Take My Life, Please
How the Test Was Won
No Loan Again, Naturally
Ralph: (using a urinal in the gas station) Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
Principal Skinner: Ralph, are you almost finished?
Ralph: I finished before we came in.

(Some of the book club members have just been killed and the Simpsons don't have an insurance)
Marge: Oh my god, oh my god! We're totally liable!
(She and Lindsey Naegle look at each other and then kiss passionately)
Homer: Oh yeah.

Homer: Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And man do I get hurt!
(Cut to a montage of Homer's previous injuries)
Homer: [laughs] What a week.

Bart: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer: Who taught you language like that?
Bart: Kid at school.
Homer: So you did learn something!

Principal Skinner: Brilliant plan sending the all the underachievers to Capital City until the day after the test.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, all of them. Why, Seymour, I believe I left my sunglasses in the bus.
Principal Skinner: Well, I've best retrieve them.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, you've best.
(as Skinner enters the bus, Chalmers motions Otto to close the door)
Principal Skinner: Uh, sir?
Superintendent Chalmers: So long, superstars!

Principal Skinner: I can't believe it. Superintendent Chalmers betrayed me! After all the wrapping paper I bought from his daughter...

Lisa: 96%? What did I get wrong?
Superintendent Chalmers: Several questions.
Lisa: Several? That's more than a few, and almost a bunch.

Principal Skinner: Let me explain this so that even the simplest can understand: You are being hidden in Capital City so that you won't weight down the test with your numbskullery and ruin the future of those students who are our future.
Bart: Told you.
Kearney: Will there be other numbskulls there, sort of an numbskull Olympics?
Jimbo Jones: Hey, let's all act like numbskulls!
(They make dumb faces and go "duh")
Nelson: Guys, guys, let's save it for the competition.

Ralph: Mommy, I have to go potty.
Principal Skinner: Otto, pull the bus over. I said pull over!
Otto: Huh? Sorry, I was mesmerized by the little boy's dance.

Bart: So what's the plan now, Skinrash?
Principal Skinner: My name is not Skinrash. It's Principal Skinner, and you will refer to me as such.
Bart: Sure thing, Such.
Principal Skinner: I'll deal with your insubordinate wordplay later.

Principal Skinner: Time to do what I've never done as school principal: something.

Lisa: (thinking) Let's move on to question two. "Question two: using what you've learned from question one..." (out loud) Aaargh!

Marge and Homer: Three, two, one... Happy new year!
Marge: Of school!
Bart: What are you guys doing?
Marge: It's the first day of school.
Homer: You're the government's problem now!

Principal Skinner: When you take the practice test, be sure to use a number two pencil. (holds a big pencil)
Bart: What kind of pencil do we use?
Principal Skinner: Number two. Take a number two.
(Kids laugh)
Bart: Looks like you took a big number two!
Principal Skinner: Yes, as you can see, I have a big number two in my hands, enjoing the weight and feel of it.
(Kids laugh; Chalmers rolls eyes)

Lisa: Bart, what did you put on question 36?
Bart: Slurp my snot!
(Lisa gasps)
Bart: That was my answer. I wrote down "Slurp my snot" in the answer sheet.
Lisa: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the offramp? (laughs and high-fives Bart)

Principal Skinner: All right, everyone back on the bus and-- (gasps and sees the bus is collapsed)
(A nerd steals one of the wheels of the bus with Otto driving.)
Otto: All aboard?

Bart: Hey, Skinner, I've just realized something. You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser.
Principal Skinner: For your information, I am not a loser. I am a successful school principal who paints houses in the summertime.
Dolph: You painted our house in July and it was peeling by October.
Principal Skinner: Your father insisted on using an inferior primer.

Bart: Wait a minute! This ain't no genius copter! This is Con Air!

Season 19 Season 20 Quotes Season 21
Sex, Pies, and Idiot ScrapesLost VerizonDouble, Double, Boy in TroubleTreehouse of Horror XIXDangerous CurvesHomer and Lisa Exchange Cross WordsMypods and BoomsticksThe Burns and the BeesLisa the Drama QueenTake My Life, PleaseHow the Test Was WonNo Loan Again, NaturallyGone Maggie GoneIn the Name of the GrandfatherWedding for DisasterEeny Teeny Maya, MoeThe Good, the Sad and the DruglyFather Knows WorstWaverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'ohFour Great Women and a ManicureComing to Homerica
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.

Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page.

Stream the best stories.

Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page.

Get Disney+