Dangers on a Train
Treehouse of Horror XXIV
Lisa: Ooh, there's new marshmallows in the Belfast Charms!
Marge: No! No, that's Bart's cereal. It's the only way I can get him to take his "vitamins".

Bart: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Lisa: That's not right.
Bart: Yes, it is. They're my lines as the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.

Selma: Well, he's not in the Boise morgue. Maybe he was mistaken for a dead elephant and flown back to Kenya.
Marge: You're talking about my husband.
Selma: To spare your feelings, we'll just call him the Blob.
Patty: Two to one says the Blob is stuck in the water-intake pipe at the reservoir.

Chief Wiggum: Sorry I'm late, everyone. I had some trouble getting the voice mails off the 9-1-1 line. Why does everyone have to talk so fast and panicky?
Man on the phone(slowly and clearly) A man with a gun is in my house.
Chief Wiggum: Gibberish!

Marge: Homie, what happened to you?
Homer: I overslept, lost my cell phone, missed my flight.
Marge: Why didn't you call us?
Homer: Well, all the pay phone at the airport were replaced by self-serve yogurt. I ate all the cookie dough toppings a man could want.
Bart: So many cookies will never be born.

Marge: Dear Christian God...
Lisa: Hey!
Marge: Sorry, dear God... You know which one I mean.

Marge: I been having snuggle dreams.
Homer: Marge, I changed in Boise. I'm not sure a man who eats right and doesn't drink.

Lisa: (to Bart) Don't you think it's weird that Dad stopped eating pork and drinking beer?
Marge: (to Lisa) Who cares what happened? Daddy's back.

(Lisa tries to sneak in Homer's room, but she bump into some boxes making noises. Homer turns around)
Lisa: (Pretending to be a cat) Meow!
Homer: If you are a cat, prove it! Do you hate Mondays like Garfield?
Lisa: Meow!
Homer: And do you love lasagna like me?
Lisa: Meow.
Homer: Okay then.

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
Annie Crawford: Agent Crawford, FBI.
Bart: You guys know I don't talk to field agents. Get your boss on the phone.

Annie: Don't talk.
Homer: Okay.
Annie: I want you to know I'm the best there is at finding out what you're up to.
Homer: Ooh.
Annie: I can torture you. I can give you incredible sex. Or you can just tell me what I want to know.
Homer: What was the first one again?
Annie: I see. You're stupid.
Homer: Hey. I'm the one in bed with two beautiful women.
Annie(gasps) You think I'm beautiful? Oh!
Homer: In a breaking-and-entering kind of way.
Annie: Well, give me something or I'm not leaving.

Apu: Chief Wiggum, how come every time there's a terrorist chatter in this town, you come to me?
Chief Wiggum: Lay off, Apu. When I look at people, I don't see colors. I just see crackpot religions.

Lisa: Dad?!
Homer: Huh? How'd you get in here?
Lisa: Girl Scout Cookies get you in anywhere.

Lisa: We did it, Dad. We did it.
Homer: We sure did.
Lisa: You weren't shot.
Homer: No, I was just up late watching a movie. Something with William Holden and... (snoring)

(Homer is arrested by the FBI)
Lisa: I can complete my dad's mission just like George W. Bush! (Approaches the device, but Chief Wiggum points his gun to Lisa)
Chief Wiggum: I... can't shoot a little girl! (Throws his gun away, but it hits a wall and fires, hitting Wiggum's leg) Oh damnit! There's some things they just don't teach at the police academy!

(Lisa hangs up the phone after talking to the FBI. Homer appears behind her)
Homer: Hanging up the receiver, eh?
Lisa: (Gasps) How much did you hear?
Homer: How much did you say?
Lisa: Nothing, really.
Homer: So I heard half of nothing.
Lisa: (Scared) Dad, you're scary when you're calm and focused.
Homer: Lisa, I'll miss you when this is all over.
Lisa: When what's all over?
Homer: This conversation. (Lisa chuckles nervously) See you on the other side.
Lisa: What other side?
Homer: Of the house! Where the fireplace is! We're toasting marshmallows. (Slowly) Marsh (Pause) Mallows.

Season 24 Season 25 Quotes Season 26
HomerlandTreehouse of Horror XXIVFour Regrettings and a FuneralYoloLabor PainsThe Kid is All RightYellow SubterfugeWhite Christmas BluesSteal This EpisodeMarried to the BlobSpecs and the CityDiggsThe Man Who Grew Too MuchThe Winter of His ContentThe War of ArtYou Don't Have to Live Like a RefereeLuca$Days of Future FutureWhat to Expect When Bart's ExpectingBrick Like MePay PalThe Yellow Badge of Cowardge
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