Mrs. Krabappel: [blows whistle] Now class, remember, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So I want all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
Marge: There, there, Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back.
Homer: You can't depend on me all your lives. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.
Homer: Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
Homer: Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again.
Announcer #1: Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be right back with more tips on how to win the lottery right after this.
Announcer #2: Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You sat around the house all day, but now it's Duff time. Duff, the beer that makes the days fly by.
Duff TV Jingle: You can't get enough of the wonderful Duff. Duff Beer!
Homer: Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.
Sherri: Hey, Bart. Our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does "incompetent" mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down donuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay. I thought you were putting him down.
Chief Wiggum: Well, it's no secret. Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal known as, "El Barto". Police artist have a composite sketch to go over and if anyone has any information, please contact us immediately.
[A sketch of an older, stubbly, mean-looking version of Bart is passed around]
Bart: Cool, man.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, you seem to have gathered a crowd concerned about our safety record. I have considered offering you a new job. Not a supervising technician, technical supervisor or whatever that old job of your was. This is as safety inspector, with a considerable increase in salary. I will give you 30 seconds to confer with yourself about whether or not you will accept the job offer.
Mr. Burns turns over a small hourglass; camera pans to Homer's head
Homer's Brain: What can I do? There needs to be safety after all I have, and I can't have Marge keep supporting the family on that carhop job. On the other hand..
Mr. Burns: Simpson! Time's up.
Homer: OK, I will take the job.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! You can start right away. Your first assignment is go out on the balcony and tell those people that this is a safe plant.
Homer's Letter: Dear family. I am an utter failure, and you'll be better off without me. By the time you read this, I will be in my watery grave. I can only leave you with the words my father gave me: "Stand tall, have courage and never give up." I only hope I can provide a better model in death than I did in life. Warmest regards. Love, Homer J. Simpson.