Horatio McCallister

“Yarrrr!”

―McCallister's Catchphrase

“I'm married to the sea, plus I have a thing on the side with two of the Great Lakes.”

―The Sea Captain

Horatio Peter McCallister, more known simply as the Sea Captain, is a resident of Springfield. He is always seen holding a corncob pipe and squinting: because he has at least one glass eye - though once he was seen tapping both of his eyes and says he has "two glass eyes." In addition to eye(s), he also has an artificial leg. Owing to his occupation as a sea captain, he also spoke with a Bristolian accent. He was created by the writer Conan O'Brien.

Captaining

Though he admitted he isn't a real captain, Captain McCallister has (incompetently) piloted several vessels. On one occasion, he wrecks a cargo ship full of hot pants (although in that particular case, it wasn't actually his fault: The lighthouse's light had been destroyed by a desperate Homer and when he saw the lighthouse light turn back on, he attempted to correct his course); on another, in a reference to the Exxon Valdez oil spill, he causes an oil spill by crashing his tanker while drunk.

He launches a river raft for Homer, only to have it sink immediately to the bottom. The captain's idea for Mr. Burns' casino involved three ships and fifty "stout men" who would "sail 'round the Horn and return with the finest spices and silk". On several occasions, he acknowledges his incompetence with a depressed, "Yarr, I don't know what I'm doin'." Shortly before Mr. Burns blocked out the sun at 3:00 PM, he indicated that he had in fact seen the sun set once at that time while he was sailing in the arctic, but Mr. Burns interrupted him before proceeding to activate the Sun Blocker.

Personal Life

At one time, he tried selling his houseboat to Marge and Homer while they were looking for a new home, and in an obvious nod to Robert Shaw's character in Jaws starts grappling with a shark when it attacks through the floor. He was apparently a Christian, as he had his ship blessed by Reverand Lovejoy until he learned at least three months later that Lovejoy's blessing the ship didn't count as a blessing since during the three months, his minister license was expired.

In "The Way We Weren't" he mentioned that he was the sailing instructor at Camp See-A-Tree and on movie nights he runs the projector. He sails a young Homer across the lake to see a young Marge who is staying at Camp Land-A-Man. In the past he was slimmer and wore a jacket and jeans with a belt instead of a captain’s coat and boots. He also implied that he did plundering as a hobby, although he often was forced to give up his loot to pay his taxes on April 15, causing him to bitterly wonder why he even bothers doing that hobby at all.^[2]

Restaurant

As an entrepreneur, McCallister is equally incompetent. His restaurant, The Frying Dutchman, is a failing business venture that does not generate enough income to support its owner. He also once used Homer's bad review for his restaurant despite his hatred of it because it covers up the "D" from the health inspection agency nicely.^[3] The captain once appeared as a penniless bum. When seeing Homer and Marge walking Homer's pet lobster at the beach, he approaches them and claims that he runs a "small academy for lobsters." However, when Marge refuses to send the lobster away to "some snobby boarding school," McCallister asks her for spare change instead ^[4].

Relationships

He has never been shown with a girlfriend and, while it's generally believed that he's not gay, he has hinted at the fact that he has engaged in "situational homosexuality" with his fellow sailors. However, McCallister once took a picture of Patty and Selma in the nude, a picture which he claims to need for "those lonely nights at sea"^[5]. He supposedly has at least one son, whom he describes as "the catch of the day" .^[6]

Conception

The Sea Captain was created by former NBC "Late Night" host Conan O'Brien, while he was a writer for The Simpsons. Voiced by Hank Azaria, the character first appeared in 1992 in the episode "New Kid on the Block" episode as the owner of The Frying Dutchman all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. In that episode, MacAllister is sued by Homer for not letting him eat all he could eat. Homer Simpson's visit to the restaurant caused the captain to observe about him, "'Tis no man, 'tis a remorseless eatin' machine!"

Trivia

The Sea Captain's squinty eye and pipe are based on Popeye
The manner in which the Sea Captain speaks is a direct reference to Long John Silver.
The Sea Captain's real name may be derived in part from Captain Horatio Hornblower, the title character of a series of sea-adventure novels by C. S. Forester, or from British naval hero Admiral Horatio Nelson.
In the Simpsons Comics #134 - In the Swim, it's revealed that Agnes Skinner was the Sea Captain's third wife^[7].
He has a real estate license, and is an expert on house boats.
He is neighbors with Bumblebee Man.^[8]^[9]
In The Simpsons: Tapped Out, his name is misspelled as McAllister.
According to the "Are You A Patty Or A Selma" quiz, the Sea Captain is a Selma.
According to the episode "And Maggie Makes Three", he has at least one child.