Homer: Got to think! Somewhere there's a thingy that tells you how to work this stuff. The, um manual! The manual, right. (finds manual) Aha! It's as fat as a phone book! "Congratulations on your purchase of a Fissionator..." D'oh! Get to the point! Ooh, what's this? D'oh! Who'd have thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?
Homer: This is the only paper in America not afraid to tell the truth: that everything is just fine!
Smithers: May I ask about your weekend?
Mr. Burns: A bit overly familiar, but I'll allow it. I took in a movie. A piece of filth featuring a blonde harlot who spent half the film naked as a jaybird. Give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending and they'll oink for more.
(Cut to the employee lounge.)
Homer: What a movie! And that blonde, does she have assets! Heh-heh-heh!
Smithers: Actually sir, he was hired under Project Bootstrap.
Mr. Burns: (sarcastically) Thank you, President Ford...
Marge: Dear Lord, if you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground I'll try to be a better Christian. I don't know what I can do... Oh, the next time there's a canned food drive, I'll give the poor something they'd actually like instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix.
Otto: By the way, I'd like to say applause, applause to birthday boy Milhouse for his totally bitchin' party on Saturday! Milhouse, I think I left my pants on your roof.
Otto: Bye, little dudes! Don't learn anything I wouldn't learn!
Bart Simpson: Now we're even for your party come on let's go play.
Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. That's why you couldn't come to the party.