Changes: Homer the Heretic/Quotes

Latest revision as of 13:48, 13 January 2021

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◄	A Streetcar Named Marge

Homer the Heretic

Lisa the Beauty Queen

►

(Groundskeeper Willie starts working on melting the ice from the church door with a welding torch.)

Reverend Lovejoy: How's that door coming, Willie?

Willie: Miracles are yer department, Reverend!

Flanders Family: Get those animals, out on the arkey, arkey!

Homer: GROWL!

Homer guns it on the accelerator to avoid the Flanderses, who bother him even on the road.

Rod Flanders: Dad, the heathen's getting away!

Ned: I see him, son!

(Music akin to the Mission: Impossible theme plays as Ned puts his foot down on the gas and chases Homer. Homer attempts a dangerous stunt: a railroad crossing just before a train is coming and Ned attempts an even more dangerous stunt: launching his car through an open boxcar. A furious Homer swerves right and drives off pier and lands his car onto a garbage barge that just departed, forcing Ned to rapidly slam the brakes and the Flanderses to give up pursuit. Homer gloats as the Flanders family watches him float away.)

Homer: Tough break, Ned! Heh Heh Heh! (Turns to Barge Crewman) Where are we going?

Barge Crewman: Garbage Island.

Homer: Hey Apu, why are you not in church?

Apu: Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesha, the Hindu god of wisdom, located in the employee's lounge.

(Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine)

Homer: Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Krusty: Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention at Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere! (Sobbing) It was terrible!

Homer: Wait a minute! Is this a religious thing?

Krusty: A religious clown thing, yes.

Homer: Sorry.

Krusty: Well, bless you anyw-

(Homer slams the door in Krusty's face)

(Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside)

Homer: Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? (starts to cough) Oh, the song. The song!

Homer: (singing) When the fire starts to burn,

There's a lesson you must learn.

Something something, then you'll see:

You'll avoid catastrophe!

(Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics)

Homer: (talking) D'oh!

Apu: (to the bullies) You are on your honor not to steal anything!

Jimbo Jones and his gang snicker.

Kearney: (sarcastically) Oh we won't!.

Apu picks up Jamshed, who is a small child and places him atop counter.

Apu: Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.

Jamshed: How I have waited for this day.

Jamshed loads a double-barreled shotgun and takes aim. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.

Homer: Flanders, you saved me! Why?

Ned: Heck! You would have done the same for me.

Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame. Ned is yelling out the window while Homer is lounging in the hammock

Ned: Help! Help!

Homer: He he he he ha he.

Homer returns to reality.

Homer: That's right, old friend.

Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid, except me.

(A few moments later he falls asleep and the cigar sets the house aflame)

Homer: You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.

Marge: Yes, the lesson is-

Homer: No don't tell me! I'll get it. The Lord is vengeful. Oh, spiteful one! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!

Ned: (Chuckling) Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.

Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid.

Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.

Lovejoy: Be they Christian...

Lovejoy points out Krusty.

Lovejoy: Jew or...

Lovejoy points out Apu.

Lovejoy: ...miscellaneous.

Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.

Lovejoy: (sarcastically) Aww, that's super!

Homer: Hey wait a minute. Flanders is a regular Charlie Church and god didn't save his house. (Rain puts out the fire and a rainbow appears on the house.) D'oh!

Homer: What's the meaning of life?

God: Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die.

Homer: I can't wait that long!

God: You can't wait six months?

Homer: No, tell me now!

God: Oh, all right. The meaning of life is—

Show Ends

◄ Season 3	Season 4 Quotes	Season 5 ►
Kamp Krusty • A Streetcar Named Marge • Homer the Heretic • Lisa the Beauty Queen • Treehouse of Horror III • Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie • Marge Gets a Job • New Kid on the Block • Mr. Plow • Lisa's First Word • Homer's Triple Bypass • Marge vs. the Monorail • Selma's Choice • Brother from the Same Planet • I Love Lisa • Duffless • Last Exit to Springfield • So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show • The Front • Whacking Day • Marge in Chains • Krusty Gets Kancelled

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+{{Tab|Quo}}
-{{TabQ
+{{PrevNext|Quo|A Streetcar Named Marge|Lisa the Beauty Queen}}
-|episode=Homer_the_Heretic
-}}
-:'''Homer''': "Hey Apu, why are you not in church?"
-:'''Apu''': "Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesh, the Hindu god of wisdom in the employee's lounge."
-:''Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine''
-:'''Homer''': "Hey Ganesh, want a peanut?"
-:'''Apu''': "Please do not offer my god a peanut."
+:([[Groundskeeper Willie]] starts working on melting the ice from the church door with a welding torch.)
-<hr width=50%/>
+:'''[[Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': How's that door coming, Willie?
-:''Doorbell to Simpson residence rings. Homer answers the door to see it is Krusty going door-to-door appealing for donations.''
+:'''Willie''': Miracles are ''yer'' department, Reverend!
-:'''Krusty''': Hello, I am with the American Federation of Jewish Clowns. We work to provide relief to victims of clown-related accidents. Just last year a gale wind caused the roof of a banquet hall to collapse. 54 clowns perished. The rescue workers had trouble finding everyone will all the nose squakers making noise. Oh, the humanity!
+----
-:'''Homer''': Hey! Is this a religious thing?
+:'''Flanders Family''': Get those animals, out on the arkey, arkey!
-:'''Krusty''': A religious clown thing, sir.
-:''Homer slams door in Krusty's face.''
+:'''Homer''': GROWL!
+:''Homer guns it on the accelerator to avoid the Flanderses, who bother him even on the road. ''
+:'''Rod Flanders''': Dad, the heathen's getting away!
-<hr width=50%/>
+:'''Ned''': I see him, son!
-:''Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.''
+:''(Music akin to the ''Mission: Impossible'' theme plays as Ned puts his foot down on the gas and chases Homer. Homer attempts a dangerous stunt: a railroad crossing just before a train is coming and Ned attempts an even more dangerous stunt: launching his car through an open boxcar. A furious Homer swerves right and drives off pier and lands his car onto a garbage barge that just departed, forcing Ned to rapidly slam the brakes and the Flanderses to give up pursuit. Homer gloats as the Flanders family watches him float away.)''
-:'''Homer''': Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? ''Homer coughs'' Oh, the song. The song!
-:'''Homer'''{singing}: ''When the fire starts to burn,''
+:'''Homer''': Tough break, Ned! Heh Heh Heh! ''(Turns to Barge Crewman)'' Where are we going?
+:'''Barge Crewman''': Garbage Island.
+----
+:'''Homer''': Hey Apu, why are you not in church?
+:'''Apu''': Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesha, the Hindu god of wisdom, located in the employee's lounge.
+:''(Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine)''
+:'''Homer''': Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?
+:'''Apu''': Please do not offer my god a peanut.
+----
+:'''Krusty''': Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention at Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere! ''(Sobbing)'' It was terrible!
+:'''Homer''': Wait a minute! Is this a religious thing?
+:'''Krusty''': A religious clown thing, yes.
+:'''Homer''': Sorry.
+:'''Krusty''': Well, bless you anyw-
+:''(Homer slams the door in Krusty's face)''
+----
+:''(Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside)''
+:'''Homer''': Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? ''(starts to cough)'' Oh, the song. The song!
+:'''Homer''': ''(singing)'' ''When the fire starts to burn,''
 :''There's a lesson you must learn.''
 :''Something something, then you'll see:''
 :''You'll avoid catastrophe!''
-:''Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics''
+:''(Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics)''
-:'''Homer'''{talking}: D'oh!
+:'''Homer''': ''(talking)'' D'oh!
+----
+:'''Apu''': ''(to the bullies)'' You are on your honor not to steal anything!
-<hr width=50%/>
-:''Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.''
-:'''Apu'''{talking to himself}: Fire at the old Simpson place! It is my responsibility to deal with it as...
-:''Apu dons fire chief's helmet.''
-:'''Apu''':...Fire Chief! You are on your honor not to steal anything!
 :''Jimbo Jones and his gang snicker.''
+:'''Kearney''': ''(sarcastically)'' Oh we won't!.
-:'''Jimbo'''{sarcastically}: We promise.
-:'''Apu''': Just as I thought. I leave my nephew Ravi in charge while I am away.
+:''Apu picks up Jamshed, who is a small child and places him atop counter.''
+:'''Apu''': Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
-:''Apu picks up Ravi, who is a small child and places him atop counter.''
-:'''Ravi''': I will not fail you, Uncle Apu.
+:'''Jamshed''': How I have waited for this day.
-:''Ravi loads a double-barreled shotgun. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.''
+:''Jamshed loads a double-barreled shotgun and takes aim. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.''
+----
-<hr width=50%/>
 :'''Homer''': Flanders, you saved me! Why?
 :'''Ned''': Heck! You would have done the same for me.
@@ Line 44: / Line 51: @@
 :'''Homer''': He he he he ha he.
 :''Homer returns to reality.''
-:'''Homer''': "That's right, old friend."
+:'''Homer''': That's right, old friend.
+----
+:'''Homer''': Boy, everyone is stupid, except me.
-<hr width=50%/>
+:''(A few moments later he falls asleep and the cigar sets the house aflame)''
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Homer, I hope you learned about God as a result of this ordeal.
-:'''Homer''': Indeed I have. God is a vengeful god. He burned down my home because He was angry with me. Almighty Lord, tell me what you want and it shall be done!
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, no! That is an incorrect potrayal of God. He did not burn down your house. Rather, God was working through people of various beliefs to save you.
-:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.''
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Christian.
-:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Krusty.''
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Jew.
-:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Apu.''
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': And, uh, miscellaneous.
-:'''Apu''': With all due respect Reverend, I would imagine you would be more familiar in your studies with the Hindu faith. There are 700 million of us in the world.
-:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Hey, that's super!
+----
-<hr width=50%/>
-:'''Homer''': "What's the meaning of life?"
+:'''Homer''': You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.
+:'''Marge''': Yes, the lesson is-
-:'''God''': "Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die."
+:'''Homer''': No don't tell me! I'll get it. The Lord is vengeful. Oh, spiteful one! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
-:'''Homer''': "I can't wait that long!"
-:'''God''': "You can't wait six months?"
+:'''Ned''': ''(Chuckling)'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
+:'''Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid.
-:'''Homer''':"No, tell me now!"
+:''Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.''
-:'''God''':"Oh, all right.  The meaning of life is—"
+:'''Lovejoy''': Be they Christian...
+:''Lovejoy points out Krusty.''
+:'''Lovejoy''': Jew or...
+:''Lovejoy points out Apu.''
+:'''Lovejoy''': ...miscellaneous.
+:'''Apu''': Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
+:'''Lovejoy''': ''(sarcastically)'' Aww, that's super!
+----
+:'''Homer''': Hey wait a minute. Flanders is a regular Charlie Church and god didn't save his house. ''(Rain puts out the fire and a rainbow appears on the house.)'' D'oh!
+----
+:'''Homer''': What's the meaning of life?
+:'''God''': Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die.
+:'''Homer''': I can't wait that long!
+:'''God''': You can't wait six months?
+:'''Homer''': No, tell me now!
+:'''God''': Oh, all right. The meaning of life is—
 :''Show Ends''
-{{Season 4 Q}}
+{{Season|4|Quo}}
+[[es:Homer the Heretic/Frases]]
-[[Category:Quotes]]