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The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
Homer's Phobia
Brother from Another Series
Homer: It's been two hours now. How do you feel?
Bart: I dunno. I kinda want a cigarette.
Homer: Good, let's buy you a pack. What brand?
Bart: Anything slim.
Homer: DANG!

Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little "festive" to you?
Homer: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam.
Marge: He prefers the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a Ho - mo...
Homer: Right.
Marge: ...Sexual.

Homer: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I danced with a gay!

Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us out on a drive today, and we're going.
Homer: Whoa! Not me. And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way.
Marge: What on Earth are you talking about?
Homer: You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FA-LAMING!

John: Oh don't you love those curtains? I have the same exact ones, but only in my bathroom. Didn't you just die when you found these?
Marge: Not really. They just had corn on them. Kitchen, corn?

John: Zzzzzap!

Bart: Oh, Dad. You are the living end.

Homer: You! I should have known.
John: Good morning, sunshine.
Marge: Homer, John brought us cactus candy.
Homer: Look, John, you seem like a perfectly nice guy and all. Just stay the hell away from my family!
John: Well, now you don't get any candy. No that's cruel. Just take a teensy piece.
Homer: No.
John: Homer, what have you got against gays?
Homer: You know. It's not... usual. If there was a law, it would be against it.

(whistle goes off)
Homer: Oh my god! What's happening now?
Rosco: We work hard, we play hard.
(Everybody Dance Now starts playing, as the whole room transforms into a Gay Nightclub)

Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up to be just like us. What happened?
Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. Whole modern world's got a swishifyin' effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast.
Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for me!
Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, [sarcastically] thank you very much, Warren Christopher!
Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting a beautiful man.
Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit back, [winks] and watch the grandkids roll in.

[Bart walks past, wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
Homer: Bart, where'd you get that shirt?
Bart: I dunno, came outta the closet.
Homer [slowly]: Uuuuh...huh.

Season 7 Season 8 Quotes Season 9
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