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The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
Homer's Phobia
Brother from Another Series
Homer: It's been two hours now. How do you feel?
Bart: I dunno. I kinda want a cigarette.
Homer: Good, let's buy you a pack. What brand?
Bart: Anything slim.
Homer: DANG!

Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little "festive" to you?
Homer: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam.
Marge: He prefers the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a Ho - mo...
Homer: Right.
Marge: ...Sexual.
Homer: AAAAHHH!

Homer: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I danced with a gay!

Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us out on a drive today, and we're going.
Homer: Whoa! Not me. And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way.
Marge: What on Earth are you talking about?
Homer: You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FA-LAMING!

John: Oh don't you love those curtains? I have the same exact ones, but only in my bathroom. Didn't you just die when you found these?
Marge: Not really. They just had corn on them. Kitchen, corn?

John: Zzzzzap!

Bart: Oh, Dad. You are the living end.

Homer: You! I should have known.
John: Good morning, sunshine.
Marge: Homer, John brought us cactus candy.
Homer: Look, John, you seem like a perfectly nice guy and all. Just stay the hell away from my family!
John: Well, now you don't get any candy. No that's cruel. Just take a teensy piece.
Homer: No.
John: Homer, what have you got against gays?
Homer: You know. It's not... usual. If there was a law, it would be against it.

(whistle goes off)
Homer: Oh my god! What's happening now?
Rosco: We work hard, we play hard.
(Everybody Dance Now starts playing, as the whole room transforms into a Gay Nightclub)

Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up to be just like us. What happened?
Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. Whole modern world's got a swishifyin' effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast.
Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for me!
Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, [sarcastically] thank you very much, Warren Christopher!
Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting a beautiful man.
Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit back, [winks] and watch the grandkids roll in.

[Bart walks past, wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
Homer: Bart, where'd you get that shirt?
Bart: I dunno, came outta the closet.
Homer [slowly]: Uuuuh...huh.


Season 7 Season 8 Quotes Season 9
Treehouse of Horror VIIYou Only Move TwiceThe Homer They FallBurns, Baby BurnsBart After DarkA Milhouse DividedLisa's Date with DensityHurricane NeddyEl Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)The Springfield FilesThe Twisted World of Marge SimpsonMountain of MadnessSimpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'oh-ciousThe Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie ShowHomer's PhobiaBrother from Another SeriesMy Sister, My SitterHomer vs. the Eighteenth AmendmentGrade School ConfidentialThe Canine MutinyThe Old Man and the LisaIn Marge We TrustHomer's EnemyThe Simpsons Spin-Off ShowcaseThe Secret War of Lisa Simpson
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