Day I Can't See My SisterGoo Goo Gai PanMobile HomerThe Seven-Beer SnitchFuture-DramaDon't Fear the RooferThe Heartbroke KidA Star is TornThank God It's DoomsdayHome Away from HomerThe Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star
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