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Bart the Genius
Homer's Odyssey
There's No Disgrace Like Home
Mrs. Krabappel: [blows whistle] Now class, remember, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So I want all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door.

Sherri: We're gonna make you sing, Bart Simpson.
Terri: Yeah, Bart Simpson, we're gonna make you sing.

[at Moe's Tavern]
Homer: I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.
[phone rings]
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: [on phone] Is Mr. Freely there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Freely, first initials I.P.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I.P. Freely!
[barflies laugh]
Moe: Wait a minute. [talks into the phone again] Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm going to slice your heart in half!
[Bart and Lisa laugh]
Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.
Moe: Oh I don't know, he's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.

Moe: I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back.

Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.
Lisa: I don't know what else to do.
[Maggie pokes him in the eye]
Bart: There's only one thing we can do. Take advantage of the guy. [Holds up a report card] I need you to sign this, Homer. [Bart picks up Homer's hand and writes his signature on the card.]

Homer: Damn it! I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

Smilin' Joe Fission: I'll just put it where nobody'll find it for a million years.

Marge: There, there, Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back.

Homer: You can't depend on me all your lives. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.

Homer: Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.

Homer: Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again.

Announcer #1: Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be right back with more tips on how to win the lottery right after this.
Announcer #2: Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You sat around the house all day, but now it's Duff time. Duff, the beer that makes the days fly by.
Duff TV Jingle: You can't get enough of the wonderful Duff. Duff Beer!
Homer: Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.

Sherri: Hey, Bart. Our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does "incompetent" mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down donuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay. I thought you were putting him down.

Chief Wiggum: Well, it's no secret. Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal known as, "El Barto". Police artist have a composite sketch to go over and if anyone has any information, please contact us immediately.
[A sketch of an older, stubbly, mean-looking version of Bart is passed around]
Bart: Cool, man.

Mr. Burns: Simpson, you seem to have gathered a crowd concerned about our safety record. I have considered offering you a new job. Not a supervising technician, technical supervisor or whatever that old job of your was. This is as safety inspector, with a considerable increase in salary. I will give you 30 seconds to confer with yourself about whether or not you will accept the job offer.
Mr. Burns turns over a small hourglass; camera pans to Homer's head
Homer's Brain: What can I do? There needs to be safety after all I have, and I can't have Marge keep supporting the family on that carhop job. On the other hand..
Mr. Burns: Simpson! Time's up.
Homer: OK, I will take the job.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! You can start right away. Your first assignment is go out on the balcony and tell those people that this is a safe plant.

Homer's Letter: Dear family. I am an utter failure, and you'll be better off without me. By the time you read this, I will be in my watery grave. I can only leave you with the words my father gave me: "Stand tall, have courage and never give up." I only hope I can provide a better model in death than I did in life. Warmest regards. Love, Homer J. Simpson.

Shorts: Season 3 Season 1 Quotes Season 2
Simpsons Roasting on an Open FireBart the GeniusHomer's OdysseyThere's No Disgrace Like HomeBart the GeneralMoaning LisaThe Call of the SimpsonsThe Telltale HeadLife on the Fast LaneHomer's Night OutThe Crepes of WrathKrusty Gets BustedSome Enchanted Evening