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"Do you find something comical about my appearance when I am driving my automobile?"
―Ian the Very Tall Man

Ian is a man who goes around teaching bullies a lesson because he got bullied from second grade to high school.

At the age of 18 he was 8' 4" (2.53 meters) tall but currently he is 8' 2" (2.50 meters).


Ian is an extremely tall man who drives a Volkswagen Beetle and once taught Nelson a lesson when the bully was walking around town taunting people. After Nelson laughed at him for looking so comical (with his large, lanky frame squeezed into his small VW), Ian proceeded to get out of his car, pull down Nelson's pants which make him walk in his underpants, and point it out to everyone so they could laugh at him. Ian made Nelson walk through the streets, blowing kisses to the onlookers as Ian drove behind him as well Bart and Milhouse spilled ketchup and mustard at Nelson.[1]

Ian is known to work in some capacity for Roger Meyers Jr. at Krustylu Studios. He is seen in the recording booth and may be either a writer or animator or both things.

Ian was also seen on a bus to New York where Homer mistakes Ian's legs with his legs and hits them before Marge tells him that those are not his legs. [2]

He shops at Royal Majesty for the Obese or Gangly Gentleman.


  • Ian: Do you find something comical about my appearance when I am driving my automobile?
  • Ian: Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. [points to his Beetle] This was the largest auto I could afford. Should I therefore be made the subject of fun?
  • Ian: [Clears his throat] Would you like it if I laughed at YOUR misfortune, huh? Maybe we should find out!
  • Ian: [Pulls down Nelson's pants which exposes his underwear and commands him to walk down the main street] Nowwww march!
  • Ian: [Honks his car horn while driving behind Nelson] Hey, everyone! Look at this; it's that boy who laughs at everyone! Let's laugh at him!
  • Ian: Wave to the people!
  • Ian: Blow them kisses!



  • He is a caricature of writer Ian Maxtone-Graham, who is 6′ 8″ tall. They also share their first name.
  • He resembles Don Koehler as they are both about the same height and also wear glasses, with a similar hairstyle.
  • According to Ian, the reason why he drives a small car like a Volkswagen Beetle is because it was the largest car he could afford to get.