How Munched is That Birdie in the Window?/Quotes

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◄ The Fool Monty

How Munched is That Birdie in the Window?

The Fight Before Christmas ►

Pigeon Owner: He's a homing pigeon, girlie. Why don't you let him fly home? Unless you want to spring for a limo.

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Lisa: Looks like you're gonna have to take care of him, Bart.

Bart: Me? Just what in my long, sad history with frogs makes you think I can take care of a bird?

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Bart: Go ahead, make fun of me. I lost my heart to a bird.

Nelson: (unenthusiastic) Haw-haw.

Bart: Man, you are not into that. What's wrong?

Nelson: My mom ran off with my birthday clown.

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Bart: That coop looks a little flimsy.

Homer: Peh. Flimsy? This gentle pat says different.

(Homer pats coop; the staples pop off and the frame collapses; the chicken wire rolls up back into the box and the staples fall in place to close it)

Homer: D'oh!

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Edna Krabappel: I won't ask who sent the message if I can use the pigeon to send an message of my own.

Bart: As long as we're not learning.

Edna Krabappel: Deal.

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Mr. Burns: (reads note from pigeon) "Do a ballet dance without no clothes on." Bad grammar. Good advice.

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Moe: Hey, Homer. You ever think about racing that bird?

Homer: You can race pigeons?

Moe: Hey, if it moves, you can bet on it.

Bart: What about the Detroit Lions?

Moe: Uh, no, now lay off Detroit. Them people is living through Mad Max times.

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Homer: Hmm. Me, the patriarch of a bird-racing dynasty.

(Thought bubble shows Homer with trophy; Danica Patrick appears)

Danica Patrick: Congratulations, Homer.

Homer: Danica Patrick in my thoughts?

Danica Patrick: That's right, Homer. I'm contractually obligated by my sponsors to appear in random fans' fantasies. Better not tell Marge about it.

Marge: You brickyard bimbo!

(They fight, and the thought bubble fades)

Homer: Heheheh. Ended that a little too soon.

(Thought bubble reappears with Danica and Marge beating up Homer)

Homer: What they don't suspect is that I'm into this.

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Homer: (chasing Santa's Little Helper around the backyard) Stupid dog! Let go of that delicious bird!

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Nelson: What do you think, Mom?

Mrs. Muntz: Well, ask your new father.

(Birthday clown honks his horn)

Nelson: You haven't earned the right to say that to me!

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Nelson: This funeral just got depressing.

Martin: Let's lighten up the mood, boys! (Martin, Milhouse, Database and Nelson sing Put on a Happy Face)

Bart: Thanks. That song does make me feel a little better.

Martin: It's from Bye Bye Birdie. (Bart starts crying and runs back into the house)

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Homer: Marge, listen to the man. He pays Bart's salary.

Marge: No, he doesn't.

Homer: Why can't you support my gibberish? I'd do it if you were stupid.

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Homer: A shrink that takes kids and pets?

Dr. Thurston: Hey, in this economy, I'll even remove tattoos.

Homer: Even my tramp stamp? (Lifts up the back of his shirt to a show tattoo that says "Cheap Trick") I got the idea from a show where people regret these.

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Bart: Why is 'It' coming with us? And for once, I'm not talking about Lisa.

Lisa: It's amazing how I feel sorry for you and hate you at the same time. I'm sure there's a German word for it.

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Bart: (to Santa's Little Helper) You really don't get it.

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