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Simpsons Wiki
The Parent Rap
Homer the Moe
A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
Moe: That's the stupidest story I've ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series.

Homer: Geez, Moe. You've been a real crank lately.
Moe: [takes out a shotgun] You take that back!
Homer: Now, you see. That's what I'm talkin' about! You're always pointing that shotgun at us!
Lenny: And callin' us dumbasses!
Carl: Which we're so not!

Lisa: It's not fair, Dad. Why should an animal die just because you and Moe are fighting?
Homer: It's the law. My hands are tied.

Homer: [to Moe] Well, you've turned into a big phony!
Moe: Hey, nobody calls Moe St. Cool a phony!

Homer: I'm sorry I shot you, Moe.
Moe: Aw, that's okay. It's like my dad always said, "Eventually, everybody gets shot."

[An eagle starts pecking at Moe's face]
Moe: Ow, ow! Not the face! [the eagle starts pecking at Moe's crotch] Ooh, ooh, okay the face! [the eagle starts pecking Moe's face again] Ooh. Whoa, that actually feels good after the...after the crotch.

[When Moe gives Homer some last-minute instructions]
Moe: And if anyone wants potato chips or anything fancy, tell 'em to go to Hell.
Homer: Can do. Now, don't you worry about a thing. [he gleefully turns on a beer tap, spilling the beer on the floor]
Moe: [shuts the tap off] Hey, what are you doing? I gotta pay for that!
Homer: No, Moe, you've got it all wrong. People buy beer from you.

Homer: [singing while walking to Moe's] I'm a-walking down the street, gonna open Moe's bar. I'm a-singing what I'm thinking [points to a dog] hey, look at that dog!

Carl: I don't get all this eyeball stuff. Uh, what are they supposed to represent? Uh, eyeballs?
Moe: It's po-mo! [Homer, Barney, Lenny, and Carl stare blankly] Post-modern! [Homer, Lenny, Barney, and Carl continue to stare blankly] Yeah, all right, weird for the sake of weird.
Homer, Barney, Carl, and Lenny: Oooh!

Homer: Uh, whatever, just give me a Duff.
Moe: Oh, we don't serve Duff no more. We got a Malaysian beer that's better than Duff. It's made out of soy sauce. [hands Homer a bottle]
Homer: Uh, whatever. Just give me a Duff.

Supermodel: After Chernobyl, my penis is falling off.
Moe: And "penis" is Russian for ...?

Marge: [to Homer] Running a bar is a full-time job and you don't even do your full-time job.
Homer: Well, when I'm passionate about something, I see it through to the end. [moves some boxes, discovering a half-finished robot]
Robot: Father, give me legs. [Homer tosses out the robot] Father! [Homer stares it down, and the robot drags himself away on the street on his "arms"]

Homer: [to Marge] Barkeep!
Marge: I thought this was gonna be your bar.
Homer: It's a family bar, right, kids? [scene shows Bart and Lisa washing glasses and cutting up lemons]
Lisa: Can we go to bed now?
Homer: As soon as you finish cutting up those lemons.
Lisa: But you're not even using them.
Homer: [in mock baby-talk] She's so sweepy, she doesn't even know what she's saying.
Carl and Lenny: Aww.

Moe: How could I toss my friends out into the cold? With no place to get liquored up?

Michael Stipe: (to Homer) You lied to us! [breaks bottle and gets read to attack Homer, but the other members of R.E.M. hold him back]
Mike Mills: Michael, no!
Peter Buck: That's not the R.E.M. way.
Michael Stipe: You're right. Let's recycle those shards and get out of here.

Moe: Lisa!
Lisa: Moe?
Moe: Listen, I don't like you, you don't like me, but we both want to stop Homer from shooting a turkey.
Lisa: You don't like me? I like you.
Moe: You do? Then I like you, too.

Lisa: [to Moe] How'd you get the bar back to normal so quickly, Moe?
Moe: It's a snap when you use certified contractors.
Bart: Like the ones found in your local yellow pages?
Moe: Exactly.

Season 12 Season 13 Quotes Season 14
Treehouse of Horror XIIThe Parent RapHomer the MoeA Hunka Hunka Burns in LoveThe Blunder YearsShe of Little FaithBrawl in the FamilySweets and Sour MargeJaws Wired ShutHalf-Decent ProposalThe Bart Wants What it WantsThe Lastest Gun in the WestThe Old Man and the KeyTales from the Public DomainBlame it on LisaWeekend at Burnsie'sGump RoastI Am Furious (Yellow)The Sweetest ApuLittle Girl in the Big TenThe Frying GamePoppa's Got a Brand New Badge